My WLS Journal

10/28/2002  

I am a 45 year old homemaker living in Lansdale, PA.,
a suburb of historic Philadelphia. 
I am married to my life partner of 19 years,
Allen and we have 2 fur babies (our cats) Angel and Peanut. 

I am beginning to embark on a journey
that is really a major lifestyle change for me.  
I am in the pre op phase of weight loss surgery, or WLS for short.  
I am having the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass procedure
sometime this fall,  as soon as I get a date for surgery scheduled. 
I want to share my journey-all the highs and lows
with those who may consider WLS. 
If I can help just one obese person,
I will be fulfilling my goal.

MY LIFE-LONG STRUGGLE WITH WEIGHT
When I was 9 years old, my battle with weight began.  
On September 30, 1966, both my parents died. 
My maternal grandparents adopted my 2 younger sisters and me.  
Since I was the oldest, I felt that I wasn't getting the love
I deserved from my grandparents.  
They seemed to dote on my younger sisters. 
As a result, I turned to every kind of junk food imaginable 
for the love, comfort, and nurturing I "hungered" for,
but didn't get, or so I felt.  
I became, at the age of 10,
what I have called a "junk food bulimic."  
I would binge on junk food and do it privately...
in a closet, in the garage...anywhere
I could gorge myself without getting lectured about it. 
Afterwards, I would purge then begin the cycle all over again.

For the past 35 years since the death of my parents,
I have ballooned as high as 275 lbs. 
My highest weight was 295 lbs in 2001. 
I have tried every diet known to humankind. 
I would lose for a while only to have the lost weight
come back with lots more.

In my attempts to lose weight, 
I have gone through a lot of the major ones known..
.Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Richard Simmons to name a few. 
At 5'3" and at 265 currently I got sick and tired of being
sick, tired, depressed, and in constant pain. 
I was at the point of anything...
then WLS began calling out to me. 
I figured, what have I got to lose except
for the extra 130 lbs I am carrying. 
I have been researching WLS for about a year
and one night the advertisement for
the Bariatric Treatment Centers  was on television.  
I copied down the web address
and logged on to BTC's web site 
and found what I thought I was looking for. 
I got information from the site that really got the ball going. 
I have found a lot of useful and helpful information
from other sites online as well. 
I finally got the literature from
the Bariatric Treatment Center. 
I shared the brochure with Allen, my husband. 
He was the one who urged me to make the call 
for an appointment for an initial consultation
with a bariatric surgeon.

THE INITIAL CONSULTATION
On June 20, 2002,
I had an appointment at the Bariatric Treatment Center
in Langhorne, PA. 
I had paperwork to fill out. 
I first met with Amy, one of the medical techicians on staff. 
She took a complete health history
as well as my diet history,
comorbidities and all my vital signs. 
We had a good rapport,
and it was Amy who broke the ice for me. 
Then I met Dr. Neil S. Marymor,
the man who will be my surgeon. 
I don't know why I was so nervous. 
Dr. Marymor was through in his
explanation of the RNY procedure. 
All the questions I asked were answered
and I came away from this inital consultation with Dr. Marymor
more confident of my decision to go ahead with WLS. 
Dr. Marymor's manner was straightforward
with no punches pulled. 
He was calm and reassuring
in his explanation of the procedure
and calmed whatever fears I had. 
I was of the mindset that it wasn't a matter of "IF"
I had the surgery,it was just a matter of "WHEN."

My day wasn't finished yet. 
After I met with Dr. Marymor,
I met with Joyce, a patient counselor on staff at BTC. 
Joyce is a post op wls patient herself. 
She gave me a no holds barred picture
of what life will be like after I have surgery
from her personal viewpoint.  
She showed me her "before" picture,
and wow, what a big change!!!  
Talking with Joyce gave me hope. 
I will see Joyce at the monthly
support group meetings held at BTC.

June 20, 2002 was the beginning
of a wonderful journey for me! 
I took the first step on a journey
that will see a wonderful transformation take place for me. 
It's just another chapter in the
Story of the Angelic Butterfly (that's ME!) 
I don't know what lies ahead,
but I will definitely look forward to the road ahead of me.
The facility opened for surgery on September 23, 2002. 
I am eagerly awaiting the news of my surgery date. 
I will keep you posted.

11/3/2002
I called BTC Thursday to see about surgery date,
and they are still waiting
for a medicare number from Blue Cross. 
They said that once they have the number
that they will be calling me. 
I wish I can say that I am okay with that,
but lately my depression has been mounting!  
From my calculations they should have
the medicare number in a week or two.
 
I am lurking from most of the groups
I belong to at the moment,
but reading everything I can get a hold of. 
I am comforted by the support of my WLS friends
and know that I will have my day soon. 
I am re-reading all of the things I have in my fiiles,
read the posts of post ops..
.I am even packed for my trip to the hospital! 
It would be a great gift for me for the holidays
if my surgery date is scheduled soon...so I guess I will wait. 
 
I guess what I am learning here is patience. 
But, it's a hard virtue right now to hold on to.
  ToniGirl's (a wls friend) death
has thrown me for a loop as well,
but I am focusing my thoughts and prayers
on her family right now. 
That way I am putting my attentions
on those who need support right now.
 
I am hoping to hear about my surgery date
within the next week or so. 
I am getting so wigged out with the waiting..
.At least I will be on the other side soon! 
I will let you know what's up when I find out.
 

11/10/2002  
Well, I am still waiting for a surgery date. 
Up until now, I was so depressed. 
I have decided there is a reason for the delay...
(we all are at the mercy of the insurance company)
and it isn't in my best interest
to be all upset and depressed. 
I know my day is coming!!!!!  
Right now, I just don't know when! 
I have decided to just go with the flow...
I WILL have the surgery before
the end of the year, and for me,
that will be the best Christmas gift I can receive!
 
I have been running around like a chicken without a head
making sure I have all the things I need for me
when I do get home from surgery. 
I am reading so many lists that it makes my head spin!!! 
I am as ready for the surgery as I can be,
and I cannot wait until I can let y'all know when my date is. 
Each new post op gets me excited for my own surgery. 
Everyone who has had Dr. Marymor as their surgeon
has shared with me how great a surgeon he is...
And, from our first meeting in June,
I have a comforting feeling about him being my surgeon.
 
Well...I guess I will just have to rely on one good thing...
At least I will have the surgery!!!!!  
I just wish I knew when.
 
11/12/2002
Well, I am still waiting for that surgery date of mine!!! 
I saw my therapist yesterday,
and we talked at length about what the waiting meant to me. 
I told him, at first the waiting meant stress for me. 
Everyone around me seemed
to be getting their surgery dates, but not me! 
The depression grew for a while. 
Then I woke up and realized that
the depression serves me no positive purpose. 
Then I read other's posts a
bout the positive aspects of WLS in their lives. 
Then I had an epiphany...
MY DAY IS COMING!!!!! 
I keep telling myself to hang on! 
 
My therapist and I have both come to the conclusion
that there is a reason for the wait,
and it's for me to develop patience...
one virtue I am not known for. 
I am learning that you must take things
S L O W L Y with the new pouch at first. 
And this waiting for a surgery date
is telling me to slow down,
and just chill out and know that my date is out there...
While I am waiting,
I am still reading up on the Open RNY procedure,
getting my suitcase items ready to pack,
and I keep reading the posts
on the WLS support message boards I belong to. 
Things are beginning to level out for me
where the depression is concerned. 
I am hoping to have my surgery before the end of the year. 
Here's hoping that comes to pass.
 
I have my support group at BTC tonight
and will find out what the status
is with Blue Cross (my insurance co.) and BTC. 
As soon as I get some news, I will be posting it.
 
12/3/2002
Well, I thought I should update this journal of mine. 
I am still waiting for a surgery date,
but Blue Cross (Personal Choice)
is messing around with the facility
(BTC, Philly), other insurance subscribers and ME!!!!
 
I called Joyce, my patient counselor at BTC
to see how things are going. 
First, BTC Philly, being a new facility
needed a medicare number so Blue Cross patients
could begin to be scheduled. 
Well, BTC now has their medicare number,
but no BC patients are being scheduled....
GRRRRRRR
 
Now I am told that Blue Cross
is looking into getting BTC into the "in network status". 
Yeah, sure...One question...
Why the hell didn't Blue Cross do that from the very beginning????  
My clinical depression is hitting an all time low,
and right now the only thing I have going for me
is a very special man....my husband, Allen
and all of you...my WLS family. 
I am down at the moment,
but I am not out by any stretch!!! 
I found out that my husband wrote a letter to our senator. 
We hope something comes out of that.
 
In the meantime I am still reading everything
I can just to keep up on my procedure. 
I get so much hope from reading all your posts! 
Again I can only keep my spirits up
and try not to let the BC insurance turkeys get me down! 
Right now, it's hard,
but nothing can keep this
hot blooded Irish lass down for long.
 
Until next time...

12/27/2002
Well, I thought it was time to update my journal. 
I am STILL waiting, and right now,
I am very depressed about the insurance company
jerking everyone around ( BTC, and other Blue Cross patients). 
My husband and I wrote to Senator Rick Santorum,
our Senator, and in the past week
we got a letter from him saying he is working on our behalf
to see what's going on. 
Enclosed was a photocopy
|of a letter from Blue Cross
saying they will be "researching" my case
and getting back to the Senator. 
We also wrote to our congressman
in the hopes that something can be done to move this along.
 
I am the kind of person who
likes to know WHY something is or isn't working. 
That is the case here...
I want to know WHY Blue Cross is taking their sweet time. 
Some of the patients don't have the time...
And my question is..."
Does someone have to die waiting for surgery
that was approved before
the insurance company gets their butts in gear?" 
I am NOT to the point of death,
but my arthritis is worse,
the depression and anxiety I suffer from
is pulling me in oppsite directions, 
my diabetes is not in control at the moment
 and I have already decided that
I would try to wait this out,
because of all the places I have researched,
BTC has the best aftercare
and I will need that aftercare to help me with my food addiction
(Compulsive Overeating).
 
I decided for the time being to put
the obsession of surgery out of my head. 
I am still researching,
still reading websites of people who have had surgery. 
I will not stop that! 
I need to devote more time to my family
and when the time arrives for surgery,
I will welcome it! 
In fact, you will be the first to know it as soon  as I do! 
 
I go into 2003 a bit diappointed
where surgery for me is concerned,
but I have a great joy when
I read about my WLS friends' successes! 
I am grateful to be a part
of such a great group,
and hope to be on the other side soon.

Until Next Time...

1/3/2003
Well, it's now 2003...HAPPY NEW YEAR! 
I still don't have a surgery date,
but I decided that I wasn't going to let that get me down. 
I look at the bright side and know
that I have the approval but will
wait a while longer for an official surgery date.
 
I don't want to go somewhere else at this point,
because I am pleased
with my choice of BTC for my surgery. 
Besides, the aftercare program is the best
from what I have found in my researching. 
I know I will definitely need good aftercare
once I do have the surgery,
so waiting a while longer for sugery
at BTC is what I am going to do for now. 
I decided to just put my
obsession for surgery on hold. 
I will still be reading and researching..
.hoping to get that one call soon.
 
I must admit that I do have a little envy
for all those having surgery now. 
I wish them well. 
I know I will be there...someday! 
 
Until Next time...

2/25/03
I just got home from the hospital. 
I had knee surgery Saturday(2/22) 
I fell on black ice on Friday(2/21)
and completely torn a tendon
and fractured and dislocated my knee cap. 
Now I am immobilized for 6 weeks
then begin physical therapy for who knows how long. 
At this point, I still don't have a date for
gastric bypass surgery,
and it has me in emotional overload. 
I didn't expect all this with my knee. 
I guess now I will focus on getting back on both feet. 
I do hope to hear about a date for WLS soon.  I know I WILL
have WLS, I just wish I knew WHEN!!!
Until Next Time...
3/20/03
My husband called Joyce, my patient
counselor about a date for my weight loss surgery.
She said that it will be scheduled "any
time this summer.  That leaves a 12 week period
of time from Memorial Day to Labor Day.
I am finding this all so overwhelming! 
I am thinking about my knee, and getting
it back in shape. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks
since my accident.  I still have a while
yet before I begin physical therapy.
WLS is the furthest thing from my
mind right now.  I have to remember
to take things One Day at a Time.
Until next time...

4/14/03
Today was my first session with
the physical therapist.  At this point,
I don't know how long I will be coming
for P.T., but my goal is to have
my knee healed at least 80% by my
birthday on May 30th.  It may be
a tall order, but I want to be back in|
a wls mindset way before the
surgery's scheduled.  I am going to make
weekly short term goals with regards to
knee rehab.  It will be interesting to
see how well I do in the coming
weeks with physical therapy.
Until next time...

5/12/03
I have been really working hard in
physical therapy, trying to meet any
challenge Jason, my physical therapist
gives me, and to meet or exeed my weekly
personal goals.  I have been coming to PT
for nearly a month now, and it looks like I am
surprising Jason, and my ortho. surgeon.  While
I am working on getting my knee well, I am really
beginning to get back into the WLS mindset. 
I look at this knee surgery as a little road bump
and it is now time to really get myself prepared for
gastric bypass surgery, even though
I don't have a date yet.  I guess patience
is a virtue that I will have to
live with for now

























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Journal updated 5/12/03