All poems in this book were written by Justin Amrhein. Every poem comes straight from his heart. The poems reflect his physical and mental struggles. The poems help you understand how badly he hurts when he is sad and how joyous he is when he is happy. He lives two lives. The first is the one you normally see. It is the one where he is fun-loving and humorous. The second is the one concealed within this book. It is his deepest desires and secrets. I hope you enjoy the poems within the bindings of this journal.
Can someone help me? I'm lost in a maze called . I'm here alone in the dark with no clue where to go. I'm hopelessly lost. I don't know why I still hang on. The days pass me by without change. I see no light as I pass through this morbid labyrinth. When will it end? As I walk, I ask myself if there's any hope. I realize I can only move on to find out. If I could only find someone who cared I could find the light. But life always blocks me from my most envied. Where do I go from here? I need to know before I'm hopelessly lost.
I was just fine until you came around. I was normal and had some friends. When you came that all disappeared. Now I'm walking in blackness. I'm friendless and hopeless. My life was going fine until you showed up. You ruined my life. My friends are all gone so there's no turning back. You must have been spawned from the darkest depths of Hell to ruin my life. I accepted you as my friend. Then you stabbed me in the back. Now I'm drowning in the deepest depths of misery. It happened all because of you. Now I must live friendless and hopeless.
Torn between two evils with no idea which one to choose. There's the pain caused by having you yet not being with you and then there's the pain that would be caused by seperating forever more. When will the pain and misery end? Everyone tells me to let you go but it's not as easy as it sounds. But letting you go would end the pain forever ore. I'm stuck with no idea what to do. We said distance was no obstacle for us. I think we were wrong and it has taken its toll on both of our lives. When will the pain stop? I miss you still to this day and I want the pain to stop. But I know that the pain will only cause more pain and sorrow. Why must I choose? We hoped that it would work. But all I've felt is the loss of one I care about. Will things ever work out? For now I must sit here and contemplate between these two evils and decide which one I must choose.
You could never understand the pain you've caused. Rejection then depression. I'm trapped in the deepest pits of sorrow. Some how your presence still brings you to me even after the demise you've caused. I live day by painful day hoping that you could someday be mine. I'm living in false hope because of your blindness to the truth. He controls you and you don't even know. I've tried to help you see the light but you're still in the dark. When I try to move on you tell me to stay where I am. I can't stay in this lonely void forever. My only hope now is that you will soon see the light. If you stay in the dark I will be lost for all eternity and you won't be able to bring me back. So I hope and pray you will see the light soon.
Farther and farther we grow and I wish I didn't know. I try to reconnect the bond but I cant do it alone. If only you understood. You've seen what you blind to before but I fear I fell too far into that void you caused. Is there any hope? You have no idea how bad it hurts to love but not be loved. It may just be something I'm going through. But it's the strongest thing I've had towards another person. The wound you've put into my emotions is uncomparable. The deeper the wound the harder to heal. I wish you could feel the same. I know I shouldn't rush you. I wish you could understand. I should grow up and see the error of my ways. i would do anything for you. Your wish is my command. But you'll never know I love you so.
I will never tell anyone how I feel again. All it does is make me feel like I've committed an unforgivable sin. I came to you to let you know how I feel. My emotions were yours to steal. Instead you went in for the kill. Now they lay in pieces waiting to be accepted still. I don't know how to react from this tragic loss. You ripped me from inside out at my own cost. Dealing with these feelings is almost too much to bear. The only thing you did was give me a blank stare. I wish you could understand what's happened to me inside. I wish I could run away and hide. I showed you my heart and you ripped it apart. If only you knoew the pain you've caused. My heart feels like it has been paused. Day after morbid day I sit and I pray hoping that you will be there to stay. There will never be another person like you, one who I think of through and through. This could be my final outreach and I hope it has an important lesson to teach. If not for me than for you, don't consider it through because of these three little words called I love you.
I wish you would take these words to heard because that is where they come from. These words are true about a certain someone. Your emotionless stare makes me think you don't care. I wish you would open up so I could really know how you feel. These emotions aren't something you should hide. I'm dying inside and your feelings you must confide. I'm trying to be strong but its taking too long. My pain will be buried six feet underground, for it is here where no hope is found. You could save me now but you didn't then which has caused all of this pain within.
Why must I suck at this game called Life? I could end it now with a sharpened knife. It's all caused by you, the one who never knew. I made my outreach to you then but you rejected it in the end. You left me out to die. Letting me go with a lie. Your silence brought me pain. I went crazy and insane. I said I'd always be there for you but who will see me through?
I forget what it means to be happy. All because of deeds done by thee. I have wounds that no one but you could heal. I wish you would know that these feelings are real. To love but be unloved is a deep emotional shove. Anguish and pain are all I feel. This unbearable agony is real. Why do I torture myself like this? I am someone you'll never miss. I thought we were friends but i've seen how the story ends. Misery is my destiny. Only grief shall follow me. Why must I be the one that harm is always done? I've said it before and I'll say it again, why must it end?
All I ask is to needed and wanted, not terrorized and hunted. Your piercing gaze goes straight through my soul causing an insurmountable toll. It's causing me to go in a downward spiral. My fall is unproportional. But now I am slowly rising again despite this constant sin. Higher and higher I go even though the bottom is all I know. I know not where my journey ends. But on it my life depends. I walk these crowded hallways and see no one there. Not a single person who would care. Deeper and deeper into my soul I crawl. You could never realize how little I have to fall. I need someone to heal me inside. It is there where my emotions nearly died. Some say love is for fools but they never learned the rules.
I dread this time that is up and coming. The time when I feel you are most stunning. It is now time to ask the question. My biggest fear: rejection. You the constant thought going through my head. But the question is the part I dread. I've been hurt this way in the past. Pain from rejection always lasts. Fear of rejection is my biggest downfall. It's why I can never make that phone call. Why must I make this so hard? Why can't I just let down my guard? Finding the strength to ask is no simple task. For others it is easy but the thought of it makes me queasy. I want to ask you so bad but the thought of rejection makes me sad. The pain from it never grows numb. I wish it didn't make me feel so dumb. I hope I can get over my fear without shedding a single tear. Tomorrow may just be the day when I ask the question and hope you say okay.
I'm alone and lost. I would pay for love at any cost. I can only ask why. It seems like my life has gone awry. I wish I could find that someone who was meant to be. Is it blindness that has led me to not see? I feel hopeless. This search is draining my sanity. Where is that someone for me? I am lost in a maze with her at the end. Does anyone have a hand to lend? I just need a little light to make things right. I just want someone to comfort me. I wish I could find her, whoever she may be.
I am a poetic of sorrow. I shall always shed a tear for tomorrow. My future will repeat my tragic past. When will my mind be at peace at last? Heartbreak and loss tear at my sanity. A reformation has occured inside of me. A change caused by those who haunt my past. This change will forever last. It started out slowly and grew into a monstrousity. It slowly devoured the old me. I've been lost in the oblivion. Soon my strength will be done.
Remember that night five months ago? My life was changed forever. I came to you with a question. I left with heartbreak and rejection. I thought of you then as the best friend I had ever had. You ere the person i could never be mad. I thought you were the perfect person for me. You didn't think likewise, obviously. My hopes were in Heaven above. But you mutilated my dream of love. My heart was in countless pieces. It is so hard for me to put those pieces back together to make me whole.I say I'm okay but I'm not! I should move on but I'm caught. I figured out why I'm stuck on you. I have attention envy and you gave me attention to make it through. That means a lot to me because you truly see me for who I . I lost that though because of a transformation that changed my cause. I know that this metamorphasis has caused hurt to both you and me. Why can't things be like they used to be? I almost hate what I've become. I feel worthless and dumb. I only hang on to the past to save myself from my present being. Those memories are both good and bad for me. They help me and haunt me. I need to move on because of what I have discovered. You gave me false hope and I thought I had things covered. I'm my very worst of enemies. I torture myself with these nightmarish recollections. I can't even remember what I used to be like. I've made a complete change. For better or worse, I have no verse because my life is now deranged. I have no idea if this was good or bad. I know it hurt me and made me sad. I've done things because of depression that I know was a sin. Physical wounds heal unlike the shattering of a heart. Please save me. I want to be the old me. The one who was care free. Things were so much better then, when my heart was free of depression. I'm slowly building my heart bact to what it once was. Only to be destroyed again by the same cause. Please forgive me for my sin and the way I've been. I've treated you badly and I look on it sadly. I am sorry. I don't know what has gotten to me. I would understand if you didn't want to be friends. It would be my fault if our friendship ends. My metamorphasis has caused this. I can't bear much more. My body has been taken over by a stranger. Help me and restore me.
Why did it have to end? You could've been my best friend. I sit and I think of what things would be like. I would be my old self and have all of my old friends. Our seperation may have been for the best but I still miss you nonetheless. The time we spent was the greatest of my life. It was a time when I had no inner strife. I remember those times like yesterday. In your arms is where I wanted to stay. But the distance was too much. We were cripples without a crutch. Though we are no more, I miss you. You made me fell complete all of the way through.
Why do I live in hypocrasy? My life is ruled by heartache and secrecy. I need someone who actually cares. Not a person who would date me on a dare. A person like this is rare. I wish it wasn't so much to bear. A girl to say yes would be the best. My mind would finally be at rest. But now my heart is full of rejection. There's not even a single ounce of affection. Rejection hurts so bad. Girls don't know what they do to me when they say no. My mind takes me to places I never wanted to go. Heartache and pain are in my company. They are guests of which I want no one to see. I'm letting things build up inside of me. Things aren't the way they should be. My heart is broken and worn. It just needs to be reborn.
I don't know why I acted like that. Maybe you were the person I chose to get back at. I don't really know. I didn't really mean to hurt you though. I didn't know how to react to that sudden change. I felt like I no longer mattered which was strange. I felt like an outsider around a great friend. It was a friendship that I didn't want to end. I was confused and lost. I would pay for the old days at any cost. Those days are gone for now but we need to bring them back somehow. Maybe we should forget our past and start a friendship that will last. To start over would be great. We could forget situations that happened here of late. I want to forget the pain. It has only caused me mental strain. I'm sorry and now thanks to you I can see.
I'm lost in a self-created void, slowly getting frustrated and annoyed. Where to go from here I ask. Why is this such a difficult task? I can't find the one who I am searching for. Mayber love is just an ancient folklore. All I have found so far is pain and agony. Both of which have tore at the inside of me. Why can't I find the one who is meant to be? Is she even there for me to see? I am finishing in last as most nice guys do. Maybe I should try something new....
I don't know what to say or do. Are my feelings for you true? If they are not, then I wrongly sought. But if thyer are true, I surely wouldn't know what to do. I've been hurt in the past and I only want a love that will last. To be with you would be great. I would cure my present state. I am lonely and broken. I'm sure that's something you could mend. The only thing that is stopping me is fear of rejection. Without that fear I would ask without objection. I think you would be a true friend. A person who would stick with me until the end.
Shall tonite be the night when i end life's fight? Your brainwashed and there's nothing I can do. You've hurt me more than you ever knew. Your stuck on a dropout. Your stupidity makes me want to shout. I feel like you've turned on me. Your hurting me, can't you see? You said you were mad, but wher your around him you seem really glad. You've betrayed my trust. All for childish lust. But there seems to be no consequence for you. You've hurt our friendship through and through. This poem may seem mean but I really need to let off some steam. I guess the story will always last because nice guys finish last.
Moving on into the unknown. This adventure will be made on my own. I know not what will happen to me. I guess i will have to wait and see. On my journey I will grow. This is something I already know. Who are the people I'll meet? Will they even be worth the feat? Will I meet the one for me? Is it ever meant to be? It is something I could never know. I shall journey on with luggage in tow.
My most valued. My ever pursued. A person to understand me. My emotions are what they can see. Without a good friend life has no meaning. They will be with you from the beginning. They'll see you through times both thick and thin. They will know where you have been. They can help you through depression and calm you down because of agression. They are so great and grand that I wish I had more throughout this land. As this poem comes to an end I shall pay a tribute to my friends.
Fed by the darkness that surrounds me, i live this surreal life. My only temptation is going back to the knife. I bled for the sorrows of days long gone. The memories flow like the lifeforce from my skin. Just the simple thought makes me want to commit the sin. I've lost my way for yet again. It's no longer a question of if but when. Day by day i live in this agony. I put on a different face so no one will see. It's as if i've gone completely numb. It's a face i can only show to some. There is a hole inside that no one is there to fill. It looks like fate has come in for it's final kill. Never again will i love. It must be a sign from above. So forever will i wander in this maze called life unless i end it with a sharpened knife.
