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  Doom's
Supreme Acts
Doom Saves
Christmas
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Ho, ho, What the?! Exactly, in this issue of "What
The?!," Doom saves Christmas. Now, I know what you're saying, "Curt,
Doom is a respecter off all religions. He would not show favoritism to
one or the other." You'd be right too. Doom does not celebrate one
religion in particular. In fact, I have it on good authority that Doom
celebrates the all-inclusive, non-exclusionary winter celebration
known as "Snowflake Day," (in spite of all these other biggotous
holidays) but I'm getting off track. The point is not that Doom
respects all religion. The point is that he saves Christmas, not out
of favoritism, but out of necessity. |
Doom is just hangin' out in his castle, minding his
own business, plotting ways to punish that insolent Richards, when he
is alerted to an intruder on the roof. Turns out, Santa Claus was
caught in Doom's super sophisticated, state of the art, intruder
defense system... okay, it was a giant bear trap, but still very
effective. (What Santa was doing on Doom's roof, only the Easter
Bunny, Bigfoot, and Jesus Christ know for sure. I'm not saying
Doom's past actions have been wrong, but they just scream "Naughty
List.")
Well, Santa is indisposed, to say the least, so Doom does
what any other fictional character, written into a cheesy
non-continuity holiday special, who has no control over their actions
would do. He saves Christmas. |
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*Note: Of course, by "Saving Christmas," I mean Doom
delivers what is left of Santa's presents to the children of the world.
Because that is what Christmas is all about. Thanks Marvel, for this
beautiful piece of capitalist propaganda inserted into a charming
children's tale. Un-note*
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Saving Christmas in itself would be supreme enough,
but the real kicker is that America's heroes try to stop him. That's
right, America's heroes try to ruin Christmas for everyone. This would
be a good time for all of you who have called Doom the villain in the
past to... how do I put this... EAT IT!!! Despite the heroes lack of
respect for a holiday celebrating the birth of a person whom is
considered by million to be the savior of the universe, Doom
still succeeds. And for his troubles, Doom receives what he has always
wanted: The Cosmic Cube? The Infinity Gauntlet? The Power Cosmic? A
Sack full of Richards' entrails tied to a pike with his severed head
on the end? No?!? Oh, Doom gets a Teddy Bear. I guess that's just as
good. I bet it's an "EVIL" teddy bear. |
**For those of you who are offended by this story's lack
of inclusion of Kwanza, Chanukah, Ramadan, Winter solstice or any other
winter holiday, please send your angry letters, along with a $25 check to:
The Latverian Embassy
Department of Notdamn Giving
690 Park Avenue
New York, New York 10021
Make sure to include a self addressed stamped envelope and a key to your
house. We will respond promptly.
Got a Supreme Act? Write it up and
send it to the Latverian Embassy at
latverianembassy@yahoo.com
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