Band Definitions

These are words every Bando should know. More words will be added soon.

Marching Band Words

• Band - 1) a group of musicians who get together to upset the orchestra members. 2) slightly organized noise.
• Band director - 1) person who organizes noise.
• Assistant band director - 1) person who organizes less important noise
• Drum major - student band director who thinks he or she is directing the band but merely moves hands in the same tempo on every song like a robot.
• Band booster club - group of bored mothers who raise money to send the band far away.
• Flautist - person who plays the flute. orchestras need only three but bands seem to require about four hundred.
• Piccolo - a more annoying flute.
• Clarinetist - person who leaves old and broken reeds on the floor.
• Trumpeter - 1) trumpet player who no matter how hard he or she tries can only seem to play fortissimo. 2) someone who is constantly emptying his or her spit valve.
• French hornist - French horn player who has to tear apart their instrument to empty his or her spit valve.
• Tubist - person who mindlessly chose to play the biggest, heaviest and smelliest instrument.
• Saxophonist - 1) retard. 2) big retard. 3) person who is only needed to play in loud bars where people are too drunk to know the difference, but some people feel the need the write parts for them in orchestral scores.
• Trombone - Musical instrument with extendible slide mechanism designed for the purpose of poking people in the butt and raising majorette’s short dresses while standing at parade rest.
• Bell lyre - Musical instrument designed for pretty girls who can’t read music or march and play at the same time.

Music Words

• DAL SEGNO - A place in the music where everyone stops playing while they look for the Sign.
• RALLENTANDO - What happens when the bass player gets a cramp.
• FORTE-PIANO - Make your own choice of dynamic.