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| [Welcome to the A.W.A.'s weekly event featuring lopsided matchups and uneventful drama. Lopsided, that is, except the main event, which is a Hardcore Championship match between arch-enemies Billy Sadistic and Donny J. McNasty! Finally, the fans will almost get their money's worth this week.] |
| [Let's see here. Jingles, Jigsaw, and Willis Clayton all have nine losses and zero wins. Bobby Smith, on the other hand, has a winning record. In theory, Bobby Smith should carry the team of himself and Willis Clayton to a victory, further accelerating the Folk's uncontrollable spin into a downward spiral. That's what should happen...but what should happen and what does happen are two completely different things. And as Willis Clayton can attest to, Send in the Clowns is painful...as is his tenth loss. The Folk win via pinfall!] |
| [As usual, Gutter is drunk. Also as usual, Josh McCool is bald. And angry. And a little bit sweaty. Right now, Gutter drinks his life away in the name of fun. After this contest, he might start drinking in the name of pain, because that's what he's feeling. Don't get me wrong...he throws in a little offense, but McCool is just too big and powerful for the man that hails from Martha's Vineyard. A W.M.D. later and Gutter is seeing stars...without the aid of his drugs. The Son of a Bitch wins via pinfall.] |
| [Although Lance Pennington has become something of a resident whipping boy, he actually puts forth a good, honest fight in tonight's bout. Kartier's ankle looks to have healed cleanly and even though he's getting up there in years, he still appears to be nimble as a cat. Although Pennington's offense doesn't really consist of much...well, offense, he has Kartier on his heels from the start of the match. He actually scores a few nearfalls against "Main Event" to the delight of the crowd. But in the end it isn't the nearfalls that matter, it's the fact that Kris Kartier locked Pennington in the Karta-Hajime and forced him to tap out.] |
| [Before the main event, Billy Sadistic has the joy of announcing tonight's stipulation. After long consideration, Sadistic has chosen the perfect stipulation. In fact, he's got a microphone in hand to inform the viewing audience.] Billy Sadistic:: After thinking long and hard, I've chosen the perfect stipulation for the fifth and FINAL match in this hardcore series. I don't wanna drag this out any longer than I have to, so I'll cut right to the chase. Donny, I'm gonna kick your ass...again...in a baseball bat on a pole match! [Sadistic drops the microphone as the ring crew assembles the pole in the corner complete with bat on top.] |
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| [It's the match everybody's been waiting for. The Hardcore Championship is on the line and it's do-or-die time for the Nomad. The Phenom is ready for a fight...but so is the Nomad. The match is an all out brawl from the get go. Punches, kicks, raking, and biting are what's on today's menu. Headlocks, armbars, and anything that most would consider technical have been thrown out the window. The match goes past the ten-minute mark with both men beating the living daylights out of each other. Sadistic connects with a swandive headbutt and McNasty is dazed. Sadistic scales the pole and retrieves the bat...all he has to do is use it against McNasty. But he's got other plans. He bails out of the ring, grabs a soaked cloth, and wraps it around the bat. Sliding back into the ring, Sadistic produces a lighter and attempts to ignite the Louisville Slugger. Unfortunately for the Phenom, McNasty has had enough time to recover and he clobbers Sadistic from behind. The two begin struggling for the weapon. McNasty whips Sadistic into the corner, but Sadistic leaps up onto the second turnbuckle and springboards back towards McNasty. McNasty has manages to grab the bat and drill Sadistic in the bread basket. Sadistic goes down in a heap and McNasty regains the Hardcore Championship!] |
