Listening to it like pornography, I cherish every moment…..
Lee doesn’t know what he’s done. He taught me to feel. Prior to that year, I felt things, but I didn’t emote them; I didn’t know how to make someone cry by just looking at them. He-who-must-not-be-named claims that I made him cry. But you know what? He wasn’t the cause. I met Lee long before I knew you-know-who. But screw him- I don’t want to think about that now.
Back to Lee. At first I thought he looked like Indiana Jones. I don’t remember exactly what I thought the first day he came down to the field, but I do remember one particular day….
“Stand with a friend,” he said, standing there with the official director. Lee told us to look at our friends at make them cry. I and my best friend of the time of course paired up, and we giggled as soon as we looked at each other. Lee changed his approach, “Close your eyes. Think of the saddest thing in the world, and when you open them, emote that to your partner.”
Closing my eyes, I thought about my grandmother. She had been gone for three years, but I still missed her and thought of her every day. With my eyes closed tightly, I heard her voice, and saw her face and just felt her prescence…and yes, I got very sad. When I opened my eyes, I told Lauren about my grandmother without saying a word; she looked at me and I looked at her and I started to cry. It was just a tear, but I felt something that day.
I remember overhearing the director tell Lee, “You know, I saw a tear trickle down one person’s cheek. It was cool.” I don’t remember Lee’s reaction, but I was so happy that someone had seen my suffering.
Every time I played my instrument, I thought of what I wanted to convey. There are still songs that I can’t listen to without crying.
It’s not just crying, though; I’ve played happily and angrily and all kinds of emotions. I learned how to convey emotions through my music, and I think that that has made me feel more as a person.
I may not have a man, or the friends that I want. I may not have the perfect body or the perfect family or much direction in my life. But I do have my emotions. I do know how to make someone feel something if they are willing.
Thank you, Lee.
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