“No thanks,” I said.
“So what’s been going on with you? How are things with Joy?” he asked me.
“Pretty good, not great,” I said.
“Why is that?” he asked.
“I told her how I felt and she feels the same, and things got heated you know and she freaked out a little,” I said.
“Why?” Isaac asked before taking another sip of his beer.
“Isaac she was raped,” I said.
Sometimes my brother can be so dense. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“Don’t be. So what’s been going on in your life?” I asked.
I honestly was curious. “Well, I went to Taylor’s party and Ashlee was there. she was piss drunk and I took her home, she asked me to stay with her, so there I was fixing her computer and that’s when I found out she had a son named Sean,” he said.
Leave it to Isaac to fall for the only girl in town in his age group with a son. “And how do you feel about that? You didn’t run did you?” I asked.
“Hell no. I played soccer with him,” I smiled.
Isaac has always been so good. He loves kids and has been wanting to have kids for awhile now. “Ashlee was into me after all. She is amazing. I’m just going to spoil her and do everything in my power to make her happy,” he said.
“So then you guys are together?” I asked.
“Yeah we are, we haven’t slept together or anything though,” he added.
“You know you should try the no sex thing. It isn’t that bad. You’d be surprised how much less you think about it, when you’re not having it.”
“Are you kidding me? Look at this,” he said as he turned on television.
“I Tivo, the playboy channel. Check this out,” Isaac said as he pushed play.
I stared at the screen and there were two guys and one was inside of her from behind and the other was receiving oral sex from her. The whole thing was really making me sick. “Shut this off,” I said.
“No wait the best part is coming,” Isaac said as he turned it up.
I could feel the room enclosing around me. “Shut up slut,” the guy in the film said as he pulled her hair.
“Please shut this off,” I was begging Isaac now.
All I could see was her and him. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I felt light-headed and dizzy. “I’m going to be sick,” I said as I rushed to the bathroom.
The chunks were rising and then it happened. The vomit spewed out of me uncontrollably. After a few moments, I calmed down and I could feel a hand on my shoulder. “Hey it’s going to be ok,” he said and he sent me right into flashback.
********
I lifted my head and I could barely see my reflection in the toilet water. My eyes were bloodshot and burning from the constant crying and vomiting. The cold tile under my feet and the cold porcelain toilet sent a chill through me. But nothing could compare to his voice that day. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Hey it’s going to be ok,” he said.
********
“Zac are you ok?” Isaac asked.
I was in a daze. “Zac?” he repeated.
I looked at him for a moment. “Yeah I’m fin.”
I watched myself pummeling her and I got stimulated immediately. I looked at her restraints and her blindfold. The way she kicked and fought me so hard, drove me to do it harder. I made her pretend I was raping her and she did an awesome job. “Stop it please,” she screamed and there was a tear down her cheek under the blindfold.
And this is the part where I rip it off. “No, you’re going to look into my eyes and love it. You bitch,” I said as I fucked her harder.
She sobbed pathetically and I came all over her tits. Now that is cinematography. I jerked my dick up and down rapidly until I came all over myself. I let out a deep breath and sunk into my pillow. If I was going to keep doing these ingenious things I’d need to get some rest.
I had a feeling it did. “No, my stomach has been hurting me all day and…”
“Don’t lie to me. It was the video. You kept asking me to turn it off?” I said.
“Isaac look I just find porn really degrading to women and it makes me kind of sick. It’s no big deal really,” he said.
I knew he was lying, but I wasn’t going to push the issue, he looked horrible and I’m sure he felt horrible too. The last thing he needs is me pumping him for information. “I’m going to get going now, if you don’t mind,” Zac said.
“No, it’s cool. I’m going to walk out with you though because I’m going to mom’s house,” I said.
“Ok cool. I’ll see you,” Zac said as he hopped into his car and I hopped into mine.
Then, it hit me. Maybe Zac is gay. All this talk about Joy could be a cover. I just don’t have the heart to ask him if he is. Maybe it isn’t the sex itself; maybe it’s the idea that it’s with women that gets him so upset. But he is a hermit too, so his problems have to run deeper than being gay. I remember him being such a problem child and then as soon as he was out of the house, he’d be normal again. I’m going to have to ask mom about this, she’s always been good at this type of stuff. I rang the bell and there she was to greet me again, and once more I knew she was staring over my shoulder hoping for Zac, or perhaps wishing maybe Zac was there instead of me. “What brings you here baby?” my mother asked.
“I didn’t know I needed an excuse to visit my mother,” I said.
“You don’t you’re welcome here anytime,” she smiled at me.
I always wondered if it was real. Taylor was the perfect kid, Zac was the troubled kid, Jessie, Avie, and Zoe are girls, Mackie is the baby boy, and they are all special in her life. And what am I. The screw- up, the ugly one, the college drop out. I know where I stand. “So what’s up? How was your day?” she asked me.
“Actually, mom I wanted to talk to you about something serious,” I said.
I knew it would make her nervous. “What is it?” she asked.
The look of concern on her face broke my heart. “I was with Zac before and he was acting very, very strangely and it got me thinking about all the trouble he used to get into. What types of things did he do?”
“Well, he used to steal cars, and burn down people’s sheds, he blew up Mrs. Stone’s mailbox , there were many things a lot of which I can’t remember, because they were so bad I blocked them out of my mind,” she said.
“And when did these things start happening?” I asked.
“I believe he was twelve. It was right after Joy moved away. Those two were inseparable you know.”
“Yeah mom I know. Thanks for all your help, but I have to go,” I said.
“I know you’re trying to find out what’s up with Zac. You’re a good brother and a good son, and I hope I was helpful to you,” she said.
This time I believed every word she said and it almost made me cry. “I love you mom,” I said.
“I love you too,” she said as she called after me.
Now I know what I had to do. Joy and I are going to have a nice dinner date. If anyone would know what was wrong with Zac it’s her. I’m going to find out why Zac has become a hermit, and why he hates Taylor, and why he spent years in juvie, and most of all why sex makes him puke. I’m going to find out if it’s the last thing I do.