Funny Things People Said Once

''I have every number of the alphabet.'' -Me

''I know...we could never date. I have big boobs and don't like Dawson's Creek.'' -CJ

''Your autograph is a waste of ink and paper.'' -Jim to Josh
''So's your birth certificate.'' -Me to Jim

ME: I haven't taken any business classes except on this program.
CJ: Huh?
ME: Just an observation.
CJ: I don't have any socks on.

''When thoughts don't come, hit stuff.'' -Rowan Student

''Hey guy, wanna live in my house?'' -Bill

''As long as I have a face, you have a place to sit.'' -BET Comedy guy

''If we had yearbook awards like high school, you'd be
most likely to go insane and kill someone.'' -Me

''What day is it? May?'' -Me

''Santa Claus isn't real!'' -Jake

''I have this feeling that when I do fall in love, somebody's gonna get hurt.'' -Kathryn

''I hope all you men...I hope your penises fall off
and you start bleeding out your pee hole.'' -Kristin H

''I'm an English midget...major...English major.'' -Megan F

''I love chickens. They all run around cluckin and whatnot, and they're just like
''Hey, I'm a chicken. Whatchyou gotta say bout it?''
And what can you say? I mean, they are chickens, there's no denying that.
They crap out big white ovals that turn into their babies. And they have it rough.
If we don't eat them as a fetus, we'll most likely let them get chunky and then eat them.
It's not their fault they're ridiculously tasty to the point that every
other food is compared to them. Chickens. Gotta love 'em.'' -Me

''Hold on...my dog puked...on her puppies...now they're trying to eat it.'' -Megan G

''I just need to learn "Who Got The Hooch" so I can play it over
and over for my dog as he chills next to my hammock wearing ray bans.''
-Me, on my future plans

''I read these things!''
-Megan G, on Eddie Money, his daughter, and the world's population getting shorter

''I'm feeling buff. I went to the gym yesterday, I went to the gym today,
and tonight for dinner I had cookies and beer.''
-Abby

''It's a good thing you're pretty.''
-Courtney, whenever I say/do something stupid

''I wish my thoughts happened in order.''
-Me

KRISTIN H: They need to grow some balls.
ME: But then they wouldn't be girls...
KRISTIN H: Well then they need to get harder titty nipples or something!

''I have thoughts, and sometimes they're funny.''
-Abby

''I can do math in my head, isn't that cool?''
-Courtney

''I am boobies!''
-Megan F

''Renior-that guy sucks dick.''
-Ken

''I had a happy place, but it fell behind my desk.''
-Adrienne

''We didn't just break out on Tuesday, we broke the seal...like when you drink a lot;
now our awesomeness will be more frequent.''
-Abby

''It's ok if I vomit, then I can just drink more.''
-Buddy

''I have to go get drinks with some lesbians now.''
-Alyssa

''I thought a vampire was gonna fucking rape me.''
-Alyssa, on a hipster bar in Center City

''You might as well leave it in there, you already touched it.''
-Alyssa

''If you two don't shut the FUCK UP!''
-Barb

''He's not in the fucking club!''
-Courtney

''I said 'If anyone in this college show Citizen Kane again, I quit!' ''
-Dave Parry

ALYSSA: I wore my acryllic socks today to cover the wound
ME: Acryllic?
ALYSSA: Argyle.

SOME FROM JENA JAMISON: