Prayer

These tears, oh so sweet,
Sliding down my cheeks,
Finding that place in the corner of my mouth,
Feeling so cold, I put my arms around my waist,
My hands are shaking, I clasp them to my shirt,
I'm so sick of feeling so damn fake,
Everything in life is one big seesaw,
Rocking... down up, there's no stoping it,
I smile, I laugh when really all I want to do,
Is sit here with my back up against the wall,
My head in my hands and these tears dripping to my knees,
It reminds me of my past, I find such comfort here,
In a dark room, a razor and this little sanity left of mine,
My music playing in the back ground,
And all these memories so fucked up,
But I don't scream, I don't yell...
I just sit and cry,
I cry myself to sleep, breathing in... gasping for control,
Wishing this was the end...
But like a punishment,
The day begins all over again,
Waking up, Forcing myself to breathe,
Walking to school, forcing myself to think,
Home again, wanting this sweet end,
But here I find myself again,
Cold, up against the wall,
The blade in my hand these tears on my face,
The salt in my mouth,
And these thoughts in my head,
Going over and over and over...
Repetition of what all went wrong,
Everything went wrong!
Every fucking thing...
But there's nothing wrong with pain,
This eluding sensation,
That makes me write like I do,
That makes me want this end,
I wished on stars, I wished for paradise,
But all I got was all I had,
And all I had was nothing new,
There is no such thing as numbing pain,
Only pain that numbs you,
Places the whole world out of focus,
And leaves you drained on the edge of sanity,
Rocking back and worth like the seesaw in your past,
Up and down, there's no stopping it,
Back against the wall,
My head in my hands,
Tears escaping my eyes,
My vision blurred,
I wish I had something to numb the pain,
I wish I knew where my blade went,
I wish I knew why this world was so fucked up,
I wish I knew why I cared!
But I don't,
Something is ticking inside my brain,
And it leaves me speachless,
Hoping that one day I will come out of this haze,
But this room is dark, and I'm locked in,
Nobody can hear me, and I'm shuddering for breath,
I lay down my head and close my eyes,
Whispering sweet lullabyes,
But the tears are coming and my pilliow is wet,
Slowing down, I'm slipping off to sleep,
But please... God grant me one wish...
I don't want to wake up tommorrow...
I don't want to go through this cycle all over again,
I don't want to have to breathe and look in the mirror,
And say things will be alright again,
Because all I have for company is this knife,
And I don't want to have to use it just yet,
So God, make this my last night and put me at rest...