Top Five Accomplishments (in no particular order):
1. making a difference
2. realizing the truth about myself and people in general
3. enjoying church
4. emoting
5. reading Les Miserables the whole way through
Top Five Failures (in no particular order):
1. belittling others
2. lying to others and to myself
3. dreading church
4. keeping it all inside
5. giving up on you, on us, and on our friendship
I’ve said I’m sorry many times. While this whole deal is not entirely my fault, I feel that I’m responsible for a great deal of your pain. Don’t give me that garbage about “Oh, no, that’s not true.” We both know that I hurt you without thinking. On one hand, that’s good- I didn’t hurt you intentionally. On the other hand, I wasn’t thinking. That was just stupidity, pure and simple.
Top five lists seem to put things in perspective, don’t you?
Top five wishes…no, forget that. Right now, I wish to one day tell you how sorry I am. We’ll be alone somewhere and I’ll just blurt it out (again, without thinking). It may be at dinner, it may be at the mall. Perhaps it will be when I am leaving your house, or when we are driving home from our daughter’s graduation. One of these days I’ll tell you to your face, instead of to this false, imaginary you.
Sometimes I imagine that you are kind and forgiving and just so nice. Sometimes you play the role of the frustrated, overworked boy. And every now and then I pretend that you get mad at me.
I don’t know how you’ll react.
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