I could hear my contacts when I took them out tonight. They were really dry and crackly, even though they had been moistened twice in one night. You guessed it: I was crying! Over you!
We’re not us anymore. We’re weird; we’re different. I don’t feel like I can tell you anything…no, that’s a lie. I feel like I can tell you anything, but somehow I don’t think you’re listening. There’s always something else, someone else that grabs your attention.
I really hate when you lie to me, “I should straighten things out with you before I sleep!” Baloney. You say that to save face. I don’t expect you to tell me that you don’t care, or that you’re too busy to talk; I keep expecting you to tell me that they care and mean it.
I cry because I miss you…the old you, that is.
I feel like I’ve tried so hard: emails and letters and IMs…..true, you respond to my IMs with a varying degree of care, but when was the last time I got an email from you? October 26th- a month and a half ago. Very friendly, wouldn’t you agree? How many letters have you sent me since I left? A whopping……zero! Surprise!
How did we let this happen? I don’t know what went wrong. All I know is that I miss you; I want you back; I want my best friend.
I keep trying to comfort myself: “You have the girls!” “Now you don’t fight with your mom about him!” “He’s too young!” “He’s happy with his girlfriend!” and so on and on and on
I keep trying to get mad at you, but I find myself becoming sadder instead.
College is a time for reinvention, for discovery….It’s the time to let go. I just can’t seem to do that. Why?
Goodnight.
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