BSB are having a short break from their current US Tour, trying to chill out and block out the emotional stress that SO many screaming teenage girls cause (what a hassle? Huh?); they're chilling out at Nick's house while his parents are away looking after Aaron. Kevin's writing a song in the basement (likes to keep himself to himself), Howie's trying out different hair gel's in the bathroom, AJ's flirting with a babe in a bedroom, Brian's studying the Bible in the Living Room, and Nick is making Pop Corn in the kitchen. The idea is that they're all gonna watch some 'scary' movies, play some Video Games, and perhaps play some basketball (if B-Rok can tear himself away from his Bible). Kevin suddenly runs into the kitchen screaming:
Kevin: Yo guys.....I've got some....thing...reall...y....good...to...
Brian: Hey Kev, spit it out- we;re missing valuable preying time.
Kevin: I've written a new song. Would...you...like....
Nick: To hear it?
Kevin: yeah. Would....you...?
Nick: (sighs)..I guess. Let me call the other guys.
Walks over to stair case.
Nick: Yo, Howie, AJ. Kev's written a song. He wants us to hear it.
Howie: Can't he wait? I've just opened put on the third layer. The fourth has to be applied in 10 minutes.
Nick: No, come on down, Sweet D. And bring AJ with you.
Howie: You'll be lucky.
Howie walks over to the bedroom and knocks on the door. There's no answer.
Howie: AJ, man, Kev wants us to hear his new song and he'll probably want you to sing again- you know what he's like.
AJ: (muffled) But I sang on the last one. Can't someone else?
Howie: Well you know that I don't sing, and were still waiting for Nicky's voice to break.... And Brian gets to sing on ALL the songs.
AJ: (sighs).....okay, I'm coming....
Howie: Can't that wait? I've had to put my hair gel on hold.
AJ: I meant that I was coming downstairs.
Howie: Oh. Right.
Two minutes later in the kitchen.
Kevin: So this bit just has some harmonies and then AJ sings....
Everyone looks at AJ.
Howie: Told you.
Kevin: ....."Lying in your arms, so close together, didn't know just whatI had".....
Everyone sighs.
Brian: Yo Kev, that's already a song. 'N Sync sing it. You know stealing is a sin in the Bible.
Kevin: Ah no. And it was beginning to sound really good. I was thinking for the vidoe we could pretend that we were all insane and in a Mental Institute. And then at the end the girls, who are the reason we're there, go in when we come out....
Howie: How original.
AJ: Does that mean I can go back upstairs now?
Nick: (sighs) I guess. But I thought we were gonna play Video Games, or something.
AJ: (all excited) Sorry, but it' my time-off aswell, you know!
Telephone rings. Nick answers it.
Nick: Hello?
Caller: Hi. What number is this?
Nick: Ermm, *thinks hard. Can't quite remember- come on, he's not there often! * Well, what number are you trying to reach?
Caller: Well what number is this?
Nick: *annoyed that the caller is NOT making it easy for him!* Look, I think you've got the WRONG number.
Caller: Oh, have I? I'm sorry.
Nick: sighs *concentration starting to falter* . It happens, take it easy.
Hangs up the phone.
Howie: Who was that?
Nick: Wrong number.
Kevin: Obviously; someone wasn't paying attention.
AJ: Okay, guys, see you later. (about to go upstars)
Phone rings again. This time AJ answers.
AJ: Hello?
Caller: Oh I'm sorry, I must have dialled the wrong number again.
AJ: So don't! Some of have sex lives to be geting on with...(hangs up phone)
Howie: Who was that?
AJ: Wrong number again.
Kevin: Howie! Will you listen?!
Brian: Kevin, don't be rude- you should know that it's a sin in the Bible.
AJ: Okay, now my feet are getting cold. I'm going back to bed.
Phone rings again.
Kevin: Is it me, or is this getting a little tedious?
Howie: What?
Kevin answers phone.
Caller: Why did you hang up on me?
KEvin: No, that was AJ;.......... he tries to...... maintain a hard..... man image. Apparnetly....... it increases..... his sex appeal.
Caller: (suddenly wakes up) Huh? Ermm, yeah...ernm, oh yeah...hang up on me again and I'll gut you like a fish.
Kevin: Excuse me?
Caller: Why what have you done?
Kevin: I don't know....you're the one...... talking about....... Fish.
Caller (dangerously close to dropping phone with boredom)
Kevin: I'm sorry....if you've got the wrong......number...but .....perhaps....if you...phone...the ....operator, then...they ...can help...you find....who you're...looking....for.....Ooooh, that's a good....idea for a song.
Kevin runs off to work out a tune. Brian picks up phone.
Brian: Hello?
Caller: Hang up on me again and I'll gut you like a fish.
Brian: Oh no, that was just the way Kevin talks, he didn't hang up on you. Sorry.
Caller: Do you wanna die tonight?
Brian: Well actually, I was in the middle of the New Testament so I'm a little busy. I'll just ask Nick.
Passes phone to Nick.
Nick: Hello?
Caller: (getting confused) Do you wanna die tonight?
Nick: (whispers to Howie) I think it's some obsessive fan, again.
Howie: Really? Can I talk to them- I wanna know how it feels.
Howie grabs phone.
Howie: Hello?
Caller: (sighs) Do YOU wanna die tonight?
Howie: (grins) That's something that I NEVER thought I'd hear.
Caller: What? Look, turn on the patio lights.
Howie: The patio lights? Where are they?
Caller: By the patio door.
Howie: Right. Hang on.
Howie walks over to the patio door while Nick follows and AJ picks up the phone. They walk past Brian, who is siting in the middle of the floor, cross-legged, surrounded by candles, reading the Bible.
AJ: Look, crazy- obsessed fan, can you speed this up a little bit? I was in the middle of something.
Howie looks for switch, can't find it. Nick turns the light on and opens the curtain. They all look out of the window to see someone tied to a chair in the middle of the back garden...
Nick: Hey, it's Britney! What's she doing here?
AJ: This is cool, now I have two girls within my reach; this could get...interesting...
Howie: Do you think she's cold? It IS winter.
Nick: Howie, man, we're in Florida. It never gets cold.
Howie: Right.
Caller: Now turn off the lights.
AJ: But she'll be alone in the dark....oh, right. I'm with you. He he.
AJ shuts off the lights. And pulls the curtains.
Nick: Why d'ya do that?
Howie: This is not the time for your sexual fantasies.
AJ: Ahh, you're only jealous.
Howie and Nick pause.
Nick and Howie: Hmm, yeah we are. Oh, all right then. You can leave her out there in the dark.
Caller: Hello? Are you still there?
AJ; Yeah, right. What do I do now?
Caller: Now we're going to play a little game.
AJ: Really? Cool. He he (perverted laugh)
Nick: What?
AJ: We're going to play a 'little' game. He he
Nick: Really? Cool. He he
Kevin runs into the room, but falls over Brian, who is still on the floor.
Brian: Kevin, you have interrupted my prayers. You know that's a sin in hte Bible.
Kevin: No it's not.
Brian: Hmm, well it SHOULD be.
Kevin: yeah, right. Look, guys ......I've written........ another song. The caller.......gave ...me an idea......for a theme.......it's about...a guy...who has.....lost his....true love...and wants her back...... AJ sings: "You're all I've ever wanted, you're all I've ever needed. So tell me what to do now, when I want...you...back..." What...do you......think?
Everyone sighs.
AJ: Kevin, man, that's an 'N Sync song.
Kevin: Bummer. I had a really....... good idea..... for the video,...... we could dress........ up in really ........shiny clothes........... and have..... Kinda a Vegas...background......
Howie: How orginal.
AJ: Look, Kev, we're in the middle of something.
Kevin: Really? What?
AJ: We're going to play a "little" game.
Kevin: really? Cool.
Howie: What are we doing?
Everyone sighs.
Caller: Are you guys still there?
AJ: Yo, dude.
Caller: Man, you guys are hard work.
AJ: But we do an excellent dance routine, huh?
Caller: (getting anoyed) LOOK, I'm gonna ask you a question, if you get it right, you live. If you get it wrong, you die. Got it?
AJ: How do we die?
Caller: Ermm, I guess I stab you a couple of times.
AJ: Not my arms, belly button or back...
Caller: why?
AJ: 'cos it might hurt my tattoos.
Caller: Well give the phone to someone that nobody cares about if they die.
AJ gives the phone to Howie.
Howie: Hello?
Caller: (sighs again) I'm gonna ask you a quest..... Look, tell me the answer, okay?
Howie: I'll try.
Caller: Okay, name the 'cute' member of 'N Sync.
Howie: Cute?
Caller: (sighs again). YES!
Howie: Cute?
Caller: Just give me an answer.
Howie: Man, this is tough. Ermm, Nick Carter?
Caller: What?
Nick: What did you mention my name for?
Howie: The caller wanted to know who the cute member of 'N Sync is.
Nick: Howie, man, I'm a Backstreet Boy; there ARE NO cute members of 'Nsync. It was a trick question.
Howie: Right. (confused)
AJ: Can we get Britney inside now?
Caller: Your answer is Nick Carter?
Howie: Ermm, no, I don't think so. Hang on, let me give the phone to smeone else.
Nick picks up the phone.
Nick: Hello?
Caller: How you guys got so famous by beng so dumb is beyond me.
Nick: Hey, we're singers. Not Bill Gates. Anyhow, 'N Sync did it....and Spice Girls....there's westlife....5ive.....New Kids oN The Block were quite big..
. Caller: hey. Are you listening?
Nick: ...Teke 5...I don't even think they're old enough to be out of nappies yet....
AJ: Can we get Britney inside now?
Kevin: aww, no. AJ's woman-izing starts again. Here we go....ohh, I ahev...an..idea for a ..song...
Kev runs off to think of a melody. He passes Brian on the way who is still reading the new Testament.
Brian: You know it's a sin to leave a poor helplees, woman tied up in the garden alone.
Howie: but it's Britney. Does she class as a woman?
AJ: I agree Brian. She shouldn't be alone. Can we get her inside now, Nick?
Nick:....Boyzone are a litle dim. Who on Earth would make a speech like their's at the MTV Awards?.....
AJ: I'm gonna let her in. She can't do anything from out there.
AJ walks towards the door, as if to unlock it. Meanwhile, Britney is tied to the chair, gaged and hand-cuffed.
Caller: Unlock the door and you die.
Nick: .......You know Britney is quuite dim aswell. So it's not jiust us....
By now AJ has opened the door. He walks over the chair and starts to untie Britney.
Caller: No, don't do that!
Nick: Christina Aguilera doesnt talk in a very intellectual way, also.
AJ picks up Britney and brings her inside.
AJ: Come on baby, let's go make what Chris Rock said at the VMAs come true. Britney: Oh, baby, baby...
Nick: So you see, you don't have to be Einstein to sing a few songs. Hello? Are you there?
The caller has hung up.
Nick: Well that's just charming.
Howie: What happened?
Nick: They hung up.
Brian: Bummer, I was getting some good reading done while you lot were being your stereotypical selves. Shall we watch some videos now?
Nick: I guess. Where's AJ?
Howie: He went upstairs with Britney.
Nick: What? But he's already got a girl upstairs. He's so selfish. Anyways, I am the one who is repeatedley rumoured to be dating Britney.
Brian: What does he intend to do ith her?
Howie: Hmmm, perhaps they're palynig Monopoly.
Nick: No, think about it. He has two yoiung girls in a bed room, alone with him...
Brian: ...but Nick, sex before marriage is a sin in the Bible! We can't allow it to happen.....
Brian runs upstairs with Howie and Nick closesly following behind. Kevin emerges from the basement.
Kevin: Guys, I've got a new song. It goes...." Here we go, one more time, everybody's feeling fine....here we go now...." Guys?
Kevin decides to follow the other guys upstairs. They all reach AJ's room....but find the door open. They walk in and find Britney tied up and laying on the bed.
Howie: Man, AJ has all the good ideas.
Nick: But where is AJ? And the other girl?
Brian: (untieing Britney): Where is AJ?
Britney: The other girl... She...(coughs) she made him tie me up...and now they're in the bathroom.
Nick: Man, this just gets worse and worse. Not only does he have two girls, but he doesn't even need one of them.
Brian: Perhaps we should look in the bathroom.
Thet leave Briteny where she is, while she has a coughing fit (it appears that she WAS quite cols outside after all) and walk towards the bathroom.
Nick: Hey, I don't wanna go in first.
Kevin: Why?
Nick: Because I'm pure; what I am about to see could damage me for life.
Brian: And I can't go in first because I don't any intentions of even acknowledging what they're doing together unti lI am happily married.
Howie: I don't get it. What are they doing?
Kevin: Okay, okay....I'll...go ...
They all push Kevin first into the bathroom door and see AJ standing in the bath (sokaing wet) with his blonde companion pointing a large, shiny knife at him. The companion turns to look at them.
Kevin: Oh, erm,..sorry..to disturb...
Nick: Look here, Bone, you can't have two girls to yourself; it;s my house.
AJ points at the blonde companion standing in front of him.
Nick: So you want the blonde? Okay, so I'll get Britney pregant then,huh? Okay?
The Blonde Companion: What are you dong in here? We're busy.
Nick: Sorry, we just had to clear that up. Isn't the knife a little kinky?
The Blonde Companion: Well, I was going to do this one at a time, but since you're all hre you may aswell stay.
Nick: really? Oh goodie!
Brian: What? That's a sin the Bible.
Howie: What's going on?
AJ: no, guys will you just leave?
Nick: man, you are SOOO selfish. Come on, it is so obvious that I am the most popular BSB. You're just jealous.
Kevin: That may be...so, Nick....but I am..the best looking...
Howie: Yeah, well I am the greasiest haired one... Well, except for Nick at the VMAs...bummer....
Brian: And I am hte most religious...
The Blonde Companion: Will you just shut up????!!!!!!!!
Everyone is silent.
Nick: man, this chick has attitude.
The Blonde Companion: I am no 'chick', you blonde bimbo...
Nick: (mutters) speak for yourself...
The Blonde Companion suddenly whips of her wig to reveal her true identity.
Nick: Justin Timberlake? What are you doing here? This is my house?
Kevin: Aj, you tried to sleep...with....JUSTIN???
AJ: I thought he was a she...
Brian: You know that's a sin in the....
Justin: SHUT UP!! You guys are so darn annoying. I have had enough. You think you're all so clever...
Howie: What's gong on?
Justin:...with the exception of him. But let me tell you something for nothing: You're not. I'm sick of everyone comparing us to you. We are SOOO much better.
Nick: That's a matter of opinion.
Justin: Right, for that you are going to be first, bimbo Backstreet.
Nick: Will you stop calling me that?!?!
Justin waves the knife at Nick.
Nick: What are you going to do?
Justin: I'm going to kill you; I'm going to kill you all.
Howie: How?
Justin: I am standing here with a KNIFE, what do you think?
Howie: Right.
AJ: (whispers to Kev) Kev, start talking.
Kevin: (whispers back) What? Talk? If you think it's best....
Kevin: Justin, you know the...funniest..thing happened... To me....today...
Justin: I thought this would happen. You think that by talking then i'll fall asleep? Well, it won't work with me, buddy!
Justin pulls some sticky tape out of his pocket and wraps it around Kevin's mouth.
Kevin: mmmmm....mmm..mmm
AJ: Hey, he's Kenny from South Park! He he
Justin: Shut it, pimp. You're gonna be next. I'm going to cut you up real bad.
AJ: But don't hurt the tattoos...
Justin: (evil laugh) How about I give you a knew tattoo? Hah ha ha ha ha
AJ: Oooh, can I have a picture of Satan with 'Horny Devil' written underneath it?
Brian: That's a sin in the...
Justin: (stops laughing) SHUT UP! I'm fed up with you guys making 'N Sync look bad. You think by leaving Jive then you'll ruin us....
AJ: We probably will...
Justin....exactly. So I can't let that happen. I'm going to kill you all, one by one, and then blame it on Britney.
Brian: But that's a sin in the Bible.
Justin: really? No kidding.
Walks towards nick with the knife. Suddenly a basketball comes crashing down on his head, knocking him unconscienous. BSB look around to see who did it.
Nick: Britney? You saved my life.
Britney: All in a day's work for Pop's Princess.
AJ: WOW! That was like Cat Woman from batman Returns.
Britney: Why, thank you.
Brian: You know you're an angel.
Britney: Why ,thank you.
Kevin: ...mm...mmmmmmm..
... Britney: Why thank you.
Nick: Stuff Journey and Nirvana; I'm only going to listen toy YOUR records now.
Britney: Why thank you.
Brian: but weren't you dating Justin?
Britnay: No, that was just a publicity stunt. AS IF!! Look, we should phone the Police before he wakes up and tries to kill you guys again. Even though you put some of your sonmgs on my album, you're uite good, I guess. Better than 'N Sync, anyhow.
Nick: Good idea. Sorry that I said you were dim earlier. Now I know you're not.
Britney: Why thank you.
They all pick Britney up and carry her downstairs so that they can phone the police. Howie and Kevin are left in the bathroom.
Kevin: mmm..mmmm.mmm
Howie: What's going on?
The End.
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