This article appeared in the Nov. 9, 2012 Jewish Advocate.

Finding love, with a little mazel

By Susie Davidson

Special to the Advocate

Online dating, while expedient, isn’t always a bed of roses. Users can encounter any number of pitfalls: substantial expense, significant investment in time, and, perhaps that most daunting fear of the unknown. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone do most of the legwork?

Although it may seem old-worldly, many couples attest to the magic of SawYouAtSinai, an online network that matches Jews around the world with specialized matchmakers whose concern becomes your cause. Maybe Tevye and Golda knew something their daughters didn’t – it might just be best to leave these complicated matters to the wisdom of others (and for all their　tsuris, they seemed to be a fine match indeed!).

With a database of over 30,000 Jewish singles of all ages and status, including single parents, divorcees, widows, and single professionals and rabbinically endorsed, it’s safe, private (only potential dates that either you choose or are chosen for you by your matchmaker can see your information), saves time, and it works. The service claims to have facilitated and enabled over 1500 marriages thus far. The cost? Signup is free, and then about $16 per month, which goes toward operating the computer system - a mere pittance when you consider what it could reap.

CEO Marc Goldmann founded the site at age 34 after a career on Wall Street. As luck would have it, he met his bride-to-be just before SawYouAtSinai debuted (the two were married in October, 2004).

“All the matchmakers volunteer their time,” explains local　shadchan　Lori Salkin, who spends at least four hours per day at her craft. Although she has received gifts from grateful clients ranging from a $40 bowl to nearly $2000 outright, it is clear that she is not in it for monetary compensation. “Our biggest partners break down to ‘JRetroMatch,’ focused on Reform and Conservative, and SawYouatSinai and YUConnects, which focus on Orthodox,” she said. In Boston, the organization has absorbed smaller groups including JBoston, which was overseen by Brookline Chabad head Rabbi Mayshe Schwartz.

After a discreet and confidential interview with your matchmaker, algorithms configure the best possible matches, which are then reviewed by the matchmaker. As successful matches have been made worldwide, it pays to be geographically amenable.

“I was pretty skeptical,” said RF of Brookline, who married her　besheart　last spring. She thought online dating would be impersonal and overwhelming, but Salkin lived in her neighborhood, and held her hand through the whole process. “I joined when she told me she had a profile of a guy who she thought would be a good match,” she recalled. Salkin was right, but it didn’t end there. “After connecting ‘M’ and I, she followed up on both sides to help us along, and was there when I needed advice,” she said.

When Ken Bloom’s grad school professor got married, his wife Stephanie decided to become a matchmaker on the site. “She became my own　shadchan,” he recalled. “SawYouAtSinai became a way of networking with one　shadchan who I really trusted to know me well,” he said. Bloom began working for Google in Cambridge a week after finishing his thesis, and on his first day there, Stephanie sent him a profile. “It wasn't an obvious slam dunk, and she lived in Sharon,” he said. Overwhelmed with work, he let it lapse. But surprisingly, a shul-mate mentioned the same woman, whose brother and sister he knew from MIT. And when another friend asked what he was looking for in a wife, he said “brainy.” She mentioned the same woman, whom her husband knew her from growing up in Sharon. He also happened to meet the woman’s landlord.

But it took Salkin to make the date happen. When Ken first interviewed at Google, he met up with a college friend whose mother-in-law,　Laurie Wolff, was a　shadchan. While they met him at Cafe Eilat for lunch, Lori Salkin walked in. After that meeting, he sent them both his “shidduch　resume,” and flew back home to finish his degree. When he returned to Boston, Salkin was ready to suggest his future wife to him. They were married last month.

Fortunately, the path may be a bit smoother for older singles. “At　50,　you　have certain values, and know those　you　expect from a spouse,” said JF from Brooklyn, who found a serious relationship headed toward marriage with a woman his age. “If a profile is truthfully completed by each party, matchmakers are very helpful, whereas doing it on your own is like taking a stroll in the Dodge City of Matt Dillon's day,” he said.

Salkin joined SawYouatSinai.com in 2008; her record includes five marriages, two couples about to become engaged, and over a dozen other couples who are dating at the moment. It was second nature to her. “I had been playing matchmaker with friends for years,” she said. “I was one of the youngest of my friends to get married, and wanted my friends to find the happiness I had found.” Her sister-in-law, who was single and looking, asked her if she could become a matchmaker for the site, and following a six-month screening and application process, she was approved.

A Brookline native who just turned 30, Salkin relocated to Philadelphia this past spring with her husband Leon, a corporate attorney she met while at Boston University. Married seven years, they have one daughter, and a second child on the way.

Fairytale? Not quite. After graduating BU in 2004 with a Bachelors of Arts in Music, the Maimonides graduate earned an M.B.A. from Fordham. “He pursued me,” she said, “but I stood him up for our first date.” On the second, she spilled coffee all over him. During the third, they passed a Steinway store and Lori played its piano for an hour, ignoring him. “Luckily, people have second chances and third chances,” she said.

She takes her daughter, Chloe, to every interview, which could be at J.P. Licks, Magic Beans, Starbucks, or the park by Zaftig’s. “I have my iPad and NotePad, and we do it,’ she said. “I tease them that it's a test,” she added. “I know what they’re looking for in a partner, but how are they with kids?” In New York and in the Five Towns in Long Island, she meets singles in hotel lobbies, stores and restaurants. “I am peers with many,” she explained. “While matchmakers our grandmothers' age are helpful, they prefer to work in the age of technology and speak openly and honestly, without worrying about offending someone in a different generation on a topic that may be taboo.”

Salkin, who was elected to a Town of Brookline position in 2009 and worked for MSNBC in New York and NBC Channel 7 News in Boston. makes follow-up, match suggestion, and coaching calls, as well as texts and emails, sometimes at midnight after dates. Some email her pictures of outfits they will be wearing. “I also call guys, reminding them to shave and shower!,” she said, “and calls from bathrooms during dates are not uncommon.” And Salkin will sneak around a bit if necessary, speaking to mothers and friends. She also participates in community　shidduchim to discuss and find matches, and is the voice of SawYouatSinai and its partners on Facebook and Twitter.

She hopes to soon host the first Jewish reality dating show. “While checking for matches in between newscasts at NBC one day, a network executive made the suggestion, and Salkin then approached the Wahlberg brothers for backing. “We got as far as writing the story board and beginning casting before the economy crashed and funding was pulled,” she said. Salkin has been approached by A&E, Lifetime and AMC’s WE tv. “Each has been very interested, but I still need to find backing,” she said.

“It’s not fair that these people at 35 somehow missed the boat,” she said. They return her devotion. “Lori was an incredible resource during our courtship,” said Ken. “She would listen to my complaints and frustrations. She helped us to negotiate key steps in our relationship, and helped me stay sane through the nervousness of proposing,” he said. “It takes a person with compassion, dedication and perseverance,” said RF. JF agreed. “It is no　mitvzah　to date many woman,” he said. “It can be a stressful process,　and you　just want to meet the right one,” he said.

“I don’t have the experiences of all my singles,” said Salkin. “I don’t have the experiences of divorce, of being in one's 50s with children.” She paused, as the wind whipped outside her window. “But I do understand love,” she said. “What I do understand is companionship – to have someone near you during a hurricane.”