Several years ago (approximately 7) I entered a state of severe, suicidal depression. I never did attempt suicide but the thoughts were always there. I began treatment for this depression. This is about the time I started my Spirit Quest.

Before I began this quest I was a scientist. I was a certified Electronics Technician and a certified Computer Systems Engineer. Everything in my life dealt with facts. If I couldn’t see, feel or touch it, it didn’t exist. After the depression set in I started looking for meaning. I realized that part of my depression was caused by a lack of purpose, loneliness and a need to understand what this life was for. Pretty much I was looking for a reason to not want to die (the irony here is that after I discovered what this life was for, and after I decided that my life on this Earth did have purpose, death didn’t scare me like it used to).

I started by learning about religions. I started with the obvious Abrahamic religions. I grew up Jewish so this was obvious the first stop on my journey. I realized that I didn’t believe that god was strict about how one should worship him. Once I realized that Judaism wasn’t the answer for me that automatically did away with Christianity and Islam (although, to this day, I still enjoy learning about Jesus and his lessons. I look to him more as a prophet than the messiah).

The next stop on my journey was Wicca. This was definitely closer to my spiritual beliefs than Abrahamic religions were, so I delved deeply into the study of Wicca. Once again though, Wicca didn’t hold the answers to me either, but it did open up a new doorway for me. While studying all of the Earth’s religions (Buddhism, Taoism, Hindu, Druidism, most of the Pagan beliefs from the beginning of time to the present and New Age beliefs) I came to the realizations that they are all correct and true religions.

My belief is that all the gods throughout the history of our universe were all the Creator, God, Goddess, Great Spirit, or whatever you wish to call the Universal Energy that we are all a part of. God manifests himself in whatever way a civilization needs him to in order for that civilization to exist. The Creator helps those who need it in ways that his message and help can best be conveyed.

We are all a part of this magnificent Universal Energy. Our souls are the energy with which we coexist with this energy. Our physical bodies are what carry our souls through this incarnation of our existence. When not incarnated, our spirits are part of the great Universal Energy. Our souls are incarnated so that we may learn something that is necessary to further our spirits growth, or teach someone else a lesson to help further their spirits growth (this is part of the answer as to why bad things happen to good people). Death doesn’t exist. Once this physical body ceases to exist, our spirits move on to the spiritual world where our souls exist with the rest of the universal energy in the spirit plane.

We all have spiritual guides that help us through this incarnation. Their job is to help guide us to those lessons we are here to teach and/or learn. Guides can take the form of friends who have passed on, friends from previous incarnations, animals, trees and whatever else will help you through this life. My guides didn’t show up until I was ready to accept their existence.

Personally I receive my messages most clearly through my animal guides. Growing up the Horse was my primary guide. Since taking up my spirit quest Hawk has become my primary guide. Fernando is a strong guide of mine. I was told that he was a friend from a previous incarnation. I have also received many messages from animal guides in dreams and visions sometimes even through sounds. Quail came to me in a sound. I didn’t know what that sound was so I had to research it to find out it was Quail. Quail actually came to me in answer to a health question I was asking the guides for help with.

The most important message from my guides came about a month ago. I had been asking the popular question, “What is my life’s purpose?” Before I tell you how the spirits answered me, let me first tell you why this answer was meaningful to me. I have a diploma in Veterinary Assistance and I am currently studying to get my degree in Veterinary Technology. I also am studying to receive my degree in Metaphysics, and have become an Ordained Minister because of my spiritual work with Metaphysics. The question I asked the spirits regarding my life purpose was, “What should I concentrate on, my spirituality and religious work or veterinary work?” One morning I woke up and saw a Hawk (my spirit animal guide) sitting on the lamppost right outside my house. The first thing that came to mind was “you will receive a message soon”. Later that day, I saw 2 Hawks flying in the sky right above my house, what came to mind then was “stay-tuned”. When I was in my car on my way to pick up my kids from school I just happened to glance out of the window of my car. There was a Hawk circling the steeple of a church! I took that as the answer to my question.

I am a Gaiaist in that I believe that the Earth is a living being that corrects imbalances through environmental changes. I believe that the Earth, as well as everything else that exists in this known and unknown universe(s) are living. They all contain part of the Universal Energy. I have 3 questions that I ask regarding the meaning of life…

1. Does the Earth exist to provide us with materials to do with what we wish regardless of consequences? This appears to be the view of the religious right.
2. Do people exist to solely sustain the Earth regardless of consequences? This appears to be the view of environmental extremists.
3. Does the Earth exist to help sustain the life that is placed on it, and does all of the life on Earth exist to help maintain the Earth and humanity in balance?

My belief is in line with #3. The Earth is the vehicle that is carrying us through the universe during this incarnation. Like an automobile, we have to maintain this vehicle so that it continues to carry us through this incarnation. Your automobile carries you from one place to the other if you keep it in good running order. Like the automobile, the Earth can continue to carry us through the Universe as long as we keep it in good running condition. Problem is, the Earth isn’t only here to carry us through this incarnation. It is here to carry others to an undetermined time in the future through their incarnations (perhaps even us again). Because of this, it is MOST important for us to maintain a harmonious balance between the Mother Earth and all the life she sustains.

It is even important for us to maintain the Earth’s health to aid the Universal Energy (Creator). If an organism in your body is causing your body to not work properly, you become ill. Like your body, if the Earth isn’t as healthy as it should be then perhaps this can cause the Universal Energy to become ‘ill’. The domino effect on the grandest level imaginable.

I think that pretty much sums up my spiritual beliefs. Everyday, as I continue to study and learn more, they expand into an even greater level of understanding.

Some tools I use are meditation, prayer, dream work, chakra balancing, candles, stones, tarot, my guides, Reiki (I just received my Usui Master attunement), and whatever else feels right.