The Mystery of the Wandering Eye
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Payola
...but then again, it really is no mystery - is it? We've been drooling for, staring at and undressing women with our eyes for centuries. And to say right off the bat, I don't know what assh*le invented Monogamy, but whoever he/she is (probably a f***ing woman), they obviously do NOT understand the male psyche and our constantly surging hormone levels.

Tell me, how is it expected for us to keep our eyes on the same woman (wife or girlfriend) for the rest of our lives without ever checking out other women? Self-control, you say? Bullsh**!!! It's NOTHING about self-control. It's about trying to squelch, curb or suppress two million years of human evolution and origin. It's about our wives / girlfriends trying to control us. Control what we do, what we look at, how we look at it and what we think when we're looking at it.

Don't women realize the more they try to control us, the more they push us away and drive us to sometimes do the very thing they're afraid of? This is called a self-fulfilling prophecy, ladies and gentlemen. And even if our eyes do wander a little farther than what is necessary or appropriate - so f***ing what?? The fact that most women think men scoping out other chics are "cheaters" is just downright insane!

The best way for us to be able to check out available eye candy in peace is to be inconspicuous about it! Unless you want hell to pay - do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let your wife or girlfriend see you looking at other women! Make sure their heads are completely turned in the other direction or better yet, make sure they're nowhere in the immediate area when you decide to feast your eyes on the awesome babes out there. If a hot chic walks by, pretend you are completely uninterested in checking her out and DON'T look at her. At all. The drawback to this is that you will miss the opportunity to scope her out, but the upside is that your wife / girlfriend will think you're a "good boy" and will trust you in the future to attend those long, drawn-out poker games with the guys...

Eyes of a Stranger - Payola