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Doom's
Supreme Acts
Marvel
Comics
Presents:
Way Too Many Issues
to Name
"Oh My God, He's Inside Me Now!!"
This month, in honor of the new story arc in
Ultimate Fantastic Four
(which if you haven't been reading it, I
swear to God, I'll put a Jihad on you), I am going to take the time to
look at one of Doctor Doom's most well known and understandably creepy powers...
the Mind Swap.
1. It's Origins
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Doctor Doom was just floating in space
after single handedly defeating the Fantastic Four in FF vol.1 #6 (accounts of
this story may vary). As he is floating, in spite of the infinite size of space
and the shear chances of contacting any creature in it's huge vastness, Doom is
picked up by a ship full of intelligent aliens.
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This just goes to show that Doom is
deemed by God almighty to rule our planet. The chances of making contact in
space in the mere seconds it takes to suffocate (even in the hours with Doom's
oxygen supply) is about as good as a child star's chances of growing up without
a crack addiction. Either way, he made contact with these delectable, little,
large headed, freaks of an alien race known as the Ovoids. The Ovoids, being of
the superior intellect and technological advancement, used their infinite wisdom
and decided to teach a power hungry dictator one of the most destructive tricks
known to the entire universe. When contacted about the destruction this event
has caused, the Ovoids said, "It's all good, Man. He seemed coooool."
2. First Use
- Well, if you could switch bodies
with anyone in the world, who would it be? After Dolph Lundgren. Yep, Reed
Richards. What else would be better than switching bodies with a person
who can elongate their parts and is dating Sue Storm? Snickers bars? I
don't think so, fatty.
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3. Dumb Use
- I'm not saying Doom is dumb. That would end with my swift death on a
pike made of barb wire. No all I'm saying is that this could have went
better.
"Now I am Daredevil... The Man
Without Fear!! Hey, is it dark in here? Holy crap, I can't see. Jesus
Christ, help me!!!"
That's not really how it went, but hey, does it ever go the way it
should?
BTW, Doom has been in Reed and Matt Murdock for a good length of time.
Don't you think a bowel movement or at least a pee stop would have came
along? Never though of that, did ya? It's okay, Doom is anything if not
secure in his manhood. Did I say that right?
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4. I was just
walking along with my groceries and BAM!! I was killed by a giant fireball!!
- "I'm ain't going down like that,"
said Doom. That is a better fate for Norman MacArthur. I'll just jump into
him and let him take the fall. Doom is such a stand up guy. The only bad
thing is, Doom had to walk all the way home in this guy's urine soaked
pants. Look at him for God's sake. What a wus.
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5. Wait, he's in
who? So she's in him? Well, where's his body. It's not a mind Swap. He's
possessing them, but he can't do that, he can mind swap, but he has, he's in who
now, but he was just... WTF?!!
- The only person Doom didn't get inside of in this issue
of Fantastic Four (#508) was your mom, but give him time. There is always
time.
- This issue was one of the first where Doom didn't
actually swap bodies, he just possessed another body, but who's to say he
can't do that too. It does leave the question though; how did he get back
to his body that was stuck in Reed's Pocket Dimension? But that question
was answered in... wait, never mind.
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Well, that's it for this month.
Doom gets in more awkward situations than Mel Gibson. I'm outta here. I'm gonna
switch my mind with that of a drunk guy. Naga-nooch!! Till next month.
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