Vicarious Lives

I have ridden horses, and clashed in battle,
And listened in helplessness to the death-rattle,
And screamed in hatred over the corpse of a friend,
As I turned the pages to see how it would end.

I have felt my heart thrill to the clash of wings
As the dragons circled above the end of all things,
And the world throbbed as to singing of birds,
While my fingers crafted my thoughts into words.

I have watched with breathless wonder as in a dance
The heroes of a carefully planned romance
First declared their devotion for each other
When my thoughts to emotions were brother.

I have been, twice, an eater of others' souls,
And I have been one whom insanity controls,
And I have been one who was sworn to genocide,
While in me sanity ran to find somewhere to hide.

My life is many lives, my mind many minds.
As one whom not even sanity always binds,
How can I tie myself to one case and one creed?
There will be another thing to be, indeed.

There will be another mask to wrap around
My face, and so reveal, in doing, the sound
Of my heart, or one of my hearts, strongly beating.
Even when a creed comes for me, its retreating

Strongly follows, as I remember something else
That drowns its premises in ringing bells.
Always some new idea to me sounds a clarion,
And always within a few days it turns to carrion.

Oh wild sweet mornings many times I have seen,
And there are an infinite number of shades of green.
If there is one thing I am not meant for, certainty
Is it. But perhaps I destine myself to be free.