Jenna riding in her limo
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Jenna: Ronnie, could you call the
pilot and tell him we're on our way?
Ronnie: Yes, Ms. Bradshaw. How many passengers? Jenna: Just myself. (pause) I enjoy traveling alone. How many people do you know who can pick up and leave at the drop of a hat, and even if they could, would they? (pause) Uh, wait, just a minute, don't call just yet. I have another idea. Why don't you make a right at the next light and go down towards Roosevelt Park and then a left down towards the river at Fifth Street? There's a knock at the door of the diner. Frank: Uncle Stavros, who is it? Stavros: It's a soldier, it looks like. (He opens the door. It's Ronnie, Jenna's chauffeur.) We are closed, I'm sorry. Ronnie: (coming inside) Mr. Buzz Cooper? Buzz: Ah! Here! Ronnie: Would you come with me, please? Frank: (holding his hand out to Eleni) Loan sharks, how much you want to bet?
Buzz: If this is about being on the wrong side of the law, I think that you've been sadly misinformed about my character.
Jenna: Good evening. Buzz: I take it you want your chicken salad to go. Jenna: Why don't you come inside? (He gets in.) Ronnie, could you keep lookout for thieves and murderers?
Jenna: So, how are you? Buzz: (awkwardly, and distantly) Oh, delightfully, I'm sure, Jenna. I'd shake your hand, but mine's been soaking in ammonia. Jenna: Oh, I'm sure we'll all be doing that in a few year's time, killing the germs. Buzz: Well, you know, you're charming, witty, you shimmer like a summer's rain, but here you are, in a limo, in the alley, where I throw out the garbage. So what's with the summons in the midnight hour? Am I being kidnapped? Jenna: That's up to you.
In the limo, Buzz uncorks a bottle of champagne, and it explodes. Jenna laughs. Buzz: Oops, I got your car all wet. Guess you're gonna have to get another one. Jenna: We do have glasses in this car. Buzz: Oh, no, no, no, no, I hate those things. It takes forever to fill them up, and just a swallow to empty them. You know? Jenna: Yeah, you're right. (She takes a big swig, then chokes. Then she takes out a cigar box.) Cigar? Buzz: No, I'm trying to quit. Jenna: After I sent Ronnie out specially to get them for you? You liked them well enough when they were Roger's. Buzz: What's his now? (She doesn't answer.) Then it's true. It's true! You gave Roger Thorpe his walking papers! Jenna: Where did you hear that? Buzz: A little tabby cat told me. Jenna: Ah. Buzz: How big of a boot was it: Out of the office or out of the silk pajamas? Jenna: All the way out. (whispers) What? Buzz: You tell me. Can I go? Jenna: No, wait. Wait just a minute. Do you remember when you told me you could make me hear violins over Pittsburgh? Buzz: Yeah, the flight I never caught out of town. Jenna: Um-hm. Do you think that you could still make me hear violins, over some other part of the globe? You did ask me to fly away with you. Buzz: You said no. Jenna: I also said I might regret it, and perhaps I do. So, I'm here to reciprocate the invitation. Fly away with me, Buzz. Buzz: I don't think so, but thank you, for whetting my whistle. (He hands her the champagne and gets out of the car.) Jenna: (going out after him) Buzz!
Jenna: Okay, come on, why are you sulking? Buzz: I've got work to do. Jenna: Didn't I ask you nicely enough? Buzz: Oh, darlin', you do everything nicely. Jenna: (grabbing his shirtsleeve) Hold it! Buzz: Please, it's the only nonsynthetic I own. Jenna: What's your hourly wage? Buzz: Oh gee, why don't you put me on a table, have me dance? You can stuff it in my crotch. Jenna: Where's the table? What else would you do to stand still and listen? Buzz: Why don't we start with an apology? Jenna: Why? What for?
Buzz: See that? (pointing) That is garbage. (pointing to himself) This is a man, (pointing to the can) that is garbage. You called me garbage! Jenna: I didn't! I would never do that. Buzz: You used the word in my presence, used it in a sentence connected with me, used the concept in my presence more than once after you disposed of me, more than once. This is a man, (slams the lid) that is garbage! Jenna: Sorry! I'm sorry. Buzz: You also called me sentimental and loathsome, but that I'll overlook. Jenna: Yeah, we'll you called me - you want to know what you said to me? - you said that I had a big, cold, empty space inside of me that you could walk right through! Buzz: Convince me that I'm wrong. Jenna: What do you think I'm doing here now? Buzz: If this is a vacation from Roger Thorpe, I'm not gonna be it. Jenna: Roger's gone. Buzz: Why? Jenna: Because he wants someone else. Buzz: For real? Jenna: I don't know how realistic it is - I think she likes to tease him, personally - but yeah, it's real, it has been all along. Buzz: Well, I'm sorry. Jenna: Hmmm...you warned me. Buzz: No, I thought he... Jenna: You thought that he was only after my money, but apparently he didn't want it badly enough. Apparently, nobody does. Buzz: Well, don't give up, I'm still after you for your money. (smiles) Jenna: Oh good, I was so worried that nobody wanted it! Buzz: So where does this leave me, besides a stand-in for Roger Thorpe? Jenna: Ah, I see you've decided to be difficult about this. Fine. (She turns around to leave.) Buzz: (stopping her) Wait! Jenna: You know better than that! You were never that! Now, I am not suggesting that we fly off into the sunset forever. A few weeks, maybe a month. A holiday, that's all. Buzz: And then we come back. Jenna: (annoyed) And then we come back. Buzz: (grinning) And then what? (Jenna rolls her eyes.) Buzz: Oh, okay, okay, okay! You know, I just, with you, for some reason, I feel the need to diagram each step. But, a week or three, I could live with that. Where? Jenna: Well, I don't know, anywhere you want to go. Fiji Islands, Rome... Buzz: Well, I've got a...I have a real fun idea, I've always wanted to go there. Jenna: Where? Buzz: Wyoming. Jenna: (taken aback) Wyoming? Buzz: Yeah, clean air, big wide space, still buffalo left to thunder around in them. All my life, I've wanted to go to Wyoming. Jenna: Well, well... Buzz: Well? Jenna: Well, why the hell not? Are you quite sure it has an airport, Wyoming? Buzz: Wyoming?
Buzz and Jenna still in the alley Buzz: I have to pack. Jenna: Yeah, you do. Actually, you don't have to pack, because, you know, I can buy anything you need. Buzz: Well, are you...money can't buy you love, but I guess it can dress you for it. (They laugh.) Jenna: You know what would be adorable? I could take you to a nice little tailor in Rome and have you outfitted from head to toe. Buzz: Well, what's wrong with my clothes, and Rome isn't in Wyoming. Jenna: No, it's true. Well, we could get you some chaps. (They laugh.) Buzz: Who would have thought that it would work, you and me? Jenna: I think we did, intermittently, didn't we? Buzz: Well, I was sure as hell I'd always know you. I didn't know if it meant that we'd shoot each other one day or open a bait shop together. Jenna: Well I was quite sure it wasn't going to be a bait shop. Buzz: Well, you know, this damn alley! Jenna: Yeah, this damn alley, what about it? Buzz: What an eyesore! Jenna: Oh, terrible. Buzz: I mean, no place has seen so damn much of me. Jenna: Must be a connection. (They laugh.) Buzz: I've fixed cars here, snuck out late at night here to meet fast women... Jenna: As opposed to quick women like me? Buzz: And hid from everybody, and played one-on-one with my kid. I should tell him that I'm leaving. Jenna: Yeah, I think you should do that. Buzz: (to Ronnie) Um, keep the motor running. Ronnie:(after he leaves) Miss Bradshaw... Jenna: (waving her finger and grinning) Not a word from you.
Alone, Buzz throws up his hands and screams at the top of his lungs. He heads out, throwing the dish cloth down. In the limo, Jenna is sipping a glass of champagne and holding another glass. Jenna: (singing) Oh, give me a home, where the Buffalo... Ronnie: (appearing at the window) Roam! Jenna: There's no Rome in Wyoming! Go study a map or something. (She laughs, then starts singing again.) I'm an old cowhand, from the Rio Grande! Buzz: (getting into the car) The Rio Grande is in Texas. Jenna: Oh, don't be such a wet blanket! I'm just getting into the - you know - the western mood. You're back! Buzz: Yeah, you know, the real frontiersmen, some of them went out for the gold, but most of them, they just wanted to stake a claim, you know, and defend it. What they wanted was a home, mostly, and...this history lesson is worth about... Jenna: What happened? Buzz: I got my wings clipped. I'm not going. I don't suppose there's such a thing as a rain check with you? Jenna: (angry) Gee, I don't know, that depends on how much rain falls on the plains of Wyoming. Buzz: Don't take it like that. Jenna: All I'm doing is taking my leave, and if you'd stop picking at me... Buzz: I just...Wyoming is a place I wanted to go, it's just that another place I always wanted to go came up at the same time. Jenna: Hey, good for you! Don't worry about me, I like traveling light, and you don't owe me a damn thing! Buzz: Jenna, my son has a daughter... Jenna: (softening) You have a grandchild? Buzz: She's gonna be christened next week. Jenna: (realizing) Oh. Buzz: And my son asked me to come. Jenna: Ah, that's very special. (She smiles.) They're falling in love with you, aren't they, your little brood? Buzz: Gee, who could resist? Jenna: (sipping her champagne) Well, the damsels in Wyoming will just have to do without you. And I think that etiquette demands that I renounce you or stab you or at least box your ears for choosing that little femme fatale baby over me. Buzz: She's got almost as much hair as you do. Jenna: So what's going to happen with your reputation of wickedness Buzz: Oh, I imagine it'll bounce back.
Jenna: (sipping her champagne) Right, to the airport, Ronnie.
****Transcript taken from FIONA FEST****
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