The Prayer Board

In Autumn Magick we have a tendency to look out for each other.  We want people to be able to have a chance to post their concerns and ask for prayer where it is needed.  Prayer is part of almost any religion, not escaping the general benefits through meditation and self guidance we can use our minds for a higher purpose and create a place where we do not have to be afraid to light our candles and our incense for cleansing and healing.  I urge people to post their requests in the Yahoo Group.  Autumn Magick has held many candlelight sessions on several worth while causes and we hope to be able to coordinate them further in the future via the Prayer Board and with input from other members around the globe.  Maybe then we can begin to document the healing effects and the good that we all can create by spreading a little light and love.  We will hopefully be able to do a follow up or updates to this area as much as possible (with consent) to let everyone know how to direct your energy and your positive thoughts towards the future.  

In the beginning I called this the prayer tree, it grows tall through every stage of life.  The tree is rooted with the past blessings and beginnings, the trunk holds us up to the light, and the branches blossom and fruit maturing into nourishing life.  When the leaves and fruit fall to the ground returning to the circle- we feel the love grow and abound, for each is held in balance as we lease our prayers to the the winds and let the Spirit take care of things.  

Just concentrate on the image for a minute or two and let the love begin to flow in the stream of light that exists on the plain of a healing meditation.  Begin by breathing slowly, counting down from five on the exhale then again on the inhale, continue to take deep massaging breaths and relax each muscle at a time until you can do it instinctually and let your body take back its natural rhythm.  It takes down the stress and also opens up your third eye to all the possibilities held within.

Hear now warriors the silent tears of pain, your hands are needed.  Your voices steal through the night under drumming hearts.  May your path walk protected in the guise of the falling night.  

The walls have thinned, and beyond it we see the light.  There are places of our imagination just beyond what we have sensed.  In this place are you made of the light or the dark, or all shades in between.  The rainbow stretches arching across the sky, a road into the future.  Should we let the rain on the horizon mar our view, or shall we take the high road to the heavens and let our souls dance in the clouds of the sky?  It is up to the leaders of our nations, it is up to us to decide how we surround ourselves in the light that is trying to reach us.  All be can be given though is the road, and we must make the choice to walk it.  Look to the environment, the green fields and the trees swaying in the wind.  What impacts have we made, and what can we do to begin on the road of knowledge and of light?  How can we free ourselves so that we can fly?  Ask yourself are you leading or are you following, or are you simply living, and in the living smelling the air and flowers that draw your senses to the earth speaking from deep inside of us?  Are you living the way of fear, or the way of the rainbow crossing?  In this time we can see ourselves reflected in a great mirror across the heavens, open your eyes and see who you are, and where you are going.  Pray and work with the blessing of being alive, know you are loved in a world that shows pain, know that you are embraced in a world that shows us distance, and know that you are part of the river that flows in this stream of consciousness.

My Journal Entries

September 11, 2001 -  Time has shocked us all, but safe is the heart of magick and welcoming is the warmth of awakened minds under the embrace of the goddess.  Mark this time now, forever more in memory as the great phoenix swept over the lands we felt the shadow of fire touch us all.  The prayers continue evermore for those lost and those in the service of fellow kind...  the story as yet unfinished

~October 31, 2001 -  Samhain, when the veil parted I saw now the greatest journey on the road before me.  I was given new family bonds and a hand by my friend Inion onto the next spiritual plateau.  For the world and for myself, Samhain captured nature's hold on our sight as we witnessed the northern lights.  It is a year of mystical remembrance from a time long gone by -  and that of which is still fresh in memory.  It is a time for closing gaps and building new roads with the ancestral guides stronger than ever.  

~Yule 2001 - saw us all finding family and new ways to contemplate the events of the past year.

~New Years 2002 - a changing of the year and opening of hearts and minds towards the spiritual journey excelled by the events that have been shaped by the world events and the awakening energies.

~Beltane 2002 - the summer awakens in sweet blossoms our friends and our loved ones all feel the tension of the thin veil and speak softly of it like the winds.  As the dawn approaches our minds, the overwhelming messages from the sky and our flooding media concern us, but we keep our prayers strong and our hearts & minds in time with the earth chanting the spring and summer awakening.

~Summer Solstice 2002 - fires have come and cleansed the earth.  The moon is bright on the horizon and our spirits waver in the heat and dry season.  There are many storms and odd weather patterns, but each singing stronger with the voice of the earth in cleansing. 

~Lughnasa 2002 - a time of coming to prepare for the great harvest has shown us the dry golden wheat and curling corn husks.  The gardens now full with the planted fruits and vegetables and the sun strong overhead.  There is a changing in the air.  We near a year of sorrow and joys, returning to face the human spirit and overcoming the obstacles.

~September 11, 2002 - has been a time for family and understanding our true path through life.  We are faced with courage and spirit that has taken us to new levels.  We remember with our lighted candles all those that were lost on this great road and honor the fallen with our heartfelt blessings for renewal and reunion to the earth and our place within it.

~Mabon 2002 - the fall has come early with tinted beauty.  The harvest moon sings with energy of war and of light.  I offer a prayer for the light, and wish to teach those who have lost hope to renew their spirit in the well of its bottomless waters.  Love has come into my heart, for the seeds that bloomed from the spring into the final days so cool and crisp.  There is a promise of change, and in my heart a promise of the great mother to hold her children close while the cycles keep turning. I light my candle in prayer and offering for the awen to lead us in inspiration and courage.  There have been many returns into my life, and a sense of magic all around even through the delays.  I keep that spiritual protection with me and wrap my arms around all those whom I hold dear. I want to thank Aylinor for helping me with the group and bringing us always closer to a Celtic center.  There are many others who have joined my side, for the nameless and the chosen links are supportive and have a path all their own towards the light.  Time seems to have moved forward again so that we may breath and ready for the song of fall.

~Samhain 2002 - cool and wet the days pass under a bright moon and fallen leaves.  Though in the dreary days, my personal sorrows have come to reveal themselves within my dreams and struggles of daily life.  Days before my normally fond celebrations of Halloween, I had a job interview at the library and came home to find my beloved Howler one of our little black cats, dead by the road.  I felt the Morrhigan so very close to me this year.  My sister receiving her own initiation into the mysteries with her very hand.  Changes come slowly and through these ashes comes life once again.  I pray for my family and the challenges that have come to our door.  I am still searching for that job, it has been hard competing with my increasing doubts- but yet through it all I sense the earth and know my place within every time I feel as if I cannot possibly hope any longer.  I feel a sense of quite unrest, and a charge to continue within my groups.  The Celtic Bards becoming one of my greatest outlets of inspiration and energy.  I look to the winter time now and think much about the steps I may take to walk through this shadow land into a bright sun once again.  I think long about my days in the woods and by the shore, and wish to return my spirit to the land that has given me so much.  The sunsets have become a beautiful painting in this rural lifestyle I lead.  The stars have blazed with the Leonids as I waited gingerly at the window like a cat.  On each one a prayer was made for those around me who have brought me so much.  The prayer tree begins anew with the cycling of the year at Samhain time.  I have been writing more articles and finding new places to contribute, yet onwards I am called to find again my way into the working world choosing art and beauty and trying to not compromise those lessons that are so hard earned.  We have lost so many kitties this year, I feel the firm hand of the goddess upon my soul.  Her face has returned to remind me of my warrior spirit and in her, all will come again in a full circle.  Each moment being blessed for those around me.  My father had kidney stones, the earth itself cries with her deer and birds becoming ill, and the autumn time speaks of the dark half for communicating to all of these spirits.  It is the call back to the earth I hear in the rustling trees, and clouded moon, and the auroras which come and go so strongly in the night sky.  Silently within each breath of fog from my lips, these words and lighted candles work their magick and I have faith that the cycle will balance with rewards.  I look to my greatest of friends to bring me through, as I have learned to lean on them and love them as they are when I have their presence all around me.  So many lighted words upon paper and in my mind have gone unsaid, it is easy to give them to the sky alone to never grace my groups.  I have found peace even in these moments, when I am held by nature's grace and the gift of hopes reborn.  My birthday I let my sisters take me out and finding such closeness even though I am broke.  It is not the wallet that matters to me though it brings much misery, but the moments where truly I feel gifted with those around me.

~February 16,2002 - I am sorry to have not updated these little thoughts a little sooner.  Winter has come and gone and then came right back again.  In anycase, Imbolc is now passed and Yule as well.  Both were good, quiet, and I have done a lot of soul searching.  The news is full of the impending war business, and on Imbolc the Space Shuttle Columbia took it's last journey to the stars.  The dark moon seemed foreboding but now the full of the moon glows large and promising on the horizon.  I can't seem to take my eyes off it, as I wouldn't want to miss a minute of it's beauty, fortunately my computer overlooks a large pair of windows that is also quite cold.  I feel that there is a lot that must be cut out of my life so that I can be able to move on.  The Goddess made this so apparent when I finally made a back up account to save all my hard work in case of the all too frequent upset occurred- as it has come to pass.  Giving up my old name, which has now become a part of the past, freed me to new things.  And while the cleanup wasn't fun, I understand a need to become rid of other things like that within the rest of my life.  I think it isn't just me that is urged to get rid of these labels but many people who choose lightworking to aid others into understanding.  While our time is fragile we can still find time to grow beyond the limited expectations we have set.  I am sending my prayers, lighting my candles, and continuing to walk in the name of faith and understanding.  Autumn Magick has thinned once again but my inspiration and encouragement to continue writing grows.  My dreams are still of value and worth following.  I am finding also that as I let go of those things hindering my growth, that I become more empathetic in return.  I seek to know what is at the core of things emotionally as well as spiritually.  The spiral is leading me on and asking me to help other progress and open their minds to the universal consciousness building within.  There is a voice that is getting stronger with every step I take, I understand my guides and spiritual advisors folding their light around me with care.  I am also coming to seek revelations of a greater magnitude, patterns revealing from my past.  I have took great interest in Gaelic and the Lord of the Rings.  Connecting deeply with the stories that they sprang from, perhaps someday I will be able to write and publish something along the same veil.  I am settling for familiarity and inspiration to help me pick myself back up from my job search which has been heartbreaking.  So many questions come to my mind sometimes that it is easy to be down about my future path, but with all my strength I pick myself up and move forward.  There are those around me who have suffered much loss, I have encountered this as well and understand how the circle turns.  We are faced with the prospect of our own morbidity and the shadows grow close to us.  But as ever, this has only opened my eyes to the ancestors.  My search for the past has shown me back to my old interests in genealogy, and the ancient mysteries also beckon me closer to find the womb within the mother earth.  I am being cradled by these things that seem such a precious thread that it allows me to move on with grace.  My sister continues to paint her faeries, I love her artwork so much.  Art is a beautiful gift and I hope to showcase that talent.  In the meantime I want to wish everyone a blessed journey as mine continues on. 

~February 23, 2003 - I didn't expect to be writing on here again so soon.  First of all I want to send up my prayer lights for all those entering into the conflicts with the Middle East.  It isn't a pleasant situation to watch your family members going off to war, and my uncle Joe who was also in Desert Storm as part of the Air Force is making his way back there once again.  The whole thing feels like a big circle turning round once again to face the same situation- only with more possible drastic outcomes.  Daily we are bombarded by uncomfortable alerts to our current safety.  I can only say, we face a great awakening in our habits.  The consumer driven societies face a lot of turmoil before this is over.  Not only that, the weather has become something to contend with in our daily lives.  Aylinor, my dear friend and several others have just come upon one of the worst blizzards in years.  While here in Wisconsin it is cold but the ground is bare.  I watched the sky last night, aglow with northern lights.  My head aches and out of the corners of my eye I seem to see spirits streak like fallen stars.  The ancestors have only grown stronger, part of this has made me very happy as they are leading me to my roots.  My genealogy work has become so strong, and blocks removed.  Though the other part of it means that the veil is thinning between this world and the next.  And with that in mind, the astral battles (a place where we work out our spiritual dilemmas) can be made manifest in a very real sense.  I dream constantly of things I wish I didn't know.  But like normal, I awaken just before dawn comes, only to get up and then return to bed.  But often times I stare at the stars out the window before doing so, and I saw the double shadow of the moon.  I have not seen it in awhile, but every time it brings a sense of forewarning.  It's red depths that seem so much like a trick of the eye, may very well be but they are also omens and portents of things to come.  If theses signs continue to grow as does the vague awareness of the rest of the world around me, the time to merge my talents with my insight become stronger.  I am also sending many prayers out, my cousin who has Lupus is very ill at this time.  She has been facing many trips to the hospital and I worry over her, as we are very close in age and went to high school together.  Her blood works against her at times, and complications become greater.  Her womanhood is being taken from her in every menstrual cycle, and my mind drifts back to the moon.  The connection between the dark promise of Imbolc and the double moon shadow seem to become clearer.  

May your blood run clear, and your knowledge true, fear not the awakening of the true soul and walk in the path of the earth cycling through the time of change, for we become stronger in unity and truth.  My sisters and brothers stay strong, keep the prayer tree alive, and most importantly don't discount things that you may not be familiar with for in time you may become aware of them and need your wits about to sustain your abilities.

~November 17, 2003-  I would like to take this time to share what has been going on in my life and to remind everyone of the Autumn Magick Prayer Tree.  I have felt the effects of my life turn greatly around since my last update.  Many things have happened beyond my control, but most of all I am looking for deep inner healing and slowly recovering my sense of purpose for this page.  I had fallen ill with severe anemia this spring and being able to no longer heal myself, I heard the voice of the Goddess telling me to listen and to seek outside help.  Having been looking for work and without insurance, and my father had been of work due to an accident- it just seemed like the wrong time to be so concerned for my own personal well-being.  I had seemed to feel the light coming back into my life, only to turn to realize it was only the beginning and it was a brief respite between challenges.  I found myself going into the clinic in July and ending up in the hospital for a blood transfusion, and then later a round of medical tests as my anemia was only masking the real problem.  I was able to go through a D&C in September, where they found that the cells they removed from my uterus were cancerous.  So this October, after researching and worrying I underwent a radical hysterectomy.  It was a very memorable birthday for me, as I did not have an easy time in the hospital and my hormones just seemed to go flat and wiping the floor with me.  But perhaps the best news they gave me is that there is only a very slim chance of the cancer reoccurring since they think they have taken care of it upon my surgery.  I feel fortunate it had not spread further, and was only at Stage 1 Type B in the final analysis.  I relied on many prayers and reiki from my friends, but most importantly I was able to open myself to the spirit within and except the help that was being offered to me.  My road is far from over, but I have to look forward and feel it is worth living and fighting for, because each one of us have value.  I felt it remarkable how special my case seemed to be, that I am one of only 5% of women who have uterine cancer that are diagnosed before they reach the age of 35 and over.  I felt how sensitive my body reacted to the drugs, that so many people are not sensitive to the effects because our society is over medicated.  I have believed in the power of deep breathing, it was the first time I was very thankful for my ability to control pain through this technique and to also maintain calm when everything seemed to be chaos.  It has been just over a month since my surgery, the doctors feel it safe for me to start my hormone treatments on a low dose basis, it is an area of continuous study and concern.  They also feel that I am now doing very well in the healing process and can now be seen only every six months instead of three (silent yay!)  I have found it hard to update my sites, for lack of knowing what to say and what direction to take them in.  There has been so much focus inwards, that it is sometimes hard to look out.  I now know that people need awareness, that my sisters need support, and most of all I am not alone.  I have added links to the group site for others who may be seeking support for either friends, family, or even themselves and to share my story (even a little) helps all of us.

~February 25, 2004 - I am about to reach Autumn Magick's 4th year.  My speed on posts has been slowed, my vitality a little drained but I will continue with the project because it is a voice I need to use still to let the creativity to flow.  I have been surrounded by support, the membership is falling off a little but those who are with me still love the message or are just willing to continue with my torment hehe. Either way, I value the support and kindness and as long as I will be able to give it in this format I will continue to do so.  I have kept building up the sister site The Celtic Bards, and it stills feel like a fledgling dynamic.  I love the Celtic life and will keep reading about the myths and legends and try to put that in what I do.  I am inspired by the bards and legends, yet in hopes this will bring me to my true grove the one seated in my heart and in reality.  And of course find those willing to be a part of it.

Things have been difficult, and slow.  My health continues to improve but it is like learning once again how your body works and becoming in tune with it and towards all its needs and reactions.  More over I have been dealing with my family, seemingly sent into crisis mode for more than a year takes much too much stress upon those I care about most.  It began with my father being laid off work when he broke his arm and I was too afraid to admit that I needed help.  But when I could go no longer and gave in, my problems seemed to develop at a rapid pace spiraling into another level.  After my hysterectomy, I felt great sadness etch itself into my heart for the things I had not felt I wanted or was able to know before I was diagnosed with cancer.  Deep in my heart I felt that I knew it was coming, just sensed the unbalanced proportions that would lead to a major event in my life path of this nature.  I had feared the visions and ignored them, but like always they make themselves present when it is time.  I feel nature and people are rushing to complete things to become stronger and more spiritual, I am not alone in that awareness.  So what should have happened ten years from now, came to be out of a need and a test to by fire.  The warriors are born stronger with the knowledge of the Otherworlds though some are silenced in the process.  

How can I explain what I have seen and felt in just a few worlds, always have had spirits lingering just around the periphery edges of my vision.  I delved deeper into the mysteries being a child shunned by my peers, it seemed comforting and scary yet in time there was a responsibility I felt towards the world with this knowledge.  It weighs deeply on the soul, only in pieces to be put together yet to make knowledge power you must enact upon it.  I sit too often on my laurels trying to make sense of the world through my experiences and those that come from the higher powers.  I have learned to feel things in a river of emotions, each object putting forth in vibrations into the water.  At times I have not trusted these senses, or have shunned them because it seemed too chaotic for me to deal with.  I had my own physical life take precedent as we all do.  

So how come now?  Well, now my family has been weighted with problems ranging from a broken down vehicle to several health scares.  My mom was diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure while just trying to get new glasses for her birthday.  My father is the sole supporter of the family, we were faced with the possibility that his union would go on strike but the company froze wages and upped the health care insurance prices instead.  My dad has had ongoing issues since his heart attack when I was in high school with his present health.  He is an life smoker- which I do not find very amusing or do I agree but addictions seldom are easy to break no matter what happens.  I have had to let go a lot of things, and I was asked when I meditated upon the reasons for all of this happening to sacrifice myself to the flow to let go but no matter how much little there was left I still cling to the fragments.  I find now that what I have missed is the very intimacy two lovers have known, yet such trust issues with my background are not easily over come.  I was thrust into a sort of bare exposure with my cancer.  In the hospital you have to be prepared to deal with the pain and anxiety without thinking of modesty.  What I feel now is that I would like to share myself in love and not out of some medical sideshow.  Share my soul and the visions for those who will believe me.  The things that haunt me run so deep, yet they led me to understanding how to step aside from the self to disconnect from the body and yet to know it to tune into all those senses that can help us relate experiences.  

In my mind, I have seen tragic things that will occur.  I write about them sometimes but generally not out right.  Tapping into the global consciousness tells me that it is time for us to prepare.  For me to take my own warnings and to plan my future as if I will live it.  I know that I may never be a mother, but we can all be sons and daughters of the earth.  And when you are a daughter of the earth, you are given the task of taking care of it as if you were also it's mother.  

From the womb that bears you, in the great celestial cosmic cauldron we shall bear forth our own waters.  Tend the cauldron for it has been over boiling too long, lay the fire at its feet, taste not the draught of life and death for it is too bitter yet. If the potion is ready when it has brewed a year and a day... give it to whom who will not knowledge betray.  For the better of the earth, be the keepers of our destinies.  Sit upon the mounds of the ancestors and look to the stars for they are reflections in the mirrors of the world, mirrors which lead us to gateways and the womb of the reborn.  The sands are shifting and the trees are swaying, the snake stirs from under the stone to remerge into the day.  Whispers calling over the water, gaining speed and voice they become the wind that rushes in a hurricane.  A storm that lashes with thunder and lightning bears down the brunt of our heavy days.  Stirring the cauldron into a boil, adding the ingredients of the healer, the poet, the warrior.