WITH PHOTO AND TIP BOX AT END
　
The instructors of “Parenting Your Teen ... Through a Jewish Lens” are (from left) 　Marjorie Freiman, Margie Bogdanow, Alison Kur, and Judy Elkin.
　
　
Navigating the teen years
In new course, parents learn from Jewish studies – and each other


By Susie Davidson
Special to the Advocate

What can Joseph’s dreams and Moses’ arguments with G-d tell you about raising your teen?
Quite a lot, say parents and teachers involved with “Parenting Your Teen ... Through a Jewish Lens.” The eight-session program, which was piloted earlier this year, will be expanded to sites throughout Greater Boston.
Under the guidance of experienced teachers, parents explore Judaic sources (both ancient and modern) and share their personal stories. Together, they draw up practical blueprints for raising their teens.
The program is offered by Hebrew College in conjunction with Combined Jewish Philanthropies. It’s the sequel to another recently launched course, “Parenting Through a Jewish Lens,” which caters to parents of young children.
“We are trying to meet the needs of adults at all life stages and help them　appreciate how much　Jewish learning and Jewish values have to say about how we live our lives today,” said Bernice Lerner, director of Adult Learning at Hebrew College.
The “Parenting Your Teen” pilot program drew some 50 parents to sessions at Hebrew College, Temple Beth Elohim in Wellesley and Temple Isaiah in Lexington.
The next round, which will be the program’s official launch, will be held this winter at a half dozen synagogues that have yet to be determined. Lerner said many synagogues have expressed interest in playing host.
Classes are taught by Judy Elkin, Marjorie Freiman, Alison Kur and Margie Bogdanow. “They aim to make Jewish learning integral to adults’ lives, a salutary habit,” said Lerner, who noted that participants come from all denominations and include interfaith couples and single parents.
“We took this class because as parents of two teenagers, we sometimes struggle with how to handle communication and difficult situations,” said David Robbins of Wellesley, who is director of product management at the tech support firm PlumChoice, Inc. His wife, Amy, is CFO of Resource Options, Inc., a staffing solutions firm based in Needham.
“We felt that having the opportunity to share our experiences and get open feedback from our peers would be valuable,” Robbins added.
Teachers come highly qualified. Elkin – whose long resume includes assistant principal of Los Angeles Hebrew High School and director of family education at the Bureau of Jewish Education – most recently directed and taught at Brandeis’ DeLeT program, which prepares Jewish day school teachers for elementary grades.
“Some of my fondest memories as an educator were with the seventh and eight graders,” Elkin said, “and in my own parenting, the teen years were considerably more enjoyable and satisfying than the modern media would have us believe is possible.”
Through “Parenting Your Teen,” she said, parents “can see what they’re already doing that’s working well, and be more deliberate about it, so it continues and flourishes, while at the same time gain an expanded repertoire for handling tough situations that seem overwhelming in the moment.”
Freiman, who has worked 15 years in Jewish education, served as social justice educator and family education consultant at The Rashi School from 2006 to 2010.
She said one of the parenting classes focuses on improving communications with teens. “We discuss the interaction between G-d and Moses, and how Moses speaks with G-d, which reflects a parent-child dynamic,” Freiman said.
She stressed that key to communications is listening and truly hearing. “Also important is how we navigate the challenges of living in the 21st century, which include computer, cellphone and online issues, changing social mores and norms, and the occasional tension between Jewish and　American values,” Freiman added.
Some of the issues raised are drawn right from the headlines, such the recent murder of a Wayland teen, allegedly by an ex-boyfriend. Lerner said that the classes discuss what to do when the unexpected happens. Texts include an excerpt from Rabbi Harold Kushner’s “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” and Jason Aaronson’s “A Jewish Book of Comfort” by Jason Aaronson. “We talk about arguing with G-d,” Lerner said.
Another class relates Joseph’s dreams to the aspirations of parents and teens. “We talk about the evolution in the types of dreams that Joseph has,” Lerner said.
Elkin cited　the rabbinic story of Zusya: “It is a teaching that reminds us to not only be who we’re meant to be, but to encourage our kids to do the same.”
In her class in spring, she explored the clash between parents and teens over expectations and ambitions. “Perhaps one of the most powerful moments for a few parents was pondering the question, ‘if you knew the relationship you have with your child would turn out fine, how might that impact the way you parent right now?’” Elkin said. “That seemed to open up a lot of possibilities for people.”
Freiman, too, found that the topic of dreams resonated with parents. “We sometimes need to reframe those dreams when in reality our child is very different than the child we imagined in the dream,” she said.
Gordon Harris of Lexington, who took the course at Temple Isaiah with his wife, Sion, said they were impressed by the supportive environment, where they felt comfortable sharing “our experiences, challenges, worries and joys.”
Harris added, “We grew closer to the parents that we shared the classes with, and developed deeper ties within our temple community, while learning from one another.”
For more on “Parenting Your Teen,” contact Raylea Pemstein at　617-559-8708 or rpemstein@hebrewcollege.edu, or visit　www.hebrewcollege.edu/adult.



　
Pointers for parents
　
Margie Bogdanow, a licensed social worker, taught the “Parenting Your Teen” courses held at Temple Isaiah in Lexington. Bogdanow offers this advice for raising teens: