Third part in the Five Gold Rings series:

Part 1     Part 2     Part 4     Part 5

Collective Experience

by
Rngrdead

Part Eleven

Xander was awake early and hours before Spike would rouse, not unusual in any way, but Xander was counting each moment as precious. This morning was Thursday, they only had three more days then… He spent a long time petting and running his fingers through his beloved’s the curly long locks. Was it any wonder other men found his lover a threat. Someone so undoubtedly powerful and self assured, a being embodying energy and skill, yet bound tight in a package of such ethereal beauty, that it would make anyone (regardless of gender) swoon were they to gain his attention.

Xander stroked the now untangled and silky strands… How did he warrant such a beauty? How could such a wonderful being walk into his life, reigniting the fire, lay him bare after so many years?... Spike completed him so utterly… and yet he was to watch him walk away down an air-bridge on Sunday. It would only be two and a half months… sixty days until he had promised to come back… but how can one live without their heart for sixty days? How could he bear such separation when only just discovering what it felt to be complete?

He eased himself from below Spike, wandered to the study and booted up the computer to send a long neglected email to Willow.

“Hey Wils,

Apologies for the delayed reply. How are you doing?

Back at work after the break. A bit of a challenge, but hey. Besen project is going fine and we have a bunch of others on the go at the moment.

Had Spike staying here for over a week – he’s heading back to Boston shortly.

Do you have any time to take a call in the next day or so? Got something personal I need a friend for… Please suggest a time…

Sending you my Love as always and can you pass on hugs to you Dawn and Buff (if she’s there) – and give Giles an extra squeeze for me – just to mess with him ;-p

X”

He glanced up to see Spike standing at the door, the perfect model for a nude ‘David’, except for the look of semi annoyance. The large blobs of chocolate adorning the vampire’s heel and calf said it all.

“You left the bloody chocolates on the end of the bed!” Spike held out his right leg, “Care to lick me clean pet?”

Xander looked at his partner’s waggling right foot, then at the associated suggestive grin, and decided to give as good as he was getting for a change.

“So long as you lie naked at my feet, I’ll do most things for free. Licking clean included.” With that he pushed back from the desk and made the act of clearing the floor in front of him. Spike was almost instantly lying nude at his feet, staring up apparently innocently, legs in the air ready for ‘cleaning’.

“Ready when you are pet.” The attempted innocence gave way to lascivious grin and wiggle of an eyebrow.

Xander rolled his eyes, groaned with false annoyance then fell to his knees on the floor and began to systematically clean the proffered feet, then calves then inner thighs… and from there the taste of chocolate in his mouth simply seemed to carry its own allure. He felt it his responsibility to lick all aspects of Spike ‘in case of chocolate’. An activity he was in no way dissuaded from.

The morning’s adventures ended as was to be expected… on the floor, side by side, smelling of sex, utterly spent and sated. Unfortunately Xander realized, rather belatedly, that it was his mobile ringing for the third time somewhere in the study, and not just some random noise. After answering Andy (who was apparently waiting in the car park of their apartment complex), he displayed extraordinary speed in showering and dressing, before kissing Spike fondly and leaving his companion to return to late morning shower then slumber in their shared bed.

Spike was woken just past two by the doorbell persistently ringing.

“Alright… alright! Bloody hell! Will you give it a rest, I’m coming you git” Spike tugged on a pair of jeans and stomped to the door, muttering various threats of evisceration and torture prior to flinging the door open. It was Andy, looking awkward and upset. Spike felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Hey Will, got a minute?”

“Sure pet, what’s up? Come in, come in!” He ushered *their* friend into the lounge, Spike absently wondering at the quick transition to shared friends. “Just sit tight for a minute pet, gotta get meself a bit decent.”

Spike quickly grabbed a form hugging blue shirt and fetched a couple of beers from the fridge. He handed one to Andy and sat opposite the man.

Andy took the bottle, screwed off the lid with practiced ease then proceeded to lean forward staring at the label. “Look Will, umm, God this is hard!”

“Tell ya what mate – probably better out than in by the looks of things!”

“Umm OK… I’m worried about Xan …. God this is difficult…” Andy abruptly stood and wandered over to the wall unit to idly poke at various objet d’ arte. He finally turned a looked directly at Spike.

“I’ve only known Xan for five years OK? But he’s a good guy… and a great friend… and… I know he was really worried by that Jarrad and the gay targeting thing… but I’ve seen him at his lowest and that didn’t even come close… Ahh shoot… Since you’ve been here Xan has been happier than I have ever seen… Geez, I didn’t even know the guy could smile like that! You know he’s got no family left right?”

Spike nodded. It was his turn to stare at the label of his beer. Just as well Young & Co. breweries had interesting labels – the classic from ‘across the pond’ a welcome distraction when the message was obviously to be a painful one.

“So what’s your point mate?”

“Umm, look I know you’re an author and Xan kind of hinted at the investment stuff, and I kind of drew my own conclusions on that one… you’re pretty rich right? Ahh hell! Xan’s a friend and I’ve seen the lost look on him before but this time it was bad, and in my car, and this morning when he was talking about you leaving! And now the scar’s starting to play up again, I wondered if…”

“What about ‘is scar?”

“You know… the missing eye thing - given him hell, for all the time I’ve known him it’s been a problem… Sounds weird but I figure it has at least a bit of an emotional link ‘cause I haven’t seen him take the painkillers once since you’ve been here, well except for today on the way to work... Figured you should know… it got really bad today, I took him to the UC Davis Centre at lunchtime – eye specialist Dr McMahon there is great.”

Spike turned utterly incredulous. “The daft bugger… if it was *that* bad, why didn’t he say sommit?! Why didn’t he call?”

“God Will, I assumed he had! I kind of figured that you… Look I’m really sorry, I kind of assumed that you guys talked and there was some… um… I should have guessed! Xan never tells anyone … I only know ‘cause I’ve always had to drive him home when it gets too bad.”

“What do you mean ‘bad’? Like today bad? Bloody emergency treatment type bad? C’mon Andy clue me in here, ‘cause the boy certainly hasn’t!” Spike’s eye’s were ringed with gold.

“I’m *so* sorry buddy. Look, why don’t we go together? Will? How about you come with, I’ll drive you there and then…”

Spike looked at the afternoon light and the thankfully heavily overcast sky. “Don’t want to put you out mate. And I really appreciate you… coming over and tellin’ me this stuff.” Spike reached out and squeezed the taller man’s hand. “ Look, I know you’re busy, so how about you drop me at the door of the clinic and I’ll give you a call after talking to the boy...” Andy was surprised at his own reaction to William. The man was not only good looking but also charismatic and exuded a wisdom and power that Andy could not quite process, but resolved to ask Xan about.

“Look pet, I figure you think I’m a right prat for not lookin’ after the boy, but I swear the lad said aught about this business with his eye… And for the life of me I can’t see why not, but there you are…” Spike’s tone dropped to a mere whisper, his eyes flashed gold then he looked up at Andy with azure eyes brimming with tears. “You know more don’t you?!” It was a statement not a question.

“Yeah well… I think it’s Xan’s place to talk about the ins and outs, but yeah, I think he has some real ongoing issues.”

“Right, well… just let me get sommit decent on, and we can be on our way.”

Spike joined his ‘driver’ in the underground carpark, having first pensively viewed the sky as he left the apartment. He had his duster with him, along with a thick ski scarf and hat, figuring that were the sun to come out, it might give him a few extra seconds of protection and worry about explanations later. Fortunately the sunlight was not an issue during the drive, but the waves of anxiety from Andy certainly were.

Andy, true to his word, dropped Spike at the door of the hospital, with promises to check on his work friend a little later. Finding Xander proved somewhat of a challenge for the blonde. Xander had been moved from the emergency area sometime mid afternoon and the only thing Spike could establish for sometime was that he was still somewhere in the building. Finally a perky young intern pointed him in the direction of the specialists’ rooms explaining that Xander was an unusual case and quite well known to the doctors. At that point Spike stopped listening, desperate to find his partner and reassure himself that all was well.

After winding through the maze of corridors following ‘Ms Cheerleader come Doctor in training’, Spike finally found himself in an area obviously devoted physicians specializing in eyes. The intern had directed him to a Dr McMahon’s rooms where he announced himself to the receptionist. It was confirmed that Xander was indeed inside, so sat and waited.

Spike flicked idly through a surprisingly recent pile of magazines, obviously favourites of the doctor and his staff - ‘Luxury Cars’, ‘Who weekly’, ‘Quilting for the new Millennia’, ‘Angler’s Monthly’, ‘Tiger Woods’ Golf’, ‘Vanity Fair’ and ‘Time’. Forty minutes, later he was bored to near comatose by the delights of paisley patterned bedspreads; the merits of the long putter; the dire condition of some of Canada’s salmon breeding grounds; and the ‘shock story’ of who amongst the current celebrities were too fat too thin or just too. He was just beginning to day dream about eviscerating the rather plump receptionist, who had been chewing peppermints and irritating him by filing her nails for the last twenty minutes, when the door opened on the consulting suite.

Xander was standing with his hand tightly gripping the inside handle and white gauze patch obvious over his missing eye. His doctor had walked him to the door. Spike rose and moved toward his friend as he sensed the terror and pain flowing from the boy, utterly contradicting his attempt at an upbeat farewell to the doctor. Xander turned to see a lovely blonde waiting for him, It was all that was needed to crack the brave façade.

Spike sped forward and caught his friend with one arm as the brunette began to sway, at the same time grabbing the wrist of the doctor before he closed the door. “What’s up with him?!”

The doctor looked more than a little surprised by the vice like grip. “And you are?”

“William Aurelius, the ‘significant other’, mate. What’s wrong with the lad?… Seems he’s been holdin’ out on me.” The young surgeon observed the slim blonde’s tight grip on his patient, noting that it was reciprocated by an extremely relieved looking Xander. He quickly understood the relationship and proceeded to inform the partner.

“Ahhh, well… umm… Our tests indicate that the trauma to the eye and socket was extreme at the time, and it seems apparent that the damage goes beyond the immediate region.” Spike slowly released his grip and nodded. The apparently nervous, redheaded doctor was shifting from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable with revealing bad news.

Xander had been enveloped by the vampire’s arms and was now standing with his back to the specialist. Spike looked over the brunette’s shoulder, the gold flashes through his steely blue gaze sending an implicit message of warning to the medico standing in front of them. “And what exactly does that mean?”

“It seems that the nerve ends connecting the retina to the vision receptors in the brain are still overly sensitive… like ghost limbs when a person has an amputation. In simple terms, Xander’s brain keeps trying to ‘see things’, and like any bodily weakness, it occurs more when tired or stressed.” Despite Jeff McMahon feeling inexplicably nervous around the smaller blonde man, he was touched by the calming caresses that his patient was receiving from the rather assertive ‘other half’.

Spike barely restrained a feral growl, “So this means?? How about you just cut to the chase doc?”

“We don’t really know… Xander’s C.A.T. scans and the MRI’s are showing unusual patterns that reflect some sort of regeneration of cells, but really that could be anything. Our biggest worry is that it might be a reactive growth of some description. At this stage we have no way of telling, it could just be the tissue settling or some odd benign growth… we will have to monitor it, I’m sorry that I can’t help more than that… I’ve prescribed some very effective new generation painkillers designed for this sort of nerve injury – and I would recommend avoiding the glass eye for a few weeks, just until things settle down again.”

“So you’re tellin’ us that it could be cancer, or just a whole lot of nothin’, or somethin’ even more bizarre like what…an eye growing back?!?”

The doctor’s tone dropped to a conciliatory soft baritone, “I’m sorry William, is it? We just can’t tell at this stage. I have not seen an injury quite like this one before. I know Alexander reported that the damage was done during a brawl at a winery, but really… the area looks more like it has been punctured by a burning object rather than a thumb as Xander seems to describe the incident. The whole area looks like it was scorched and cauterized. The damage to the nerves in the area should be permanent and the scar tissue should stabilize after a time, but for some reason Xander’s just hasn’t quite done that yet. In fact a few months ago, as I said before, it appeared as though the tissue was beginning to regenerate… I’m sorry Will but it is still a bit of a mystery. I wish I could tell you more… I can recommend some colleagues down in San Fransisco that specialize in burns, if you’d like to get a second opinion …”

Spike warmed to the physician who obviously was trying his best. “Thanks mate, but how’s about I just take the boy home for now?” Xander stood and shook the doctor’s hand. And with that Spike led his human friend from the room, whispering “I’m gonna chat to the Red witch and the watcher – bloody burned… bollocks… some sort of mojo more like!”

Spike guided his friend out the door, silently led him down the seemingly endless corridors to the exit, and hailed a cab. The vampire noted with some relief that the sun be past the horizon within minutes.


The ride home was painfully silent. Xander’s socket was throbbing despite the painkillers and Spike’s whole demeanor exuded worry, anger and regret. Xander couldn’t help but be reminded of the Sunnydale Spike shortly after the winery debacle. The vampire had saved him, he had no doubt of that, but Spike had continued to feel deeply responsible for Xander’s injury. Staring out the window, he smiled as he recalled Spike raiding the abandoned Bronze for pool table and beer, and the few very pleasant long afternoons spent discovering each other before their world was torn apart.

Spike ushered his friend inside the apartment, wordlessly made hot chocolate, ran a bath and stripped the man. Were it not for Spike’s apparent annoyance and his refusal to join Xander in the bath, the brunette would have felt quite content. As it was, the sense of disquiet served to make the bath tense and short, as were any words passing between the partners.

Xander was sitting on the edge of the bath when he caught the tail end of a conversation. Spike had obviously taken the opportunity to call England.

“Yeah Red. ‘Course!... Hmmm… Is the watcher there?... What does he reckon?... Well you better get on it! ‘Cause the boy ain’t gettin’ any better while we all yack. Right well… thanks Red… call me back yeah…” Spike hung up the phone then looked up to see the towel clad body observing him from the doorway.

“Hey, pet.”

Xander’s tone was quiet, “That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me since this morning.” Xander wandered into the study and slumped onto the small settee, staring dejectedly at his own hands. “Figure you’re mad at me… but… I just didn’t know how to tell you, and figured you might not want to… you know? When you found out that there were still problems… that I’m still kind of ‘broken’…”

Spike had embraced him in a fierce hug before the human had even had time to take another breath. “Oh luv!... Not broken, and I was ticked off at meself for not picking it, not because of the injury! Give me a little credit pet! Hardly gonna run out on a lover just cause they’re in a bad way!”

Xander would not look him in the eye, “No, I know that… Love you Spike so much… I just… I just…don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not pet, even if I fly back to the city of tea parties, it will only to sort some things. I’ll be back in no time.” Spike lifted the beloved chin and looked into the hopeful chocolate gaze.

“You said ‘if’…?”

“Yeah well, slip of the tongue pet.” Spike watched as his friend’s face fell again. “You know I have to get organized if I’m to head this way again yeah?”

“But does it have to be months?” Xander was suddenly aware that he sounded awfully like a petulant child.

“We’ll see luv… Oi and none of that sad face!” Spike was just about to lean in for a reassuring kiss when the shrill ring of the phone interrupted.

Spike answered then handed the handset to Xander mouthing ‘Andy’ as he went.

I’m fine… No really I am… Yeah… Yup… No don’t worry, just tell Pete I’ll check it in the morning… You still OK picking me up? I get the car back tomorrow… Yep… Thanks… OK see you then… And Andy? Thanks again, really! It means a lot.”

He had hardly had time to replace the receiver when the phone rang again.

“Hello?... Watcher. Yes I’ll put him on.” With that Spike handed over the conversation to Xander and wandered out to the kitchen to heat a long overdue snack for himself.

He reentered the study, mug of warm blood in hand, to catch the tail end of the conversation.

“But why do we need to be there for that?... I’ve only got another two weeks due… yeah I know… I know! Well I’m not sure… I’ll ask, hang on..”

Xander held his hand over the mouthpiece. “Giles thinks… um…”

“Spit it out before it chokes you pet.”

“He thinks it would be best if we go to them. You know tests and… He thinks they can, well that is with your help.” Xander’s tone dropped almost to a whisper, “With your blood.”

Part Twelve

Xander’s scar remained painful, despite the drugs dulling the sensation. He hadn’t bothered to let Spike know the results of tests on his ‘good eye’, also apparently ‘in distress’, as the doctor so politely put it. In excruciating pain more like. He had been seeing double out of his good eye before begging Andy to drive him to the clinic. Now at home, Xander suffered in silence and accepted the cool hands that petted and comforted him until he succumbed to sleep.

Spike rose after a couple of hours. He had to get out for a time. Leaving the apartment via the balcony, he took off at a run and kept going. His old duster may have been replaced by the long dark grey coat, but it still managed to match and enhance his fluid vampiric grace.

As he ran, his own acute sense of failure over Xander’s injury reemerged and pushed him to the edge of desperation. What if he went blind? What if he died? Would he agree to be turned? Could Spike bear that responsibility? He knew he couldn’t lose the boy, not now… not after just finding him again… not after losing… everyone else!

As he sprinted through the city, he recalled all the others, Angel, Druscilla, Tara, Anya, Fred, Wes, Gunn, even Buffy… and then before… Mother, Papa… the list went on and on… *so* much loss… He was at the river, and as he ran on, he recalled all the losses he had caused for others… Guilt, pain, remorse… Was Xander perhaps paying the price for Spike’s demon nature? Was his victims’ pain somehow being visited on his friend? Was Xander suffering despite, or because of Spike? He ran on past the University, heading south, crossing over major roadways, and on until he found a cemetery, where he slowed. ‘Old Fellows Lawn’ according to the sign, though Spike noted, the inhabitants might not truly appreciate the vista.

Spike stopped to lean against a pillar on the miniature temple like building just beyond the entrance. He contemplated the previous few weeks… had it only been a few weeks?

He knew the boy -*man*- was special to him, and that he had promised to return to Sacramento in March, possibly forever. But this was of greater importance. He had not really been aware of the mortality of his soon to be life partner, quite as acutely as now. And there it was - the crux, the nub, the heart of the matter. If Xander was to be his life partner, then that life was so tenuous, so finite, that this latest eventuation was but a precursor to imminent death. Vamps came and went too. (Illustrating the thought at that instant, he dusted the rather stupid fledge that approached him, the other assuming an easy meal.) The difference with, particularly ‘Master’, vampires was the time the partners had together. Dru and he were lovers for over a hundred years; Angelus and he for twenty bloody and glorious years before that, then a second chance less than a decade ago, but what followed was… devastating. The heartache and grief was of such a profound nature that he had almost walked into the sun, and it still ate him from the inside out, if he let it.

Leaning back on the white wall, he took out a cigarette, lit it, stared at the clearing, moonless sky, and contemplated the stars. The tiny specks of light were dulled, courtesy of the city lights, but still there, none the same. Something niggled at the back of his mind… Old vampiric law, beaten into him by Darla, and occasionally Angelus, began to be recollected. Stories of pets and consorts; of partners and love and blood; of ceremonies and sacred rites; all leading him to conclude the same thing – the witch was right, this was about his blood.

>>>>>

Xander woke up alone, eye socket throbbing again and the pain behind his good eye fast approaching migraine proportions. It was still dark. He reached over to flick the table lamp on, but quickly reversed the action as the light sent dagger-like pain direct to his central nervous system. Feeling shaky and unusually hot then cold, he staggered from the bed in the dark, and only just arrived at the door of the bathroom before emptying the contents of his stomach onto the tiled floor. He sank to his knees and dry retched for several minutes before daring to haul himself up, step over the mess and weakly wash out his mouth at the basin.

It was all he could do to grab the bathmat and throw it on the offensive puddle at the doorway, before staggering back to his bed to curl up and ride out the pain once more.

Xander had been lying, curled up in a fetal position, rocking himself soothingly, for some time. Where was Spike? He must have left as soon as Xander fell asleep, but why? Xander contemplated all possible reasons and could come up with only one logical one. Xander was broken, and he had not told Spike. Spike couldn’t live with a person for whom stress meant debilitating pain; a human who was marred for life; an individual who was unsure of their own prognosis. Tears began to streak from his good eye and Xander wallowed in his misery. Spike had left again but not because of something he said… this time it was something he was – a cripple!

Everything seemed to have gone so well, the scars had not really been a problem since before Christmas, at least not until now. *Now* Spike was leaving again; *now* Xander was ‘out’ to the *whole* office staff, a fact that was obviously not popular with some of the less tolerant males; *now* the doctors were unsure of the prognosis on his eye; *now* Willow was suggesting drastic measures for his old wound; and… the worst… *right now*… Spike had run off to do whatever, and still wasn’t home… and could be in trouble again, and, and, and, and… His eye and the old wound both throbbed.

Not knowing how to claw his way up from the apparent desolate abyss, Xander began to repeat old, hard learned lines – ‘I’m stupid’, ‘I’m unlovable’, ‘I’m unattractive’. Unable to break the internal beating, he did the only thing that made sense any more. He rolled over and curled into an even tighter ball, dripping a steady stream of tears from an already aching good eye onto his pillow, and marked the his growing hurt with an widening, damp patch.

Spike had dusted six vampires before spotting the young and (if he recalled correctly) very ‘green’, slayer at the top end of the cemetery. Much as he would have liked to teach her what a Master could really do to her, he decided to leave the lesson for another day. He started the return journey at a leisurely pace, but began to speed up as he felt the prickle of daylight. It was still an hour or so away but nonetheless, close enough to be a problem, should he meet with some delay.

Arriving at the apartments with time to spare, the vampire launched himself from the grounds, landing mid-balcony to smell a variety of distressing scents. Cursing his own stupidity, he sped into the bedroom to find Xander curled up dry retching again. (By the human’s count, it was the third time since midnight.)

“Bloody Hell Pet! Come here..” He cupped Xander’s chin and drew the clammy forehead up for a kiss. It was odd that a human could be so hot, yet so cold and sweaty all at once!

“Spike?!” Swollen red rimmed eyes fluttered open to meet crystal blue.

“Ahhh luv… S’me… What’ve you been doin’ to yourself?”

“Oh… the usual, tango lessons, impromptu performance art, occasional brain meltdowns, that sort of thing… God Spike! I was so worried! Where have you been??”

“Out.” Spike stroked the dark hair and continued the caress absently as he stared at his lover.

“So you disappear for hours then go all deadboy taciturn on me?” Xander coughed, winced, then desperately grabbed onto Spike’s coat, groaning weakly as another wave of pain and nausea hit.

“C’mon luv! Calm down… I’ve got you… I’ve got you... always… Shhhhhh pet… C'mon, Shhh.” Spike continued to pet the damp hair as Xander’s retching dissolved into tears of hurt and frustration for the umpteenth time that night. There was a difference this time though. He was cradled in the lap of possibly the only other individual who really understood such loneliness, pain and self loathing. As the torrent slowed, he also realized that Spike was the only person who had ever *really* cared what he felt.

He began to return the caress weakly (albeit, the only thing he could reach was Spike’s knee), and reluctantly acknowledged his own fear. Being ignored, being put down, being alone, those things he understood. He was familiar with being used as a foil for someone else’s argument, as the ‘go fetch guy’, or even just for sex. But, being the object of someone’s adoration; to experience the undying (or in this case undead!) devotion of another being, one half of a long term, adult partnership; to be the recipient of unconditional love… Those things were all utterly new, and by far the most frightening thing he could think of. Yet he knew that Spike really would give him all that and more. His head throbbed again.

Spike saw another tear emerge from his partner’s eye – this time accompanied by a heavy sigh and hitched breath that was atypical and seemed to have little to do with the earlier violent stomach actions. Spike detected the change in Xander’s scent as he continued to stroke his partner. The misery and fear disappeared gradually, replaced by contentment and slight arousal.

“You going to tell me what’s really up, pet? ‘Cause I had something to ask you that’s best done if the air’s clear.”

“You really do love me don’t you… I mean… I really know you do but… Ahh geez Spike… Whatever I say is going to come across *so* needy and stupid… and I… You know I love you *so* much right? I just… How could you care for me like that? I’m such a mess… and… and… You’re this beautiful being with the whole eternal-guy thing going for you… And I’m just… Xander…” Another tear sprung forth.

“Who is the daft human in my lap that I happen to love… Now will you stop all this!” Spike paused in his petting, lifted his friend to look directly into the good eye. “Look at me pet… and I don’t care if you’re seein’ bloody quadruple at this point – just saves me sayin’ it more than once! We’re goin’ to fix that eye of yours once and for all, and sort the where’s and why’s of what’s between us, yeah?” Xander nodded. “But you need to listen careful-like, you with me?…" Another nod. “If you agree that is… if you agree for me to fix that eye like this…” Spike cupped his friend’s face in both hands and his tone became deadly serious, “There will be a price and one you may not be ready to pay.”

Xander looked genuinely confused and a little fearful. “You’re… you’re gonna to turn me?”

Spike smiled wickedly then sobered, “Thought about it luv – you’d make a magnificent Childe – but no, not gonna do that.”

“Then…?”

“If we exchange enough blood to fix your good eye, I’d have to mark you as my consort, otherwise it wouldn’t have the right effect.” Spike’s voice was almost at a whisper.

“And this consort thingy would mean what exactly?”

“It means you would be mine, and I will be yours… for all time… until death. It means you would crave my touch and I yours. It means we would be connected a little in spirit, know each other’s emotions, that sort of thing. It means you would hardly age. Being a consort means you will take on faster healing, and if I give you my blood you will always heal. There are a few other things as well - ‘s a little different for everyone.”

“But you’re certain it would fix the eye?” Xander squeezed his good eye closed and sighed.

The blonde note the reaction and quickly retreated from the idea. “Yeah pet. But I can see… Look we’ll ring the witch again, there must be another spell or some such” Spike removed his hands from Xander’s face and began to move away.

Xander’s eye snapped open and he grabbed the withdrawing arm of the obviously crestfallen vampire, “No don’t move away! I’m just trying to understand why *you* would let *me* become your consort. I mean… God Spike, I would do it in a heartbeat, even without the bonus of the eye thing… but why would you… And… for all time?”

“You really are a daft bugger aren’t you! I love you, you git. I love you and I want you, but I just didn’t…” He heard the human’s heart begin to speed up alarmingly and was then pulled toward the brunette and kissed soundly.

Xander finally released him and pressing his forehead to Spike’s whispered, “I love you William Aurelius … Please… what do we have to do? Because my answer is yes, I want to be your consort, to be yours for all time and for you to be mine.”

Spike pulled away giving Xander a brilliant smile, then dropped his eyes in an almost shy move and shook his head a little. “I never thought anyone would… not after… God Xan… feel like I’m gonna burst … I really want…”

“No arguments here… but you still haven’t said… Do we… a ceremony or a spell?”

“You take my blood and I take a little of yours… and it has to be…” Spike cleared his throat and took his partner’s hand. Xander began to worry then Spike continued “It has to be while I’m taking you then you’re take me.”

“That’s it?”

“There are some words before we bite.”

“Which are?”

“Ego tribuo vos meus cruor libere – means I give my blood freely. And there’s some after - Vestri pro infinitio - Yours for eternity.”

Despite Xander’s head still aching and his view of the world being distorted, he grinned almost maniacally, pulled Spike down onto the bed and began to undress him with trembling, urgent hands. He managed to get the T-shirt off, but failed to undo the button on Spike’s jeans so relented and removed his own boxer shorts as Spike undid his own fastenings and wriggled out of the denim.

Already semi-hard with the thought of what they were about to do, Spike rolled onto his companion and crushing the brunette’s mouth in a passionate kiss. As their erections collided, they were both instantly hard. Spike continued to plunder Xander’s mouth and moved his entire body up and down Xander’s caressing torso with torso.

He finally pulled away from the sweet mouth, straddled Xander and ground out a needy, “You in me now… Please Xan, now.” With that, he reached over to the side table, grabbed some lube and prepared himself quickly, then slicked his partner. Lifting Xander’s manhood slightly, he sank down onto it with a groan and began a slow rhythm.

Despite the lack of lengthy foreplay, Xander recognized this as ‘making love’, not ‘a quick shag’, or game playing, or simple coupling. He took Spike’s proud erection with a reverent hand and stroked it at the same leisurely pace as the body he was in now moved. Well practiced hands explored Xander’s torso, tweaking nipples until they hardened and caressing the midline hairs until the fingers swirled around, then moved in an out of his navel.

Finally Spike began to pick up the pace and leaned forward to lave the area at the base of Xander’s neck where he would soon bite. He groaned a little as Xander’s hand tightened around his shaft and his prostrate was massaged with the change of angle. Shifting into game face, he reached up, sliced his own neck with a sharp fingernail, and began to recite the words. Xander stared up into the yellow eyes and echoed each one in turn, then stretched his neck to give Spike full access. He felt a short sharp pain as the fangs sank into his flesh and lifted his head ever so slightly to latch onto Spike’s bleeding wound.

Now joined in the blood cycle, both partners drank several deep drafts before simultaneously pulling mouths off as they climaxed. Spike covered Xander’s chest with his seed as Xander flooded his lover’s rear channel with his own warmth. They both completed the concluding vow just in time for Spike to collapse onto his partner.

He lay still for several minutes then rolled them both until Xander was on top. “Your turn to ride love.” They repeated the process with a virtual mirror image of the previous coupling. When Spike reopened the wound on his neck for Xander to drink, the human groaned his approval, and bit down hard this time, taking far more of the red ambrosia into himself than the previous exchange as his own blood was extracted.

Xander repeated the last part of the vow and began to feel an odd prickling sensation up and down his spine, he was also aware of a flood of loving emotions emanating from his lover. Rather than the link terrifying him as he anticipated, it felt like coming home somehow.

He smiled at the warmth of the feelings, then leant down again and kissed Spike with all the adoration he felt. His eye, and the socket, had both ceased throbbing and he lay down to cuddle into Spike’s torso, the vampire still embedded deep inside his rear. “I’m yours”, he whispered and heard the reciprocal “And I’m yours”. And with that, they both slept.

Part Thirteen

Xander woke with a Spike shaped pillow under him and a lovely full feeling in his behind. Realizing he was still straddling the body under him, he rolled off to the side of his still snoozing companion. He grinned at the sweet ‘plop’ sound, but immediately missed the sensation of being full and connected. He lifted his head enough to see the time – happily noting the day instead. It was Saturday. He breathed a sigh of relief and snuggled into his partner’s side to return to his very pleasant dreams.

Spike woke early afternoon and smiled as he noted the rested visage of his partner. In his slumber, the boy looked younger, unworried and content. He placed his ear to the broad chest and listened. Heartbeat loud and strong, but something *was* different. The beat was slower, impossibly so, Olympic athlete slow. He pulled away and began to examine more closely noticing other tiny changes, the few silver hairs that had started to show in the dark locks had gone, and the hair had a brighter sheen and silky feel that reminded him of the richest mink.

He pulled up the covers. The body was still the one he loved, with muscles of a man who valued his fitness, but they now seemed more defined, the skin more taut and lines accentuated. It was as though some sculptor had rubbed Spike’s own living breathing ‘David’ with the finest sandpaper, and left the world to gasp at the beauty of the result.

The vampire sighed, stroked the cheek of his obviously exhausted mate, then left him to sleep on. He retreated to the bathroom to relieve a painful erection under the jets of a hot shower then went to cook a much needed snack for his slumbering significant other.

Xander woke alone, rolled and scratched his belly idly. As he placed his face into Spike’s pillow and inhaled the familiar scent, he realized that, for a change, he felt an indescribably strong thrum of contentment somewhere at his core. He rolled out of bed and still naked, padded into the kitchen. After the passion and intensity of the past twenty four hours, the human consort smiled at sheer domesticity of scene he encountered.

Spike was frying eggs, bacon and what appeared to be a tomato based sauce, and was busy buttering two pieces of wholegrain toast clad only in a bath towel toga and MP3 headphone’s playing Spiderbait’s version of ‘Black Betty’ (loud enough to be audible even to human ears). The breakfast bar was set for two with orange juice at one place and a glass of the best O positive at the other. Xander took the advantage and pounced on his distracted mate, grabbing him around the waist from behind and proceeding to kiss, lick, and finally bite the slender neck hard enough to draw blood. He slid one hand down over his lover’s slim hip and around to cup the interested organ tenting the vampire’s towel.

Xander dropped to his knees and tugged at the towel, at the same time managing to grind out, with a Spike worthy smirk…“Keep cooking… if you can.” Then slid his mouth over his lover’s very erect shaft

Spike gave a lust-filled groan, widened his stance and braced himself. Xander smiled around the hard flesh in his mouth as he noted his cook’s careful attention to heat reduction of all the outlets on the stove. He then ‘upped the anti’ by humming deliberately as the cook continued to give attention to each of the dishes in turn, despite the assault on his manhood (and concentration). Eventually, however, Spike maneuvered himself to lean back on against the sink and gave in to the determinedly loving, hot mouth.

Before Xander had finished, Spike pulled away, turned off all the appliances and pushed his partner onto his back on the cool kitchen tiles. “Mine” was hissed through fangs and a dazed Xander realized rather belatedly that the body impaling itself on him was slicked and ready courtesy of previous night’s activities.

“Oh God! Spike!”

Spike began to ride him hard, grabbed the brunette’s hand and wrapped it around still saliva slicked erection and began pumping in time with the rise and fall impaling body.

Just as they both began to feel the tug of climax, Spike leaned forward and presented his neck to Xander, scratching the wound from the previous night, and let his own fangs connect with the tanned skin over his mate’s jugular. They both drank deeply and came, each pulse of red fluid now matching the jet of warm seed gushing in, and a cool one splashing on, the climaxing bodies.


A few minutes and couple of rather sticky towels in the washing machine later, the two were sitting side by side at the breakfast bar, closest legs intertwined at the ankles. Xander was eating his way through a hearty repast of three freshly prepared fried eggs (the originals having made their way to the trash after the ‘timing’ went wrong during preparation), a large pile of crisp lean bacon and toast with jam. Over the past weeks he had learned that the extra large helping was so that Spike might steal from his plate… after the vampire finished his own meal of blood with Wheetabix ‘sprinkles, and the obligatory under boiled egg… (The contents of which he seemed to insist upon slurping from a teaspoon while in game face, eliciting the obligatory ‘Oh Gahhh’ and apparently long suffering eye-roll from his lover).


It was their last evening together before Spike returned to the east coast. Little had been said and Xander seemed content with numerous gently touches, passing caresses. The instant the sun went down, Xander sat, then snuggled, next to his lover on the outside lounge setting, both with beer in hand, and silently watched the sky turn from orange to pink to crimson and finally… ‘‘Black with twinklie bits.”

“What?”

“Black with twinklie bits… Space… you know… Red Dwarf?...Holly?… Lister?… ‘Black with twinklie bits.’”

Spike snorted and turned to face his lover with an utterly incredulous look , “Good lord… Are you *really* channeling the inner Dru or just having a ‘moment’ pet.”

Xander rolled his eyes and smiled… “You know for an old English dead guy, you really do need some education in Cult past the seventies!”

“Oi!” Spike paused for a moment, narrowed his eyes then replied with a wicked flash of yellow, “That the eighteen seventies or the nineteen seventies? ‘Cause as of last night there’s a pretty good chance of you n’ me both makin’ it to the *twenty seventies* then let’s us have this conversation again and see who is up with modern culture ay??”

Xander stilled suddenly and went utterly silent. He knew Spike could hear it too, the extraordinarily slow heart beat and slowed breathing pattern, even though he was relatively tense. He pulled from their embrace a little and began to trace small patterns on Spike’s thigh with his free hand and stared at the ground with his good eye.

“God, you know? I never really thought about that… so… um… I know this is going to sound *so* the stupid guy kind of question… but… how have you adapted? I mean, even this morning and with the ‘Spiderbait’, OK five or six years old now but still this decade? And your clothes? And the hair…? Gahhh! You are *so*!!!… Second thoughts… it really wouldn’t matter what century someone like you lived in, you are beautiful…so…” Xander stopped the quiet rant and dropped his tone still more, “How will *I* deal Spike? Can you help me deal?”

“Love is love in any time, pet. ‘S what keeps it worthwhile… Angelus, Dru …. Buffy was a blink of the eye (and a couple of black ones if I recall)… but you.. we’re for keeps luv. We’ll shag and we’ll enjoy life – you the ‘livin’, and me the ‘un’ – for however long… This is a story with an end so far away luv, with an ending so far from the current horizon, that it really *is* about the journey… and it’s the journey shared that makes the ‘now’ always so important.”

Xander took in the speech with the seriousness it deserved, then downed the rest of his beer, placed the bottle on the ground turned to bite his companion lovingly on the ear and whispered… “Hei… Mas-tahh Spikeson… Wipe on. Wipe off.”

Spike slammed his own bottle to the ground, turned abruptly, tearing the lobe from his partner’s lips and began to tickle Xander’s very sensitive groin… “You cheeky bugger… ‘Ere’s me offerin’ you me inner most wisdom and you’re quoting pop culture… That’s it…” He continued the ‘torture’ of the brunette who was given an unexpected reprieve by the shrill tones of the front doorbell.

Xander stood abruptly, yelled “Coming” and attempted to disguise his ‘I’ve been well f#@%ed recently’ look with an oversized sweatshirt and pants hastily pulled on en route before answering the door.

“Andy… And Kelly! Hey what a surprise… come on in!...”

Spike heard the ‘surprise’ greeting and quickly made his way to the bedroom to change clothes (or strictly wear a few more) before the guests moved past the entry hall.

Courtesy of preternatural speed and a limited ‘holiday’ wardrobe, he emerged only seconds later, hair tied in a broad gold ribbon, buckling a belt on his chocolate brushed denim, hip hugging designer jeans, and high necked tight sweater in deep burgundy.

Andy smiled as Kelly responded to the sight of Xander’s rock star handsome boyfriend by giving her partner’s hand an obvious squeeze then offering the other to Spike.

“Will, this is my partner Kelly, Kelly, Will.” Andy grinned at Xander as they both noted some serious “eyelash batt-age” from Kelly as Xander would remind his colleague later. He was also aware of his own swell of pride in his beautiful partner, but also realized, with more than a little surprise, he was feeling a protective, bordering on possessive urge. The tall curly headed blonde on Andy’s arm hardly constituted a threat to his lover, but he resolved to discuss it with Spike later. What if someone or something *did* seek out his partner, what then?

“Earth to Xander…” Andy was smiling at him and Xander realized his brooding self, shook it off and turned his full attention to the guests.

“Gahh, Sorry… Come in… Great to see you guys!! Hey Kelly, how’s the world of full time work and part time MBA?” Spike retreated to the kitchen to quickly prepare a platter of bread and ‘nibbles’ while downing a large mug of blood in private then joined the others platter in one hand and four glasses and chardonnay in the other.

Andy smiled at Spike as the blonde joined the group, “Good to see you have finally embraced the gay life Xan! I mean… Good white wine and artistically arranged anti-pasta served by a drop dead gorgeous beau?” Andy watched as Xander waited for the glib punch-line but was pleased and a little surprised, at Andy’s follow through. “And you seem more content and centered than just about anyone I know. ‘S great man… really… you deserve it.” Andy’s large hand landed on Xander’s shoulder and gave a heartfelt squeeze of friendship and support.

Another hard knock from the front of the apartment interrupted the moment.

“Now what?” Spike handed the glasses and wine to his partner and headed to answer the door.

“Jim! Great to see you, Sandy…. Come on through… come on through.”

Jim’s wife followed him in bearing an enormous bunch of flowers and was trailed their daughter ‘and friend’.

Spike ushered them all into the hall pointed the parents toward the balcony where he knew Andy and Xander were deep in conversation, then offered his hand to the rather shy looking young man, “Hi, name’s William.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Connor.”

Spike felt an icy shiver down his spine, then kicked himself for the sentimentality and momentary wish to connect with the last of his family again… but he had promised Angel that he would leave ‘their’ Connor to live his life… but did that really mean no contact? Shaking off the thought, he quickly turned his attention to their guests. This kid was nothing like his Sire’s full blood child, simply had the same name. The strapping lad was obviously Athletics 101, quarterback material. Janine grinned pointedly and rather triumphantly at Spike, so the former ‘Big Bad’ winked, leaned forward and whispered, “Congrats sweetie. I got my boy, you got yours” At which point the teenager scoffed, then smiled rather smugly replying, “Oh..and by the way? I *so* always knew you were gay!” Spike smirked knowingly and led the young couple onto the balcony.

Xander emerged from the balcony to greet his new guests just in time to see Spike smiling with genuine pleasure at something that had been said by a boy he didn’t know. Greeting Jim and Sandy enthusiastically, he turned to Andy with a quizzical look. Andy shrugged, looked sheepish and grinned knowingly.

“Jim, Sandy! What a lovely surprise.”

Sandy passed the flowers to Xander. “Congratulations!”

Xander looked somewhat confused, but Andy jumped to his rescue. “I told Jim and Sandy that you and William had decided to confirm your commitment to each other after…”

Spike wandered onto the balcony with Janine and her date, and nodded his support to Andy, acknowledging his own part in the ‘party plot’.

“Yeah well Xan, didn’t want these folks tryin’ to fix you up with someone while I’m away for a week or two! Figured a few folks in the know couldn’t hurt.” Spike looked up hopefully and received a broad affirming smile acknowledging Xander’s appreciation for the thoughtful inclusion of his friends.

Xander moved to Spike and for the first time in ‘public’, slid his arms around the thin waist and kissed his partner chastely, but lovingly on the mouth. “Thanks.”

Turning to their guests, with one arm still wrapped around his partner’s hips, he smiled, “Our secret is out it seems… in all the senses of that word. And I am glad that my boss who I am lucky to call friend and mentor, his beautiful wife Sandy, and family [he nodded at Janine ‘and friend], and my dear friend Andy and his gorgeous partner Kelly are here to share *our* union. Andy’s right, William and I formally sealed our partnership last night in a private ceremony. Thank you for joining with us to celebrate the most wonderful… person… thing… change of life that has happened to me for a very long time… Oh God… Now I’m babbling guy! Everyone… sorry… just… who needs a drink?”

Drinks were procured for the newcomers, another platter of savory treats arranged and offered around, and the evening progressed pleasantly. Barbeque meat had been hastily defrosted and kebabs made by Xander’s chef du jour, while Sandy assisted with salads, happily commenting to Spike on the abundance of fresh ingredients.

“Obviously your influence.” According to the chef’s erstwhile assistant-come-interrogator.

Spike smiled, realizing that things may indeed have looked less ‘well stocked’ some weeks earlier, and was happy that Xander’s friends had noticed. He was more pleased by the knowledge that, just maybe, Xander’s choice of life-partner had been welcomed by his close friends.

Spike reached over and grabbed Sandy’s free hand as she was about to take her wine glass again. He lifted the slender knuckles to his lips and kissed them in an elegant expression of warmth and gratitude. The warmth and genuine friendship in the eye’s of kiss’s recipient, was far more intense and understanding than he had expected.

News of Xander and Spike ‘vows’ had intrigued and pleased Sandy. She had been saddened, yet understanding, regarding the privacy surrounding ceremony given recent events at work. Andy had informed her that no one but the two men concerned were in attendance. Sandy looked hard at Spike’s ethereally beautiful face, noting a sadness and look of wisdom beyond his years, she surmised the look as one typical of individuals who have lived through profound personal loss and could not help but wonder what Spike had endured. Jim had said that they were both residents of Sunnydale and had therefore shared that loss, but this looked like hurt even older than that. She resolved to ask one day, but not this night.

Sandy watched the eye’s that reminded her of ocean waves, deep blue and brimming with tears of happiness as he locked onto his partner and received Xander’s smile in return. She knew in that moment how bound the two men really were. She had seen the look before, her sister Di and adored partner Stephen, Jim’s darling uncles John and Hamish, how she felt when she found Jim’s stare across a busy room, just like now… She flushed with a sense of completeness and love that only her lover and friend for almost twenty years could evoke. This was about partnerships that survived tragedy and good times, passion and social damnation; relationships where the love flowed so deeply that it overcame any impediment. She felt a strange maternal satisfaction at seeing Xander ‘and friend’ reflecting the same sentiment.

Jim spied his wife’s analytical eye falling on Xander, and smiled back at her with ‘that smile’, the one that made the ‘crow’s feet’ wrinkles around his eyes appear like the exclamation marks around the sparkling orbs. Spike spotted a mouthed ‘Love you’ from Jim to his wife, and took the moment to take up one of her well manicured hands…
“Thank you so much, it means a lot to Xan and me.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, “I am so pleased you could share this with us. You’re like family to Xan… he’s very lucky, and now so am I.”

Sandy found herself quite teary but smiled, pulled Spike close and whispered. “You are most welcome William. You just be sure to come back here again, and for good next time… and that means soon, buster.” Spike had a momentary flash of Cordelia and Fred as they might have been were they to have had ‘normal lives’ twenty years beyond their demise. He answered her with genuine affection and a smile that made the usually unflappable Sandy’s breath hitch, “Anything for you pet.”

The evening developed into quite a delightful affair, particularly after the ‘work talk’ between the three colleagues was undermined by the respective partners winking at each other in complicity, then simultaneously doing their best to physically distract their ‘significant others’. Spike grinned as he grabbed his ‘other’ from behind, pulling him close enough to feel the vampire’s erect shaft flush against his behind.

Looking over to the teenage couple propped on a chair together in the corner, Spike noted Connor's interest in the 'goings on' between the two men. He deliberately held the boy's gaze as he leaned over Xander's shoulder to nibble his earlobe and whisper, while giving the lad his best 'come hither' grin. “Think someone else might be up for a bit ‘o fantasy tonight, pet. Think I need ta remind the lad you’re spoken for? Or shall we give ‘im a proper show?” Spike undulated his hips and felt his partner push back a little to increase the friction, a move not lost on the teenager. He blushed deeply and Spike smelt the arousal from across the balcony.

Xander suddenly realized Spike's choice of the proper show option and turned in the embrace to face his lover. "C'mon... Let the boy be.”

Andy and Kelly departed for another party around midnight after *insisting* that “Will, his *promised* to be back here soon to make sure their Xan was ‘OK’ D?!” This was followed in quick succession by the departure of Sandy, Jim and the daughter (plus friend).

Xander’s sigh of relief was cut off by cool lips claiming his.

“Now let’s you and I set about makin’ sure you don’t forget who you belong to.” Xander smiled and shivered a little in anticipation of the ‘lesson’.

Part Fourteen

It was their last night together – or strictly speaking, their last twelve hours since it was already three am - and yet this was only the first real night together since their mating. Despite an overwhelming feeling of lust and love spinning through their link, Xander couldn’t help but let anguish and dread creep in as he contemplated their coming separation. He had seriously considered asking for time off after the eye pain fiasco, and was sure Jim would agree, but the inner ‘adult’ Xander had squashed the idea. He was needed at work, and Spike had promised it would only be two weeks, he’d promised… Just while he ‘tidied up some affairs’. This adult, responsible, well educated, business savvy aspect of Spike continued to surprise Xander. The very rich recluse, William Aurelius; the ‘running my own investments’ capably, enigmatic ‘young’ Mr Aurelius; the hundred and fifty years plus of life and unlife, learned poet, turned internet using prose writer; the cultured, intelligent, well read William who could apparently be conjured at will but was usually buried under the Spike persona. Xander was fascinated by all of them – and loved Spike all the more for the complexity.

“You comin’ up for air anytime soon pet? ‘Cause that brood’s a doozey…”

“Oh god Spike… sorry… just thinking… nothing bad… just thinking…” He trailed off.

Spike rolled on top of his ‘thinker’, pressing their erections together in an effort to distract. Xander turned his head away from Spike and stared at the wall, the epitome of misery. Remembering the tearful footpath scene the last time one of them departed for the airport, Spike resolved stronger measures would be needed to pull his mate from his funk. He remembered an old game mentioned in passing and apparently played by Willow and Jesse and his boy many when they were children. So took a punt and put his own spin on the same idea.

“Anywhere but here.”

“What?!”

“Well you *obviously* don’t want to be here with me so….”

“Oh geez! Sweetheart! No!! It’s… The problem is… I just want to be here… only here… with you… and I know you have to go and… and…” Xander stopped, took a deep breath then began again. “It’s just … ahh Spike… I’m *so* pathetic… I… dammit!... I’m just terrified that if you go, that’ll be it… OK!?! I just can’t lose you. Not now, not ever. And the whole partnering thing and now… Gahhh anyway… England!” Xander’s demeanor suddenly changed and a hopeful brown ‘puppy dog’ eye fixed on Spike’s baby blues.

Spike was utterly thrown, “What?”

“England! You and me. Once you’ve finished what you need to do, let’s… Well let’s call it a holiday, a honeymoon… you know! What couples do, when they’ve… coupled. And come on! Willow and Dawn will be…” Xander trailed off.

Looking at the rather incredulous expression on his lover’s face, he realized that the former Sunnydale crew all assumed (as he had) that his lover was dust, if not after the Sunnydale amulet, then certainly in the final confrontation with the senior partners. In the excitement of the past couple of months, he had failed to inform Willow of his ‘outing’, and also realized rather belatedly, that he had never really shared fully on the whole Xander and gender preference front, nor any issues with his scar. And given all that, the idea that he and Spike were now married in the vampiric sense would certainly be quite a ‘surprise’.

Spike completed the sentence flatly, “They may not be too happy pet. Ever the outlaw, never the inlaw luv… Don’t see ‘em embracin’ the idea of a vampire stealin’ their prize boy, can you?... C’mon luv… no holiday needed… I know you feel like you’re..”

“Spike *please*! Please let’s plan something! You coming back is great but… I can’t lose you again. Not now!… I feel like you’re going to walk away with half of me and… and…” Xander’s voice hitched as he tried to swallow around the large lump in his throat. In the absence of the eye patch, he lifted his hand to his ear and twisted his earring frantically, “I just can’t do that. I *can’t* lose you… not again… not again…” Xander could hear himself begging and felt an overwhelming sense of panic that he knew was bordering on ridiculous.


“What’s all this ‘losing’ business pet? There’s no losing… Can’t you feel it? The connection? Surely…?” In that moment Spike realized his own error. They had not exchanged blood since their first vows. “Bloody hell, I’m a complete prat!”

“And for those of us that don’t speak Spike that means?”

“Means you need to take some of this, pet.” At which point Spike tore open his wrist and thrust a dripping limb at his partner.

The true depth of connection with Spike had yet to be explored by the brunette, but the boy who had been ‘anti-all things vamp’ in high school, was now utterly drawn to his lover’s crimson gift. As he placed his mouth on the dripping wound and began to draw out the fluid, holding his own wrist out to the now purring vampire. Spike laved the offering, punctured the skin with the utmost care, drawing the precious fluid slowly as he continued to purr.

As the blood cycled from vampire to consort and back, Xander regained the sense of … calm. He continued to drink and became aware of other sensations that seemed to originate from the blood. Love… Home… Completeness... Relief… Love... Desire… Comfort... Regret… Love… Concern… Adoration… Lust… Love... Protection... Possession… MINE... Forever… Love…

This time, consuming his lover’s blood, vampire blood, felt different. This time it was not associated with the (admittedly glorious and loving) sexual act of consort coupling with his partner, but something equally profound. Xander *knew* the connection, knew he would miss Spike as someone might miss an… eye. But also knew that this part of him would return always, because this part of him, the Spike part, felt the loss and desire equally.

The human finally pulled off the wrist, matched almost to the moment by his partner’s action. The two bloodied mouths crashed together and hands found their partners’ aroused matching parts. Spike settled on top of his partner again.

“God Spike… You in me now… please!? You in me.?”

“Nahhh pet let’s share.”

Spike spun a hundred and eighty degrees and swallowed his partner’s hardness to the back of his throat, lifting his own hips just a little to indicate the intent. Xander responded without thought. He took Spike to the back of his throat, swirling the tongue from base to tip and back, then swallowed as though Spike were water in a desert.

Both men groaned as completion approached, reciprocal digits breaching equally tight sphincters, and climaxed simultaneously as prostates were stroked by a lover’s knowledgeable finger in time with the pull of an adoring mouth.

Cool seed shot down Xander’s throat, warm spurts were swallowed by Spike. Both men laved and cleaned their partner, then rested a moment with the soft organ still held gently by the recently demanding silky sheath. Xander nuzzled the soft curls, enjoying the musky familiar scent of his partner as he gradually released Spike, and felt a similar action occurring at his own groin.

He swiveled, caught his lover’s mouth and kissed him soundly, mixing their essences one more time, then pulled away enough to stare down into his partner’s adoring eyes.

“I love you… I will always love you… and I will miss you… but you need to do this so we can be together again… I know that… *please* be safe… *please* sweetheart!...”

“Will love…”

“Project will finish this week, next tops… I’ll come to you if you want… But Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Everyday… OK… you have to ring every day… and Email… and…” Xander broke off and simply hugged the blonde as hard as he could. “I’ll be OK… need you every minute but…”

The conversation trailed off into kisses and gentle petting.

Spike’s shower readying for the flight home was marked by dual coupling, neither partner wanting to miss one last connection, the being filled or the filling, before they were torn apart by circumstance.

As he was breached, it was Spike’s turn to weep. He had taken Xander swiftly and soon after they entered the cubicle, his human leaning easily against the tiles, back slightly arched and legs spread ready. But when it came Spike’s turn, he needed more. He needed to face his beautiful boy, to wrap his legs around the firm waist and use Xander’s strong grasp to achieve the enthusiastic thrusts and stimulation needed… Even then, the vampire was fine… that was until he looked into the loved chocolate eye, and drowned in the depth of devotion he saw directed at him.

As Xander shuddered his completion and Spike saturated their chests with seed, the vampire let go the flood gate of emotions that had been bottled for days. Xander pulled the smaller man into an even closer hug. He let the blonde’s legs down gently, then held the smaller man tight to his chest and peppered gentle kisses across his partner’s beautiful face. Even vulnerable and upset, Spike would always be beautiful.

As the water from the faucet cooled, Xander flicked off the tap and wrapped his emotionally spent partner in an oversized fluffy white towel.

Spike had hardly moved, his head was hung low as Xander found his own towel. Spike finally found his voice, “’M worse than a chit… Sorry pet… didn’ mean to… not when that was so…perfect… Ahhh bollocks… ‘M sorry pet… ‘s all…”

It was Xander’s turn to be the strength. He caught his lover’s chin with one hand and forced their gazes to meet, “I love you and I trust you and we will be together in 14 days.” Xander’s eye twinkled as his face broke into a genuine smile and he added, “336 hours – 20,160 minutes give or take, depending on flights… and you know sometime after that we *are* going to go to the UK for that honeymoon right?!”

“*England* pet, we’ll be going to *England*.” Xander couldn’t help but catch the correction and the tacit agreement to the plan, smiling at the minor triumph.

The rest of the evening was quiet and pleasant though rather… businesslike. Bags were packed, taxi was ordered (Xander not sure of his ability to drive), airport attended, security navigated, final desperate farewell… survived. Xander stared listlessly at the passing Sacramento scenery on the return to his empty apartment.

He let himself in to the silence, registered the flashing signals, noting three voice and one video mail ready for pickup. He deleted two blank messages, watched Andy and Kelly’s cheery invitation to dinner ‘to cheer you up’, then burst into tears at the final call.

“Hey Xan, I know you’ll be home now and I’ll be on the plane. Just want you to know how much… How much I love you and need you. I’ll see you soon yeah? There are a few things I left behind – please don’t be upset. And there is some stuff coming for you too. 334 hours right? Love you pet… always… love you.”

Xander angrily swiped away his own tears as a loud banging on the door interrupted his ‘moment’. He hit save on the message and opened the door to a very large, slightly blue colored individual. “Consort of William, Aurelius Master?”

“Umm yeah… I guess”

“The Master has instructed that I deliver this.” Two huge hands thrust a box and *enormous bunch of flowers* into the stunned human’s arms.

“I am Jamielle. The master has requested that I assist you should you need protection. I am a good fighter, he knows this. Here…” With that Jamielle thrust a business card with all manner of contact methods on it.

“The Master Aurelius has engaged my services as payment for my debt to him. Call… Any time you need me. I am honored to serve his consort.” With that the ‘bodyguard’ bowed his head slightly and withdrew. Xander stood frozen to the spot for some time, balancing business card, bouquet and box whilst wondering what manner of debt was being paid off… What heroism (or mercenary killing?) had Spike engaged in for the last two weeks to earn such loyalty?

Xander deposited the flowers in a large vase and turned his attention to the gift box. He opened the first, only to find a smaller exquisitely carved and polished wooden one within. Xander turned his attention to the card lying on tissue beside the walnut colored prize.

My Love,

It may be some days before we meet.
Each will be an eternity.
I am the moon to your sun.
And you complete me, as I do you.

Wear this
I care not where,
But perchance it is on the finger
You wore it for so many years,
So it is a fine thing and fitting.

You know this is the seal of Aurelius.
You are one of our line now.
All who honor our line will bow to you.
The ring, like you, will not suffer separation from me for long.

You have my love and my pledge to return.
You will receive its twin when I do.
Be well my love.

William ~ Spike

Xander opened the box to reveal the seal of Aurelius – it seemed to be perfectly fitted to his ring finger size, and sported an enormous garnet cut with the Aurelian crest.

Xander pushed the prize onto his finger and collapsed onto an empty bed. He was vaguely conscious that it was only eight o’clock at night.

Spike was gone, nothing else mattered.

Part Fifteen

Day 1 {Xander}

Work… focus on the project
Total focus
Bury self in the work.
Twists the ring…
Once… twice….


{Spike}

Cold apartment
Colder meetings: flagging intentions, determining needs.
Update on stories – the muse is… black and in mourning
Stories are angst ridden, Emails are worse.
Doesn’t feel like home anymore.



Day 2 {Xander}

The reminder, the guarantee, the ring…
And twist…
Three hundred and fifty seven.
And twist…
Three hundred and fifty eight…
And twist…
Phonecall was too short
Bed without dinner
Not hungry…
Not any more…
Not without … you…
Where are you now Spike?
What are you doing?
Are you alone?
I feel… cold… Are you cold?
I could still warm you… if you were here
You always feel the cold…
It is loneliness isn’t it…?
Grrrrrr
Twist
Twist
Twist
Three hundred and sixty two… sixty three… sixty four


Day 3 {Spike}

Board meetings
Bored meetings…
… Imperatives, initiatives, exchange rates, global ventures…
… Medium term gain
… Long term advantage
International venture capital
Core business
Local property collateral
Leverage
Percentage….
Focus and finish
‘Investment of a lifetime’… whose lifetime? Mine? How are you at the post 3K investment

Spike felt as he had for a century… mildly satisfied but detached.



Day 4 {Xander}

Found Spike’s blood in the freezer… by mistake! It was tucked behind what would normally have been my microwave mid week meal… He knows me too well!

I heated up one of the small bottles I’d found in the microwave, then rang his number as I began to sip the precious fluid…

{Spike}

Phone calls and Emails…
Notification of a successful takeover,
Approval of his investments in Sacramento,
Excited accountant confirming tax break for philanthropic support of the ‘The Summers-Giles International Academy.’



Day 5 {Xander}

Project finishing, everyone pleased…

And twist
Four thousand, two hundred and eleven
And twist
Four thousand, two hundred and twelve
And twist….
And … Alone… Alone…


Phonecalls too short
Emails too cryptic
Thirst overwhelming
Rationing the precious blood
Missing
Alone… Alone… Alone…
Sends Email… MP3 for Spike…. Knows it will make him cry…


“Just lay it all down. Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know
I know
I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,

I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
out of our nightminds, and into the light
at the end of the fight...

You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, but the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know
I know
I know,
it's easier to let go…

“Nightminds” by Missy Higgins 2004



Day 6 {Spike}

Another tiny jolt through the link – confirms he drank my blood…. My boy… I can feel him again… wish I could smell him… touch him.
Plot in online story takes same twists and turns as tumultuous moods… muse is not happy.


Day 7 {Spike}

William Aurelius… dealing, all day – and for the last five – the tough, discerning, enigmatic, successful ‘man’. Rumor amongst the women have it that he has regular surgery to keep his looks. No one believes that. Several men in the broker’s office also drool.

Lite-laptop in hand, pony tail, earring, and striking ‘vintage upmarket’ fashion, the ‘young’ investor William Aurelius strode into his evening meeting. Others at the meeting noted his preparedness to listen, but find he is *very* well informed and has frighteningly insightful and intelligent questions. He rarely attends, so many are surprised by him. He looks far too young, it throws some of them. His usual advisors are pleased by his attendance. In the end, even the most experienced of banking advisors are in awe of the depth and breadth of his understanding of his own portfolio, particularly the understanding of its history, his shrewdness when it came to deals, and his eye for the long term. They bowed to his apparent ‘youthful’ wisdom.

William eventually ‘left the building’, the Aurelian fortune continued to grow, Angelus would be pleased.

Returns to the basement… Alone… always alone.



Day 8 {Xander}

Warmed up some of the precious blood from the freezer… and how odd is that? Go the Scooby with the Spiked blood habit! But this *is* different …Spike’s blood… warm from the microwave… Blood of the master… Not much left…


Day 9 {Xander}

Chatting… in passing… conversation regarding work, Jim, apartment, basketball… anything! Ends up with phone sex… Frustration 101... inadequate and unprompted… tears and desperation after the call and a private shower for completion. And now… twists the ring… four thousand seven hundred and twenty eight…. Twist… four thousand seven hundred and twenty nine….


Day 10 {Xander}

Phonecall then online chat consists of nothing important and everything unsaid…. The last of the blood consumed while talking. Over stimulated erection dealt with in bathroom after the call… Spike in mind.

Spike sounded… agitated… The consort spent the night feeling like a fifteen year old with the ‘first love’… Spike rang again, the link would wane without blood… The call had ended with both being ‘teenager insecure’ but not willing to admit the same.


Day 11 {Xander}

Open Email at home…

“Hey Pet
for F@#k sake just play this
Need you… just… need… you…
Love you
Will/Spike”

– MP3 attached

You won't talk me into it next time,
if I'm going away your hearts coming too.
'Cos I miss your hands I miss your face.
When I get back let's disappear without a trace.

'Cos it's been ten days without you in my reach,
and the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes,
tried letting go but you're still the only one
that feels like home….

(10 Days - Missy Higgins 2004)


Day 12 {Spike}

Another dark day… time on the net… reader thank you’s and the writer replies. Home in the basement… alone… always alone… Call to the boy (inadequate). Phone sex good but…frustrating. Send package to his consort.

Day 13

Impromptu meeting Jim: new project in San Fransisco traveling well.

Courier delivers a sign for package to Xander. Jim grins and excuses himself. What the….?

Contents: 1 business class ticket to Boston dated tomorrow lunchtime. 1 list of things to bring – including passport. 1 poem original. 1 letter from Jim to Xander giving permission for the ‘honeymoon’ and wishing William and Alexander well… starting tomorrow night. Spike had put in the request… to Jim via Sandy.

Finds Jim and sincerely thanks him.


Day 14

{Xander}

Jumpy all morning, repacks twice. Apartment cleaned until spotless, twice. Accepts ride to airport from Andy, thanks his best friend. Alone on the plane… only a few more hours. Twists the ring… nineteen thousand six hundred and twenty eight…

{Spike}

It’s late. He watches his boy walk from the plane. He’s pale, worried. Spike melds into the crowd and wanders up behind him to take his ‘luggage’ arm.

“Can I help you with that sir?” He cannot help himself and purrs at the contact with his beloved.





Xander is distracted, Spike may not be here, Xander knows his address, so… maybe the ‘can I help you’ guy is a limo driver… that would save finding a cab.

The consort turns but the jolt of recognition is too much.

Spike catches him on the way down, eases him into a waiting seat and pets the missed features until he recovers enough to embrace.

“Hey there lover.” Sparkling morning sky eyes meet the tired and teary brown one.

“Oh…. Spike!” The embrace is long and awkward, airport seating designed for individual occupancy and a minimum of touching it seemed.

“C’mon pet… let’s get you home – we’ve only got a few hours and we’ll be back here.”

“What???”

“Your idea luv, remember? England, time away, blahh blahhh…. Well we’re crossin’ the pond tomorrow. And before you open that gob o’ yours… Yes, I’ve talked to Red. And they’re expectin’ us at bloody slayer central, so if I start vibratin’, you’re gonna need to deal.”

“But I haven’t… Oh, Spike!” Xander could no longer hold himself together. Elation at seeing his partner, relief at feeling the bond so close again, surprise and worry over their pending trip to England and seeing friends… Tears streamed from his good eye, he kissed the vampire passionately, not caring that several hundred fellow travelers might see. The ring twisted… and came off, and he returned it to its rightful owner without breaking the kiss.

The End

On to the fourth part in the Five Gold Rings series

Jumping the Gun

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