Rating: Nc-17.
Pairing: Spike/ Xander.
Feedback: If I beg and plead would I get some loopy_1981@yahoo.com
Archive: just tell me where it's going =)
Disclaimer: Sadly enough they don't belong to me. If they did why would I need fanfiction.
Summary: Spike's got a new habit and Xander decides he needs to quit.
Warnings: Drug use, maybe some sex scene, and maybe some bad language. Spoilers: BtVS Season 5 finale.

Notes: This was inspired by: Just Say No by KB I liked the idea and wanted to write it in my view. I emailed her and asked her and she said it was ok.
Notes 1: okay logically when you think about it vamps can't really inject themselves as well not really gunna do much no pulse and all. But hey they seem to be able to get erections so work with me okay.
Notes 2: this is unbetered just my great editing skills. I'm sorry Spike sounds so pansyish.
Notes 3: Sorry about all the notes but just I've never done drugs so if I do the whole withdrawal thing or anything wrong then I'm sorry.

Escape To Oblivion

by
Loopy

Part One

Spike

I lie here awake wanting to forget all that is, wanting to feel nothing, to slip into nothingness. My eyes shut tightly, my hand holding a syringe, which will take me to that place.

I open my eyes and find a vein in which I inject the needle and all its contents, spilling them in my vein. My eyes drift shut being swept over with the feeling of nothing, forgetting my once precious Dru who left me, forgetting about my pathetic excuse of a unlife, forgetting that I ever wanted a slayer only to have her die, forgetting everything.

My body tingling with the drug as it works its way through my system, the syringe slips out of my hand and drops onto the floor of my crypt as my whole being becomes numb, to the point of not feeling, not caring, numb to non existence, nothing.

Xander

Why me! Why am I sent to check up on Spike to make sure he hasn't dusted himself? So what if he has, he is a vampire that's generally a good thing seeing them dust? But no, not according to Willow. Apparently we can't let Spike dust himself over Buffy being gone, as he is our friend. She also say's that we helped each other through the tragedy that was glory, but no one helped Spike and since he was our friend we were going to help him no matter what. There that word is again, friend. How did that happen?

It's still hard to believe that Buffy is dead, gone, no longer here. Along with her she took Anya. Anya's body giving up after over 1000 years. It couldn't cope with the fight and she died, doctors were dumbfounded they couldn't figure it out, she was in perfect health, her heart was healthy and all.

It didn't really surprise me that she died, I guess I was expecting something to happen, after all it wouldn't be my life unless something truly fucked up happened. The one woman I found who seemed to be my true half happened to have a 1000 + body and it gave out. I guess that's why I asked her to marry me because I knew her body was going to die one day much sooner than mine.

So here I am on my way to Spike's, to make sure he hasn't dusted himself.

Okay, so I admit he isn't as annoying as he used to be. He kinda grows on you, and it's not his fault that the Initiative put some chip in his brain forcing him to stop what he was made for, leaving him having to beg for help off the slayer and her band of helpers.

I understood why he used to get hostile towards us, why he seemed to just hate us at times. But at other times he seemed to enjoy our company, some nights he used to just turn up for no reason and just sit with us. Maybe he stopped hating us as much as we stopped hating him.

Now since then, since Buffy died, no one sees much of Spike any more, he no longer visits, sometimes Dawn says she sees him standing outside the house sometimes, but he leaves as soon as he realizes he's been spotted.

After everything I guess he's something to us, but I'm not sure if I'd go and call him a friend.

Finding myself at the door of his crypt I knock and enter, looking around the crypt all I see is empty alcohol bottles, rum, tequila, vodka, whisky, you name it, it's probably here.

So this is how he is coping.

Walking over towards his bed I see him lying there passed out.

'Hey willow he isn't dust,' just drunk.

My eyes travel over him, over his face and down his neck, becoming caught up in looking at him.

His chest in that tight black shirt, which lines every muscle, his arms. My eyes stop on his arms focusing on a spot, a mark I recognize, quickly I move to him lifting his arm up getting a better look, reality comes crashing. He isn't drunk, he's high.

Leaning down I pick him up. Carrying him all the way to my apartment, with him totally off his face not even aware of what is happing to him is not an easy task but something inside me needs to help him.

Stopping at my door not sure how this will work he's never been to my new apartment. Can I just say the words "Hey Spike come on in."? Or does he have to be awake for them to take effect? Pulling out my cell phone I dial Angel's number, he's the only one I can talk to about this, he's the only one that knows about my past or why I would be driven to stop Spike from fucking up the rest of his unlife.

"Hello."

"Hey Angel, okay here's the deal and I know I'm off my rocker but Spike's totally fucked up. He seems to have met up with a habit of mine, and I have to help him, problem is he has never been in my new apartment."

"Xander I don't need to tell you even with the chip Spike's going to be bad, you know what it's like when you come down, just be careful okay?"

"Yeah I will but that's not the deal. Angel how do I get him in the house, do I just say hey come in and it works or does he have to like know I'm saying it?"

"Oh. Is he passed out or just off his face?"

"Just off his face."

"Then yeah just tell him to come in."

"Okay thanks Angel, you're the only one I could talk to about this without too many questions."

"That's okay, just remember what I said, be careful, I know Spike."

"He's changed Angel. I know you don't believe it but he has, but I remember what it was like and I know he isn't going to be the best person to be around and I'll be careful."

"Do you want me to come there?"

"No don't, I need to help him on my own Angel."

"Okay just be careful."

"Sure, look I gotta go I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Xander, oh and hit him across the head for me, he should know drugs aren't the way out."

"I will do c'ya." And I before I hang up the phone I hear Angel whisper

"Take care of my boy."

"I will."

"Okay Spike come on inside." Unlocking the door I carry him inside and put him on my bed.

I take his shoes off and he curls himself into a ball, he looks so. helpless I want to, I need to help him. I realize I don't have any blood for when he wakes up, not wanting to go out and get any in case he needs me, and not really wanting to get Willow to bring some having to explain it. I pick up the phone and dial Angel's number again.

"Hello."

"Me again, I need blood, how do I get blood? I don't want to leave and ringing Willow's not really a option."

"Just ring Willie's and tell him what you want, make sure you ask for the good stuff and tell him I sent you. And he'll deliver it."

"Okay, thanks Angel."

"That's okay, bye Xander."

"Bye."

I call up Willies and amazingly he tells me he'll be right over with what I want on the house, I guess I was expecting a fight or something, sure as hell wasn't expecting on the house. I guess he's shit scared of Angel.

I sit down in the lounge room waiting for Willie to turn up, I think about what I'm doing, what I'm going to do. I don't know how it will work but it has to, I have to save him from himself, I have to help him. It would be almost like redemption for my habit, if I help him maybe it would make up for once being addicted, maybe it would make me feel better, feel more human. My mind being pulled back into memories of my past, how hard it was to quit, one moment wanting to be as far away from the drugs as I could get, the next wanting a fix. My body shudders in the memory and I'm pulled back into reality by a knock at the front door, that'll be Spike's blood.

Oddly enough Willie is nice and not nosey, he even asks me if I'm okay, he tells me I look shaken up. I briefly thank him and shut the door. Walking over to the fridge I put the blood in there. Siting back on the couch wondering is it the same for vamps as humans do the drugs last as long and is it the same withdraw as humans or do they not last as long due to vamp powers.

I begin to think about what was he on? Me, I went for uppers, things that made me happy or seem happy, by the looks of him I'd guess he was going for the whole I want to be numb and not feel effect.

It dawns on me Buffy's death, the chip, everything has effected him worse then any one realized.

I think about it all looking for signs of something; I close my eyes for a moment, losing myself in my thoughts I fall asleep.

Sometime later I'm woken by the sound of movement. I look towards the bedroom; Spike stumbles out of the bedroom his eyes half focused trying to put his boots back on. Looking out the window I see the sun rising. I get up and walk over to him.

"You don't want to go out there." He just looks at me with this blank look, I figure it was either who are you, or who do you think you are telling me what to do kinda look.

"It's day time, you can't go outside, lie back down and go to sleep," I say as I push him down back onto the bed so he is lying and take his shoes off again. I look up at him and find him fast asleep. I pull the blanket over him, pulling the curtains shut making sure the sun can't get in. Grabbing myself a spare pillow and blanket heading towards the couch to sleep some more.

Spike

Soft, warm, blankets, pillow, bed; my mind registers these things, as it begins to travel back to me. Soft, warm, Xander, I smell Xander why do I Smell Xander, I Smell him all around me.

My eyes blink open only to shut them again, hurts too bloody much to open them.

"Ugh." I groan "Bloody hell I feel like shit."

"Drugs will do that to you, here." I'm handed a mug, I open my eyes again and see it's a mug of blood and a Xander who doesn't look amused. How the fuck did I end up here trying to think about what happened last night. Last thing I remember was injecting the drug, I don't remember anything else. Don't tell me I walked here.

"Eat." He orders me and I do. I drink the whole mug down, even licked it clean, bloody fantastic, human.

"Where the fuck am I?"

"My apartment, You can blame Willow, mainly, she started with the whole, make sure Spike doesn't dust himself routine. Sent me to check up on you."

"As you can see I'm not dust, how'd I end up here?"

"I carried you here."

"Why did you go and do a stupid thing like that for?"

"Believe it or not Spike you need help, and oddly enough I'm going to help you."

"I don't need your help or any body else's." I hop out of bed staggering my way to my boots grabbing them as I fall on the ground and put them on.

"I know what its like Spike."

"How the fuck could you know what its like?"

He walks towards me rolling up his sleeve. He holds out his arm, looking down I see a faint scar, one much like mine only older, much older, I hold out my arm and look down at it, looking back at his, reaching out I touch it. Something strange comes over me, worry. Leaping up off the ground my shoes half on I begin to worry even more. "Are you insane, When?"

"High school, since about the time Buffy turned up."

"Why? Xander it's not a smart thing to be doing."

"Listen to yourself."

"I'm a demon, I can handle it, you're human it could kill you."

"You know as well as I do when you're on the stuff you don't care what happens to you.

"Okay why?"

"Come on Spike you know the answer to that one, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it yourself."

"Do they know?"

"Completely unaware, have no clue, then I guess I didn't want them to know. I had everything figured out, my ups and downs were result to my father or so they thought but really he was just the cause of it."

"Why did you stop?"

"I got shown that there was more, I realized I was sick of being controlled by the drugs. They showed me I was better than that."

"Who?"

"I believe you call him Sire or Peaches."

Falling down on the bed in shock. "The poofter knew and didn't tell anyone, how the bloody hell did you figure that one out?"

"Easy. He made it for me, said it was my choice I either let him help me or he went running to Buffy and Willow. Great choices, hey?"

"So we have something in common, you just decided let's bond?"

"No it was more I want to help you."

"I don't want help, I want to forget!"

"You think this has been easy on any of us? Buffy's gone and we're never going to see her again. Anya's dead, Giles is on the verge of a breakdown, Dawn blames herself, Willow and Tara seem about as normal as we get but I know Willow. I know she's acting strong, I know she goes home and cries herself to sleep. You don't see me running back to old habits all because times are tough. I admit I wanted to. I wanted to so badly I was out the door and on my way to the dealer when Angel called me, he figured I would try to go backwards and stopped me."

"Yay for you. So you want to help poor old Spike."

"Basically yes."

"Like I've said I don't want help I want out of here." Leaning down I put my boots on properly and lace them up. I get up off the bed and begin to walk for the bedroom door his voice stops me.

"Why, so you can go get your drugs? Go get high?"

Spinning around I look at him, he almost sounds afraid that's what I'll do. "So who cares if I do that!"

"I do, Angel does and you should."

"I don't see him here if he cares so much where is he?"

"You know he can't run to Sunnydale every time he might be needed."

Fear of his words not being true takes over my body, wanting to believe it is. Afraid of what it means. "This is different, I'm different, if he cares so much he should be here trying to convince me instead of you."

"I told him not to come, I told him I needed to do this. Just because he isn't here doesn't mean he doesn't care Spike."

"He doesn't, what's to say he does?"

"There's this." Feeling him whack me across the head "Angel told me that I'm to hit you across the head and tell you that you should know better." I can feel my body give in, just that sign that some one cares, Angel cares even if he isn't here he cares, and the Whelp for some reason cares.

"I.I.help." I say as I fall down sobbing. For the first time in ages wanting something other then nothing. Wanting to feel something. And then I feel his arms as they wrap around me, rocking my body into a peaceful sleep.

Xander

Thanking my construction work as I lift Spike up and carry him over to the bed. Happy he asked for help, worried about how it was going to all turn out.

I walk out of the bedroom and ring Angel making sure I keep him up to date with what was happing.

"Hello Angel investigations we help the helpless."

"Hey Cordy can I talk to Angel."

"Xander oh my god, I'm not sure you want to talk to him he looks kinda." that's all I hear before.

"Xander how is he?"

"He knows Angel."

"How? What happened?"

"I still have a scar from a hit, I showed it to him, he seemed worried. Angel."

"Of cause he was, no matter what, chip or no chip if Spike didn't care about you or the rest of the gang he wouldn't be there, he knows how to survive without killing humans. He isn't there with you because of the chip, he's there because he cares."

"It's just odd."

"What happened."

"He said 'help.' Angel he said help."

"Spike actually asked for help? That I don't believe."

"He's sleeping it off I think it took a lot out of him."

"I honestly didn't believe it would work but it might, you know it only gets harder, sure you don't want me to come?"

"I'm sure, he asked about you, said you should be here but I told him what I said to you. It's just, is it the same with vamps as humans? I mean the withdrawal, like is it quicker because of vamp healing because boy that would be nice."

"It can be quicker, but it can also be harder because of the vampire strength, not too many vamps get addicted to drugs and then quit, as drugs can't kill us so they aren't really seen as bad in the vamp community. I'd suggest some chains, you may need to restrain him."

"Angel that's a bit drastic don't you think?"

"No, think about it Xander. I had to restrain you with myself, with Spike you wont be able to do that."

"Okay, but he won't be happy."

"Just tell him its foreplay, he'll love it."

What the! Did Angel just make a joke! Ideas shoot through my mind; Spike chained up, foreplay. Oh god I can't think about this now.

"Angel!"

"What, you never thought about him in that way?"

"I can't talk about this now, I have to find some chains, and get some sleep."

"I'll call Willie up and he'll deliver some."

"Okay."

"Bye Xander"

"Bye Angel."

Thinking to myself that Angel is right it would only get worse.

Spike

I wake up for the second time, this time aware of where I am, in the whelp's bedroom, aware of what I'm doing, sobering up, and getting clean. Instantly I want to run, escape, old habits die hard. Already I feel like a truck hit me and I know its going to get worse. I open my eyes and beside the bed is Xander asleep in the armchair.

"You know, a fella could have escaped by the time he wakes."

"I highly doubt that will be happening tonight."

I jump at his voice "Shit you scared me."

"Sorry, just resting."

"You still here."

"I'm not going anywhere."

My eyes find a spot on the floor to stare at. "This isn't going to be easy."

"No, in fact it's going to be hard." His voice barely a whisper.

"I won't make it easy."

"No I don't think you will."

Looking around the ground, seeing the chains. "Where did you get those?"

"Willie dropped them off."

Surprised by the response. Willie?!? "Willie knows I'm here, and demons aren't banging on the door to get in?"

"No Willie doesn't know you're here, Angel rang him."

"You better put those on now while I'm cooperative."

"I didn't want to use them."

"You'll have to, and now is the only chance you're going to get where I'll willingly let you put them on me."

"Angel said to tell you they were foreplay."

I look up at him overcome with hope, maybe. "He would say that."

"How is it feeling so far?"

"Moving on to bad. You better put them on me before it gets any worse."

He grabs the chains and does as I tell him, he chains me up. Angel's words come into my mind, foreplay, and then images of Xander loving my body as it is chained float into mind. Oh bloody hell, I'm lusting after the whelp.

"Do you want some blood?"

"Would be nice, thanks."

"Welcome."

He heads towards the kitchen leaving me with my thoughts; I'm lusting after him. Breaking out of the spell when he enters with the blood.

He holds the mug to my mouth, I guess this is where the feeling like an idiot starts, being fed.

I drain the mug completely of its contents.

"This is the stuff, where did you get this?"

"Willie."

"He dropped off the blood also?"

"Before the chains, I think he thinks something kinky is going on here, first blood, the good stuff, and then chains and he didn't charge me a thing."

"Little pisser is shit scared that's what he is."

"I figured that, Angel told me to tell Willie it was for him."

The conversation drops off to a silence.

"Where do we go from here?" I ask him wanting to know something.

"Honestly I don't know."

"I'm scared. If you tell anyone I said that, I will cut off your balls and make you eat them, chip or no chip it will be done."

"Spike, why would I tell someone, you already have the biggest secret on me. Okay so Angel knows."

"How did he find out?"

"One afternoon after I had gotten a fix I went wondering, walked around, afternoon turned into dark and a vamp decided I was a nice meal. Only problem was Angel turned up just as the vamp pushed me away and called me a useless junkie. Didn't know that vamps cared about the blood. Anyhow Angel bent down and touched my neck getting some of my blood on his fingers and tasted it and he knew."

"And being the I need to help people type of vamp he is, he decided you would be his next mission?"

"Basically Yeah. Now I'm glad I was, I thank him all the time, and in some weird way I love him. He cared enough to try."

"He's a loveable vamp, even as Angelus he was loveable."

"It was like he did something, when my best friends didn't even notice it."

"People are oblivious to the things they don't want to see."

"Guess that's true, like people in Sunnydale completely ignore the strange deaths that seem to happen after dark."

"My point." Suddenly becoming tired I begin to drift off.

"I'll let you sleep."

"Could you just stay. Until I'm asleep."

"I can do that."

Falling asleep knowing he's there.

Xander

I'm awoken by the sound of Spike growling and swearing his head off.

"Get me the fuck out of here I want to go. Oh fuck I feel like shit, I think I'm gunna vomit."

I jump up and race to the laundry and grab a bucket running back into my bedroom trying to turn him on his side as best as I could, rubbing his back waiting for him to empty his stomach.

His body heaves trying to gather it up and then it comes out, red, instantly becoming freaked, he's vomiting up blood, what else does he have to lose? Making a mind memo to ring Angel as soon as Spike is asleep and ask him what should I do.

"Is there more?"

"Don't yell. Bloody hell, my head hurts." I run my fingers over his scalp trying to sooth him, his body relaxes more and he begins to purr. Oh my, that's fucking cute. I listen to his constant hum.

"Feels good don't stop." He murmurs before he slips off into sleep.

Okay his hair calms him down. Take note Xander, could be worthy later on.

Stroking his hair some more making sure he is sound asleep before I slip off the bed to ring Angel.

"Hello Angel investigations we help the helpless."

"Hey Cordy, it's Xander again can I talk to Angel again."

"What was his deal before he just grabs the phone off me and does he tell me what it was about, no. Hello, I dated you I should know."

"Cordy just put Angel on the phone."

"Rude much." And then there's silence; she must have done what I asked, for once.

"Xander."

"Hey Angel. I know you might be getting sick of my ringing so much lately, but there's so much I don't know about vampires. He spewed, not much of a surprise there, but with humans we have like stuff to lose, he was just chucking up blood, and it occurred to me that's all he has to lose, and I became worried. Is he like gunna die of like something because he isn't getting enough blood?"

"Just give him some blood whenever he wakes up, make sure it's human as that's best for him, like you know its normal to vomit a lot, it's the same with vampires."

"Thanks again Angel."

"It's fine, really Xander, if you need to know anything else just call me."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

Spike

Need. Want. Need. Oh bloody hell I feel like shit, I want to die. I want some drugs. Bloody chains. "LET ME GO."

"Lie still, Spike, you're only going to hurt yourself."

"Let me go I need to go, I don't want to be here anymore."

"How about I get you some blood?"

What the! Don't change the subject my mind screaming at him.

"Xander, just unchain me, I'm better, all clean."

"You forget Spike, I know all the tricks."

"I'm going to kill you boy unless you unchain me."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, kill me, you're still not getting unchained." And then he walks out of the room. Who the hell does he think he is, I'm William the bloody. Not some fucking pet!

Moving my hips around trying to loosen the chains, and trying to feel if I had anything in my pockets, looking for something, smokes, drugs, knife, anything.

"Their empty, and the drugs are down the toilet so its no use, you're here until it's all gone." He says as he walks in the room holding a mug of blood

AHHHHHH "Just let me please, I need some, go get me something!"

"What you need is some blood, some rest, and to get clean."

"It's my unlife, who do you think you are!"

"Drugs messing with your memory? I'm Xander, remember, here drink." He pushes the mug in my face offering me the straw, a straw! I'm forced to drink out of a bloody straw, and I do, not because I'm hungry, not because he is making me but because it's human and I haven't had human in a while.

"Please just a little something, you know what its like."

"Yes I do, and I also know going through this is worth the end result."

"I don't want to feel like this Xander." And then he is on the bed running his fingers through my hair again. And again an uncontrollable purr comes from deep in my chest. And I'm once again sedated happy, sleepy. Forgetting the desire to get high, only feeling his fingers in my hair as I drift off to sleep.

Xander

Managing to put Spike to sleep I convince myself to have a shower. I don't want to leave him alone for too long in case something happens, but I smell pretty bad. Washing up his mug for later, I check on him before I jump into the shower.

The water running over my muscles relaxes me, soothing my body into a relaxed state, my eyes close resting, my mind wandering, becoming fixated on Spike, wondering why I feel I need to help him. It's not just redemption. I'm actually worried about him. I care about him.

Washing my hair and body, relaxing for the first time in what seems like forever.

Quickly jumping out of the shower, I look at myself in the mirror, seeing a grown man in my reflection, understanding I'm a different person, seeing the differences from when I was on drugs, when I was off them, when Buffy and Anya were still here, and now. Becoming aware I like who I have turned out to be, I'm strong, I care, I love, I'm not afraid to live, I survived. Being caught up in the moment of finally seeing me.

I get dressed and walk into the bedroom; somehow spike removed the blankets I had put on him. I reach down and pull them back over him. Walking out into the kitchen I grab some food for myself. After eating I sit down in the chair near my bed and fall asleep, looking at him.

I slept for a while only being woken up by the sound of Spike heaving again, going over to the bed and holding his head over the bucket and rubbing his back easing the vomit up. Amazingly he doesn't say anything to me, he doesn't abuse me, doesn't scream at me he just vomits, he almost looks asleep. Once his stomach was empty again I put his head on the pillow and watch as he instantly falls back asleep.

Hoping to myself it gets better soon, knowing it will get better, but it will take time. I hate seeing him like this, so helpless, is that what makes me want to help him so much? I know he deserves better then this, deserves better then how he is feeling.

Getting up I look at the time, 7:48. My senses screaming what day is it? Having become totally unaware if its night or day, I open the curtains slightly to look outside, nighttime, okay, what day is it? I went over to Spike's Friday night he woke up Saturday, working it out in my head I realize it's most likely Sunday. Okay, have to call work and get time off. Do that first thing in the morning. Shit willow, oh god I haven't rung her, it's a wonder she isn't banging on the door, or worse since I did give her a key. Grabbing the phone I dial her number.

"Hello."

"Hey Willow."

"Xander where the hell have you been. I tried to call you."

"Sorry, I left my phone off the hook."

"Well you're lucky Tara convinced me that you just needed some alone time, otherwise I would have been there, whatever happened to helping each other?"

"I'm sorry I scared you Willow, I'm fine I promise."

"Well what about Spike?"

"Spike." Oh fuck she had to bring him up. "Well."

"Xander did you not go? Have you just been hiding from me?"

"No I went, but it seems Spike wasn't... coping as well as we all thought." Yeah that's good, the truth without telling the truth. Trying to hide his secret.

"Oh god, he didn't try to kill himself again did he?"

"No. Unless he was trying to test if alcohol poisoning worked on vamps." See, not whole truth but truth still.

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine. I just called so you didn't worry any, I'm gunna take a few days off work and Scooby stuff to make sure he is okay."

"Are you sure Xander? Do you want me to bring anything, blood?"

"It's okay Willie dropped off some blood earlier."

"Willie knows Spike's there?"

"No, I think he thinks Angel is here. I had to ask Angel about a few things. And he just told me to ring Willie and ask for blood and tell him that Angel sent me."

"Ah, okay."

"Yeah. I gotta go Willow, I'll talk to you in a few days, okay?"

"Okay Xander, bye."

"Bye Willow."

Hanging up the phone I stare into nothingness dropping my head into my hands closing my eyes. I run my fingers through my hair. Trying to escape the guilt of Willow, after all the times I'm still not used to lying to her, I should be but I'm not. My mind drifting away, to nowhere in particular, time seems to fly by without me noticing it.

I hop off my seat and look over at the clock. 9:30 when did it turn into 9:30! Where was I? Walking into the bedroom checking on Spike. I look over at him, He's lying there shivering, his whole body is shivering.

Walking over to him I touch his forehead, cold. That's normal he's dead, but shivering. Acting without thinking I hop into bed with him and wrap myself around him, holding him in my arms with the chains beneath me.

Reaching down I pull the blankets up over us, his body has stopped shivering but he still feels cold, I wonder is that normal, the cold? Is this how he normally feels? Stroking his hair as I drift off to sleep.

Spike

Warm.body.heat.human.blood.Xander.

I wake up with the feeling of heat, human, wrapped around me. Realizing it is Xander holding me to him, one of his hands is in my hair like it's in mid stroke the other is wrapped around my body; his head nestled in my neck.

Never have I in my unlife ever woken up with a human, let alone one who has somehow managed to wrap himself around me oblivious to chains.

Drowning in the feeling of Xander wrapped around me, holding me, wondering how he ended up wrapped around me, enjoying it too much to care. Wanting it to last.

Wait a second! Enjoying it??? Okay so he's warm, he's human, he smells nice, and all of a sudden sexy in ways I never thought about.

Was it just thoughts and feelings related to how he is trying to help me? Or has it awakened something? Something that might have been there but I was unaware of? Thinking about times I had been around him, Ripper's place, the basement, the magic box, patrol. Trying to figure out if any moment stands out, any moment when it might have occurred to me that he was sexy? Memories storm my head, finding moments when he stopped being the whelp, the slayers lap dog, annoying, moments when they all became something more to me.

Oh bloody hell, I care about the whole bloody bunch of them. Finding them not as repulsive as they once were, in fact I find I like that I care about them and they seem to care about me.

More Xander moments float into my memory, his smile, his hair, the way his eyes light up whenever someone gave him chocolate or something sweet, his body which has drastically improved since his construction work, of cause his clothes will have to go.

Was that it, had I figured it out? His clothes will have to go. I focus on that last thought. My thoughts come screaming to a stop. No this isn't something new, it's been there and I'm just realizing it, I want the Whelp, I guess I'll have to stop calling him Whelp now.

Coming back to reality I feel him as he wakes up, his back stretching, his head moving away from my neck, his hands sliding off of me.

"Morning." I say to him, all of a sudden things feel different now that I'm aware of how I feel for him, I'm a demon and I'm worried how to bloody act. That's a bloody first.

'Just bloody take what we want' my demon screams at me. But of cause I wont, don't want to scare him.

"Spike, how are you feeling?"

Well lets see, apart from the withdrawal I feel fucking fantastic, no don't sit up away from me, come back! Damn it. "Umm. Fine I guess, not feeling so much like shit any more, still feel bad, but."

"Most of it should be over, want me to take the chains off?"

"You better not, I still want drugs."

"Craving still there?"

"Yeah. Not as bad, but its still too strong."

"Want some blood?"

"Would be nice."

Xander

Oh god, I was wrapped around him, oh god, it felt. Right, his cool skin against mine, our bodies bent to fit each other, only the chains between us. I look down at my side and see chain imprints, they look like they might turn into bruises, but I didn't notice them, I slept, like I have never slept before. His temperature cooling my body heat down, mine heating him up, each making the others temperature more comfortable.

Oh god I have to call work, grabbing the phone while heating up the blood. I tell my boss some excuse as to why I'm not in and won't be in for a few days. Lucky for me he's pretty understanding. Could be I didn't take any time off when Anya and Buffy died, against argument from everyone telling me I needed more time I went to work. Maybe he thinks I have decided to take that healing time. I don't really care what he thinks, just glad he didn't hassle me about it.

I can still feel his body against mine; I can smell him all over me, tobacco, old leather, Spike. Loving the smell, loving the feel, loving the memory. Wanting it more.

A part of me screams: Don't Xander, it's Spike, you're helping him, he doesn't need this right now. You can't feel this way, now is not the right time, it's too soon after Anya, too soon after Buffy. Yet another yells: It felt so right waking up with him in my arms. My inner battle interrupted by the beeping of the microwave. Grabbing his breakfast out of the microwave I carry it into him, sitting on the bed next to him holding out the mug waiting for him to drink. So lost in thought I don't hear him ask me a question.

"Xander, you there?"

"Sorry Spike, I was just thinking."

"That's a first, what happened since I was last awake, don't remember falling asleep with you beside me?"

"Ugg. Sorry about that, just you were shivering, and I just reacted and hopped into bed with you, I guess I figured me human warm, might help."

"Don't be sorry, helped a lot as I'm not shivering any more." And then I hear him say under his breath "Felt bloody fantastic." Did he just say it felt fantastic? Did he mean to say it? Was I supposed to hear it?

"You should sleep some more you might feel better when you wake up."

"Could you massage my scalp? I remember falling asleep while you were doing that." How could I refuse, he had asked me to do something I have realized I love doing, I loved the reaction I always got from him. Even in his wilder moments it caused him to purr himself to sleep. So here I am massaging his scalp, thinking about my previous thoughts. Do I? Do I like Spike?

Spike

Falling asleep at the feel of his fingers as they massage my scalp. Hoping he is right, that I'll feel better when I wake up. I drift off to sleep dreaming about him, dreaming about life with him.

The day passes pretty much like the rest, waking up feeling sick, going back to sleep, waking up feeling a bit better. I open my eyes and look at the chair, there he is, asleep in the chair.

Damn it why isn't he in bed with me! Oh that's right, I'm over the whole shivering stage, bloody hell. I want my hot water bottle. Okay so he isn't mine. Yet.

I watch him, I watch his nose twitch, his eyelids flutter with a dream he is having, watching him as he moves around as best he can while in the chair. How the hell did me manage to bloody get comfortable enough to sleep. Evil thoughts enter my mind.

Thoughts of just how flexible he is, and how we both could enjoy his flexibility.

Damn it Spike, he's just trying to help you. He's being nice, don't turn this into something it's not.

Oh give it a break you're sounding just as bad as the bloody poofter himself. Stop making excuses.I liked those flexibility thoughts get back onto them. You're a demon for Christ's sake, get over the whole worried how he might react act. If he objects, well there's always the chains.

Don't give me any more ideas, you. Yeah I'm a demon but it doesn't mean I have to be all demony about it. Can't I for once seduce some one without chains?

But they're fun, come on, you enjoy them as much as I do.

You know there are other things besides chains.

Fine, we'll try things your way, just promise me there'll be some bondage action somewhere?

Oh you can guarantee that.

My inner voice and I both happy, having agreed we both want him, finally agreeing that we will not go about it in the 'chain him up till he likes me' way.

My mind travels back realizing he is awake, I'm still staring at him, and he is staring back.

"Sorry luv, caught up in thoughts. What day is it mate?"

"Umm. I'm not sure, Spike."

"It's day time if that helps."

"Actually yeah it does. I'd say it was Tuesday, hang on, Tuesday! Last I remember it was Monday. Where did Monday go? I'm not sure."

"I'd say sleeping and helping me, guess you should call work and the witches."

"Called work yesterday. Told them I wouldn't be in for a few days, they understood, and Willow. rung her Sunday I think, told her I was helping you."

"You told the witch! How could you tell the witch, I trusted you." I'm gunna kill him chip or no chip I'm gunna kill him I bloody trusted him and what does he do, goes and tells the bloody witch.

"Spike! I didn't tell her about it, I told her you were testing to see if alcohol poisoning would kill vampires, I would never tell her about it, it's your story to tell, I just left out the full details."

"Right mate, sorry overreacted there."

"No you just jumped to conclusions. You expected I would tell her and reacted."

"So I got a problem with trust issues, who could blame me with a sire like Angelus, and having Dru who was so fickle minded as a lover for over a century."

"Spike why did you put up with it?"

"With what?

"Dru being fickle, Angelus."

"Angelus was my sire, in the vampire world it meant he owned me. He made me, he could make me feel like I was everything to him one second and the next like I was nothing, and basically I'd put up with him because he was everything I knew and wanted. When you first become a vampire, you don't question your sire; in fact you generally love or worship your sire. Those who question their sire don't live very long. As for Dru, I thought I loved her, I guess I did in some ways, hoping to change her ways. Never understanding her ways were what made her, her."

"Would you go back to her?"

Would I? To the way she used to make me feel? To how she was. No I wouldn't. Blimey I don't want her any more. Sure I was going to stake her for Buffy, but it just dawned on me I don't want Dru.

"Now that I think about it.. No."

"Do you think we can unchain you yet?"

Taking a moment to think about his question, can he unchain me? Concentrating on how I feel. I don't feel at full health but I also don't feel the desire to go and get off my face. But if we unchain me that means I can go, I don't want to leave here. Why the hell do I feel weak! Why do I feel like that if I leave I'll go back?

"I think we can. But Xander, I don't think I'm ready to leave."

"Leave? Who said anything about leaving? Just figured you might be more comfortable out of chains."

"They're not exactly the most comfortable thing."

"Spike." He looks at me, looks into my eyes and says. "You can stay here as long as you need, or as long as you want."

Did he just invite me to move in?

"Pet, you mean it?"

His eyes look on the ground as he talks "I mean I've been thinking about getting a rommie, so it's not so lonely around here, so I have some company, also make things cheaper."

Somewhere while he was talking he had finally looked up again, and now he was looking at me waiting for my response.

YES, YES, YES!

"But there's only one room isn't there?"

Trust me to be logical right now!

You pillock, he just asked us to move in, what the bloody hell are you waiting for!

"Actually there's two, the other one has just some of my old stuff in there, no bed. If you want we could make it livable for you?"

"I'd love to pet." God ol' mighty I'm LIVING WITH HIM. Okay not in the way I'd hoped but it's a step.

"Good, would you like some blood, to celebrate?" he asks as he stands up.

"I'll take you up on that blood. Celebrate. Well, we will do that when I'm at full health." And when you're in my bed, or I'm in yours. "Umm. Pet. Could you unchain me before you get the blood?"

"Shit sorry, I kinda forgot." He says as he walks over and unchains me, I'm free. I can move my arms and legs.

Come on Spike ol' boy we can leave, and go without him hardly noticing.

My demon and me both scream No to a part of us that wants to go and get high, a part that controlled us for too long.

"You okay Spike?"

He's back, now we missed our chance.

"Sorry, I just had a battle with meself."

"All sorted out? Don't need the chains again?"

"If you did mate I wouldn't be here, you know that don't you?"

"Actually you would be, it's day time."

"Oh. So I'm kinda incoherent, can you blame me? I've just been on a roller coaster which I'm still on."

"I know Spike, but you have to make the choice, I can put them on or you can be stronger than that and we can watch some tellie."

"Tellie sound good mate."

"Right, you drink this, and I'll bring it in here." He hands me the mug.

"Mate, we could watch it out there you know." I take it and drink it savoring the taste.

"You're still healing Spike, so you're not moving. The tellie is in the other room ergo me bring tellie in here."

So Xander has a mothering instinct, likes to make someone as comfy as he can, when their sick. Umm can't say I hate being coddled, in fact I quite enjoy it. Even more enjoyable that it is Xander coddling me.

Drinking the rest of my blood as he sets up the tellie, never taking my eyes off of him, his back muscles moving, working, flexing. Oh bloody hell, staring at him is making me bloody hard. What if he notices?

Not a happy picture Spike my boy. We'll be homeless before we can begin to seduce him.

Okay, Watcher in a tutu, yeah that's a turn off. Better yet Angel in a tutu, leotard and all.

I crack up laughing at the thought; oh that would be a sight.

"Spike? What's so funny you look like you're about to hyperventilate apart from the fact that you don't breath."

"Just imaging Angel in a leotard and tutu."

And then his laughter fills the room. The sound echoing off the walls. Oh boy, if I think about his laugh any more I'll be hard again. "Okay I agree it's a funny sight, but why were you imagining Angel all dolled up?"

You see mate, staring at your back made my cock hard. Can't say that.

"Well I started to think of the Watcher in one but picturing my Sire like that was just trouble asking to be had."

"That's just freaky Spike, Giles." His body shudders at the idea. "Forget it Spike, I don't think I want to know what made you think about that. What do you want to watch? Movie or some show?" So that's what we do, we watch tellie, him in the chair, me in the bed, me nodding off every now and then, him keeping me company until I fall asleep again.

About nine-ish I wake up to find Xander reading a book, this is something new, I always just assumed he wasn't the book reading type. But here he is proving me wrong.

Bloody stupid git was gunna ruin his eyesight if he continues to read only using the lamp as light.

"You git, your gunna ruin your eyesight, using that piddling thing as light.

"You're awake."

"For now, actually I feel kinda more awake then I have in a while."

"Ahh, probably all the sleeping you been doing."

"What are you reading mate?"

He holds up his book in surprise "This. Just a novel."

"Never pictured you for the book reading type."

"No one ever has, guess it's my own little secret, let them think that I don't read when in fact I love to read."

"It's always good to have some part of you that no one knows, therefor you always have something that's yours"

"You hungry? Bored? Sleepy?"

"Sick of hearing me talk are you? Trying to put me to sleep already hey?"

"No, I was just seeing if you wanted something?"

"Some blood would be great, not particularly sleepy I only just woke up but I feel kinda lazy. Maybe we could watch a movie have some blood, eat some popcorn. Do nothing?"

"Sounds like a plan, here's the guide, you pick a movie."

Scanning the pages looking at the movies. Sound of Music, I think not. Blade, not really in the mood for comedies. Umm. Star Wars. Ohhh, Fight Club! Yeah that's the one. Good spot of violence is what I need.

"Here ya go, what ya find to watch?" Handing me the blood as he sits in his chair.

Leaning against the headboard holding the mug of blood in my hands sipping it. "Fight club. It's gunna start soon."

"I love that movie."

"Me too mate. Don't I get some popcorn?"

"Spike you're a vampire, Vampires don't eat food. Oh wait, I forgot you're Spike, who likes to put good food into his blood to add texture, here."

Ahh good, some popcorn to dunk. "Ta mate."

"Just for the record you're ruining perfectly good popcorn."

"How do you know I'm ruining it, have you ever tried it? I could be improving it. Now hush the movie's beginning." Ha now I made him think about it.

Every now and then I look over at him, and watch him instead of the movie.

Sometime during the movie, on one of my Xander breaks, Hey people have toilet breaks I have Xander breaks. I look over at him and see him nodding off in the chair.

"You can't keep sleeping in that chair, you'll ruin your back. Look, as long as I'm too 'ill' to get my own bed I might as well sleep in the chair or something, I'm a vampire, it won't bother me as much."

"Spike you're sick, you can't sleep in the chair, and the lounge room has no blinds, besides you're a guest."

"So bloody what does that have to do with anything? You saying all guests get your bed? Why don't we share then? Fairs fair." That's a bloody tops idea, best idea I've had in a long time.

"I guess we could share the bed, until we get you your own."

I've died and gone to heaven, okay so I can't really do that, go to heaven I mean. So I knew I was baiting him hoping he would say that. But hearing him actually say that. YES! Okay even a demon like myself can act immature at times.

"Okay we got that' settled, now get in here before you fall asleep." I hold up the blankets for him, and he gets in. The heat of his body radiates off of him, his scent fills my nose, as he gets himself comfortable.

Bloody hell I'm in bed with him. What do I want to torture myself, being next to him all night long, smelling him, knowing he is only a few inches away, feeling him, hearing him. Hell yes I want to torture myself for that.

Finally I re focus on the movie, within five minutes I notice Xander falling asleep and snuggling himself to me.

Mate, this is the life, warm snuggly Xander snuggling next to me, perfect.

Finding something more interesting than the movie to watch, Xander, I turn off the tellie. His hair is flopped down over his eyes, I reach down and run my fingers through his hair, brushing it back out of the way, so I can see his face clearer.

Thump.thump.thump.thump his heartbeat so close it feels like my own, so near, I can feel the beating of his heart, I can feel it in my own body, I fall asleep listening to the beating of his heart.

Part Two

Ring.ring.ring.

Bloody hell...what the...

Grabbing his ringing cell phone near the bed I answer it not wanting to disturb him, he has been through so much the past few days, almost as much as me.

Disrupted by the telephone he snuggles closer to me trying to go back to his deep sleep.

"Ello'."

"Spike? Where's Xander?"

"Ello' Peaches. Xander, oh he's here, fast asleep."

"Oh I was just ringing him to see how things were but since you're answering I guess they're fine then?"

"Bout as well as can be expected."

"What the hell were you thinking! Sometimes you really don't use your brains do you? God damn it Spike I thought you knew better!"

"Yeah, well I never been known for using my brains have I?"

"This is by far the stupidest thing you have ever done."

"I know that now, but sire.I just.everything, I didn't know what to do."

"You could have come to me."

"Ha, that's a laugh. We have never been known for getting along, and besides you had your own pain to deal with."

"The Spike I know wouldn't care about any one else's pain, the Spike I know only cares about himself."

"Yeah and the Spike you know wouldn't be in the same bed as a human who is currently wrapped around him, alive. I have changed, Peaches, believe it or not I have."

"Xander's in bed with you?"

"He's such a snuggler. So warm, I could get used to it."

"Why are you in the same bed as him?"

"Well the whelp only has one bed, stupid git raves about me being ill so he won't allow me to sleep in the chair and the lounge room doesn't have any blinds, and thanks to my changes I wouldn't let him sleep on the couch either. So therefore same bed."

"Spike stop calling him that, he has a name."

"Yeah, I know."

"When do you think you'll be leaving?"

"I'm not leaving, Xander asked me to move in with him."

"You're living with him. You must have changed."

"Who knows, we might even get along now peaches, hell we're getting along now."

"Might be a sign of a apocalypse or something."

"I have missed you. Yeah, I know I just admitted to something that I never would have before. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself, I've been the big bad, and I've hated you for so long, that now I'm changing I'm not sure who I am any more. I know I don't want to be what I was, but who am I?"

"You'll work it out Spike, and I'll help you any way I can, we're both at fault when it comes to our relationship, and I'm to blame for so much of your behavior."

"Thanks sire. Do you want to talk to Xander?"

"No, I'll let him sleep. Just tell him I called."

"Shall do."

"And Spike. Don't hurt him."

"I can't Peaches, remember. chip."

"I'm not talking about physical pain I'm talking about what you feel for him."

"Don't feel anything for him."

"Spike don't lie to me, I know when you're lying."

"Bloody hell Peaches, you know me too well. He's quite adorable, doesn't mean anything, he's not likely to want me, and I'm not about to make a fool of myself."

"He does want you. When he first rung me I kinda brought it up and he changed the subject."

"That means nothing Peaches."

"You're forgetting Spike, while I was helping him we got to know each other. He told me some stuff about him and now I know how he thinks, or what he does when he doesn't want to admit to something."

"I could have hit him when I found out, something went through me, I was angry, for the first time I was afraid, how could the world be like that. Being a vampire we've seen the worst, we generally caused the worst, but how could drugs be introduced to him?"

"The world is a scary place. And the worst part is sometimes the scariest things aren't demons like you and me, it's humans and what they do to their own kind."

"Now I just want to protect him. Protect the whole group of them."

"You can't Spike, they have to experience things on their own. Listen I'll let you go back to sleep, just remember I'm here for you okay?"

"Thanks sire, bye."

I hang up and begin regretting what I had said to Angel.

What the bloody hell was I thinking, I just opened myself up to Peaches of all people. Just went and told him everything. I know I'm afraid of getting hurt again, I have reasons, he took my Sire away and replaced him with someone wearing his face who resented us, who hated what we are. I loved him and he just forgets us. Him and Dru leaving me with a fear of getting hurt.

Looking over at Xander whose head is resting on my chest with my arm around him. Running my hands in his hair, becoming afraid I can't keep him safe, and feeling weak for wanting to keep him safe.

I'm a demon, and I want to protect a mortal, a human. But his smile, his eyes, his face, everything about him just makes me want to please him, look after him. Angel's words sinking in, I can't, he has to experience.

Looking at his face, as his eyes blink open, as he moistens his mouth and then yawns. Looking at his now moist lips, feeling drawn to them. Forcing my eyes to look at something else, in this case his face, his head raises and his eyes show pure confusion. He looks at my face and then down where is head was, and mutters "Ugh sorry about that." Then he puts his head back down on my chest.

Bloody hell, he feels so nice there

Xander

What the. what am I doing? I wake up in his arms and I just snuggle back down into them. And yet he isn't pushing me off, in fact he isn't saying anything about it. I can't believe I just woke up apologized for snuggling to him and then start to snuggle again; okay so he's the perfect snuggle partner, his body so nice and cool. Nice naked chest.

Lifting my head a little bit, moving my body away from his only to have the feeling of his hands around me, pulling me back into him.

"It's alright pet, go back to sleep it's still early." His hand is in my hair pulling my head down to where it was, combing his fingers through it.

Confusion sets in, what just happened? My eyes drift shut in pure bliss, drifting off into sleep with the feeling of his fingers in my hair, the knowledge of how close his body is to mine. Wondering why he pulled me back, not really caring why just glad he did.

Waking up after falling asleep with the feel of his fingers in my hair, my head still resting on his chest, somehow without looking at his face I know that he is awake. Not having anything to say but wanting to hear his voice.

"Spike."

"Yes pet."

"Nothing."

"You're a strange one aren't you." And then his fingers are in my hair again combing it away from my face.

"Seems like we both like playing with some one else's hair, we both seem to enjoy having it done also."

As soon as I say that his fingers retract themselves from my hair, like he hadn't realized he had been doing it until I said so. Looking up at him I say. "No please don't stop." He silences me with a finger, placing it over my lips, then his fingers return to my hair, massaging my scalp.

At the touch of his fingertips I become still, my mind goes blank with everything but him, him and his fingers. The room so silent, so silent I can almost hear my heart beat, neither of us really wanting to end it, both of us enjoying whatever it is we are doing.

I trace my fingertips on his chest. In the same rhythm he is using on my scalp. Feeling a vibration in his chest, I listen closely and can hear him purr.

"I love hearing you do that, the sound it's just, I think it's more I made you do that."

"Do what mate?"

"Purr."

"Hadn't realized I was."

"You've been doing it a fair bit, when I massage your scalp, you purr. Is it a vampire thing or what?"

"Kinda is, when we're content, completely at peace and happy we purr, the head massage thing well, I always did love having someone giving me a head job."

"Great pun."

"I try. I always loved someone's fingers through my hair. It tends to make me go mush."

"Mush?"

"You know mush, when all else, everything, you just forget, you can't feel anything but that thing."

Turning my head up so I can look at him, I smile and say "Ah yes I know mush. I like mush mode."

Turning my head away so he can't see the blush which rises in my cheek, thoughts of how he has made me go into mush mode so often these past few days fly through my mind.

Spike

Lying beside him with my fingers wrapped in his hair, breathing in his scent, listening to his breathing, feeling his heartbeat, thinking to myself it doesn't get much better than this. Sensing his body completely relax like it does when he's asleep.

Looking down at his head, talking to myself out loud I say. "Gunna keep you safe, not gunna let anything happen to you. I'm gunna take care of you, forever, just like you've taken care of me."

"Forever Spike?"

Almost jumping out of my skin at the sound of his voice.

"Bloody hell pet, thought you were asleep, bloody scared me you did."

"Do you mean it?" he looks up at me with those big brown eyes.

Bloody hell he turns on all the charms. Me and my bloody big mouth! Had to be awake didn't he, can't worm my way out of this, honestly I don't really want to.

Looking into his eyes I answer truthfully. "Yeah I mean it."

"Thank you Spike you're the only one besides Angel who seems to care. Okay so the others don't know but if they did well. Willow would just completely mother me and never let me out of the house, oh and she'd blame herself. Tara, well she'd be with the mothering willow, Giles well, he'd probably just drink. And Dawn's too young to understand it all."

Listing to his speech, which is ended with the feel of his lips on my cheek, stake me now.

Closing my eyes in content, the feel of his lips still lingering on my skin, my body almost feels like it's humming. And then I notice I am purring again, opening my eyes to see him looking at me with a smirk on his face.

"You're doing it again."

"Sorry luv."

"Don't be, I like it." His fingers trace over my brow, and down my cheekbones.

Got to stop him, don't want to but if I don't I'm gunna make him scream in pleasure in ways he's never dreamt about.

Oh bloody hell, I'm a vampire, a demon, I'm meant to have self-control, but it's gone out the window, from the touch of his fingers.

My boxers become very tight. Suddenly I realize I'm wearing boxers, he took my jeans off. My cock jumping at the thought of him undressing me.

Growling in utter pleasure, growling at myself for having so little control, growling for him to continue.

Opening my eyes I say. "Pet, luv, ducks, shhh, you gotta stop that."

"I'm sorry, I just, I don't know, wanted to touch, I thought you liked it."

Sighing in sadness at the feel of his fingers move away from my face. My body being swept over with regret he sounded so hurt. How could anyone deny this boy anything? His eyes turn away from mine.

Stroking his hair in hope to calm some of his fears down.

"Xander, look at me, pet, Shh."

Running my fingers over his face and down to his lips. Tracing their shape with my fingertips feeling how soft, how moist, how kissable they are.

Desire overpowering my common sense, gently I pull his head towards mine and kiss him, nothing huge, nothing big, but it's the best kiss I have ever experienced.

Our lips touch, instantly I react to the sensations, the simple feel of his lips on mine was more then enough.

Moving my mouth away from his, hoping to all hope I haven't fucked anything up.

"Not that I didn't like it, that I liked it, maybe too much."

"You...you..."

"Yeah mate, me."

"You kissed me."

"Bloody marvelous, glad you remember. That I did mate. What can I say, I gave in to desire."

"Spike.shut up.do it again." And I do, I kiss him like he's never been kissed before, taking him to depths of pure enjoyment, making him gasp for air, making him moan and give in to his desires.

Somewhere in the background I hear him say. "Want you."

Breaking myself away from him, away from his body. "Do you? Want me?"

"Can't you feel that."

He gives me a shy smile before he grinds his pelvic bone against me, pushing his erection into my body. Loosing myself in the feeling I begin to move with him, rubbing our erections together through their silk barriers.

"Xan, want you, want you so bad. Need to feel you."

One of his hands reaches in between us, and slides itself into my boxers, his fingers gently massage my cock, making me moan.

"Oh god pet don't stop."

"Don't intend to, but can we get naked? Want to feel you, feel all of you."

Sighing in agony at the feel of his hand slipping out of my boxers, slipping away from my cock.

"Shh Spike.I'm not going anywhere see, I'm still here." He says to me as he grabs the sides of my boxers and tugs them down. The air hits my cock; I gasp in shock, hissing in pleasure at the feeling of being free, at the thought of him naked against me, and in anticipation of release.

Once my boxers are off he presses his silk covered groin down against mine, the silk rubbing itself against me, his cock pressing into mine, our pre cum making the silk wet.

Reaching my hands down I pull his boxers off of him. Finally feeling our cocks against each other. I hear him moan and I know it's a sound I want to hear more of. It's a sound I want to make him make; I want to drive him to states of oblivion.

Grinding my cock against his, the friction causing us both to pant for more.

"Oh.my.oh.my.holy...fuck. Spike so good, want to cum so bad.oh fuck.more." Smiling to myself at the successes of making him beg.

Looking at him with desire in my eyes, I press our cocks together harder, grinding them faster. The room becomes full of incoherent sounds, sounds of begging, sounds of pleasure.

Trying to concentrate on Xander's moans, and Xander's pleasure but finding it incredibly difficult with the feel of his cock rubbing against mine.

Running my fingers down his back and over his butt I gently squeeze it causing him to cum all over me, at the feel of his hot seed on me, my own release is found. "Xan...pet, fuck yes." I scream as I cum.

Our cum mixing together as we continue to rub against each other milking each others cock till they're totally spent.

Xander collapses on top of me, his head drops down into my neck, his lips kiss and nibble my ear lobe while his fingers pick some of our cum up. He lifts his head so I can see his face and then he places his fingers in his mouth, my once spent cock gaining hardness again, my mind screaming in amazement 'holy fuck he's deliberately eating our cum.'

"Umm nummy. So fucking good Spike." His eyes close themselves while he licks his fingers clean, his mouth sucking all the cum off them. My eyes focus on his lips, watching as he licks each and every finger clean.

Grabbing his face pulling it towards me as fast as I can, I claim his lips. I kiss him hard and fast, flipping us over, grabbing onto his hair while I continue to kiss him. His cock hardens, his body begging for me to touch him more.

Breaking away from him, I smirk and say. "And they say vampires are insatiable."

"Trust you to be a smart ass, at a time like this."

"Hush pet I'll take good care of you." Kissing his body as I move down the bed, licking up some of our cum. He's right, bloody nummy. My fingertips tracing their way down his neck, lightly going over his jugular, down his collar bone over his chest and to his nipples, pinching and teasing them while my tongue dips in and out of his belly button.

Moving my whole body down further my fingers going down his abs, my mouth going slowly down stopping at the base of his cock. Moving my fingers to his sides while I move my mouth from him keeping my hands on his sides I move up to his mouth and kiss him again, my hands rubbing his rib cage. His body rubbing against mine. Breaking away from the kiss I grab hold of his cock and gently squeeze it.

"Is this what you want?"

He moans a "Yes."

Moving my mouth to his neck I begin to kiss it while my hands massage his cock. My demon wanting to mark him screams at me to claim him, I suck his neck right on his jugular instead of biting him I give him a hickey. His body shudders beneath me as my hand pumps his cock, my mouth continues to suck his neck causing him to moan.

I move my mouth from his neck looking at my artwork, okay a mark I gave him. Wishing it was a true claim, wishing I could truly claim him. Moving down his body down his chest to one of his nipples, I slide my tongue out and flick it against his nipple. Placing my mouth over it nibbling it lightly as continue to flick my tongue against it.

My hands move up to his hips grabbing onto them squeezing them. Moving my hands under him I squeeze his ass. Turning us so we are on our sides I move my mouth to his other nipple and continue to nibble and flick it in the same way I did the other one.

My fingers rubbing his butt, every now and then gently squeezing it, moving closer to his anus with each squeeze. Rubbing one of my legs against his groin, applying pressure to his cock every time I squeeze his butt removing the pressure when I un squeeze it.

Taking my mouth off of his nipple I look at his face as I bring one hand to the front. Gently I begin to stroke his cock. With my other hand I move it towards the crack between his butt cheeks stoking up and down the crack in time with the stroking of his cock.

"Spike more, don't tease."

"Shh pet, not gunna leave you hanging, just enjoy."

I press my finger against his opening gently pushing it into him, stroking his cock more firmly. Finally pushing my whole finger into him, his body stiffens from shock; I slowly bring it back out.

"No don't.Spike."

Oh he likes that. "Shh pet relax." Returning my finger back into him this time with more ease this time looking for that spot.

"HOLY FUCK! Ohgodohgodohgod FUCK UGGG." Smirking to myself, ah Found it.

God he is so beautiful, his body dripping with sweat, his hair all messed, his chocolate brown eyes which are closed in pleasure, His mouth parted moaning, his tongue licking his lips trying to get a hold himself, his fingers wrapped around the sheet. His chest, oh god if only I had Angel's talent for drawing, I could spend hours drawing his torso, perfectly sculptured from the construction work, toned and tanned. Down to the v of his pelvic bone, his muscled thighs from running from all the nasties. His cock, begging to be touched some more, begging to cum, pre cum seeping from the tip, It's length and thickness so perfect, so warm, his whole body radiating heat. Once again hating the bloody initiative for chipping me, here I have this beauty and I can't even bloody well claim him.

Suddenly an idea comes to mind, a way. If I cause him enough pleasure, if I'm not doing it for pain, out of pain, maybe just maybe, hopefully I can, I can mark him, I can claim him, oh yes, he will be mine!

"Spike.? Why'd you stop...?" his voice shaky. Shit I didn't even realize I'd stopped.

"Sorry pet, just admiring the view."

Stroking his cock again taking him to mush land, once again entering his hole with my finger this time I push two in, once again finding the spot making sure I hit it, getting the desired response I want.

Moving my body down to his inner thigh. I look up at him, his face screws up in annoyance, kissing his thigh. Unable to help myself I move to a spot right beside his cock gently sucking, licking, nibbling, while my fingertips give him a hand job.

"Spike stop.got to stop.don't want that. Want you in me."

Wants me in him, who am I to deny what he wants, moving my fingers to his anus I part his cheeks and I gently run a finger around his hole, pushing three fingers into him.

"Oh fuck! Oh.god.oh god ...ugh." I love incoherent Xander. Rubbing my fingers in and out of his anus hitting the spot each time, driving him wilder with each touch, my mouth giving him a hickey waiting for the time to test my theory.

Gently cupping his balls with my free hand, pushing the three fingers back into him with more force, hitting his Prostate and squeezing his balls at the same time as I sink my fangs into him. Oh god human warm, oh god Xander. Hitting his prostate over and over again as I claim him, his body shudders as his cock shoots his seed all over me. My cock throbbing, aching, rubbing it against the bed my whole body and demon completely happy as I cum.

Moving my fingers from his anus, I withdraw my fangs from his upper thigh, looking at it.

'He's mine, BLOODY HELL HE'S MINE!' oh god I want to scream it to the world. Moving my lips to the mark I kiss it as my whole body screams he's mine.

"I love it when you purr." His voice bringing me back to reality, looking up at him, into his eyes, glazed over with desire, gently touching the mark making sure I wasn't dreaming it. "You look so happy it's adorable."

"I am so happy." Stroking my claim with my finger tips

"That feels nice. Why does it kinda hurt there?"

Great, now I'm going to be homeless again. Good one Spike! How the bloody hell do I explain this one and live to see tomorrow. "Hurt how?"

"It doesn't really hurt, it feels nice, really nice, but there's kind of a throb. Which I can feel throughout my entire body."

"Xander.pet. Now don't stake me, just think for a second okay?"

"Umm think about what Spike?"

Stroking the mark some more pressing down on it slightly.

"Oh Spike. feels good. Spike, even I need some recovery time, I just had the best orgasm I've ever had."

"Listen to me for a second Xander, okay?"

"Yeah sure."

Stroking the claim I begin "I claimed you pet, I marked you as mine, in doing so you're safe. No demon will go near you, but that's not why I did it, I did it pet, because forever remember?"

"Claim? What do you mean claim? I'm not angry Spike I just want to know what it means."

"I bit you, you have my mark on you. Here." I say as I stroke his mark, my mark, and my claim.

"What's it look like?"

Yet again I'm surprised by him, he doesn't seem affected by what I just told him, all he cares is what it looks like. Chuckling to my self.

"It looks bloody magnificent pet, absolutely perfect." Making sure he knows I'm talking about the mark and about him.

"Is that all there is? I mean is there anything else I need to know about the claim?"

"Uhh well. No that's it."

"Spike stop lying, tell me it all."

"It can be the beginning of something else or it can be what it is now. A protection mark, a claim."

"But it could be something else?"

"Xan. Do you really want to talk about this now? We could be doing so many more things."

"Spike, tell me or no more orgasms."

"Party poop." Giving him my best puppy look.

"Don't you try that with me buster."

"Fine. I'll tell you."

Moving up so that I can lay beside him, I pull him into my arms, stroking his hair, I begin to talk.

"If you want it, it can be a means as to forever. As in forever, pet, not just your forever, my forever with none of the bad side. You'll be able to walk in the sun, live off human food, live forever, heal fast, vampire speed and strength, keep your soul. But for this to happen there's a ritual, simple really, you drink from me, I drink from you we say a few words and bam forever really means forever."

"That's it, that's so simple, you would think it would be harder."

"It's simple because, not many vampires make mates, if they want someone, they will make them into their Childe. Only reason I know of it is because Angelus was always reading or telling us some vampire custom. He said he wanted us educated and such."

"Spike?"

"Yes luv."

"Do you? Is that what you want to do to me?"

Do I? Forever, with the whelp? Okay so he's not really the whelp any more. Eternity with those eyes, that hair, his scent, him.

HELL YES I DO!

"Wouldn't have claimed you if I didn't want it luv."

"What happens if you die? What happens then?"

"Once the ritual is done your life, your immortal life is tied to mine, if I die you will live on as mortal, you'll die when the time comes."

Oh great now he's gone all quiet on me. I guess I kinda dumped a lot on him.

"Spike.I want you to, I want to be with you for your kind of forever, this time while looking after you has made me realize I care about you."

Instantly my face comes over in the biggest grin I'm sure my face has ever felt. Unable to hide my happiness I pull him closer to me and kiss his face, never leaving a place untouched. Landing on his lips kissing them with more force then before.

Running my hands up and down his back lightly touching him causing him to shudder.

Tracing his lips with my tongue tasting our salvia mixed, tasting him. Moving a hand down his body gently touching my mark, running my fingers over it, causing him to moan in my ear, I apply more pressure, pressing down on it.

I hear him whimper into my ear, begging for more.

Pulling him into my arms, I hold him contently, purring in his ear.

Feeling his lips kiss my neck, kissing their way up to my ear.

"Spike. You made me hard, not gunna go to sleep on me are you?"

"Not going to sleep pet, too bloody hard to sleep, just enjoying the moment."

His tongue slides out of his mouth and flicks my ear, his lips suck on my lobe gently biting down as he moves his mouth off my ear, his hips rub against my groin forcing me to rub back, moaning for more.

"Want to do the ritual, want to be with you, want you to fuck me, god Spike.you feel so good."

"We will pet, but not tonight when you're a little older we'll do the ritual, don't want you looking 20 for eternity."

"Spike Want you." He looks at me, making sure I look into his eyes.

Seeing so much need, so much want, understanding what he is trying to say, he doesn't just want me to fuck him or plain eternity with him, he just wants me, wants me to simply want and need him.

And I do. I want him to the point of need. So much has happened in the past Month. For the first time I no longer want to forget, instead I want to remember.

Xander

"You sure about this, because once we do this Xander, it all changes, this isn't about thanks, this isn't about just getting off although that's a added bonus, this is about you and me, about how we feel. I want you, for more than tonight."

"Forever right?"

"Forever."

"I'm sure Spike, I love you I don't want to be with anyone else."

"That's good because I love you pet."

"Good, Now can we get on with the sex, I don't know how much longer I can wait."

"A man after my heart."

"It's not the only thing I'm after."

Moving down his body I leave wet patches where my mouth has been, I move my mouth to the base of his cock sucking on his skin as hard as I can, lightly nipping the skin between my teeth. My fingers trace the veins on his cock; slowly I wrap my fingers around him and begin to pump his cock.

I can hear him pant; his body aroused with so much want and need. Taking my mouth off his base I bring it to the tip of his cock flicking my tongue out tasting the seeping head, looking up at him his head rolls back, eyes shut, lips apart chanting.

"More.More.More."

Holding his cock steady with one hand I lick it all over, gently pressing my lips to the tip slowly sliding him into my mouth. Running my free hand over his ass, and down his crack, moving more of his cock into my mouth flicking my tongue on the underside of his cock tracing the veins. I press my finger into his opening.

"OH GOD XAN! GGHH."

His fingers tangle their way into my hair pulling me away from his cock. My body overcome with rejection, I thought he was enjoying it, was I doing it wrong?

"Xan. pet.so good! Don't ever think anything else. Had to stop you, gunna cum, didn't want that, not yet, want to make you incoherent, want to make you crazy with desire, want to feel my cock buried inside you when I cum."

"How.did.?"

His fingers run through my hair, and down my neck, lightly touching my skin.

"We vampires can sense feelings, fear, love and such."

"That's, well that's cheating."

He flips us over so he is on top.

"Well if you think about it that way, I like to think of it more in the way of using certain skills to my advantage."

Running his hands down my sides, he silences the conversation with a kiss, preventing me from talking which is fine with me, I don't really want to talk. I want to become incoherent, I want to become crazy with desire, I want to feel his cock inside me, and I want everything else and inbetween.

Rubbing his groin against mine, creating so much heat. I watch him as a single drop of sweat falls down his face, making it's way over his cheeks, running it's way along his chin, finally parting from his skin hitting, me. Feeling the drop hit me, feeling it burn itself into my skin, burning the action, burning the memory into my mind so I can remember it forever.

Our bodies shaking with unfulfilled desire.

Moving out from underneath him I lean over and open the bedside table, grabbing a tube of lube, I hand it to him as I say.

"I can't wait any longer. I need you now."

He puts the tube down and pulls my face towards him, and begins kissing it all over, placing his lips on my eyes, over my nose, my cheeks, on my lips.

Feeling his hands grabbing onto my body pulling me close again, his hands move down my face, feeling them run over my chest tracing circles around my nipples, pleasure shoots through my body as he pinches my nipples.

"Oh god. Spike!"

"I'm gunna make you feel so good pet, gunna make you see new kinds of colours." Moving his hands down my chest grabbing onto my hips he rolls us over, finding myself on top of him again. Shifting my weight, allowing me to rub our erections together.

Finding his jugular I place my mouth on to it and begin to suck, making sure my teeth nibble, letting my tongue flick out and lap at the spot.

"Oh.bloody hell pet!" his hands move onto my ass no longer teasing me, feeling his lubed fingers as they press against my hole, briefly thinking when did he put lube on, not caring the instant his fingers enter me, no longer teasing, no longer denying, just pleasing.

Moaning as his fingers stroke that spot, that place where all new colours come to life just like he said, my prostate.

Moving against him causing him to press his fingers against my prostate, causing us both to moan some more.

Grabbing onto the lube squirting some into my hand, somehow I lift my body barely off his, allowing me to reach in-between us, wrapping my lubed hand around his hard shaft rubbing the lube all over him.

"Umm.Xan.pet.got to.ugg.now." Understanding him completely, letting him take control.

Feeling his fingers move out of my hole, only to be replaced with the feeling of his cock easing its way into me.

His hands running up and down my back trying to make me as relaxed as he can. Hearing his voice whisper into my ear, unable to concentrate on what he is saying, just feeling the air against my ear, his mouth, the movement of his hands, his cock, the feeling of completeness of him inside me.

"Holy FUCK SO WARM!" Spike practically screams as his cock enters me.

Enjoying the feeling of him all in me, enjoying more then I'd ever thought I would or could, enjoying it so much, never wanting the pleasure to end but wanting to feel so much more at the same time.

Needing to tell him, needing to say. "Spike.oh.so good." Is all I make out before he rolls us over again sending jolts of electricity through my body, his cock sliding out of my ass, and entering again. His fingers pinching my nipples as his cock hits my prostate "OH FUCK."

So many feelings shoot through my system, wanting to drown in the sensations he is creating, wanting to feel nothing else for the rest of eternity.

His body rubs against my cock, his cock pumps in and out of my hole, hitting my prostate, my body begins to quiver, needing to feel release. Needing to feel something more. knowing what he wants, knowing I want it to, wanting to feel him drinking from me.

"Spike drink. drink me."

Screaming his name in orgasm as his fangs sink into my neck, feeling his cock spasm and cum inside me, making my orgasm so much more powerful.

Overcome with the feeling of hollowness, as his fangs slide out of my neck, feeling his cock slipping out of me.

He rolls off me, and pulls me into him, holding me close; he snuggles into my neck. Whispering in my ear he says.

"Love you always pet." Hearing his body rumble with purring, feeling it vibrate through out my body. Falling asleep with his arms wrapped around me, everything feeling so right.

The End

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