I love Central
Park in the Fall. The city feels fresher and cleaner for some reason. As I
walked past the Zoo, I heard a kid crying. I remembered what it was like to be
a kid. But that was back in the days before MTV and acid rock. Being Jewish
meant something back then. Now the kids don't even go to the synagogue half the
time. Man oh man I sure wish I could be a kid again. Just to taste Mom's
Passover supper would make me a happy man.
Now
I'm just a grouchy old man. But hey nobody said life got easier as you get
older. I walked past the lox and bagel man and gave him the evil eye. I don't
know why I'm such a mean old son of a gun. But if I don't feel good I don't
pretend to. What you see is what you get.
Walking
past the pond, I saw a young girl wearing black lipstick and her hair dyed
orange. She'll grow up one day. It happens to the best of us. She looked like
she was all alone. I really feel sorry for these kids.
When
I was growing up we knew who we were. I was from the fourteenth ward in
Brooklyn. My name is Eddie Rhein. My papa, God rest his soul, was called
Goldstein. When he came to America from Poland we became Rheins. It broke his
heart to lose the family name. But he did what he had to do. That's what we all
have to do, rich or poor, smart or dumb. Me I'm not the brightest, but I'm not
exactly weak in the head either. I know how to judge a person when I meet them.
I can tell right away. Ms. Bloom, my 3rd grade teacher, said I had street
smarts.
But
this little girl in her black dress and crazy get up is sitting on the park
bench crying. I think these young people always feel sorry for themselves. They
don't know what it's like to really suffer. I am a man who speaks his mind,
so's I walked up to her and said,"Hey, it can't be so bad. What happened,
your boyfriend break up with ya?"
She
looked down at the dead leaves, saying"Yes. I just don't have the will to
live anymore."So I looked at her kind of puzzled like.
I
said,"You give up pretty easy. I been through five wives. You act like
it's the end of the world. Well grow up darling. Life's got a lot more in store
for you. Good and bad. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and get another
boyfriend. Or maybe do without."
She
looked up at me like a sad puppy with her dark eyelashes and whined,"But
you don't understand. With him I felt like somebody. I felt like I was unique.
He initiated me into the Goth/Vampire scene. Now that he's gone I don't have
anybody. I am nothing."
I
sat next to her, not having anything better to do. I said,"Well jeez, when
I was growing up we couldn't afford the luxury of being unique. You ever hear
of the Great Depression?"She played with a lock of her long orange hair.
She
said,"That's how I feel now, depressed. It’s like I'm in a deep pit of
despair from which I will never recover."I began to actually feel sorry
for this little girl. I hadn't felt sorry for anyone in years, except myself.
I
said,"Hey would you like a lox and bagel. That'll cure the blues any
day."
She
said,"Uggh"I felt a little embarrassed. I wondered if she was
enjoying my company or felt like getting the heck away from this crazy old man.
Anyhow, I said,"Come on. You look like you haven't eaten for weeks. Lets
go get some food."
She
looked at me with a pleading look and said,"Mister, I
don't have anywhere to sleep tonight. My boyfriend kicked me out and my parents
live in Atlanta. I'm plumb broke. Could I crash at your place tonight?"
I did the sign of the cross, I'm not
Catholic, but I learned it from my friends. We walked from
As I sat sipping my coffee she began snoring like a
locomotive. I felt like an idiot. What’s an old fart like me doing
taking in a spoiled little girl? I wondered if she was even
eighteen. She looked skinny as a rail, like a pixie stick. In
my day young women were full figured. These days they looked like choir
boys. She looked like as if a big wind came it might blow her
over. She oughta be back home letting her mama feed her and fatten her up
some. But, I knew that lotsa kids these days didn’t have mamas like the
one I had. My mama would feed me corned beef and cabbage, pot roast,
mamalicka, Gefilte fish, and matzos. I felt sorry for this kid. My
mama would never have let me wander around some strange city like a bum.
She looked out for me. Even when I was grown she called me once a week to
see if I was eating right. My mama knew the value of a good
meal.
She was big and round and full of love. When she
hugged me, she would smash my face between her breasts. She hugged me
like that every time I came home. When I was in the service and came
home, she would grab me as soon as I walked in the door. She always had a
huge spread ready for me. My belly was so full I’d sit on the couch and
start to fall asleep. Mama would throw a blanket over me and sit in the
easy chair and fall asleep. We would sleep there for a couple of hours
and then we’d play scrabble. She always beat me.
Mama may have looked simple, but she had a good head
on her shoulders. She would tell me stories about
He replied, “Nobody wears a beard in
“But at least you keep the Sabbath?”
“In
The old mother sighed. , “And how is the food?”, she asked hopefully.
Ah mama, answered the son, apologetically,” It’s too much trouble to be kosher
in
The old mother hesitated. Then, in a confidential voice, she whispered, “tell
your old mother, son-are you still circumcised?”
I laughed the biggest gut busting laugh ever when I
heard that one. It was especially funny to hear my old mom tell it.
The mother in the story reminded me a lot of my mom. My mom never took
herself too seriously. She knew that she smothered me a little, spoiled
me a little. That’s what moms are for.
Anyhow not everybody I grew up with was as lucky as
me. I remember Henry Herschel. He lived down the road from
us. He was a dirty little ragamuffin who walked around in ratty clothes,
and uncut hair. Mom used to have him over for dinner sometimes. He
was born out of wedlock. His parents never married. His father
drank like a fish. Then he beat his mother. I wished I could’ve
done more for him. My mother always told me that God had a plan for
everyone. Even little Henry would find his way. She tried to make
me feel better. But I couldn’t get the little brat off my mind. The
kid looked so pathetic. His ribs stuck out like rafters. I wondered
why I was so lucky and he wasn’t. It didn’t seem fair. Ever since
then I’ve had a warm spot in my heart for the unlucky, the outcasts. When
I saw this girl with the crazy get up crying, I couldn’t ignore her, like I did
most of the street urchins. She looked a lot like Henry; Same wiry body;
Same big eyebrows; Same tiny cheek bones; Same unkempt hair; Even the same mole
on her cheek. I don’t know it why, but it was like seeing a ghost.
Still that snoring was too
much. I’d have to wear ear plugs just to get some damn sleep. My
God this was worse than my last ex-wife. She couldn’t stand my cursing
and I couldn’t stand her snoring. That’s why we split; That and a hundred
other little habits which we were disgusted with each other about. Anyhow
that was water under the bridge. I wasn’t one to cry over spilt milk. She
married some Mensch clerk from
Tonight though that combined with her snoring was too
much. Also, I was wondering what I was going to do about her. I had
to get her out of here quick, for the sake of my sanity. The last thing I
needed was an adolescent kid hanging around getting in my hair. I’d had
enough of that with my first wife and mine’s kid. He was a trouble
maker. Smoked pot, slept around, never worked. I always said he
wouldn’t amount to nothing. He moved to Vegas and became a black jack
dealer. He never calls or writes. Good riddance is what I
say.
Finally I fell asleep. I woke up at six in the
morning. My bed was a mess. I must’ve tossed and turned all night.
I got up and she was still sleeping on the
couch snoring. I ate a little breakfast and let her sleep. I felt
more comfortable with her snoring than having to talk to her. I knew her
type; completely self absorbed and spoiled rotten. I’d rather get
lectured by the rabbi than talk to her. It got to be about eleven in the
morning. She was still sleeping. She must not have slept for days I
thought; or maybe she was just one of those young night owls who partied all
night and slept all day. This was Just what I needed, some kid to keep me
up all night; coming in at six in the morning with me worrying about her the
whole night. But why would I worry? After all I didn’t know her
from Joe Blow. She was a complete stranger. I couldn’t understand
why I even cared. Still, for some reason though I did. Maybe it was
because she was the spitting image of Henry Herschel. I dunno. I
needed to get out and wash some clothes. But I knew I couldn’t leave her
here all alone. For all I knew she might be a kleptomaniac. She
might clean me out. So I sat there at the kitchen table reading the
newspaper.
Finally around
She sat up on the couch. I watched her sitting
hunched over on the couch as she bent her head down, curled her fingers and ran
then through her long knotty bunched hair trying to smooth it down. She
said, “Mister you got any aspirin?”
I said, “It’s in the cabinet in the bathroom.”
She pleaded, “Could you get it for me?
I’ve got cramps in my stomach. I don’t feel much like getting up.”
I said, “Hey I’ve got cramps everyday of my
life.”
I got up and got the aspirin. As I stood
at the kitchen sink, I realized she probably had menstrual cramps. I got
back to the room and handed her the aspirin. I said, “I’ve got to go out
shopping. Care to join me?”
She said, “Mister, I can hardly move. I
feel like my insides are on fire.”
I said, “Listen kid. I can’t leave you
here alone. I know you’re probably a good person. But I don’t know
you.”
She stretched her neck back popping it as
I stood over her. She said, “Ok. Listen, I’m sorry to be so much
trouble. But could you get me some tampons? My parents will pay you
back. I promise.”
I wondered what the check out woman would
think of me checking out with tampons with a little girl by my side. We left
and walked down the street around the block to the grocery store. I got a
grocery cart and put in a box of pretzels, some sardines, and some bread.
The little girl put in a box of tampons. As we checked out, I thought I
was going to have a heart attack, when the check out lady, Gloria, whom I had
known for over twenty years, picked up the box of tampons. She looked at
the little girl who was hunched over holding her stomach. She said,
“Eddie, who is that little girl?”
I said, “What’s your name muffin?”
She said, “Ariana. Please hurry I’ve
got to get home. I’m hurting really bad.”
Gloria said, “Eddie, she needs to see a doctor.”
I picked up my bag and said, “Gloria, what do
you want me to do? I don’t have any money. What do I look
like? The good Samaritan?”
Gloria said, “I know underneath that mean
exterior you’re a good person. I’ve known you too long. I know
better.”
I said, “What are you my analyst? If I
need advice I’ll write Dear Abbey.”
Gloria frowned and said, “Listen to me Eddie Rhein.
Get this girl to a doctor. There’s a free clinic on
Ariana followed me up the stairs in the old
building. The stairs creaked and the stairwell was dark. We
got to the top and saw a door with a large cloudy glass window. On it
said gynecologist/pediatrician. I opened the door and walked into the
waiting room. Behind the window was a tiny old wrinkled woman with thick
horn rimmed eyeglasses. She said, “Please sign in and the doctor will be
with you shortly.” We waited over an hour. Nobody else was in the
room and I couldn’t understand what the problem was. I sat there giving
the receptionist the evil eye. She looked up at me, looking miffed and
closed the window. Finally the nurse came. She was a big
woman. I felt like telling Ariana, “You need to eat more if you want to
be big and healthy like this woman.” I knew that was impolite and I
restrained myself. I sat out in the lobby and waited for what seemed like
forever. I read about half of the national geographic. Finally Ariana
came out carrying a bottle of pills. She said, “Listen Mister, I’m not
good at remembering to take medicine. Could you remind me when its time?”
I said, “Geesh!!”
She said, “Come on Mister Rhein. Please help
me.”
I said, “Do you need help brushing your teeth
too? Going to the potty? I’m the old man. You should be
helping me remember things.”
We walked back to my apartment. When we got back
to the apartment the Puerto Rican music had stopped. I felt a little more
relaxed. I put on one of my old records of Benny Goodman. The girl
said, “Mister that music is really grating. Could we turn on the radio?”
I asked, “What’s a matter? You don’t like
swing?”
Ariana said, “Mister Rhein, I’ve never even heard of
swing. Please I’ve got a terrible headache. Can’t we listen to the
radio?”
I walked across the room and turned off the
phonograph. She walked over to the radio and asked, “Mister, how does
this thing work?”
I turned the knob and showed her how to adjust the
frequency. I was about to go out of my mind. She turned on some
noise that I wouldn’t even say resembled music. It sounded like a cat
being strangled. I thought, “This is worse than the Chinese water
torture.”
I yelled, so my voice would carry over the racket, “I
can’t take it anymore!!” I walked over to the radio and turned it
off. She said, “What did you go and do that for, mister?”
I said, “Kid, when are you going to call your
parents? Don’t you want to go home?”
She looked at me with those sad puppy eyes. She
said, “Mister, my parents don’t even know I’m here. They think I’m off at
college in
I said, “Come on, I did stupid things when I was a
kid. My parents never did more than ground me, or take away my
allowance.”
Ariana said, “You don’t know my father. He would
cut me off in a minute for this. I wouldn’t even be able to go back to
college in
I stood facing her by the radio. She looked down at
the floor with the most pitiful look I had ever seen. I asked her, “How
are you gonna come up with money? Rob a bank?”
Ariana went into the bathroom. I heard her
sniffling and crying. I knocked on the door. She said, “What do you
want?”
I said, “Ariana, I’m sorry. I’m just a crabby
old man. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Listen, I know you
don’t want to put up with me for long. Why don’t you call your papa and
talk to him?”
She began crying louder then. I said, “Ok,
ok. You can stay. Just follow through with your promise. Go
out and look for a job. It’s better than you hanging around here and us
getting in each other’s hair.”
She sobbed, “OK.”
She went out that night and didn’t come back
till morning. I stayed up till
She said, “Oh, I went to a rave. It was really cool.”
I asked her, “What’s a rave?”
She said, “It’s Just a kind of wild party; lots of
dancing, drinking, techno music.”
I raised my eyebrows. I asked, “Any drugs?
Ariana smiled and continued eating. I said,
“Listen young lady, little girl, whatever, I will not tolerate drugs in this
house.”
Ariana said, “Mister Rhein all I did is smoke a little
grass. What’s wrong with that?”
I put down my newspaper and looked her straight in the
eyes. I was thinking, Lord, when will the nightmare end? I said,
“Now listen to me and listen closely. If I catch you or hear of you
taking any illegal substances, I’ll put you on the street. Do you hear
me?”
Ariana frowned and nodded, putting down the toast she
was nibbling on. She said, “Mister I’m not really hungry. I’ve got
to get out and get a job.”
I picked up the newspaper and held it up pointing to
the waitress job. I said, “Why don’t you try here? This looks like
it might be right up your alley.”
She looked at and curled her lips. She said, “Mister
Rhein...” I interrupted her and said, “Please quit with the Mister
Rhein. Call me Eddie.”
She said, “Yes, as I was saying Eddie, I don’t think I’d
make a good waitress. I have a bad memory and wouldn’t remember the
orders.”
I yelled, “Well what do you propose to do then; you think
you could work at an office; you with your orange hair and sleeping all day?
Ariana said, “Listen Eddie, I have experience. I
worked for a summer at a body piercing place. My father didn’t know and I
don’t want you to tell him.”
I said, “Hey do what you have to do. That’s what
everyone does, rich or poor, smart or dumb.” But I was thinking, my God, this
little monster is a new shock every minute. It’s a wonder she hasn’t
given me a coronary already.
She went out that afternoon and once again stayed out all
night. This time I went to bed at ten. I had a hot toddy and that did the
trick. When I woke up though, she still hadn’t come home. I was
really worried. I stayed at home waiting. I expected to hear about
her on the news, found in some alleyway. Finally at about six that
evening she came in. I nearly keeled over when I saw the young boy
with her. She said, “Eddie, this is my friend Alex. Is it ok
if he and I watch some TV together tonight?”
I felt my heart skip a beat. I said, “This is not a
cheap motel. I will not have you turning this place into a cat house.”
She looked over at her boyfriend and said, “Alex, you wait
right here. I need to talk to Eddie alone.”
Ariana took my hand and led me into the bedroom.
We sat on the bed together and I let out a big sigh. Ariana patted me on
the back. She said, “Mr. Eddie. Alex is really a nice boy. He
goes to NYU. I promise we won’t have sex. He won’t even stay the
whole night. I just want to watch some TV with him. I swear, he’ll
be gone by morning. I just need someone to talk to. Please Mr.
Eddie.”
I said, “Yea, I guess, I’m not much good company for
you. I’m just a crabby old man who does nothing but bitch and
complain. I guess, I can let the kid stay. After all, it’ll get you
outta my hair.”
Ariana kissed me on the check and said, “Thanks Eddie.
You’re the best. And you’re not bad company. You really care.
You’re a really kind man. I’m going to miss you when I go back home.”
I smiled and said, “Awww, get outta here. You’re
going to make me soft carrying on like that. I’ve got to be a tough old
bastard to live in this city.”
I lay in bed propped up against the wall on my
pillow. I could hear them through the wall giggling together. I tried to
make out what they were saying but couldn’t. I thought if I hear anything
funny out there he would be outta here in a New York minute. Then again,
I thought, what if I caught them in the middle of hanky panky? I’d feel
really silly standing out there breaking something like that up. I’d
probably turn red, might pass out. Things like this are better left
undercover, pardon the pun. I put my ear plugs in and went to sleep.
When I woke up and walked out into the living room,
Alex was gone, and Ariana was sitting at the kitchen table. She was
writing a letter. I sat down at the table and asked her what she was
writing. She put down her pen and looked up at me. “I’m writing a
letter to my parents. I can’t go on lying.”
I looked at her and said, “Well, what made you come
around?”
She said, “Eddie, I look at someone like you,
and it makes me feel like being a better person. You went out of your way
and took me in, even though I was a stranger. For all you knew I might of
been a psycho. You trusted me.”
I said, “Well, I think I’m getting a little
senile. That probably explains it.”
She looked at me and said, “No, Eddie, your mind
is as good, or better than mine. I couldn’t even remember when to take my
medicine without you reminding me. You have a good heart. You
may be a little blunt, but you’re sincere.”
I said, “Well I guess it’s about time I accepted
a compliment without being sarcastic.”
Ariana said, “Eddie, I want you to know that
you’ve helped me to grow up. I never met someone as real as you. You
don’t put on airs. You don’t pretend to be nice to make people feel
good. You’re very genuine. If I could be half as true to myself as
you have I’d be doing well.”
I felt my skin tingle. Ariana said, “Eddie
you’re blushing. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I meant every
word I said. It comes from my heart.”
I wiped my brow and said, “Whew. It’s really hot
in here. Why don’t we go for a walk in the park?”
Ariana smiled and said, “I’m going to take a greyhound
home. By the time I get home this letter should reach them. Mr.
Eddie I could use some help with this letter.”
I told her to tell the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth. I advised her to remind them that they were young
once and made mistakes. I told her to promise them never to lie
again. Tell them that she had grown up a lot. After we finished the
letter, I told her not to give up her dreams. If her parents wouldn’t
send her to
I told her, “We all do what we have to, rich or poor,
smart or dumb.”
I went with her to the bus station. I gave her
some bologna sandwiches to eat on the trip. She said, “I didn't know you
ate pork Eddie. Aren’t you Jewish?”
I said, “I got it for you. You’re not Jewish are
you?”
Ariana smiled and asked, “No. But why was that package
of bologna I saw in the refrigerator open and half empty? I never touched
it.” In a fake
I said, “Yea well, you can’t always do what you’re
supposed to do.”
Ariana smiled and got on the bus. As the
bus pulled away she waved through the window.
I smiled at her and made a peace sign. The bus
disappeared around a corner. I took the subway back to my
apartment. There I sat watching through my window as the kids played
stick ball in the courtyard park below. As the golden sunlight streaming
through the window faded and shadows fell across the courtyard park, I watched
the kids scatter to their apartments.
As I sat watching the lights come on in the apartments
across the courtyard, it dawned on me that Ariana had made my life more
bearable. In the short time that I had spent with her she had shown me
that the secret to aging gracefully is to be open to the new and
different. Change is the only certainty in life. Sometimes old
habits have to be broken, tradition has to be adapted to the new age. I
had seen enough change in my life to know that. Ariana was just beginning
to learn. I chuckled to myself thinking about how each generation
relearns the same lessons. Nothing worth having in life comes free,
my mama used to tell me. Maybe it all boiled down to that.