Camest02 signed off at 1:44:56 AM.
JimRulesSht: Hey.
JimRulesSht: Take them.
Camest02: not yet
JimRulesSht: You should you looked fucking terrible.
Camest02: thanks.
JimRulesSht: Are you really ok?
Camest02: no
JimRulesSht: What's bothering you?
Camest02: i just wish it din't bother me so much, i wish i could walk away from it.
JimRulesSht: What was it like?
Camest02: like i couldnt even move
Camest02: like i was syuck in that place and couldnt do anything to get away
Camest02: like he grabbed my hand and i couldnt even pull it back
JimRulesSht: Really... I guess Im glad I showed up when I did.
Camest02: I tried to leave you sleeping.
Camest02: I know and now I feel like a piece of shit for letting this happen.
Camest02: I shoulda woke you like I promised to.
JimRulesSht: Why do you feel like a piece of shit?
Camest02: because its making you feel bad
JimRulesSht: I SHOULD feel fucking bad. I let that shit happen to you.
Camest02: i let it. i was the one that left you sleeping and went home on my own
JimRulesSht: Ive never seen you like that.
Camest02: like what
JimRulesSht: I don't even know the word to explain it.
JimRulesSht: It just evoked the most powerfu;; need to protect you that I have ever had. Ever.
JimRulesSht: I couldn't sop hitting him.
Camest02: really
JimRulesSht: My hand is so fucked up from it.
JimRulesSht: It was like I had all that shit that you had just told me in the back of my mind and I wanted to make him pay for it.
Camest02: i just dont want you to get in trouble for it
JimRulesSht: He knows better because when Jay found out I know he beat his ass a HELL of a lot worse, Broke his fucking jaw. Broke 2 of his own fingers from hitting him. Pat said he had to drag him the fuck away because he thought he was gonna fucking kill him.
Camest02: realyl
JimRulesSht: Yeah, he saud all he saw was blood all over him and my brother punching the shit out of his face ever after he was unconsious.
Camest02: i know he fucked up his hand but i didnt know all that. he never really talked about it
JimRulesSht: You know Im so sorry.
Camest02: for what?
JimRulesSht: For what we were talking about earlier. I nEVER meant to make you feel like that. EVER.
Camest02: i know
Camest02: did i ever tell you he came to my house once?
JimRulesSht: Sean?
Camest02: yeah
JimRulesSht: What happened?
Camest02: honestly i dont remember. it was one of the night coming home from joey's huose. me and el were ther getting fucked up. and i guess he follower me home
Camest02: i was completely lit so i didnt even notice til he was in my room
Camest02: i freaked out and started to hollar but he had put his hand over my face my mouth and my nose so i couldn't breath and i guess i passed out
JimRulesSht: Are you fucking serious.
Camest02: when i woke back up he was gone and my wrist was completely fucked up. that's all i remember
JimRulesSht: That's some fucked up shit.
Camest02: shit happena
JimRulesSht: I know. I just know how it feels to have the thoughts, and the bad dreams, and the fashbacks and i WISH there was something I could do for you at all. But i knoe that there isnt and it fucking sucks.
Camest02: imf ine
JimRulesSht: Did you ever wonder what it would be like to have sex without all our issues constantly in the back of our minds?
Camest02: sometimes
Camest02: Ihad sex with brian (or started to) and for an instant i completely freaked out.
Camest02: it was just like all at once i was somewhere else
Camest02: have you ever had that happen
JimRulesSht: Yeah.
JimRulesSht: Sometimes I get the flashbacks right in the middle of fucking some girl and go limp as shit too.
JimRulesSht: Then the chick gets all pissed of, and I can't explain to her why.
JimRulesSht: Never ends good.
JimRulesSht: That swhat happened to you?
Camest02: something like that
JimRulesSht: Can you put your cam on?
Camest02: sure
Starting Live Video.
JimRulesSht: You look so sad
Camest02: i feel like crap
The Live Video session timed out.
The Live Video IM session has been disconnected.
JimRulesSht: What are you thinking?
Camest02: that i feel like its stupi that he still has the same effect on me as he didi since it happened
JimRulesSht: Don't
JimRulesSht: Think how long it's been since what happened with Ray and I still felt all of it the other day when I saw him
Camest02: i know. i just think people will think i am overreacting and should have gotten over it a long time ago
JimRulesSht: They won't and if they do Ill fuck every one of them up personally.
Camest02: lol ok
Camest02: im fucked up
JimRulesSht: Sleepy?
Camest02: not really just fucked up
Camest02: I messed up today
JimRulesSht: How so?
Camest02: i havent been answering anyones IMs or texts and something bad happened to brians friend and i wasnt there at all to help
Camest02: i know i couldnt really have helped, but still
Camest02: ima bitch arent i?
JimRulesSht: No. Did he IM you telling you something bad had happened?
Camest02: no
JimRulesSht: Then how is it yoru fault?
Camest02: maybe she is right, maybe my problem is srupid
JimRulesSht: Its isnt FUCKING stupid. You have every fucking right to be upset about what the fuck he did to you.
JimRulesSht: Even if none of that had happened in the past, thats night alone was reason enought to be fucked up abouy.
JimRulesSht: You had some guy have you up against a wall talking all this shit, not to mention he hit you.
Camest02: sounds stupid still
JimRulesSht: It ISNT stupid. Swetie I have never seen you like that befroe. You were so fucking shook up.
JimRulesSht: Like, I don't know how to describe it. You could see it in your eyes.
Camest02: its ok im ok
JimRulesSht: What was that look for?
Camest02: someone is just trying to get a reaction out of me but it isnt working
JimRulesSht: Who?
Camest02: some chick brian talks to or is hooking up with or whatever
JimRulesSht: Whats she saying?
Camest02: JennMrshll97: You won't care if I tell him how he fucked you while you cried and begged him to stop?
Camest02: JennMrshll97: Or how he beat you while he did it?
Camest02: JennMrshll97: Did you ever tell him you got that scar on your lip from him biting you while he was cumming inside you?
Camest02: JennMrshll97: I know you like it rough so you must have loved that huh?
JimRulesSht: That fucking cunt. Can I IM her?
Camest02: its not worth it. shes just trying to upset me
Camest02: im already too upset to be upset anyfurther so its not gonna work
Camest02: and im not gonna play the same game as her
JimRulesSht: Ok.
JimRulesSht: What a fucked up little fucking cunt.
Camest02: shes stupid
Camest02: i dunno what her problem is other than she thinks i am trying to teal brian from her
JimRulesSht: Is she a moron?
Camest02: id say so
JimRulesSht: Do you want him back?
Camest02: not currently. right now i dont want anyone
Camest02: i need to be alone for a while
Camest02: sort some shit out
JimRulesSht: I see what you mean
JimRulesSht: What's the matter?
Camest02: just srguing with some dumb ass girl
JimRulesSht: About what?
Camest02: dumb shit ill show you wehn im done
JimRulesSht: Ok about what tho
Camest02: sean and how what happened i really wanted to happen
JimRulesSht: Think I can't have the fucking piss beat outta that fucking cunt.
Camest02: really its not bothering me anymore than i am already bothered. whats a lil more annoyance right?
JimRulesSht: What is she saying?
Camest02: well basically that i made the whole sean thing up and that brian will never believe me
JimRulesSht: Cunt.
Camest02: yeah but it's kinda amusing now
JimRulesSht: Its not upsetting you?
Camest02: it is but thats ok
JimRulesSht: You sure you look very pissed.
Camest02: honestly i dont k now what i am right now
Camest02: im a mixture of upset, depressed, angry, hurt, annoyed, and feeling like shit all rolled into one. lol i dunno if i wanna hit something or cry
Camest02: i really am tr ying to let some of what she say roll off my back but its hitting a nerve. Im trying not to me a fucking bitch to her outta spite but its really hard at the moment
JimRulesSht: Still fighting?
Camest02: no i ended it
Camest02: im in such a fucking bad mood tho now
JimRulesSht: Because of what was said?
Camest02: yeah it just hit some nerves is all
JimRulesSht: About what?
Camest02: Ill email it to you ok, readi t.
JimRulesSht: ok.
JimRulesSht: Ill brb.