What you owe me
Think of how many times that you have been lost in this world. How many times you have needed someone to turn to. Someone to give you solace and comfort and a little bit of advice to help things run smoothly.
Then think of how many times that person has been me.
How many times, I ask you , have you been lost in the depths of anguish when, in desperation, you picked up your trusty Profile with nowhere left to turn only to find your eyes come to rest upon those 400 words of mine lying across the page like a warm blanky for you to pick up and nap in? Yes, I know, more times than one can count (not that you can count anyway).
I know I’ve given you a lot and you’d probably think that being the nice guy that I am I wouldn’t want anything in return.
Well you know what I think? You owe me.
I deserve something from you. That’s right you heard me...er...read me. It’s time to pay the piper, to settle your dues, to...I’ll tell you what you can do for me. Over the years of working on the Profile I’ve thought of some things that I would like to change around this school, and you can help me.
First of all, we need more inspirational posters. Enough to fill every nook and cranny of the school. I know that there has been an effort to do this, but it has fallen short. Also, the quality of these posters is lacking. Instead of posters like, “ Success comes in cans...not in cannots.” We need posters like, “Do as Welchy says” and “Only through following the path of Welchy can we achieve more.”
Secondly, don’t stand in the longer lunch line when both lines are serving the same thing.
Another thing you owe to me is to start reading my column.
Whatever you do, don’t flush after using a toilet here in the high school (I don’t care what you do at home). Nothing bothers me more than when someone flushes the toilet so I don’t have to.
Be nice to the lunch ladies (and not just to get more food).
Don’t be afraid of the people in Room 16. Or the jocks. Or the hicks. Or anybody else.
Don’t be afraid to go to the dances and actually dance.
Don’t ever do what I don’t tell you not to do. Or...um...do what I tell you, even if I don’t tell you what not to tell you to do.
I’ll always love you.
See you on the flipside.
