I’m a very fortunate person because the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me has actually been said to me twice- by two different people, no less. Both were boys that I was in love with.
The first was a friend from another school. We were on this big inter-school trip together, and being the model eighth graders that we were, there was alcohol circulating the last night we were there. I traveled to a room with my dear friend, and the “host” pulled out a big bottle of amber colored liquor, then started passing cups out. “Umm, I’m leaving,” I half-mumbled as I walked out of the room. I remember looking at my friend’s face; it looked really confused. Anyway, it turns out that he got smashed- he drank a lot, and he really hadn’t before, and he was kind of a small guy, so that didn’t help much. I got a phone call from his roommate: “He wants to talk to you.” I don’t remember what I said to him, but I do remember getting up at six in the morning the next day so I could say good-bye to him. It was cold and I was wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt; my legs had goose bumps. We said good-bye, but the conversation was kind of bittersweet. Then he turned to me and said, “I’m sorry.”
I talked to him a few weeks later, and he said that he was sorry again. For what? Getting drunk, he said. It was so stupid; you sounded so disappointed that night on the phone. Now every time I’m offered a drink, I just kind of think of what you would do. I really admire you for not drinking; you really made me think about stuff I’ve done. You’ve really changed me.
Is it impossible not to love someone after all of that?
The second person that said something similar was the boy about which I have spoken way too much already. He said that I’d really helped him become happy in a lot of ways- I made him rethink a lot of things. I cheered him up. I made him smile.
Again, happy thoughts that cause tears.
I don’t know if it’s surprising that I don’t hear from either of these boys too much any more. The first one . . . I haven’t seen him since May, and I doubt I will ever hear from him again. Every once in a while I shoot him an email or even a letter, but I’m not surprised when I don’t hear from him. The other boy is much the same- is it a boy thing to not answer letters?- but at least I still talk to him sometimes. We had a really nice conversation yesterday, in fact, so that story doesn’t end so sadly.
The fact that these boys don’t keep in touch may indicate that they’re just lazy. But I’m really afraid that it means their words were insincere. Did I really help him think twice when someone offered him a beer? Does he really smile when he talks to me?
I told both of them things that I had never told anyone before. I felt a deep connection with both; we were so alike that sometimes it was scary. I think the scary thought now is that it’s over and no amount of phone calls or letters or emails is going to change that.
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