1: When questioned by a friend's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog-walker, you need not provide any useful information as to his whereabouts. (You are even permitted to deny his very existence!)

2: Unless he wronged someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

3: You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT!. When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises from 50% to 400%.

4: you are never required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and possibly gay.

5: Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a good looking woman for your friend is your civic duty. Should you get carried away and end up having sex with said beast, your friend is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

6: Women who claim that they "love sports" are not to be trusted until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

7: If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem, not yours.

8: A man must never own a cat or like the one that belongs to his girlfriend.

9: A man's girlfriend is required to bond with his friend's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her friend's significant other. (Low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.)

10: When your girlfriend expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with one of your friends, you may only give the go-ahead if there is time enough to warn your friend and give him time to prepare excuses.

11: If a friend is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump in unless his actions within the last 24 hours made you think "this guy needs a good ass-kicking."

12: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or last slice of pizza, but never reach for both. To do so is just plain wrong.

13: Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing (both urinating or both waiting in line). In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

14: If a friend is already singing along to a song in the car, under no circumstances may you join him.

15: Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girlfriend, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and tell you to "Fuck Off!, you are absolved of your responsibility.

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