Razorblade Kiss
(Six Six Six)

...These Voices...

A small child's chant dances through my head and I instantly get an image of a younger me. It slides away and my mind goes dark, but I continue to listen to the child's cruel singing. It's a taunt like you'd hear in a playground after being caught with a boy behind the slide.

"Alexis and Jess-E sittin' in a tree.. F-U-C-K-I-N-G"

Laughter follows, there's nothing quite as cruel as the giggling and pointing of a group of small children. The humiliation is...

"UHHHHHHHHHH!"

I gasp, lunging forward, cutting my thoughts off at the root. I'm immediately restrained by the arms, not by force, but by the pain of the wires sporadically stapled to my body. I fall back into the comfort of the twin sized bed trying to open my eyes.

"Uh."

Is all I can say. Gently I reach up and wipe the gewy thick crust from my right eye then break the lids apart. The light causes a momentary blindness, but ceases and I can make out the heart rate monitor standing next to me. Maybe it's the annoying beeping, maybe it's the neon lime flashing light, or maybe it's the fact that this scene is all too familiar to me. Regardless, another day in the hospital means another day that I feel nothing.

"Alexis...?"

The questioning voice comes from in front of me. Just as I begin to make out the figure, my eyes drift into the back of my head and I begin to hear another chanting. A softer poetic whisper of words that start at your ear and worm they're way into your heart.

"You are nimble, he be quicker...
He broke your heart in a single flicker,
of his blood shot eyes with pupils bigger
and a single squeeze... of that trigger."

My warped mind wraps me in circles and I linger in a state of nothingness with the occasional uttering of randomness stirring about.

"I'm waiting for you.."

A faint voice chatters through the halls of my mind.

"And drown in this love."

It sings gracefully before fading out like the chorus of a song. Silence for a moment, before I can hear something in the darkness.. Something far away, it's barely perceptible, feeble even.

"sssh shsshsshssh"

It's creeps through like the sound of the wind through a loose board. Unexpectedly the words come clear.

"six six six"

....

"six six six"

...

"six six six"

I'm awoken suddenly with a jolt. It's my body, the sedatives have been taken away which pulled a trigger to informing me to

...Incite The Pain...

Infinite sadness followed by ravishing pain, but it's all taken away when I open my eyes. My tears have turned to laughter as I notice Jesse standing next to me, with his hand in mine.

"You need to shave"

I say between my laughter that turns into a violent cough from the fluid in my lungs.

"Take it easy sweetie, you're in rough shape."

I look into his blood shot eyes and feel the warmth from his stare, it's comforting, but it's very intimidating and even a bit discouraging knowing that he's seeing me in this weak of a moment. The cough subsides and I catch my breath just as a nurse arrives.

"Ohhh time for your sedation! You alright sweet heart? ...I know you're in pain."

"Can I leave?"

I mutter groggily as she greats me with a smile and changes out the I.V. bag.

"Nooope. You are here until that facial treatment heals up for us."

"What?"

As quick as I can, which isn't fast at all, I reach up to feel the layers of badge across my face. My teeth chatter and I can feel the burning sinking in.

"Ohhh Ma-God."

"Alexis settle down."

Jesse says from the side as I can feel my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach.

"Oh god oh god Jesse.. What happened to me?"

"Alexis you're gonna be fine! Stop.. STOP!"

He orders as I try to peel the bandage from my face. I rip off a large chunk of it with my stronger right hand and I take the first feel of my scorched face.

"Oh god Jesse. Oh god. You gotta leave. GOOOOOO!"

I scream with authority! While feeling the unnatural wrinkles and scars across my cheek. I begin to tremble as my social anxiety picks up and over comes me.

"Nurse!"

Jesse shouts, as she turns back into the room.

"Do something!"

"Sir please step out of the room"

I look through the holes with my crying eyes and can see Jesse's panicking expression as he stares at my chest heaving and the heart monitor that continues to trail faster and faster.

"Sir LEAVE NOW!"

A doctor rushes in and I feel Jesse's hand release from mine as I slip back into

...Nothingness...

Nothingness is my sweet escape. The place I forcefully go to when I'm driven to shock, or maybe just doped up on pain killer. Regardless, I'm back on the road to dreamville and feel the rush of a voice. It's Jesse's voice!

"Alexis..."

Wow the man of my dreams is in my dreams. Ironic. I watch myself approach him from the side, but I can't control me. Why can't I control me?! This is MY dream god damn it! Let me choose my own path! Being that I can't change it, I simply listen.

"The only way you can love me is to hurt me again
And again
And again
And again"

Suddenly he fades away, I reach for him in a hug, but instead I fall right through him to the floor. Why is everything dark? Why am I alone in t......

"six six six"

A voice so blistering cold shrieks.

"six six six"

This time it drills me in the heart as I watch myself climb to my feet and look around in every direction.

"six six six"

I reach up to my face, remembering bits and pieces of what just happened. Before I touch it I search my mind for some conceivable answers to what is going on. The realism of it all is frightening.

"six six six"

It whispers into my ears as I drag my finger tips from my cheek bone to my jaw. I pull my hand down in front of me...

"six six six"

And stare at the bare flesh that's fallen off into my hand. Urgently I reach both hands up to my face.. I feel it sink and I pull away layer after layer of flesh and let it drop to my shoes, again and again I dig at my face until my blood soaked hands drive me into insanity! I reach up and pull a chunk of hair from the top of my head and stare at it before my ears fill with a child's voice.

"Broken Glass and Shattered Dreams
The stitches line my skin with seams
I read the warning, but forget the means
Now I feel the white hot beams
of light that float onto my skin
as they pump me full of oxygen."

I fall to the ground hoping to die and watching from the corner of my eye as a piece of skin dangles like a piece of thin plastic being blown by the wind. I gag and can only think one thing...

...Why?...

The taste of his lips awaken me. Or at least that's what I thought. I open my eyes and mind myself trapped, still in the nothingness but starring into a set of hideous eyes. A red face with purple lips and chunks of hair missing from it's head. I shut my eyes, hoping to escape. I can feel it draw closer to me as it leans into my ear and whispers...

"I taste death on every kiss we share"

I feel the wetness of a tongue as it connects with my ear lobe. It's followed by a ripping and tearing at my cheek. It feels like a razor blade is being drug across it, deeper and deeper it penetrates! Ahhh fuck it hurts!

"Life has never seem so bliss,
Continue without me and you will miss
The constant cut of my razorblade kiss"

"Alexis.... Alexis? Wake up..."

My body jerks as I'm pulled back into reality. I open my blurry eyes and try to focus on the man with the white coat in front of me.

"Alexis. I'm Dr. Jackson. And you're gonna be fine... You are healing extremely fast, but Alexis you CANNOT take that bandage off your face if you wanna look normal again someday! Understand me?"

I give a nod.

"You're gonna be fine... but..."

I stop and look at him as he clinches his clip board.

"But what?"

I manage to squeeze out.

"This is hard for me to say Alexis."

"What?"

Knowing that something is array. It's hard to count your blessings when he leaves you in suspense.

"You...."

The doctor stares into my drifting eyes and his soft expression turns to a frown. With a swift movement to console me, he takes my hand in his, I'm too frightened to pull away as he looks down to the floor then softly mumbles...

"Lost... The baby..."