Personal Computing For Dumbasses
and Business majors. Oh wait...
Disclaimer If you find this guide to be offensive, go buy a fucking book.
Introduction
I work at a small computer store where I get to cope with all kinds of idiots. Now, idiocy isn't a trait exclusive to computer shoppers. On the contrary, most people are idiots by nature, regardless of what they're shopping for. It just so happens that when it comes to anything related to technology, people are especially dumb. From the n00b that doesn't know his asshole from a monitor, to the A+ certified dumbass that doesn't know his asshole from a monitor, each will tackle difficult tasks such as picking a case and monitor that match with the skill of a blind beheaded dog. This leads me to want to do one of the following: A) Tell people to forget about buying a computer and instead invest their hard earned money on something useful, like antique draperies, or pogs; B) Move to Kenya, where the population is more computer literate than in the most powerful nation in the world; or C) Teach people a thing or three about computers. So what will it be? I haven't decided yet. But in the mean time, I'll continue to rant about people not knowing a fucking thing about computers. Here's a little road map so you don't get lost:
Legend
Bold gray text will display additional information if you hold your mouse over it.
WTF is your point? segments have hints that help you make not-so-stupid purchases.
But first...
Before I get into any specific details about computers, I'd like to clear up a few things. These are pet peeves of mine that I deal with almost on a daily basis because people are such dumbasses. For starters, when someone refers to a "computer," they literally speak of the tower [or desktop] unit into which all peripherals are plugged into. A monitor is not a computer. Keyboards, mice, nor speakers are computers. They are peripherals. This tower or desktop unit is NOT called a CPU, despite what other computer introductory guides for dumbasses claim. Its simply, a tower. Or desktop. The CPU is inside this tower, but the tower is not the CPU. In essence:
Secondly, you have to give more thought to what you are going to use your computer for. When someone asks you "What are you going to use your computer for?" If you are planning on launching a fucking satellite into orbit and monitoring that
hot chick from across the street's shower times, don't say "Oh, I just need it for the kids. You know, school stuff." Time and time again, I hear that from people that don't want to invest much money. Then they come back about a month later and say "Oh, that computer you sold me is a piece of shit. I can't even run AutoCAD, 3D Studio Max, Photoshop, copy DVDs, and hack into the Pentagon at the same time." Had you told me that's what you wanted to do, I wouldn't have sold you a stupid fucking Celeron, dumbshit. So without further ado, here's what you should REALLY buy:
01. Introduction
02. Processors [CPUs]
03. Motherboards
04. Memory [RAM]
Pay no attention to these ads, they're worthless:
