Life on Mars:

By the time I was twelve, I knew that life at Firefly House was crap. When I was younger, I had a small clue. But now, it’s glaringly obvious. So, what could I do? I hid away in my little bubble that I had created for myself. My parents’ fights had gotten worse of the years. The same happened with the drinking and drugs. It used to be not so bad, but that’s not the case anymore. Why is that? I became wiser.

The older you get, the more things catch your attention. I am learning that the hard way. The profanity is much clearer than when I was seven. I can’t remember a day when I didn’t hear glass breaking against a wall or dishes being thrown in a fit of rage. It’s almost hard not to step on broken glass from bottles or syringe needles on the living room floor. The windows have to be kept open so to help air out the scent of pot and/or other drugs being smoked in the house. Otherwise, I get sicker than I already am. Their arguments have been giving me more headaches lately. Plus, I haven’t been sleeping too well because of them. Sometimes, I wished that they would get drunker and drunker as the night wore on so that they would be pass out and I could get some better sleep for a change. I was even worried that they would end up killing each other one of those days.

The best and only to do their fights is to hide. That used to be easy too. But, they’ve gotten so loud that I can still hear them in the woods. I cringe when I hear them yelling. Sometimes, I wish that I could make myself invisible when things get really worse. That was where I would retreat into my own little bubble and wait for it all to just blow over. It would usually take too long, long enough to test my patience and sanity before the day is done.

You can see me lying on the porch or our front lawn trying to block out my parents. I can feel daddy’s pain with momma. He can’t touch her back because she is so small. He didn’t want to risk killing her. She knows this and taunts him for it.

“You’re not even man enough to hit me!” she yells at him. Momma makes me so mad when she does that to him. I wish I was bigger so that I can help daddy in any way.

“Is there anything I can do?” I ask him constantly. He would shake his head at me.

“No,” he answers. “It’s not worth getting in her way.”

“But I hate the way she treats you,” I said.

“I hate the way she treats me too,” Daddy replied. “But it’s better that she came after me than you.” I would just frown at him. I know, but still. I just wish I could help him. In the end, I just hug him and sigh.

Ashleen doesn’t really help me much. Nothing has changed between us. She’s more girly than ever. The way she talks about boys makes me roll my eyes constantly. I gave up on talking about my family to her a long time ago. She’s not going to listen anyway. So, I just humor her by pretending to be interested the gossip around the school and other girly things that happen to float into her mind.

“How is your family?” she asks me from time to time. I look over at her.

“Fine,” I lie.

“You sure?” she would ask.

“Yes!” I would push. Ashleen would give me a smile and little shrug.

“Alright,” she would replied. Then, it was back to the girly chatter. But hey, between her and my parents’ fights, she is the lesser of the two evils. So, I just take it all with a little smile, no matter how forced it would seem.

Then, there is the Henderson boy. He was still around at the time. That boy still gave me the creeps. Not much had changed about him either. He still didn’t talk and looked really pale. Yet, I looked and there he was. I didn’t know what he wanted from me at the time. Instinct told me to stay away from him. But yet, I was compelled to ask all about him. What did he want from me? Why did he keep following me? What was his name?

Nothing really changes in my life. It just gets worse and levels off. But yet, I have just learned to live with it. I mean, nothing is going to make it better. If it did, it probably wouldn’t last long. It would either become tainted or abandon me once they got to the core of my life. At least I have my yard, porch, Daddy and my LP records, and Jimi Hendrix to numb my daily headaches for the time being. Other than that, I don’t really have much for me. Okay, there is Ashleen at times. But other than that, no. I do not have really much.

	The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Stone Free .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine