"Hey, you're awake," Wick said, as Ryan groggily opened her eyes and looked
around.
"Why . . . am I in the hospital?" she asked, dazed. Then it hit her. She
remembered. The punch . . . passing out . . . Oh God, was she in for it now.
"I think we both know the answer to that. I talked to Dr. Caulfield . . .
she said you're . . . on the verge of developing cirrhosis of the liver,"
Her eyes widened, but the realization sunk in. She had known it was a
possibility. She raised her hand to her eyes, and peered at Wick. His jaw
was set in a tight line, and his eyes were full of concern. "So, on an anger
scale from one to ten . . . where are you?" she attempted to joke.
"I'm not angry, Ryan . . . I'm scared," it was the truth and they both knew
it. "Caulfield suggested the Betty Ford Clinic," he told her gently. "She
thinks you should be . . . treated . . . for awhile," he couldn't think of a
nicer way to tell her that they wanted her to go to an addiction center.
"Oh, God," she whispered, her voice catching in her throat. She knew it
might come to this, but she was in no way, shape or form ready to handle it.
Her eyes welled up, her expression mirroring Wick's. He grabbed her hand and
stroked the top of it with his thumb.
"I'll be here Ryan," he whispered, "until the final paperwork is signed. I
will be right here. You'll always have a hand to hold.
§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§
Ryan looked around at all the faces that had come to see her off. Wick,
Bell, Durfee, Rodriguez, Bridges, Carla, and even Sonja. Her mother and new
step-father were sitting on a bench with Monica. She knew it was time to say
‘See ya soon' to everyone there.
Durfee approached, grabbing her in a bear hug. "Good luck, Ryan," he said
in his stern voice. But, as usual, his face was soft.
"Thanks, Cap," she smiled and he patted her back.
Next came Sonja. "Sorry," was all she said. Rodriguez awkwardly stepped up.
"Uh . . . later," he said.
"Hey, Ryan. We'll miss you," bridges said, hugging her lightly.
"Don't worry, Bridges. You won't break me," she laughed.
"I'll definitely miss your humor," he laughed.
"Well, God's speed recovery," Carla said, hugging her.
"Thanks, Aguliar," Ryan said, smiling. Next, her mother approached, a
somber expression on her face.
"I hope everything works out," her mother said, giving her a cool, quick
hug. Backing off, she made way for Monica.
"I just wanted to say . . . . well . . . thanks for being my sister,"
Monica said. "Oh, and uh . . . thanks for rescuing me," she laughed.
"Anytime," Ryan chuckled. Glancing over Monica's shoulder, she saw Bell
approaching. His eyes were red-rimmed and he looked terrified. Terrified of
losing her.
"Well, uh . . . here we are . . ." he said uncomfortably. He shifted his
weight and chewed on his bottom lip before gathering her in a hug. She
hugged him back, relishing the soft, clean smell of his soap. When he pulled
back he said, "I love ya, Ryan. Take care,"
The tears she had been trying to contain rolled down her cheeks. Damn. She
had been trying so hard to stay strong, but she was scared . . . no . . .
petrified. He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and stepped back.
"So, Ryan, I guess this is it. Hey, you know . . . you'd better go over
this pronto, or else who's gonna keep me and Bell from ripping each other
apart?" they both laughed at that one. "But . . . I will feel better knowing
that you're getting help," he said.
"I just wish you could be there," she said regretfully. He took her hand
again and held it up to his lips. Releasing her hand, he wrapped his arms
around her neck and pulled her down to him. He kissed her, ignoring the
whistles and ca-calls from the firemen. She kissed him back, knowing it
would be the last time she be with him for awhile.
"So do I," he said when he pulled back.
"I just want you to know that having you here, just holding my hand, has
been so great. I feel safe with you . . . I don't know if that makes sense .
. ."
"It makes perfect sense," just then, the cab driver starting honking the
horn impatiently. "You'd better go," he laughed. She grinned and gave
everyone a small wave.
"See you guys soon!" she promised, heading to the cab. Choruses of ‘good
byes' and ‘get well soon's rang out. Sliding inside the cab, she slammed the
door and looked straight a head. She refuses to see their faces. She
couldn't bear to see all the faces she'd be leaving behind . . .
The cab sped away, and Ryan's mother dropped to her knees, crying. Carla
put a comforting arm around Wick, and Bell latched on to Sonja . . .
§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§
it had been two long months since Ryan had left, and the station still
hadn't recovered. It wasn't like the first time, when she had burned out.
This time was different . . . but no one knew quite why. Bridges had stopped
trying to cook, because it just wasn't the same without her wry humor about
his attempts. He also stopped bashing women during sex conversations,
because she wasn't there to protest and shoot him her looks that somehow
managed to arouse him every time.
But it was Wick and Bell who were taking it the hardest. This time, Wick
had stowed his anger towards Ryan. Instead, he had helped her. But, in doing
so, allowed himself to be affected by her absence. He looked over at Bell,
who was sitting on his bed.
He was turning a white rose over and over in his hands. Ryan loved white
roses. He allowed himself, only for a moment, to remember the day of the
Spring Fling party . . .
// He nervously knocked on Ryan's door. A few moments later she opened it.
She stood there, in a spaghetti strapped white summer dress that came just
slightly above her knees, and white sandals. Her blond hair was silky, and
hung past her shoulders. He noticed the white rose pinned casually in her
hair.
"You . . . uh . . . ready to go?" he asked. She nodded and they linked
arms.\\
He could remember her house . . . the garden filled with white rose bushes,
and vases upon vases of them on every table inside of her house. Now, upon
the day of her arrival, the whole station was decorated with them.
Especially the bedroom. Each fireman had a single white rose to give her,
and the women had a bouquet of them.
Now anxiously awaiting her arrival, everyone had gathered in the common
room, all except Wick and Bell. "Come on, man," Wick said, scaring his
partner out of his reverie. "Let's go," they stood and walked out into the
room just in time to hear Ryan's jeep pulling up . . .
****
It was 12:00 midnight, and they were still awake, in their jumpers, in the
common room. They had so much to talk about, but so little time before shift
change.
"Yep. The docs gave me a clean bill of health, and sent me back here,
warning me once again on the dangers of giving in to alcohol, even only once
in awhile," she kinda rolled her eyes a little. The men stared back at her,
half-smiles forming on their faces. They were happy she was back, in fact
they were happier than they cared to share. She was there, back with them,
where she belonged.
"How do you feel?" Wick asked, staring hard at her. He didn't know her as
well as Bell did, but he could usually tell when she was holding something
back.
"I'm good," she said truthfully. He could see she meant it, and he smiled
happily. Bell noticed the serious eye-action ensuing between the two and
quicky excused himself, leaving the two at the table alone. She watched
Michael as he left, her mind returning to the sleepless nights she had
spent....
// Michael's face floated into her mind as she lay on the small bed alone
in the dark. She saw every feature etched into her mind...his strong,
prominent nose, dark hair and eyelashes, eyes that were bottomless and
blue...she saw his form laying in bed...saw it clearly as if she was right
there in the room with him.
Then a guilty thought passed...Wick... Oh, God . . . what had she done? Her
first mistake had been kissing him at the plant. Her second was kissing him
in the bedroom, and she had made an even bigger mistake...kissing him before
she left...in front of everyone... What was she going to do when it wasn't
Wick she loved? \\
"Wick . . . I need to talk to you . . ." she began tensely.
"Uh-oh," Wick joked, "you got that ‘Breaking Up is Hard To Do' look on your
face," when her features darkened he exhaled sharply. "I know what you're
going to say," he said cheerlessly.
"Wick–" she began.
"No," he cut her off. "Don't worry about it. I . . . well, I kinda
suspected it already. Remember when you said you'd always wanted to be swept
off your feet by a fireman?" she nodded, a little confused. She didn't want
to hurt him, but she could see the soreness etched on his face. He was
trying to cover it, but.... "Well, I knew you meant Bell," he said. She
gawked at him. Was it really that obvious?
"What?"
"Look, Ryan, I'm used to not getting anywhere with women. And I don't know
where I was trying to go with you...mainly because..well, I've always known
that Bell idolized you, and I should've realized that you felt the same
way,"
"Wick, listen. I just realized how I felt about Bell...I'm not going to lie
to you. I..well..I really don't feel that way for you, Wick. You were there
for me, and I just..." she couldn't finish. She felt too embarrassed and
guilty by her actions.
"I understand. Why...don't you go see Bell. I'm sure he'd love to talk to
you alone," he suggested graciously. They stood and she hugged him, apology
in her eyes.
Michael was sitting on his bed, thinking about Ryan when a knock came on
the door and she poked her head in. "Hey," she said, her voice low. He
smiled and beckoned her in. "I wanted to talk to you,"
"I figured you and Wick would be in there steaming up the double mirrors,"
he said. What was that in his voice....bitterness?
"Bell, look. Wick and I...we never had anything. And whatever trace of a
something we had...it's not there anymore," he looked perplexed, but said
nothing. He just stared at her. At her sapphire blue eyes and California
blond hair. He gazed at the way her lips curved and parted slightly, and he
longed to run his hand over her milky skin. Her faced flushed pink as he
stared at her.
"God, Ryan. I don't know what's wrong with me," he said, shaking hi head.
"It doesn't make sense," he was now talking to himself, rather than her.
Trying to make sense of all the confusion that was going on inside his head.
"Let me guess. There's a jumble of uneasiness turning over and over in your
mind that you want to make sense of," she guessed. He nodded and once
again marveled at how well she truly knew him. If only she could know all of
him... Okay, man...you gotta stop this....
"Yeah," she smirked and nodded, a thoughtful expression crossing her face.
"You know what? I stopped trying to make sense of it, Bell. What's to be
will be," with one last look at him, she stood and walked over to her bed
and began changing. She could feel his eyes on her as she changed, could
feel them peering at her as she removed her jumper to reveal just a tank top
and underwear. Slipping off the tank top, she heard him rise from the bed
and then felt his breath on her neck. She was standing there, almost
completely naked, and he was so close...
His hands were suddenly at her back and she could feel him undoing the hook
on her bra. Her mind was screaming, but her body was limp in his arms as the
bra fell away....
****
