Title: Ace High
Author: Scorch
Rating: PG-16
Category: Humour
Content: C/A, B/X, W/O, G/J
Summary: It's the battle of the century. Boys v Girls Sunnydale style!
Disclaimer: I own nixies
Distribution: Ask the authors permission
Notes: This fic is for Starry, who's encouragement to write urged me on until the plot was there and parts were formed. Hope you enjoy it my love, I'm having bags of fun writing it! Loves Ya, S xxx

Part 1

Tightening his grip around the bottle top, Alexander Lavelle Harris tried his best to open it without looking as though he was using too much effort. Pursed inwards, his lips were taut and cheeks puffed out under the strain.

Blinking rapidly, he stared at his suddenly empty hands as the bottle was snatched from his hold before it magically returned, opened.

“No thanks is necessary.” Bright and breezy, the voice of Buffy Summers pierced the silence in the library as she perched in a seat next to him.

“Thanks” his voice dripped with dry sarcasm. Shaking his head, Xander took a heavy gulp of the Coca Cola, before belching his appreciation of the fizzy drink.

Wrinkling her nose up in dismay, Willow Rosenburg shot her longest friend a chastising glance. “Xander!”

Green eyes widened under the strict tone, “What?” His free hand exaggerated his innocence.

“That was disgusting” Buffy agreed, treating him to a shake of her head.

Defending the manly ritual of belching loudly, Xander merely grinned under the pressure. “I’m a guy, it’s what guys do”

Quick to point out, “Giles is a guy and he doesn’t do that” Buffy stated, a look of smugness on her elfish face.

“Yeah but Giles is Giles” the teenager pointed back, “You can’t class him as a guy”

“Oz is a guy and he doesn’t belch” Willow’s voice interrupted the slayer’s next retort.

“Oz is Oz” Xander’s return was sharp and quick, “He doesn’t talk”

“He does too!” Willow frowned a little, “Oz talks. We’ve all heard him”

“I guess he does talk” Xander’s mock thoughtful voice rang with his own brand of unique sarcasm. “If you count one word sentences… And don’t bring Deadboy up, he’s a vampire. No breath”

Her retort shot down before it was passed her lips, Buffy’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “So I guess it’s just a Xander thing, just like not being able to open sodas is a Xander thing”

Glaring green eyes snapped to the blonde, his orbs laced with incredulity. “I can open sodas!”

“But didn’t Buffy just open your soda?” Willow asked, her face alight with amusement as she shared a look with the slayer.

His glare now on his best friend, Xander narrowed his eyes and took on a defensive posture. “I didn’t ask her to do it” he pointed out. “Besides, if she wasn’t the slayer she wouldn’t be able to open it”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as she glanced at the Wicca, “I did not just hear those chauvinistic words come out of your mouth!”

“But it’s the truth” Xander fully believing his words. “How many times have I opened something for you, Will?”

“He’s got a point Buffy” the agreeing statement had him smiling victoriously. “But that doesn’t mean other girls can’t open stuff.” Her final words had the winning smile fading.

“I see Giles open things for Jenny all the time, if that doesn’t prove my statement, what does?”

“That’s just Giles being a gentleman” Buffy couldn’t keep the grin from her face as she countered what he was saying. “And that’s also Giles flirting… Which I don’t wanna get into”

“And every guy opens stuff to be polite” Xander remarked easily. “You women want equality and yet you complain if a guy doesn’t open doors or pay for dinner”

“I do not!” Both Willow and Buffy denied hotly, matching looks of wonder on their faces. “Just because Cordy had you doing that, does not mean all women are like that.” Willow finished.

“But Cordy’s not your typical female, she’s something from the Outer Limits.” What was meant as a friendly slam at his ex-girlfriend was taken in the entirely wrong context and Xander cringed.

Speaking slowly, Buffy chose her words carefully. “Sooo… Cordy is something from the Outer Limits because she wanted you to treat her like a lady?”

“That’s not what I meant!” His defence went unheard. “All I meant was…”

“Cordy is something from the Outer Limits because she wanted to be treated like a lady” Willow finished for him, her voice lacking the earlier amusement.

“For instance” Xander sheepishly added, hoping the cheeky expression and smile would win the girls over.

“You know Alexander, I can‘t believe the chauvinistic things you‘re saying” Buffy shook her head again, staring disdainfully at him. “Thinking girls can’t do things for themselves or dissing them because they wanna be treated nice”

His eyebrows rose high, “Pot calling the kettle black. You were sexist towards us guys a minute ago”

“How was I sexist?”

“You were sexist towards me” Xander stated with another winning grin. “Oh, Xander can’t open sodas, oh!” Dramatically fanning his face and speaking with a high-pitched, girly voice.

“That wasn’t being sexist” Buffy shot back. “I was telling the truth, you couldn’t open your soda”

“The only reason you could open it is because you’re a slayer”

At those words, the gauntlet was thrown down and battles lines drawn. Two pairs of challenging eyes stared, each holding their own against the opposition.

Nibbling her lip thoughtfully, Willow’s gaze flicked back and forth between the two. Though she’d known Xander all her life, she kinda had to agree with Buffy on this. After all, girls had to stick together in the face of adversity.

Before the red head had a chance to speak up, Buffy spoke in a deceptively calm tone that raised Xander’s heckles. “Tell you what” her blue eyes cool and posture relaxed. “I’ll pay for a new soda and you open it. Deal?”

Taking her outstretched hand, Xander shook it. “I’ll buy Will one and see if she can open it without using magic”

“Oh no” Willow shook her head, “You’re not dragging me into this.” Hands raised in submission, little fingers wiggling at them both.

“No Will, we’re in this together” Buffy threw at her friend.

Distracting them all from the tensing atmosphere, the library doors opened and Oz calmly walked in, halting when he saw his girlfriend’s wide eyed and terrified expression. “In what together?” The werewolf asked, his voice void of everything but tone.

Quick to deny her involvement, she shook head rapidly and silently asked for asylum. “In nothing. Nobody’s in anything together”

Slyly turning his attention to Willow, Xander smirked slowly, his eyes full of mirth. “Chickening out? Shoulda known”

“I’m not chickening out of anything”

“Oh no?”

“No!”

“Then prove it” Xander shot as he relaxed back into his uncomfortable plastic chair. “If you’re not chickening out, then you prove you can open a soda without using magic or asking Oz to do it”

Sensing he’d just walked into the front line, Oz stood still and moved his gaze from Xander to Willow, waiting for her reply.

The Wicca didn't get a chance to think her response, let alone say it. Buffy smirked and opened her mouth. "Why stop at sodas? Let's face it, opening a bottle of Coke isn't the world's greatest achievement"

"And I suppose slaying a vampire is?" Xander sent the werewolf a smug grin that wasn't returned. "I got news for ya Buff, I've slayed vampires and so has every person in this room"

Dropping open, the sound of Buffy's jaw hitting the floor pierced the charged atmosphere. "Alright" she stated, voice and eyes as cool as ice. "So what do you suggest? Mass Trek-a-thon? Le Mans 24 ala Playstation 2? Seeing how smelly socks can get? Or what about Jedi fights in backyards while screaming 'I am your father?'"

Narrowing his green eyes, Xander's gleeful smirk disappeared. Damn, he thought, think man. "What about a contest? To sort the, pardon the pun, men from the girls?"

"Don't you mean women from the boys?"

Sliding down in her chair, Willow objected to dodging the missiles before any hit her. Her eyes were huge as she watched the verbal warfare showed signs of turning into verbal genocide.

If only she could go unnoticed a few seconds more.

Standing straight with shoulders squared, Buffy looked down at Xander Harris and held out her hand. "What does the winner get?"

Standing up, he used his height advantage over the petite slayer and grabbed her hand. "The winner gets whatever he..."

"Or she" the blonde rightly corrected.

"Whatever he or she wants... Within reason, of course"

Pulling her hand away from his, Buffy made a point of rubbing boy-germs off her palm as she turned to face a subdued Willow. "Come on, girlfriend" she declared spritely, nodding her head enthusiastically. "We got a bet to win"

"We do?" The read head looked meekly to her boyfriend for something. "We do" her tone changed to that of decisiveness and surety.

"So it seems" Oz remarked, only the tiniest flicker of his lips gave away how amusing he saw this.

"So do we, Daniel. So do we" Xander's voice was made up entirely of exaggerated manliness. Deep and masculine albeit croaky.

"I gathered"

Watching Buffy practically drag Willow out the library without so much as a backward glance, Xander waited until both girls were completely gone before deflating like a lead balloon.

"We're gonna get our preverbial asses kicked Oz, we need help"

Part 2

To say Angel was surprised at the sight of Xander outside his door was an understatement. Looking at the teenager with an unreadable expression, the vampire crossed his arms over his chest, stayed silent and waited patiently.

Hands stuffed into pockets and feet shuffling on the dusty floor, Xander was the epitome of naughty school boy who’d just been caught with the cookie jar. “Hey!” He greeted, his tone overly friendly and an idiotic grin became plastered across his face.

“Xander” Angel replied, his voice very different to that of his visitor.

“So uhhh… How you doin?” Cringing at the Joeyness of that, Xander cleared his throat and his face took on some serious resolve. “I need to talk to you about Buffy”

That caused a dark eyebrow to rise.

Stepping aside, Angel gave him permission to come in and closed the door. Following the boy’s moves with predatory eyes, he once again waited patiently.

Fingers scuffed through unruly hair and Xander faced the vampire with steely determination and a whole lot of pride. “More importantly I need your help with Buffy”

“My help? With Buffy?” Was Xander thinking he would play match-maker for him? An overhanging forehead crinkled into a confused frown while he scratched the side of his head. Sure, he and Buffy were close due to their sparring and patrolling sessions, but they weren‘t close enough for him to fix her up. “What is this about, Xander?” Patience wore thin.

Using his brain’s manipulation power and his quick thinking, the teenager put the plan out on the table. “Fact is she’s gotten too… Ya know, big headed about being the slayer.” Expressive and exaggerated hand motions were used to display the serious nature of the problem. “She thinks she’s sooo good and sooo clever”

Shifting back slightly, Angel barely managed to dodge the waving hands. He didn’t have the faintest idea of what Xander was going on about. From the sounds of it, the boy wanted to rant about the slayer and being one of her comrades, the vampire wasn‘t too comfortable with that. “Can’t you talk to Giles?”

“I would but…” Xander grit his teeth so hard his jaw crackled. “She said something about you, well, all of us. You, me and Oz. That because we were male, we’re useless”

Forcing to keep a smirk from forming, Angel kept his mouth in a very tight and thin line. “She did?”

“I woulda ignored her, but when she said if you weren’t a vampire, you’d be hopeless.” Oh yeah, Xander knew he’d hit on a sore point and played it to the max. Nodding emphatically, he gave the best, albeit dramatic, impression of the petite blonde. “Come off it Xan, without the fangs it’s only natural Angel would be just another guy”

Strong fingers clenched around heavy biceps and blunt teeth ground hard together, Angel stood and listened to the boy’s words with growing agitation.

Slyly snaking a glance, Xander took in the defensive and slightly aggressive posture before continuing. “She even said you probably couldn’t open a soda, let alone fight. You’d be a total” he made air quotes. “Guy”

Though he was too old to play childish games and partake in silliness, the man in Angel felt the full weight of the insult. Remarking coolly “She did, huh?” He really felt the insult. “Without her slayer abilities, she’d have trouble kicking off her shoes”

“That’s what I said” Xander mentally congratulated himself on having Oscar-winning fibbing techniques. He just hoped it wouldn’t bite him on the ass one day soon. “Anyway, Oz and I have plans to show the girls a thing or two”

“Girls? I thought it was Buffy”

“It was… Until Willow completely agreed with her”

Little, sweet Willow was questioning masculinity? More importantly, she was questioning his masculinity?

“And what does your plans have to do with me?” Angel quizzed, cocking his head to one side.

“With Buffy being the slayer and Wills having tricks up her sleeve, Oz and I need to even out the odds.” Xander shot the vampire a pointed look but kept his victorious grin to himself. “We need the muscle, so to speak”

“Tell me more”

*~*~*~*

Sitting in the library, Buffy and Willow whispered ideas amongst themselves while snaking glances toward the competition. Xander’s constant and smug smirking was really putting them on edge. They needed to think of something and fast.

“How’s it going, ladies?” The sarcastic use of the term ladies wasn’t lost on either of the girls.

“Good. It’s going really good, I mean, why wouldn’t it?” Willow had never had the talent of disguising nervousness and she babbled the reply before being told to shush by Buffy.

As though she were laying on a sandy beach somewhere tropical, Buffy relaxed back in her chair and sighed. “Oh ya know, it’s going”

“That’s good” Oz casually spoke, his gaze shifting from one girl to the other, his eyes unusually suspicious. He was starting to feel a little uneasy, what with the secret whispering and sly looks being passed between them.

Making a point of glancing at the Superman watch on his wrist, Xander spoke loudly so there was no mistaking his meaning. “Would ya look at the time, Daniel? Five minutes to go before the action starts”

Oz inwardly cringed at the use of his first name and vowed to hurt his buddy for it later. His eyes went to the four bottles of soda sitting in wait on the table and then to Willow and Buffy. “I thought sodas weren’t the greatest achievement”

Annoyed at herself for unoriginal planning, Buffy straightened her shoulders and glared. “They’re not part of the bet, they’re refreshments. Why don’t you open em Xander? Seeing how you’re so manly”

“Why didn’t you ask Will to open them?” Xander immediately shot back, smirking in glee at the flush of irritation turning her cheeks pink. “Couldn’t think of anything to challenge us men, could you?”

Before she could stop herself, Willow found her lips moving and words coming out. “Actually we did”

“We did?” Buffy snapped her attention to the red head in surprise but recovered. “We did”

“I can see that” Oz stated, almost indulgently.

“Then please be my guest and go first” With a flourishing wave of his hand, Xander gave the invitation for the girls to start the contest. A few more minutes and his secret weapon would be here, he thought with much smugness.

*~*~*~*

Hearing Buffy condemn masculinity with his own ears, Angel vowed both her and Willow would lose miserably. Waiting until the agreed time before entering, the vampire took a minute and straightened himself out.

Having been around for the last couple of centuries, he had a fair few aces to play.

“Has anyone said you make a better door than wood?”

At the sound of a throaty, feminine voice sounding behind him, Angel jumped a little and looked at the owner.

With a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised and a smile flickering on glossy lips, Cordelia Chase stood there fully expecting him to move out of her way. As always, her hair tumbled around her face in thick waves and artful make-up, she never failed to get his attention.

“You have now” He commented, turning his body round and leaning a broad shoulder against the wall. Twinkling with naughty thoughts about the pretty face in front of him, dark brown eyes subtly roamed the figure revealed in the cheerleading uniform. “Anyone ever told you not to sneak up on vampires?”

“They just did, now do you mind…?” Cordelia wiggled painted fingertips, insinuating he was to move. “I have to return these and I don’t wanna pay the heavy fine of my friends knowing I had books”

Much less overdue ones, he thought to himself. “Oh the shame!” Full of amusement, his tone dropped to a low and seductive baritone, rich and thick. “Allow me…” Reaching out to her, Angel easily slipped her books out of her hand and tucked them into his elbow. Moving away from the door, he opened it and let her through first.

Moderately impressed and inwardly sneaking appreciative glances at him, Cordelia regally walked into the library, her posture commanding attention. “Thank you Angel, you’re such a gentleman.” Sending a pointed stare Xander’s way, she couldn’t stop the comment. “You should take notes, Harris”

On seeing Angel, Xander wildly grinned and pulled a childish face at Buffy. “Right on time Angel, let’s get the party started”

Willow’s face showed her astonishment at the arrival of the vampire, turning the slayer and making a noise that strangely sounded like “Eep!”

Stunned into jaw dropping amazement, Buffy slowly flickered glacial blue eyes from Xander then Angel and finally back to Xander. “What do you mean? Right on time?” He couldn’t mean he’d recruited Angel, right?

That would unbalance the odds and that wouldn’t be fair.

Looking at the petite blonde as though she were a small child, Xander spoke condescendingly. “You’re a slayer Buff, you have talents we don’t. Having a human and part-time werewolf against a slayer and witch wouldn’t be fair. So, I hired some extra muscle”

“You hired Angel? He has nothing to do with this!” Buffy’s voice picked up in volume and righteous indignation as she continued to glare at both vampire and boy. “You can’t do this Xander, it isn’t fair. Three against two? No and Way”

“Oooohhkay” Not pretending to understand, Cordelia backed away slowly. “Will come back later when the epidemic is under control.” A solid wall at her back forced her to stop. Blinking in rapid succession, she tilted her head up to see Angel looking down at her.

A firm yet gentle grip curved round her waist, tugging her a little further into him. “Leaving so soon?”

Rolling her eyes at the supposed unnoticed display by her first officer, Buffy coughed loudly to get everyone back to the point at hand. And to stop Xander’s suspicious gaze from wandering back and forth to the scene playing out in front of them.

If everyone had been looking at Buffy, they would have seen the light above her head light up and outshine the sun. Narrowing into sly and vindictive slits, baby blues travelled from Xander to Willow, trying to convey their new and improved plan.

Xander could hire muscle and fangs? She could hire a pair of legs and breasts.

Before Willow had the chance to decipher the odd series of head tilts and eye squints sent her way, Buffy casually rose from her chair and spoke. “Excuse us guys, we ladies need the bathroom”

Finally remembering the need to breathe, Cordelia reluctantly left Angel’s gaze and sent silent thanks for Buffy’s convenient escape plot. “Ya know what? So do I.” Afraid if she stayed too long, she wouldn’t want to leave.

Letting her go, Angel smirked knowingly and stepped aside but not without taking the opportunity to look at the short skirt flirting around supple, toned thighs. Watching as Cordelia left the library with the slayer and witch, he waited until the sound of heartbeats and ears were gone.

Getting down to the nitty gritty, Xander instantly became business minded and set about informing Oz and the vampire of his ideas. “Ok, I vote for dares!”

Sharply pinning the boy with a heavy glare, the werewolf frowned. “I thought you had plans?”

“I do, I just don’t know what they are yet”

Grinning in a way he hadn’t grinned since his soulless days, Angel stepped forward. “Then it’s a good thing I do”

*~*~*~*

“Are you sure this’ll work?” Willow mimed, her expression one of wild panic. Cordelia scared her. She always seemed so confidant and sure, but the red head supposed she had a right to be. Being the daughter of Richard Chase had to be a confidence booster, not to mention Evelyn’s looks.

“What other choice do we have?” Buffy mimed back, pausing when the chain flushed and cubicle door opened. Acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary, the blonde smiled overly sweetly at the brunette and waved.

From the incredulous expression now on Cordelia’s face, the slayer figured she’d gone overboard on the sweetness. Catching Willow’s eyes in the mirror, Buffy cautiously approached the task of conversing with the cheerleader. “Soo… how was the game last night? All gamey and victorious?”

Incredulity was replaced with concern. “You would know, you were there”

Cringing at her faux pas, Buffy swiftly changed the topic and refused to feel like an out and out doofus. “Can’t believe what Xander said about you”

Concern was replaced with suspicion and curiosity while hazel orbs turned stormy. “What did he say?”

Thoughtfully tapping her fingers against the basin, Willow amazed herself and jumped in. “He said that you were, you know, being all..." Her voice changed into a Xander Harris. "Guys should buy the dinner, guys should hold the door..." Letting that sentence trail off, she wondered if she hadn't put enough into it.

Shrugging her shoulders carelessly, Cordelia sighed deeply. "As men should. They make us suffer with their constant need for ego stroking, non-permitted groping and 3-day old boxer shorts. Call it monetary compensation"

Feigning surprise and agreement, Buffy’s face radiated with elation. “That’s exactly what we said, but you know Xander and how he won’t let things drop”

“Only too well” Smacking her lips together, Cordelia evened out the gloss before dabbing on a little glitter for extra va-va voom if the need arose. Of course, it didn’t have anything to do with a certain tall, dark and handsome guy named Angel. “Is there a point to this Buffy? If not, can I go?”

Sneaking another glance at Willow, the blonde expressed a need for help. “Xander then started saying stuff like Cordy couldn’t open a door for fear of breaking a nail. He really went to town on your ability to be an independent woman.” Who knew fibbing could be so much fun?

As hoped, the cheerleader’s eyes darkened as Buffy’s words rang around her brain. “Did he?” That little worm had some explaining to do. “He can talk, he used to get me to programme his VCR!”

Could she fib? Willow wondered and gave it a shot. “A-and he told Angel that you were high maintenance… Really high maintenance.” She could fib with the best of them it seemed.

Spinning a very violent glare on the red head, Cordelia’s seething was extremely evident and the girls wondered if they’d gone a tad to far. “Really?” God, she was going to hurt that boy so much, he’d feel it for months.

Nodding sagely, Buffy edged around the truth. “So we, Willow and I, decided to play a little game with the guys. Ya know, show em who’s boss sorta thing. The odds were even but Xander hired Angel and now…”

“Now the odds are against you and you little plan has gone bye-bye?” Cordelia finished and the girls nodded sadly. Casually throwing an arm around the shoulder of each girl, her lips curled up in a slow and vindictive smirk.

This wasn’t about seeing who was better, this wasn’t about proving a point. It was about pride and no-one was gonna take that away from any self-respecting young woman. And certainly not from Cordelia Chase.

"Ladies, ladies you've come to the right person. Here's what we're gonna do..."

Behind the cheerleader's back, Buffy and Willow grinned triumphantly and allowed themselves be led out of the bathroom and down the hallowed halls of Sunnydale High.

Chapter 3

Placing the pink cowboy hat on the centre table, Buffy's narrowed eyes scanned the males opposite her team.

Quickly bypassing the heavy stare of Angel, those brown of his looked pretty darn scary right then and she inwardly shuddered. Next to him, Oz stood with a calm, almost peaceful expression on his face while Xander kept his posture proud and smug.

Adopting the coolest tone possible, Buffy squared her shoulders and addressed the opposition. "These are the rules. Each person gets to put one challenge, no more or less, in this hat." She pointed to the hat in question. "Then we each pick a piece of paper and each success will be marked down. Agreed?"

Simultaneously, the men nodded once but stayed perfectly silent.

Stepping forward, Cordelia crossed her arms and raised an elegantly shaped eyebrow. "Just to be fair, we'll toss a coin to see who picks first? You get first call, just to give you a much needed advantage"

Slyly glancing at Angel and Oz, Xander swallowed back a victorious giggle. "Notice how she has point out they'll win?" His question on received sneers from the girls and an agreeing glance from the vampire.

Pinning the cheerleader with daring brown eyes, Angel's mouth quirked up slightly. "Proving that we're all gentlemen, ladies go first"

"Proving age before beauty, why don't you call the coin Angel?" Cordelia shot back, earning approval from Buffy and Willow.

"It's not the age that matters" the vampire countered smoothly, never taking his eyes off hers. "It's the mileage"

Determined not to be outdone by his rebuke, she used his culturally retarded disposition to her advantage. "Lemme guess, Mark Twain?"

His voice was low and daring as he replied. "Indiana Jones"

Holding up his hands in surprise, Xander’s voice was full of stunned disbelief. “Cordy knows Mark Twain? Since when does Cordy, queen of the pom-pom and all round pep chick, know about Mark Twain?”

“I’ll have you know, Alexander Harris, I live by his advice.” Clearly annoyed at his implications that she was dumb as an ox, Cordelia’s voice bordered on warning and threatening violence. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint”

A snort of laughter broke the silence following her quote, Angel kept his face from showing any signs of amusement and concentrated on the seriousness of the situation. Bringing back the order of the night, the coin was tossed and called, the boys declared to go first.

Angel cleared his throat and nudged his head towards the hat. “After you”

Taking the first step, Willow shook her piece of paper before placing it into the pink Stetson, Buffy and Cordelia copied. Keeping hold of the hat, the slayer gave it a good shake before placing it down.

“Go ahead boys, make my day”

The daring wasn’t missed by any of them and Xander was the first to take her up on it. Stuffing his hand deep inside, he fished about and pulled out a piece of folded paper. “Drum roll please” making a big show of opening it, the boy scanned the contents and looked up incredulously. “Are you serious?”

Grinning in sheer satisfaction, Buffy nodded her head. “Absolutely Xander”

“What is it?” Leaning over, Oz couldn’t help the smirk from forming as he read the challenge. “Clean your room. Definitely a challenge.” Following his friend, the werewolf picked up the hat and took a piece for himself. Narrowing eyes looked once at the words before looking at three very innocent girls.

Walking in heels? “I can do that”

Taking the Stetson from Oz, the vampire kept his gaze focused on the brunette only raising an eyebrow when she didn’t back down. Opening his choice, Angel frowned a little before deciding it wasn’t going to be a problem. “Ballet? I’m 240 and you think I can’t do this? To coin a popular phrase, puh-lease!”

“Is it just me or is hearing Angel use 21st century vocab scary?” Looking round at the room in general, Cordelia sought agreeing faces but shrugged when all she found was blank expressions. “Guess not”

Copying the girls, each male placed a folded piece of paper and put them into the hat. Buffy went first and fished out her challenge, “Video game? That won’t be a problem for me, I have great hand-eye co-ordination”

Sending sly eyes to Oz, Xander inwardly giggled as he thought how useless hand-eye co-ordination would be when playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

Picking her challenge, Willow opened the paper and her face expressed panic that made all boys grin knowingly. “A tyre change? I can tyre change. Just call me tyre changing girl.” It was a good thing she was a fast learner.

Dipping into the hat on her turn, Cordelia locked gazes with Angel and tried to keep the smile off her face. “Duh-duh-duhhh… I got… Poker?” Frowning in confusion, the cheerleader checked each anticipating face of each male to make sure it was right. “Poker? What kinda challenge is that?”

“One that you’ll lose” Angel quipped, relishing in the indignation bubbling up under the surface.

Cutting through the built-up tension, the library doors were gently pushed open to allow Rupert Giles and Jenny Calendar to enter the room. Smiling down at his lady friend, Giles courteously guided her past the doors before allowing it to close.

“I had a wonderful time tonight, Rupert” Jenny smiled up at the distinguished Englishman, not noticing the others quite yet. “That roast beef was lovely but really, you didn’t have to cut it up for me”

Flushing with giddy embarrassment, Giles giggled a little as his ears turned an interesting shade of pink. “I, uh, yes well… I do beg your pardon, Jenny, but as I was raised to be a gentleman that is how I shall conduct myself.” Perhaps he’d made an error in judgement when cutting up her meat. “It did appear as though you were having difficulty”

Patting the man on his hand, the Pagan spoke condescendingly. “Anyone would have had difficulty in cutting up roast beef with a blunt knife, but never mind. We both had a well-earned break from the day-to-day life of Sunnydale”

“Yes, that is very true…” On hearing a clearing throat, Giles and Jenny finally took note that they were not alone in the library. Staring at them in complete fascination and amusement were his charges and Slayer. “Ah, good evening all. I trust you enjoyed a rare night off from your duties, Buffy.” He paused, giving her leave to tell him the reason why they were all in here and not out doing whatever kids do.

“I haven’t enjoyed anything yet” a meaningful look was passed between the three girls. “But I will be.” Her expression turned smug as sneaky blue orbs flashed to the boys. “How goes your night? You crazy kids have fun?”

Breezing past the watcher with a light-hearted gleam in her eyes, Jenny acknowledged each one in the room accordingly. “It was great” she replied sincerely, grinning at the memory of Rupert Giles cutting up her meat. “Rupert cut up my meat”

Scoffing, “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” With rolling hazel eyes, Cordelia pinned Angel with a knowing smirk. “That’s something you would do”

Frowning, Angel wondered just how she knew that. “Hey!” The truth still didn’t prevent the defence from being spoken. “I…” A manicured hand rose, ceasing the rest of his words.

“Don’t deny it, Angel” Cordelia continued, thoroughly enjoying herself at his expense. “Granted, you’re an oddity among your species but you’re still in possession of the caveman gene. I’ve seen you manhandle Buffy.”

“Manhandle?” Angel half yelled, his brown eyes spinning to Xander for help against the accusation. “She would have died if I hadn’t…”

“That’s not the point” the cheerleader stated, giving him a stare full of truth. “You blazed on in there with fangs a’go-go, not giving the mere girl a chance to save herself”

Frowning in deep thought, Buffy recalled that night and realised Cordelia actually had a point. Had Angel given her a chance to fend for herself? No. Could she have whammied the very big and very dangerous demon? She was the Slayer so probably, yeah. “You did kinda over-react Angel, I coulda taken it down”

“Right” Xander’s voice dripped with sarcasm as he stood up for his comrade and fellow man. “Cus Buffy Summers, Slayer Extraordinaire, is all big and powerful. Despite being 5 foot short and nothing but skin and bones”

Taking his glasses from his nose, Giles quietly observed the goings and listened to the conversation. Remembering the details of that particular patrol, he readily agreed that Buffy had needed help. “Xander please, Buffy is far from being skin and bones, as you eloquently put it.” The Slayer’s face turned smug and a childish expression was sent the boy’s way. “But I do agree. From the details given by both Buffy, Angel and the rather exaggerated and action-packed story from Cordelia, Angel did indeed save your life”

“Far from being skin and bones?” Buffy’s tone was quiet and dangerous as she turned on her watcher. “What are you trying to say, Giles? That I’m fat?”

All eyes landed on him, waiting his response. “N-no of course not Buffy. If anything, you need to put on a few pounds. You are a little on the slim side”

“Skin and bones” Xander repeated, unable to keep the mirthful grin off his face. “Told ya”

“And you’re much better?” Cordelia asked, the grin on her face matched the incredulous gleam in her eyes. “Angel you are not”

“What’s that supposed mean?” Clearly expressing his distaste at her words, Angel’s face had darkened somewhat and forehead crinkled up into a frown. “Are you saying I’m bulky?” Looking down at his body, his scowl deepened as he tried to see any sign of bulk.

Rolling her eyes in exasperation and sighing, the cheerleader shook her head and, sharing a look with Buffy and Willow, rolled her eyes a second time. “Oh come on Angel, you know you’re not exactly lacking in the muscle department. You’re like the incredible hulk, only without the green”

“Here we go” the annoyed whisper came from the slayer and red head, each girl had an identical look of boredom on their faces.

Ignoring the comment, Angel smiled a half smile at Cordelia, delighting in the blush that spread slowly across her cheeks. “I’ll take that as a compliment”

Uncomfortable with witnessing flirting between the vampire and one of his children, Giles cleared his throat in order to remind them he was still in the room. “I may live to regret this but why, might I ask, is there a pink Stetson on the table?”

“It’s pretty” Jenny remarked, eyeing the hat with interest.

“Thanks” Buffy beamed, causing all men present to swallow groans of irritation. “I got it from…”

Jumping in to save them all from talk of clothes and accessories, Xander felt a sliver of deviousness creep up inside and took control. “Us manly men are gonna show these girly girls just who’s better”

“Well, they’re gonna try” Cordelia’s voice was full of boredom.

“And they’re gonna fail” Buffy added.

“Miserably” Willow finished with a burst of confidence.

“You think that if it gives you comfort” Angel retaliated, his tone matched his gaze, smooth and silky with a hint of smugness that grated on all girls.

“I don’t think, I know” Cordelia, with a hint of conceit, stated boldly as her gaze slid along the vampire’s clothed body, admiring the way he was put together. A slap to her arm brought her attention to Buffy, who was shaking her head in dismay.

“Stop sleeping with the enemy Cor”

“I’m not, I was just…”

“Using your feminine wiles to lure Angel into fixing the contest” Xander jumped in, looking very well pleased with the insight. “I saw you using your beady eyes”

She took a sharp breath and glared. “Excuse me!” Cordelia bit, “I do not have beady eyes”

“No you don’t, you have Bambi eyes.” Realising he had spoken aloud and quickly clamping his mouth shut, Angel offered a grin and wink to the brunette, making her pretty blush deeper.

“Now look who’s using masculine wiles and flattery to do the luring” Willow accused and earned herself an agreeing nod from Buffy.

“Enough, please!” Giles begged and looked at all of them, his expression unimpressed by the fact they seemed to be using his library as a battle ground.

“I can never understand why men think they’re better than women,” Jenny cut off the Watcher. “We all know men can’t take as much pain as women, if they could, I wonder how many men would be the ones to carry children”

“There we go, ladies and gentlemen.” Xander piped up. “Whenever they feel threatened, they always bring childbirth into it. ‘Oh men couldn’t deal with it’ ‘I’d like to see you carry a kid.’”

“But it’s true” Cordelia argued, “Even without using that as a statement, I’ve seen Angel whine over scratches”

“I don’t whine” Angel objected loudly, glaring at the focus of his affectionate attentions.

Sharing knowing looks and smiles, Willow and Buffy rolled their eyes. “That’s only cus he likes it when she plays Florence” the slayer whispered to the red head.

“They were very deep and very painful claw marks” the vampire added in a quiet mumble. Okay, so maybe they were surface marks but they went deeper than the first layer of skin. Besides, those injuries got him a little TLC from the cheerleader.

“I know a thing or two about pain” Giles informed, reminding them all he was a Watcher.

“Rupert burned his skin on the stove and he insisted on calling the emergency doctor for advice.” Jenny sent the man in question an indulging smile that, despite his pleas to not get involved, had him growing a little warm under the collar.

“That was not at all what I meant and it was a bad scald, it may have warranted medical attention.” Straightening his shoulders and looking proud, “I was on the Watchers Council Rugby team. So yes, I can take a little pain.” Folding arms and smiling, pride turned into wistful memories as he recalled the good old days.

“Next thing ya know, they’ll be spouting about their emotional strength and how great they cope with stress.” Xander, smug and knowing, spouted and shared a glance with Angel. “I say Giles should show his woman a thing or two”

“Have you heard him?” Buffy asked, hands making exaggerated movements. “His woman? HIS WOMAN?!” Appealing to Jenny, “I say you should show your BOY a thing or two, teach him you can cut your own meat”

“You did have a spot of trouble earlier this evening,” Giles couldn’t help but remind Jenny.

“The knife was blunt,” she coolly stared the man down. “But by all means, please show me a thing or two”

“Surely, you’re not seriously suggesting…”

“Scared?” Buffy chimed at her Watcher.

Giles gave a slight chuckle, “Certainly not!”

“Then why don’t you?” Jenny took herself to stand by the girls, her arms folded and eyebrows challenging. After a few moments of his silence, she took matters into her own hands. “Paper and pen”

All girls’ faces lit up with identically beaming grins. “Since we’ve already chosen ours, why don’t you have his, and he has yours?” Willow suggested and garnered herself two nods from the slayer and cheerleader.

“In that case, you have to bake apple crumble with custard.” Jenny stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh for the love… Jenny,” Giles shook his head in resignation. He had often heard the saying about working with animals and children, but until now, he hadn’t thought anything of it. “If I must, you can fix my toaster”

All males were witness to the paling of Jenny’s face as the Englishman hit on her main weakness. Inwardly, they claimed victory, and Angel’s mouth sweetly curled up as he looked at Xander, who looked at Oz, who in turn sat stoically.

“Now that’s settled, may I suggest we go home? I am tired, and unlike you ragamuffins, Jenny and I have work early tomorrow.” Giles massaged his temples and wondered what the techno pagan had gotten them into.

The End

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