2002 Journal Entries
9/15/02
So today just turned out to be a day I'd rather forget. I guess that I knew something bad would happen being that Abby had dated Keith and now I was dating her(for like 3 days), so I assumed something would mess up. I assumed that when I asked Abby to make sure she wanted to be with me that she really wanted to, but I guess she didn't think as much as I would have liked her to. But I can't really say that I didn't expect something to happen. I guess I was just hoping in the back of my mind that it didn't come down to it. But things are weird in my life. Take last night for instance. I was at the Great Day Festival at Post Gazette to hear my favorite band The Clarks and when they played I sat in the back of the pavillion and just sat there. It was like some kind of premonition or something. I don't know. That just seemed weird. And the weather seemed to fit my mood perfectly today. Gloomy and dreary outside, just like me sitting inside all sad and lost. So that just fit right in. I guess I just wish that Abby would have thought about things a little more before she decided she wanted to be with me so that she wouldn't have to say she didn't a few days later. I would have been fine with that, but I guess we never get what we want. Oh well.... thats life...night.
9/16/02
Today was really boring. I had 4 of my 5 classes, and didn't really learn anything that interesting that I hadn't learned before. I didn't feel that great anyway. I just woke up and ate breakfast then threw on some clothes and my glasses and went to school. So I looked like shit, but it just reflected the way I felt. And tonight, talking to Abby, I don't know. It just made me wish that I get just go back and fix everything that I had messed up the first time, but back then I was really immature and didn't realize how stupid I was being. And now that I've grown up a little I just want to be happy more than anything. I guess everyone gets to be happier though. It's the way it is and the way it always has been. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for all of that. I never have been that either. I guess accept it as I can. Nothing else I can do... night.
9/17/02
I guess today wasn't that bad, but then again it wasn't that great either. It wasn't too eventful. Only had two classes today so that was at least good. Went to the soccer game and watched a poor display as they lost 5-2 against a horrible team. So that really sucked. Nicole was there, something which I really didn't want to have happen. I really didn't want to talk to her, but she came over and gave me a golf ball which I really didn't understand at all. Didn't make sense to me. And it annoys me that my mother and her talk which is really stupid. But I don't care. I guess my mother just likes her, and she likes my mom. Oh well. I don't fucking care. She's not on the top of my list of people who need my attention right now anyway. Other than that I sat around all day doing pretty much nothing. Worked on my program for my programming class. Well I guess there was one highlight of my day. While sitting in my History of Rock Music class, my prof. was talking about how certain songs were made to depict dances, and the word "HUCKLEBUCK" came up. I could barely contain myself when I heard this. I just started laughing. If anyone knows the clip by The Jerky Boys then they'd understand. Well I've had enough of this. I'm done... night.
9/18/02
Today was just an average day. Like nothing happened at all. It was so boring. Man do I have a completely boring life. That really sux. Oh well. I guess I shouldn’t expect much anymore. So I guess I decided today to start running every day after I come home from school to try and get into shape at least. What I have to get into shape for though, I have no clue, but it gives me time away from this damn computer hoping that something will happen on here that will make me happy when I know that’s not true. I think I might try hanging out with this Jettie girl from college. I think I just need to get out and have fun with people that I don’t know. Maybe get to know some people who can take me to parties and hang out with during the day so that I don’t have to sit in my mom’s office with nothing to do like I’ve been doing since school has started. Well I have nothing else to write about...night
9/19/02
Well.... I guess today was average. I only had one class but I worked from 8-12 so that wasnt too fun. But I guess I have plans for the weekend now. Well I guess Saturday at least. I’m going to teh Clarion U football with Jettie, so hopefully that’ll be fun. It’ll at least get me out with someone new and maybe be able to make some new friends to hang out with. If not then oh well. It can’t hurt me to just go out and have fun since everyone else just seems to not make me happy so it doesn’t hurt to try. So I’ll do what I can to have fun. Other than that I guess I ran today, and now I’m sort of sore that sux, but it’s good that I’m actually doing this stuff on my own cause I never do. Well I really don’t have much to write... so ... night
9/20/02
I'm glad I really know how to fuck my own life, and that I don't even need help from anyone else now. Although I'm sure everyone else has helped me to get this way, so that no matter what I do I end up pissing everyone else off, and so in doing that, I just end up ruining my own life. I hate it and wish it would end, but it's been an endless cycle for sometime now. And it's all brought out by having myself open up for people and then letting them do what they want to me. It's stupid I know, but hey, what's a fucking guy to do who just wants to be happy. But anyway today was just a shitty day. I had a damn calculus test that sucked horribly and I think I didn't do too well on it so that's not good at all. I didn't eat lunch nor did I eat supper because I was too fucking busy doing other things, so that doesn't help much. I really didn't want to go to the football game tonight, but me being stupid like I am went anyway, just because Jen K said she'd be there and we could just hang out. Well that didn't happen so I just stood around. I didn't want to go cause I didn't want to see Abby and then stand there for the rest of the game and think of how fucked up everything has gone on. And that's exactly what happened. Good thing I can hide all that inside till I'm away on my own, which prolly isn't good, but I do it anyway. I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry I have to cause so many problems by wanting just one thing which causes everything to go to hell. I'm truly sorry ... night
9/21/02
Today was so damn boring. I got up early to go to work. Well it's not really work. We just sit around and either do homework or do stuff on the computers so I get paid for nothing pretty much. So that's good but it's boring as hell. So that was my day pretty much. Boring was my day. I went to eat chinese then came home and sat around for the rest of the day. I practiced soccer a bit and then played pool in my basement. What a night eh?? I'm the fucking master of fun. Haha. Oh well. I guess I did talk to Abby for awhile and tried to get a few things straightened out, but who knows if anything will ever be completely figured out with this whole thing. I guess that's just how it goes. But it seems that either way, Keith and I seem to be growing farther and farther apart. He's got his friends from North Clarion and then he's transfering to Slippery Rock next Fall. I guess it's just weird having been friends with him for so long then watch it all slip away...night
9/22/02
Another boring day. I sat around and watched Braveheart which took up 3 hours of my day so that helped some. Church this morning wasn't that bad. I had to go to a meeting because of my job cleaning the church to have them give me my yearly report on how I was doing. But it was all good because they said I was doing a great job so I was happy. They also gave me a raise which is sweet, so they said it adds up to about $150 more each year, so that's not too bad. That's about 2 months of gas money right there, so I'll deftly take that. But other than that today was pretty much eventless. I ran as soon as I came home from church and my foot is killing me. I think like the muscles in my foot are strained or something. I have no clue. Oh well. It will heal eventually. I guess I sort of have my week planned out. Tuesday the guys soccer game against Karns City, then wednesday I think I'm going to the clarion girl's soccer match, might go golf thursday if its alright weather. That's about it for now...night
9/23/02
Well tonight turned out to be a little odd I guess if you'd want to call it that, but I'll get to that later. Anyways I was sort of pissed off today because I ended getting a 78% on my Calculus test, and so when I saw that I felt really stupid and didn't know what to do. I guess I never really was that smart. I could just get things done right in high school, and it's not like I can study really hard for math either because it's not too easy to study for math. So that really dissappointed me when I got a bad grade. I guess I'll just have to try t really pay attention in class to understand things better. If not then I'm fucked. I ate lunch with Rob, Gerald, and Korban today. That wasn't too bad. Better than spending my lunch by myself like I always do. But back to tonight. Pansy came online and told me that Nicole was in an automobile accident, and when I heard that I really didn't know what to think at all. But I was really worried as soon as I heard that. But then he told me that she was alright, just shaken up, so that helped some but I was still worried. And I knew I really couldn't do anything about it at all. So I guess I decided to write a poem about it, and maybe that would make her feel better. I have no clue if it will or if she'll even read it. I just don't know. But I do know that I don't want her to get hurt and if she did then I would be completely crushed. So I'm just glad she's alright. That's all I can say... night
9/24/02
I finally got some sleep today. I got to sleep in for the first time in awhile. I slept in till 9:30 and I'm usually getting up anywhere from 6:30 to 7 so I was glad that I finally go some sleep. My classes were pretty easy today too. Finally for once they were all easy, well I only had two so that helped. But I met with my advisor today and sort of figured out my schedule for the spring semester a little. I also talked to the secretary in Becker to hopefully get a job in there. Plus it wouldn't hurt to get to know her in case I need something for school. So after that I went home and watched the champions league game between Milan and Deportivo. I haven't watched soccer for awhile since the world cup, so that wasnt too bad. I went golfing and sucked realy bad so I quit and went to the guys soccer game and watched them beat Karns City which is always sweet to see. So I guess Nicole is grounded for a long time, so that must be really bad for her. I guess I feel sorry. And about the poem that I wrote, I hope people aren't getting the wrong impression from it. I know from reading it that people might, but I just wrote it because I do care for her and since I couldn't do anything else I wanted to do something special. It's not that I want to get back with her, but maybe just to talk to her on ICQ for now at least and try not to fight with her. But that's it for now. I think people just need to understand that I still care for her, but that doesn't mean that I want to get back with her. I just want things to be cool between us. Well I'm goin... night
9/25/02
My Humanities class was cancelled again today for the second time in a row. I guess Dr. Blake pulled his back out or something like that so I don't know if I'll have class on friday either. I think I prolly will. So that left me with only 3 classes today which wasn't bad. Only had my programming class for 20 minutes, and french was a little shorter too. Calc was gay like always though. Oh well. I can't expect much. So I went to the Clarion girls high school soccer game today. It wasn't that bad, but not that great either. I guess it gave me something to do though. Better than sitting at home I guess. I just need to get out and have a whole lot of fun. But I have no clue how I'm gonna do that. But I really wish I could. I need to get out and go to parties and just have fun. I need to just meet some girls or something and just hang out with them because right now anything with Abby seems to be moving farther and farther away from me. And I have no idea when she is telling the truth anymore, but what can I expect. That's how life goes for me. I guess I just want what I shouldn't at the wrong times. Like I said, since that seems to be failing, I should just try and find some girls to hang out with at least, even though I'm completely horrible at finding people on my own. So I won't find anyone. But that's oh k. I should just push Abby back to Keith and make people happy. Seems like the right thing to do at least. And I can find my way through my own mess on my own like always. It'll all be alright... night
9/26/02
Well today seemed like a big waste. I really didn't do a damn thing. I went to work at 8 this morning and did pretty much nothing there just like I always do, but at least I get paid for it. So I guess that's not so bad. Then I went to my one class and took a completely easy test which took about 15 minutes. Then I went and cleaned my church which is another easy job. Then I came home and sat around. Man does life suck when days turn out like that. With absolutely no excitement in it at all. I really hate that, but there's not much I can do about that at all. Tomorrow I have no clue what I'm doing either. I really want to do something, but there's not much to do. It's pretty much either go to the football game or come home and sit around. And that's a pretty tough situation cause going to football games sux, but sitting at home sux too. But I'll be warm and dry at home, but then I'll have no one to talk to here either. So I don't know what I'll be doing. I guess I'll figure that out sometime later. But being that today was so pointless I have nothing else to write... night
9/27/02
Well today was really rainy. I think that's all it did all day long was frickin rain. It sucked, and it really sucked getting drenched going from one class to the next. Damn weather. Damn hurricane. Oh well. So I guess the shitty weather kept me from going to the football game, so I just came home after work at 5. Sat around for awhile then Keith said he was coming over, so he did and we just sat around, played video game and pool till like 11. Then he headed out to get a pipe to smoke some tabacco at the quik fill. So now I'm sitting here just talking on ICQ like always. Gotta get up for work tomorrow which blows. But I guess I'm going to the girls soccer game right after I get out of work, so hopefully that's not too boring. Then I have no clue what I'm doin after that. I sure as hell don't want to come home and just sit around, so maybe something will come up. I sure hope so. Well I'm out... night
9/28/02
Today wasn't all so bad I guess. I actually had a little bit of fun. Well other than the entire morning because I had to get up early to go to work and then I stared at a computer screen for 4 hours straight. Just a bit of advice, don't do that because it really sux ass. Especially when you just sit there and stare at it because there's no one to talk to and nothing to do on it. But after work I went to the CU girl's soccer game. That wasn't too bad. They won like 5-1 or 6-1. I don't really remember. Then I went and met Mole at the mall and we went golfing at High-Level out in Knox. It was the first time I had ever golfed there so it was a new experience. I didn't do too bad actually. I shot 8 over par so I was pretty pleased with that. I was like even till the 6th hole then I sucked, but hey, wasn't too bad in the end. Then we went back to the mall and dicked around till we couldn't find anything to do. So we went and stopped at these people's apartment. I think it was some Matt kid and Mole's friend Rob. So we went and bowled with some other people. One of which was Doug, Keith's R.A. for his floor in Wilkinson. So then I just came home after that because Mole needed sleep cause he had to get up early for work and I drove him out to the bowling alley from the mall. But when bowling I just felt out of place I guess. I guess I felt like I wasn't wanted in the group because I'm just a freshmen and most of them are seniors. So it wasn't that comfortable. So that wasn't so great I guess, but I dealt with it. So that was my day. At least it wasn't completely boring... night
9/29/02
What do you do when you don't really see anything to live for?? I guess I've just been asking myself this question a lot today. I mean, I've just been sitting around most of the day trying to make myself happy, but I've realized that there's nothing out there. And that just makes me feel like shit. And I realize maybe Jeffers was right when he said life is shit. I've always thought that there was some reason why we are here on earth. I thought I knew what that reason was, but I guess I was completely wrong. I thought that we were here to learn to love, but I just realized today that learning to love only brings on heartache and pain, and why the hell would anyone want to have those things?? So I've realized that all I want is to be happy. And it seems that I can't even have that. I've just been trying to be happy for a good while now, and to tell the truth, I haven't really been happy for maybe over a month. So I don't know what to do at all. I just need to find something, anything, but it's not out there. Anything to make me just the least bit happy. And I don't consider being happy when you're happy for like a day then you go back to feeling like shit. I just need to be happy like I used to be, where I would wake up, and not have thoughts like, damn this is gonna be a horrible day or something like that. I want to wake up and think good thoughts, but it doesn't happen. I fucking hate my life... night
9/30/02
Today was shit. I didn't really do a damn thing but go to my classes. And my favorite class, programming, was cancelled today so that sux too. So today was pretty shitty. The only good thing that happened was I went to the soccer game tonight and sat and talked with Boozer. Other than that life fucking sux. I'm still not happy and won't be for a long time...night
10/01/02
A new month, but that's about all that's new. Everything else still stands the same. School is stupid as ever, I'm still all fucking unhappy, everything sux. But it's life, and that's exactly my life at the moment. I guess I forgot about putting in my journal last night about how sign ups for indoor soccer was yesterday and only yesterday and I didn't find out till last night, so I had no chance to sign up. So that really pisses me off. That was gonna be at least one thing to make me at least the slightest bit happy. But I guess that's not gonna happen now, but hey, it's nothing new. I still get to sit here unhappy all the time. Yeah.. what fucking fun. But the highlight of my day was watching the Milan - Munchen match today. Milan won so that was the only reason it was alright. Well I guess my stupid calc lab took up most of my night and that was horrible. If only things could be better, but they're not...night
10/2/02
Well what to say about my day. Today was weird. I woke up and ate breakfast, then I went in the bathroom and washed off my face. When I looked up at myself, as the water dripped off my face, I don't know. I felt like something was different. Like my life was changing right then and there. It was really weird, and I dont know how to explain at all. When I finally got to school, I don't know. I felt slightly happier than I have been for awhile. I don't know. Something changed. In calc, I was sort of talking to the kid that sits next to me named Tom, and usually I just sit there and wait for my prof to come in. So maybe I can make a new friend there or something. I dont know. Then I found out that my mom had ordered my new computer and it should be here in about 4 days. So that's really cool. I got an A on my programming test so that's really good. And I guess Friday Keith and I and maybe some other people and gonna try to get an indoor game together so that might be some fun. So I thought that was all really weird. But another weird part of the day was tonight. I was channel surfing, when I came across Dawson's Creek, and it was talking about how Katie Holmes was gonna have sex with the one guy. So I thought I'd watch it. Disappointingly there was no action that was shown, but I continued to watch, and no I'm not gay for watching the show. So fuck you anyone who thinks so. But the show was so uncanny to how my life has gone. The two guys who are best friends since they were little kids turn out to like the same girl. The one guy who dated her first cared about her a lot, and then she broke his heart. Then later on the other friend starts dating her, and they get really close and stuff, but then they break up. But during the time that those two are together the friends grow apart, even thought they still talk and stuff. And then things are just really weird between them all. So I just thought that it was all so similar to how things have gone on lately. I just wonder if that's how things will continue in my life. Weird. And also I talked to Amanda Goodsell tonight. Man is she pissed at Nicole. Which I think is funny because Nicole is being stupid. And Nicole, if you're reading this, don't be pissed at me. It's just the truth. And it is whether you want to accept it or not. She says she won't be happy till all her friends are. Is she really kidding herself that much. And I'm not talking about me, even though she being stupid too saying that she won't be happy till I am, when I told her to stop being fucking stupid and worrying about me. I'm talking about Amanda. I don't see how she can make everyone happy when she's making her unhappy by dating her ex. Oh well. Not my problem. Just wanted to voice that, just to get it out to anyone else who is reading this. Well that's it for now. Maybe things will be alright. Maybe not... oh well.. fuck it...night
10/3/02
Today still wasnt that bad. So I guess maybe things won't be so bad. Worked this morning and it seemed to go really fast which never happens so I guess things aren't that bad if that happened. Keith invited me to come party with him at Tyler's house. I think I might take that up rather than go to IUP this weekend because going up there, I have a good chance of getting caught and stuff, and I deftly don't want that to happen. And also no one really knows what they're doing at all so I know how that goes. Things don't turn out, so I think I should play it safe and maybe go to Tyler's party. But other than that not much happened. Got my haircut and golfed. Shot a 41 which is pretty good for me. Then went to the guys soccer game and watched them play horribly again, but they won regardless of that. Then came home and thought about what I thought about last night when laying in bed. I realized that breaking up with Nicole was the right thing to do. I realized that she wasn't what I wanted. I don't need some little girl in high school. I need someone who's more than just someone who's good looking and good at sports. I thought that was what I wanted. Some girl like that, but I realized there's no deep conversation when it comes to a girl with just that. And that's what I saw. I don't remember anytime that I just sat down with Nicole and had a really deep conversation. Maybe once, but that was about it. And there's no friendship there, even if she wants there to be. I just know that because I can just feel it everytime I talk to her on ICQ. Nothing... night
10/4/02
I'm writing this journal for Friday on Saturday because by the time I got home last night, I needed to get to bed so that I could actually get up in the morning. But anyways, yesterday wasn't too bad. Classes weren't too horrible. I talked to that Tom kid more in my calc class yesterday, so that's cool. I ate lunch with Keith at Bob's Subs. When I got my Pepsi, I actually won something under the cap so I was pretty pleased cause I've never won anything like that before, so that was pretty sweet. After classes I went to work, then went to Keith's dorm and watched some Jackass. Then we went to the rec center and played around with the indoor soccer ball for two hours. We went back to his dorm and ended up going to Tyler's house where we played X-Box for most of the night and watched the Seapeople episode of South Park on his computer. So thats about it. My next entry is gonna be written on sunday cause I'm going to Tyler's tonight so I won't be home to write one...later
10/5/02
Today was fun I guess. Went to work in the morning, but it seemed to go really quick which never happens on Saturdays. So that was really cool. Then after work I had to kill a few hours so I went and ate chinese for my lunch. It was really cool and the waitress was really nice too. So that was a plus. Then after I decided to just drive around, and I ended up goin to the mall and messing around for awhile. Went to K-Mart and saw that they finally had Jack Johnson's cd there finally, but I didn't have enough money to buy it so I decided I'd test out my ATM card. So I went and got money, which was really sweet. I really like ATMs now. Haha... right Keith. But anyways, after that I went back to the library to mess around till Keith came back from home, and then I went to his dorm and watched Shallow Hal. Then we went to Walmart and found Tyler and four other girls with him. So then the night just went from one place to another and mostly standing outside in the cold. We met up with Jimmy, Jen, and Dusty along the way. By the end of the night we ended up at Tyler's house, but we just sat around and talked and played video games. I was just happy to be hanging out with people again finally. So that was pretty cool. Well anyways...later
10/6/02
Another boring day today. I slept in till 11 this morning which was awsome cause I never get to sleep in. So I was really happy about that. But it really wasnt that much sleep since I didn't get in till like 2:30 last night. Oh well. Still more sleep than I usually get. But anyway, I was home alone all day cause my brother was in Virginia on some field trip and the rest of my family went to some picnic, so I sat around the house all day eating junk food and watching movies. Had to let the damn dog out and feed it which sux cause my dog is really stupid. I'm surprised I didn't beat the crap out of it when I decided to take its nails and dig them into my knee. Damn dog. But anyways, I tried to do some homework, but that didn't last too long because homework is really gay, so I ended up watching more movies. I did get some homework done, but it's prolly done all wrong. Oh well. Teachers hardly ever check it anyway so I don't know why I really do it all. So anyways, I dont know what I'm gonna be doing tomorrow. I'm sort of supposed to go watch Jettie and her soccer team play after school, but I dont know if I'll want to do that cause its gonna be frickin freezing tomorrow. I guess I'll find out sometime. I'll more than likely just come home after school. But this week is only a 4 day week cause we get Friday off for ALF so that's not too bad. Maybe I'll find something fun to do on the weekend. Just wait and see I guess... night
10/7/02
Another Monday gone, another day gone by. Not much to talk about that happened today. A whole lot of stuff that always happens. Went to school to four of my classes. Had two tests today. I think I did pretty good on both of them. Yeah...I can't think of anything else that really happened today. Oh...well I think I might be going to Redbank's homecoming now. Stephanie Hagar asked me to go with her tonight, and since I'm sure I'll prolly have nothing else to do, sounds like a pretty good plan to me. Hopefully it'll be fun. I haven't been to a dance since, well since Prom. So I think it might be a pretty good time. Get to go back to my school one last time to see how things are. I won't have my old friends there, but I think that's alright. Shouldn't be too much of a problem. Well other than that I have nothing to say...night
10/8/02
Hullo. Today was an alright day. Got to sleep in at least a little bit. Only had calc and my music class today. So that's pretty sweet. And tomorrow in calc I just have to take a test that I can not pass and I get to take it two more times and still get an A on it, so that's really cool. I have all my other classes though. Well other than my music class. So after classes I went to the library and worked on my program, but I sort of got discouraged because I couldn't get it to come out like I wanted it to. I'll just have to ask my teacher about it tomorrow to see if he can help. I hope so. Cause I dont like it when my programs don't work just like I want them to. Then I went golfing after. Did average for me I guess. Then I headed to the school to see the guys soccer game. It was a pretty exciting game. They won 2-1. I was yelling and stuff so I sort of lost my voice a little bit. But its cool. At least it was something fun to do. I didn't stay for the girls game cause I wanted to come home and watch my DBZ episode I taped and to watch Smallville cause the show is awsome. Talked to Jeffers on here which is cool. Might end up partying with him this week with other people who are coming home for ALF week. So I hope so. Miss hanging out with those guys, so might have some fun times this weekend. Im hoping so. Well thats my day...night
10/9/02
Well today wasn't too bad I guess. Well for the most part at least. Classes weren't too bad. I figured out my program with a little help from my professor. So that was all cool. Went golfing a shot a 41 again so that was cool. Then when I got home my new Dell computer was there and I was all happy and shit. Well I was messing around with it and stuff, and everything was all working fine till I tried to go and connect to the internet. Well I got everthing all set up. Then realized I had to chance the dial up type from tone to rotary or whatever so I did that. Then I got pissed. I spent like two hours fucking around with the damn thing trying to figure out what the hell to do about the damn modem. It keeps telling me that it can't find it and it wasn't installed properly. Damn fucking pieces of shit at Dell can't even fucking do one damn thing right. Fucking sons of bitches. I hope you're all fucking happy that you suck dick you stupid mother fuckers. So I better be able to figure this out soon or I'll be really pissed. So that's all I have to say. I'm too pissed to write anymore...night
10/10/02
Well today was sort of tiring. I had to get up early to go to work which really sux, but I get to sleep in tomorrow so thats alright. But today turned out to be pretty good. I did a whole lot of nothing at work today which isnt a big surprise. Then I went to my only class of the day and it consisted of watching a video and then taking a short quiz. Then I spent the rest of the day at my friend Jen's house. I think from like 2 to 8:15. We just sat around and watched movies and talked. She wasn't in too good of a mood though because she had just gotten surgery on her eye and it didn't turn out like it was supposed to so she wasn't too happy. So that was pretty fun. Something different than what I normally do so that is pretty cool. Her family is really nice too, but her dog is a little too energetic. It got hair all over me everytime it ran up alongside my pant leg. Oh well. I'll get over it. Well after that I came home to try and figure out how to get my computer to log onto the internet. I finally figured it out after a few trys so that was really cool. I just had to reinstall the modem again even though I did it last night and it didn't work then. Oh well. It works now so thats all cool. Well I'm really tired for some reason and I need to watch DBZ since I missed it at 6:30 so later...night
10//11/02
Well right now I'm really bored, so I've decided to start this journal now at 4:15. I'm sitting here at the clarion university library and that's about it. I guess this is what they call work. Oh well. It's easy so I better just deal with it, even though I'd rather be doing something because there's no one online to talk to so that doesn't help at all. But anyway, my day so far has been really boring. I slept in till 11 and then got up and downloaded some stuff for my computer. Then I got ready and showered and headed to clean the church. After that I went up to the market thing on main street and walked through the crowds of people. That really sucked because it was boring as hell for the most part, there were all kinds of stupid fucking people there and just plain annoying so I was sort of pissed off by that. I saw a few people I knew. Met up with Betsey, Chucko, and Abby. I didn't stay with them too long because they went off to look at womens clothes or something, so I just left and went on my way. I saw Jen's little sister and Meagan, and talked with them for a few minutes. And now I've ended up here writing this. Man this is so damn boring. I sure hope I find something fun to do tonight...TO BE CONTINUED ................... Oh k. I'm writing this saturday morning from the library because I got in late last night and since I had to get up early for work I'm doing this now. But last night Mole called me up and said he wanted to go beating so we did that and chucko came along and drove us around. We didnt see anything for the entire time that was were driving so that sort of sucked. But there were a few funny parts that occured during the night. We knew of some people that were corning so we decided to try and scare them so we went and parked the car and tried to sneak around behind them, but it took us so long to do that, that by the time they go there they had already left and went back to their cars. By a big mistake made by Chucko, he left his doors unlocked and when they went back to their cars they got into his car, took the water bottle from the back seat and dumped it all over the driver and passenger seats. Then they took his sisters candy she was selling and ate a bunch of it. So that was sort of funny that that happened. Well not for him but for anyone else who was there. Then we headed back to Mole's house and when we pulled into his driveway we found a family of 4 racoons. Chucko smacked the one off the fence and the other three ran down towards Mole's barn. I corned the one and beat that one down with the help of chucko. Racoons are really tough just to let anyone know. It took us forever to kill the damn thing. Well that was my night...later
10/12/02
Writing this the day after again. So the morning was really boring. Only two people showed up to work so that was boring as hell. It really pissed me off when it was time for me to leave because at that time I was the only one working and so I had to go find someone to watch the desk and when I went none of the staff people wanted to leave to watch the desk so that was a lot of crap. Stupid bastards. Oh well. Thye finally came after awhile. So anyways, once I got out of there I went downtown to the parade and found Duhnke and Darren, and a few of their friends. Then we went back to their sister Jen's house and watched the Penn State and Pitt football games. So that wasn't too bad. Ate hotdogs cooked in beer which wasn't too bad. Then after that we went and walked around at ALF looking for people but didn't find anyone so we went over to Postelwaites apartment and messed around there for awhile before we headed back to Jen's house. Then a bunch of people from Redbank showed up. Like Jeffers, Rob, Dom, Phil, Lee, Huffman, Jade, Leah, Domino, Mumford and a few others. They got three cases of beer and we drank some of that. Then me, Jeffers, and Anton walked up to Unimart to get some food to snack on and Jeffers bought two cigars, one for me and one for him. Then we headed back to Jen's and drank a little more then went outside and smoked our cigars. It was a good night. All of us from Redbank sat in the living room just talking about old times and just bull shitting. So that was really great. I missed those times just sitting around with those guys talking and having a good time. Hopefully we can all do that over Christmas break again. I'm sure it'd be fun. But around 12:30 everyone decided to leave so we all said our goodbyes and I ended up coming home and going to bed. It was a pretty good night. Glad I was there to experience it...later
10/13/02
Well today was an uneventful day. After I woke up and got ready for church, I went to church. Church is always alright. I have no problems with it at all. So that wasn't too bad. Then I spent my entire day on this damn computer trying to move old songs to my new computer and trying to dl stuff to my new computer too. So that was pretty much my entire day. Man does it really suck to me. Jen invited me to come watch the fireworks with her tonight, but I really didn't feel like driving the whole way up there to sit in the cold just for fireworks even though hanging out with Jen always seem to be fun. Oh well. Sorry I didn't make it. So now I'm sitting here typing this. This is really pathetic. I really need a life. I'm just glad I had some excitement this weekend. If I hadn't had that, then I'd prolly be down in the dumps right now. Thanx for showing me a good time on Saturday night all you guys...night
10/14/02
Today was a Monday. So I woke up pretty tired. I couldn't get to sleep for some reason last night so I just tossed and turned in bed. But that's alright. That's pretty normal for me I guess. But anyways, I felt like sort of dressing up today so I wore my one dress shirt with a wife beater underneath with the top two buttoms left unbuttoned, then some khaki pants and my dress shoes. Why I decided to do that, I dont know but I did. I got a compliment from the one girl in my french class on my shirt, but I knew her from Redbank so it's not a big deal. But I was at least pleased that I got one compliment. But I went to the bank and cashed my two checks today was wasn't too bad. We got a new assignment to do in programming. It looks pretty challenging so that's cool. We have like two weeks to work on it though, and now that I have VMS at home I'll have more time to work on it instead of always going to the library to do it. So that helps. Tonight was weird on here though. This one girl asked me to send flowers to school to this one girl for her b-day which I didn't understand too much. I mean why would I send flowers to a girl when I'm not even dating her?? I don't know. That seemed really odd to me. Oh well. I guess that's sort of a compliment too which isn't too bad at all. So there's something to be happy about I guess. Haha. Well I'm gonna get going...night
10/15/02
Well right now my computer mouse sensitivity is pissin me off so thats not helping me write this journal but I'll do my best. But anyway, I got to sleep in a little bit this morning so that's cool. Sleep is always good. But I only had two classes today so that was good too. So I left this morning for school at like 10. When I got to school and was heading to chill in my mom's office till my class at 11 I found Abby standing on the sidewalk. So I went over and talked to her. I wasn't expecting to see her at the college. But I went over and talked to her for awhile. Her class ended early and she was waiting for her mom to pick her up. So after that I headed to Calc which was really boring. More than usual. Then I went and ate a hotpocket at my moms office which didn't fill me up at all. Then I went to my music class and came home. Another boring day with pretty much no events that are any different than normal. Something sweet is gonna happen soon though. I just know it because I'm due for something really awsome to happen. What it's gonna be, I don't know, but it's gonna happen. And when it does, I'll actually have something really cool to write on here...night
10/16/02
Today was just another average day. Got up for school and rode to school with my brother just like every other Wednesday. I guess that something that is gonna happen that is gonna be awesome didn’t happen today. But that’s alright. Sometime soon,. I’m betting on it. But anyways, I almost fell asleep in my Humanities class this morning. I felt really tired for some reason, and usually he says something funny every once in awhile to keep my awake but today, I didn’t get any of that. I think he got into the play a little too much so that’s prolly it. Oh well. Well I then chilled at my mom’s office till Calc class which was boring as well. Well it wasn’t that bad. Tom and I sort of messed around laughing at stuff that our professor did or what other kids in the class did. That’s about the extent of the fun in that class ever. Then I went with my mom to the bank and then to eat lunch at the Chinese restaurant. I ordered new checks at the bank so that was something new but nothing fun. Then to my only class I really enjoy, programming. And even that was sort of boring casue he kept explaining really simple stuff, but I guess you have to get the basics down before you get to the hard stuff, so that’s pretty understandable. And then French where I’m always bored cause I know all the stuff. Well I’m not always bored, but since I know all the stuff already you sort of drift away and not pay attention. Oh well, at least I’m doing good in there. So I watched DBZ again tonight. I wish they’d start fighting already. It’s getting stupid when no one fights at all during an episode. I want to see people beating the shit out of each other already. Oh well. It’s still a good show. And I looked over a previous test from Calc that we’re going to have on Friday. It looks pretty tough to me. I don’t have a good feeling about it either so I hope I can do better on this test than on the last one. Cause I really hate doing bad and I don’t know what to do in the class when I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s never really happened so I’m sort of scared by it I guess. Well I just hope I can pull off a B at least. I don’t know. I just wish it were easier. So it sucks cause then I feel like I’m not really smart and it’s all just fake. Oh well, I’m done talking about that. I don’t like it at all…night
10/17/02
Today was boring yet again. Damn. I need to stop saying that and think of something new to say so that I don't completely bore the very few people who actaully read this. So anyways, work this morning which always sux because people are always pissy in the morning so you can't really have any fun at all. So that sux but oh well. I got through it. Well I worked on my program today. I got it all worked all. Now all I have to do is line up all my stuff which actually might take awhile because with this program you can't just look at it real quick because you have to compile and link it each time and it takes forever. Oh well. It's work and it keeps me occupied and I actually like it. So it's all cool. Oh and something I forgot to add yesterday. While I was at my moms office working on my algorithm for my program someone brought up one of the video tapes thats in her collection in the office for the profs. They're like, its shows the female water fountain. I had no clue what they were talking about at the time. So I continued to work on my stuff and when I looked up again, it showed a vagina and someone was masterbating and then the lady started to ejaculate. I was just like woah. And then I remember how Keith thought it was so awsome and knew he would have enjoyed it if he was there. So that was pretty fucked up watching that in front of my mom. So I guess I did have some excitement yesterday. Oh k. So anyways, I almost fell asleep in my hist. of rock class today. Actually I think I did for like a second then I perked back up cause I didn't want to look like a jackass asleep in class. So I forced myself to stay awake. Then after I had to go get a checkup at the doctors office for my migranes and stuff. So that took forever. I always wondered why when you go to the doctor and the acutal appointment is only gonna take 5 minutes then how do you end up there for an hour. It's bull shit is what it is. So then I came home and ate hot wings from Village. And that was pretty much my day. Too much fun for me. I better tone it down a bit before I get a little too crazy...damn...night
10/18/02
Well I guess today was sort of interesting. Went to four of my classes like usual. In calc I think I really messed up on my test, but I hope not. Oh well. But anyways, after school I went to the rec center to play some soccer with Keith but when I got there, there were like tents and stuff set up on the court which was gay. So anyways, there were two other guys there who wanted to play too so we played soccer with them for awhile which was fun, but then we had to get off the court so that they could play badmitton or some shit. So then Keith and I headed back to his dorm and just messed around there for awhile. Then we decided to go get some cigars so we went and got some at CVS. Then off to the CL-Moniteau game where who did we happen to meet, but Nicole. So I sat there and watched the game while she and Keith talked. I think I said about two sentences the entire time I was there, but that's oh k. I didn't want to talk to her anway. So at halftime we went out to my car and smoked a cigar and then went back in. Damn was it cold out. Cold does suck pretty bad. So then we went back in and looked for Jen cause she said she'd be there which she wasn't. Oh well. No surprise there. So on our way to talk to Amanda G we found Tyler and Jimmy standing around, so instead we sat there and talked to them till there was about 2 minutes left in the game. In an effort to find out where Amanda's party was at, we went and talked to her, but she said there would be nothing there, so we decided not to go. I get the weird feeling from her that she likes me or something. I don't know. Maybe I wrong which I prolly am. Just thought I'd add that in. So then we decided to head to eat'n park after that. So we stood around there and saw some people like Jen who explained why she wasn't at the game. I talked to her sister for awhile too. Then we waited around till Jen L and Abby showed up, and then we went inside. I sat around and talked to Abby adn was planning on staying for like 10 minutes, but before I knew it, it was like 20 till 12. So then I headed home and I'm writing this before I go to bed...night
10/19/02
I'm not sure if I'll be home tonight or not because I don't know if I'm staying at Keith's house or not. I might stay or I might not. Depends on what goes on during the time that I'm there. So I'm writing some of this now because if I don't come home or even if I do, then I prolly won't stay up long enough to write in here. So anyways. Another boring day at work. I sat around for almost the whole four hours on the computer. Pretty much doing nothing because there was nothing to do. Oh well. What can I expect? Not a whole lot. So anyways, today is the big homecoming dance at Redbank which I'm taking Devin's g/f Stephanie to. So I'm hoping to have some fun there. If not then it's no big deal. It's not my school anymore, but for Stephanie's sake I hope that I do. Well, I don't know if it'll matter if I have fun or not. Don't know if that will affect her or not. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I think Nicole is going now, so I'll have to see what happens there. Well I guess if I get bored then I'll be able to find Kayla there because she's supposed to be going with this Josh kid. So at least I'll have someone to talk to regardless. Well I think I will. I hope so. If not then I guess I'll have to try and have fun as much as I can. But anyways. After this, I'm going to Keith's and I don't know how that's gonna turn out. Hopefully it'll be fun. If not then that will really suck ass. I'm not really sure if I'm gonna drink a lot. I know I'll drink some, but prolly not too much. But I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end up smoking a few cigars to help me feel better about myself. And that'll give me time to think about things, and that always helps me out. Oh k. Well I'm gonna go for now. Might write some other stuff about how the rest of the day goes later, or I might just add it to tomorrows entry. Guess I'll decide when it comes down to it...later. (Written Sunday morning) So I went to homecoming with Stephanie. It wasn't too bad of a time. Dancing always seems to be fun, so you can just do whatever you want and no one really seems to care. So I had fun, which is what's important. Kayla wasn't there. I'm not sure. She prolly went and got drunk instead. Haha. So After that I talked to Nicole for a short while. I didn't really talk to her that much. More than I have for awhile, but not all that much. So I guess that's not too bad then. Oh well. So then I went up to Keith's and found Jen, Tyler, Jimmy, Abby, and Dusty there. Chucko came later and Ian and Betsey stopped in for a short while. So anyways, I really didn't drink much then. I had two beers and a wine cooler, so I really didn't get drunk again. After being there for awhile I decided I wanted a cigar, so I went down to the Uni-Mart and Dusty came along to get some beef sticks. Came back and pretty much just sat around. I pretty much hung out with Keith and Dusty for most of the night just sitting around bull shittin'. Then pretty much everyone just went to sleep. Dusty left and Jen and Tyler went to Kim's old room. Keith went upstairs, and then Chucko was on the computer with Abby and Jimmy sleeping behind him. This turned out to be a bad thing for Keith cause I guess he saw this and got pissed and went back upstairs. Then after watching tv for awhile Chucko and Abby came into the living room with me where Chucko fell asleep. Abby and I talked awhile. She said I was one of her favorite people. I'm not sure about that, but I guess she can say it if she wants. Then I was nice and gave her the couch to sleep on and I went to the floor. So she fell asleep and I got up and cleaned up the empty bottles and dumped out the ones that still had stuff in them. Then I sat down and wrote a poem because I was motivated for some odd reason. I added it to my poem section of my site if anyone wants to read it. This was about 4:30 in the morning, so that was exciting. Then after that I went back into the living room and went to sleep. Fun times.
10/20/02
Well today was just a big waste of my time for the most part. I was pretty much in my room all day long. Man does that really suck ass. Oh well. Not as bad as I'm making it out to be I guess. I got to talk to people and figure out stuff from what happened last night I guess. So that was cool to try and help figure stuff out for people. But another reason I just stayed in my room was because I was like dead tired. I got like 3 hours of sleep last night so that doesn't help much. And I hate taking naps so I just sat around watching tv and messing around on the computer. Watched the horrible MLS finals game. Man do those teams really suck ass hardcore. It was one of the worst games I've ever seen. Oh well. It gave me something to do. Watched some golf which didn't help me stay awake too much. I talked to Keith and tried to figure out what is going on with him. I talked to Abby too and figure out what she thought about the whole last night incident too. So I just love being a mediator for this stuff. I dont know why, but it always seems that I end up doing it. I've gotten pretty used to it. Whether or not I'm good at it, I have no clue, but I at least try. If I'm no good at it, then I guess they shouldn't talk to me about stuff. Yeah, that makes sense. So then I guess I must be good since they do talk to me. And I'm rambling so I'm gonna stop talking about that. So some good things that came out of last night. Chucko and Betsey might be hanging out and trying to do stuff together. So that's really cool. They both really deserve it because they're two really great people. So at least something good came out of this weekend. And me sleeping tonight is gonna be good too because I'm damn tired and I'm gonna like just pass out as soon as I hit the pillow. Hell yeah...night
10/21/02
Well today was interesting to say the least. I almost was late to my first class this morning becaues I forgot to set my alarm. So I had to rush around to get ready. Then on my way to school I was listening to the radio and it said about how something had happened at the college in Pierce and so all the classes in the building would be cancelled which meant that I wouldn't be having Calc today. Fucking right. So anyways. My humanities class was really boring. These plays we're supposed to be reading are really stupid so it's not much fun. So then I had a big three hour break because I didn'thave class. So I just went to the library and messed around. Then I found out why the classes had been cancelled. I guess some girl had thrown her newborn baby in the dumpster outside of Beckt hall. So that's just really not cool at all. It's completely horrible. I don't see how someone can do that to a newborn baby. So I dont know what's goin to happen there. That's just fucked up. So anyways after that I went to Wendy's and got a double cheeseburger meal. Went back to my moms office and ate. Then went to Becker to my programming class. It wasn't too bad today. I guess it was sort of interesting so that was pretty cool. Then to french where I just sat around pretty much and said what our favorite stuff was. Not too exciting. Then I had to wait around till 4 to go to the damn ACES meeting. Man was it boring as hell. I was like listening to my cd player most of the time. It was funny though. I had it up really loud because everyone was talking, so when everyone got quiet and he started to talk it was still turned up so pretty much everyone could hear it. So that was pretty funny. The girls who sat in front of me said it was the best part of the whole meeting. It was Abby Smith and her friends. So I sort of knew them but not really. Oh well. So after an hour of hearing that boring shit, I just went home and messed around on here. Fun stuff...night.
10/22/02
Well today wasn't filled with very much excitment. And it wasn't that great either I guess. Mostly because of Calculus which seemed to ruin my day a little bit. I got a 76% on this test so that didn't make me happy at all even though it was easier getting it this time because I got a C on my last test. And I decided I'd try to figure out what my grade was in there so from what I figured I have an 88% which is pretty cool if that's right, but I'm not exactly sure if that's right or not. From all my quizes and tests and labs that I have, thats what I got so I hope that's right. So that made me feel a little better. And then I ate lunch in my moms office. I made a ham and cheese sandwich before I left so I had that, and then those little cheese and breadstick things that come in the litle packages that you can dip them in the cheese and some pringles and a mountain dew to drink. So then I went to my music class which actually wasnt too bad today. He showed us how Pink Floyyds "dark side of the moon" supposedly goes along with the Wizard of Oz so that was pretty interesting. I might have to check that out some more. Then he said we wont be having class next Thursday so that made me happy. So then I went and talked to Nancy, the secretary in Becker and just sat around. I went to see Dr. Trainer but she wasn't in so I have to go back tomorrow after Humanities. So that should be interesting. So I went golfing tonight before I headed to the girls soccer game. I didn't do that great, but I havent played in like 3-4 weeks so I'll use that as an excuse. I shot a 49 or a +14 so its not too good. So anyways, I went to the game, and sat with Dick, Bubba, and rowe's little brother. So that wasn't too bad. I left with like 5 minutes left and they were winning 3-0. I had to get home to watch Smallville. It was pretty good. So then I got on here and had Nicole tell me that I Had to change one of my journal entries that her mom didn't like. Sorry about that Mrs. Selker if you're reading this. I guess I'll have to tone down someof this stuff. Haha. Sorry. Well thats all I have...night
10/23/02
Today wasn’t all too exciting. I got up this morning and watched the episode of DBZ that I had taped the night before because I couldn’t watch it being that I went golfing and then to the girl’s soccer game. It wasn’t that great, but still, it’s DBZ so it was good. So anyways, all my classes were pretty boring again. I went down to Becker again to see my advisor, but once again she wasn’t there so I’m gonna have to go back again tomorrow and see if she’s there. Hopefully she’ll be there this time. So anyways, I have to get this damn math lab done sometime which sux because it looks none too easy, and I read it over and I’m not sure what to do with it at all so far. So that really isn’t cool at all. I really hate that class a lot. I can’t wait till it’s over. I really do hate the class. It’s just so horrible anymore. Damn it. Well on to other things. I went around town today during my little lunch break. I had to go to the post office to get stamps for my mom, then to KFC to get her a pot pie, then I went to Subway to get myself lunch. I got a foot long Club and saved half for my lunch tomorrow since I have work till 12 then class at 12:30. So that’s sort of a pain in the ass. At least I don’t have Calc. I fucking hate calculus. So after my other two classes, I went with my mom to the boy’s soccer playoff game. I guess that was sort of interesting. They actually played decent tonight which was a surprise because from what I’ve seen this year, they haven’t been doing to well. So that is always good to see. And they beat DCC which is good too. So anyways. We stopped and ate at Ponderosa after the game which was sort of interesting. Umm, I don’t know. I’m running out of things to think of. Well before I go, I’m gonna make sure I say something about my friend Jen because she wanted me to make sure she was in here. So, hi Jen. I guess I’ll be at the Clarion game Friday to hang with you so that you can hopefully make your ex jealous. So that should be good times. Well I’m going…night.
10/24/02
Today has been one of the worst days I've had in a really long time. I woke up this morning early for work which wasn't good because I was really tired. I just threw on some shitty old clothes and went to school because I really didn't feel like wearing anything nice. So anyways, I got there and had nothing to do so I decided to try and work on my calc lab which turned out to be horrible. I looked at it and had no clue what to do at all. And that's really not good. And then I got pissed and felt stupid, and I still do now because I still have no clue what to do. I'm starting to think that I never really was that smart. It just happened that I could do whatever the teacher asked in highschool. And that really scares me. I've always been able to do things pretty well, and now, I can't understand it at all. I've been doing bad on my tests, and I've just been having a hard time. It's not good at all. I just wish that somehow this wouldn't be happening. I mean, I just can't seem to get it anymore. I'm like losing my confidence because of it, and everything seems to be going to hell. It really just makes things so difficult in my life. I'm stressing hardcore too. And that's never good for me because I'm gonna end up getting migranes and that's not going to help things at all. I'm too down to write anything else...night
10/25/02
I guess today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be after yesterday's horrible day. I guess I just felt that somehow things would be alright eventually even though they really aren't now. This morning I got the one student who works in the pysch dept. to try and help me with my lab. He's a math ed major so hopefully he can help me. He copied the sheet and said he'd try to figure it out over the weekend. So that's really cool of him. Then I went and talked to my prof and he helped out some too. Well I think so. He gave me a start on the problem so hopefully I can figure some of it out from that. If not then I guess I just won't finish it because I have no clue how to if I can't figure it out from what he gave me. So anyways enough about that shit cause it just brings me down. So I was trying to decide what to do all day long about what to do tonight. Well it didn't help much because when it came down to it, I decided something completely different than what I was thinking about all day. I was planning on going to the CL football game and taking a rose to Amanda. Then at like halftime there I was gonna leave and go the Clarion football game and hang out with Jen because she wanted me too. I feel really bad that I didn't go to see her. Cause I said I would and I ended up not going so I do feel bad. I dont feel as bad about not going to see Amanda because I really didn't tell her I was gonna come. So it's not as bad. So anyways, what I did end up doing was going to Taco Bell to eat supper. At this time I still didn't know what I was gonna do. I sat around realizing that it was raining outside and freezing cold as well. It'd be fine if it was just freezing or if it was just raining, but both is just really bad. So I went to Walmart hoping that maybe the rain would die down. I looked at the roses for awhile and then I headed back to look at the DVD's. I was looking for vampire movies but they were all too expensive or I already had them. So I left Walmart and decided to go the mall to wait a little longer. When I got there, I went to K-Mart and looked at the movies and found what I was looking for. They had "interview with a vampire" and it was really cheap too. So that pretty much decided my night for me. I bought the movie and then headed home. I got home and got on the computer and started to dl the song "Im Still here" by John Rzeznik. It's a really good song. It's prolly my favorite at the moment. So after I did that, I watched my movie which was really good. Then that was done at like 10 so I got online and starting talking to Keith. I guess Abby was being not so nice to him at the football game. It's weird. I don't know why I haven't noticed how she is before. It just like slipped by me until the middle of the week. She told me she didn't want to hang out with Keith, at least not by herself. Then she goes and calls him the next day and wants to hang out with him. Then she does and tells him that she has other guys that Keith. Then tonight he was all nice to her and got her flowers and stuff for her Senior night, and all she can do is treat him like shit and act like she could care less. And it made me realize exactly what kind of a person she is. She's someone who cares about people only when its good for her. Otherwise, people could be dead and she could give a shit less because they don't matter to her well being at the moment. And she's always been like that, but for some reason, I've never noticed it before. But I thought I would get that out in the open. And the funny thing was too, I almost believed everything she said. For example, the night we were talking at Keiths, she told me that she had no clue why I even ever dated Nicole. She said she wasn't even my type. And you know, she almost had me convinced for some reason. For what reason I dont know. I guess I'm just stupid. But I'm glad I didn't believe what she said. I'm glad that I've realized how stupid that would have been because once again, for some reason she just wanted me to think that for benefit of hers. Stupidity. Well thats all...night
10/26/02
I'm not writing much tonight because I don't really feel like it. Just a quick overview of the day. Went to work this morning just like always. Keith came in at like 12 because his computer wasnt working right. So I talked to him for a short time. Then I went and ate lunch at Penndragon. It wasn't too bad. I got like the only american waitress they have in there just like I always seem to get for some reason. So she's nice. Then I went to Keith's dorm for awhile and hung out. Then we drove out to Nicole's and hung out there for the rest of the day. We pretty much just sat around, talked, went for pizza, drove each other's cars around, and watched movies. So it wasn't anything spectacular. Just me, Keith, Nicole, and Amanda all day long. So that was my day written quickly...night
10/27/02
Well today was horrible for a lot of the time. And of course that reason was Calculus, the thing that has been driving me crazy for the past week. So I sat around this morning before church working on it trying to figure it out. Then I went to church and came home and started to work on it as soon as I got changed. I'm not sure how long I sat around working on it, but it was deftly too long to be sitting around working on math. So I got really pissed because nothing was coming out right so I like flipped out and starting punching shit and whipping shit around my room. I regret that now because my hand really hurts from punching stuff. Oh well. I'll live. But anyways, my parents came home and decided to take all the summer furniture into the barn to store it for the winter. So that's always fun having my dad yell about stuff. Oh well, I got through that alright. So after that, I came home and started to work on calculus again. Luckily this time I figured out how to do some of it which made me really happy finally. So I got a good deal of it done. So I should be able to do the rest of it pretty quickly if I know what exactly to do. So I'm hoping this Brandon kid comes through for me because if he does then that'd be really sweet and I'll have to make sure to thank him regardless of whether he got it done or not because he really didn't have to do it to begin with. So that's pretty cool of him. So anyways, I guess once I got that sort of figured out I was a little bit happier. I got online and started talking to Duhnke so that was pretty cool. I haven't talked to him for awhile. I asked him for some help on my calc but he wasn't exactly sure what to do either. He helped a little bit though. So anyways, then I went and made supper. I was really hungry because I hadn't eaten lunch because I was busy with homework. So I cooked myself 4 hotdogs. So that was a pretty good meal. Then I sat around and watched tv, and now I realize I forgot to study for humanities. Shit...night
10/28/02
My day was just a pretty ordinary day today. Nothing really that exciting happened at all. Prolly explains why I'm just sitting here now listening to sort of sad music because I'm just in one of those moods where I don't feel like anything. Which always sucks. I'll rather be feeling sort of happier, but hey, at least I'll be able to get to sleep faster if I feel like that. So that's a good reason. But anyways, my humanities test was sort of hard for once. So that wasn't too cool. But he drops the lowest test score so shouldn't be too much of a problem even if I did bad. So then in calc, he moved the due date of the lab back till wednesday so that's not too bad. Oh well. That class sux regardless of what happens in there. But no one really knows whats going on with this lab so that's pretty poor on his part. Then thats about it. Nothing else really to talk about. I'm really bored with this at the moment so I'm just going to end it here...night
10/29/02
I didn't have that great of a day today, but I haven't really been expecting to have great days. So I just go along and live with it. So today I went to school with my mom and then sat around in her office for about an hour. Then I headed down to the math computer lab to see what I could do with the lab that he gave us. Well I got my graph printed out which is good then I started to work on the last question with pretty much no luck at all. So that sux. The only good thing that came out of it was that I got to sit around and just talk with this Tom kid from my class because he came in to work on his lab too. So that's cool. So at least I have one person that I've met at school so far this year. So I'm pretty pleased with that. Then I went to my prof to see if he could give me any help which he wouldn't so it really pissed me off. It really fucking sux when you go to your teacher for help and they dont do a damn thing. Oh well. I'll just have to live with it for the next 4 or so weeks. So anyways calc class came around and it just really sucked ass, but I'm getting used to that. So then I went back and ate lunch quick at my mom's office. Then I had to register for my classes in the spring and I got all the classes that I wanted to take. So that was good. Then we headed off to pick up two of the mom's of players from the boys soccer team. Then we headed off to Ridgeway to watch the guys play, and boy was it bloody cold. And it was snowing like crazy too. So that was really weird because it just started snowing out of nowhere. And it was snowing pretty good too. The ground was pretty much covered by the time the game was over so thats how bad it was. They ened up losing in overtime which sucked, but oh well. They did a lot better than I expected them to this year. I didn't think they would be in the semi-finals of the playoffs. So that was really great. I'm glad they made it that far. Hopefully they can do just as good next year. But anyways, the trip home was really boring. I just sat there and did nothing. I got home and figured out something to do with my calc lab. I just did whatever so that it looked somewhat right in hopes of at least getting a few points. Then I got on here and talked to a few people. One of which was Jo who I haven't talked to for a pretty long time. So that was cool. We might go hang out and drink sometime so that should be fun. And that's about it...night
10/30/02
My internet provider was not providing me the internet last night so I didn't the chance to get online to write my journal so I'm doing that now before I head off to work. So yesterday was just another Wednesday. Not too much happened really. Actually I'm trying to think of what did happen, but nothing is really coming to mind. I know it was cold and it was raining and snowing and switching back and forth between that. I talked to Jettie for a short while. I saw her while I was heading to my Humanities class and stopped and talked to her for awhile. I finally handed in this god forsaken Calc lab that's been racking my brain for the past week, so that's good to be rid of that. Didn't do too much in any of my other classes. I have a test in programming tomorrow so I'll have to do some reviewing today and make a sheet with stuff on it so I can use it on the test. Hmmm...other than that, I can't really think of anything so I guess I'll head out...later
10/31/02
Today wasn't too bad I guess. Had to get up for work this morning at 8, but the good part was that I didn't have class today because my music class was cancelled. So that was pretty sweet. So once I got off work at 12, I headed down to Taco Bell and got a #9 to go and got some nachos with it too. Then I headed off to go clean my church. I ate my stuff when I got there then cleaned. I decided to go and rearrange all the chairs in the sanctuary. That took a pretty long time, but at least it looks decent now, compared to what it was before with all the chairs out of place and stuff. So that took a bit longer than it usually does to clean, but that's alright. I had nothing to do anyway. So when I got home, I realized it wasn't that cold out and since my golf clubs hadn't been cleaned for like two months I decided I should do that while I still have a chance. So that wasn't too bad. I wish I could still be golfing though because it always helped me to just go and think, but now I can't do that so I really miss it. So I can't wait till I can play again. So then I just pretty much sat around the rest of the night. I worked on studying for my programming test and that was about it. Watched tv and played some pool in my basement. More fun times of me...night
11/1/02
The first day of the new month, and I guess it wasn't that bad of a day. Got up for my first class this morning and when I got there the class was cancelled because of some band competition thing. So I was sort of jacked cause it would have been nice to sleep in some. So I went back to my mom's office and studied for my programming test. Calculus class wasn't too bad today. I actually knew what I was doing today. We got our labs back. I got a 16/20, an 80% so I guess that's not too bad for all the shit that I had to put up with while doing it. It should have been a whole hell of a lot more pts though I think. So anyways, I just messed around in my mom's office until my next class which was programming. The test wasn't too bad so that's pretty cool. I think I did pretty good on it. But that class isn't hard because I actually like it and I'm interested in it so its easy to do good in it. So then french class where we learned numbers which was really easy because I know them already and that's all we did in the class. We got candy too because of halloween so that was nice of her. So I spent a lot of the day trying to find someone to buy me alcohol for the party on Saturday. I left a message for Mole to see if he would but it turned out that he wouldn't buy anything from the State Store, just the beer distributor, so I had to find someone else. I was gonna ask the one kid that I work with, Hussein, but he never showed up to work. I don't even know if he's 21 or not though so that wasn't a definite to begin with. So then luckily Jon came online and I remember he bought stuff for Keith's party, so I asked him and he said he could get it without a problem. So I headed down to New B to his house and picked up the two bottles of stuff. Then I used his phone to call Jeffers and told Jeffers to call me back if they were doing anything, but he never called. Oh well. That's how it goes. So I stayed at Jon's for awhile till 7 and then decided to head home since Jeffers never called back. Made myself some pizza sandwiches once I got home and ate those while I watched tv. So it wasn't a bad day. Nothing really bad happened tonight, well not really, but to please the public, I'll let it go...night
11/2/02
I'm writing this now because I won't be home tonight so, I'll just add whatever happens tonight onto tomorrow journal. I think I will anyway. Oh well. So I had to work this morning at 9 so that was really boring. Once again, I just sat in front of the computer for most of the time. I went and shelved books for an hour because looking at the computer screen that long and playing games was making my eyes all dry. So I went and shelved those while I listened to my cd player. This morning I had to change last night's journal entry due to Keith wanting me to, so that was a minor change just to let people know. So after work, I came home and made myself a pizza. It was pretty good. I watched the movie BLOW while I was eating and after too. It was a pretty good movie actually. I was pretty surprised becauseI thought it just dealt with drug deals and all kinds of stuff from what the description said, but it turned out to have a really good meaning behind it. The main character becomes one of the leading drug dealers on the west coast and soon brings cocaine, a.k.a. blow, to California which soons spreads throughout the U.S.. In doing this he becomes super rich and finds his wife during this time. Then they have a kid and then his life starts to fall apart. His partner fucks him over when he does deals behind his back with the main characters best friend who helped him start his life in drugs. Then his wife becomes angry with everything that's going and she eventually leads the main character to get caught by the cops. Then he loses his wife as well as his daughter. Then while he's in jail his wife files for divorce and his daughter thinks that he's a horrible guy. So finally his time is up in jail and he goes back and forms a relationship with his daughter and his ex-wife says he can take custody of her if he helps pay child support so he goes back to dealing drugs. Then the day before he promises his daughter he'll take her to California, the only place in the world she wants to go, his friends set him up to save themselves from getting caught by the cops. So then he's put in jail for 60+ years and completely loses everything he has. He lost his friends, his wife, and especially his daughter. The movie makes a really good point. Life isn't about having money and luxuries, it's about having those people who mean the most to you. Only for him, he realized it too late and will prolly never have a chance to see his daughter again. Oh yeah, by the way. The movie was based on real events so that's pretty cool as well. Oh k, after that wonderful review, I'm gonna get going. Call Jeffers and see what that fucker is doing...later
11/3/02
Oh k, to get last night out of the way quickly. I ended up having them tell me that I couldn't show up till 9 so I had to wait around my house till then. So then I headed out. When I got there it sort of sucked cause my bottle I hid in the corner of my trunk sort of got stuck so I stood outside like a jackass till I finally ripped the damn thing out. Then I headed inside and sat around for awhile by myself cause I really didn't know anyone there. Then finally this Katie girl invited me to come sit and talk with them so I went and did that. She was there with everyone's favorite person Tyler from Union and this Lindsay girl was with them too. So I grabbed my bottle and went and sat with them and talked about stuff. Allison,my mom's bosses daughter showed up so that was sort of funny but oh well. Then my little group left and I watched people play beer pong. Then the rest of the night I just sat around. Not much really happened so when I actually think about it, it wasn't really that fun, but the night went by really fast. Oh well, I needed to drink so I got that in. So anyways, today was really boring. The only productive thing I did all day was sort of work on my program. The rest of the time I watch movies like Lord of The Rings, but I fell asleep during that for like 3 hours. Then I got up and just sat around. It really was a boring day. I talked to Nicole online and things there are sort of weird right now. I understand though. But even though I want to be with her, there' still a part of me that tells me not to because it just doesn't feel right right now. I still just need to be by myself because it's just better that way for the time being. Well I need my sleep. Back to classes tomorrow...night
11/4/02
Today, I don't know. Today just wasn't that great of a day. I woke up feeling completely out of energy, which in most cases I would just thrown on some old clothes and put my glasses on and that'd be it, but I got up and put in my contacts and did my hair. I guess that was sort of weird. But I don't know. I was in one of those moods where I just felt like I wanted to be at home, curled up in a little ball under my covers, away from everyone and everything. I guess when I feel like that, it gives me some motivation to write, but I didn't even do that. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know I can't help it, but I wish I could. I feel like everything has been escaping me lately, and I sit back and do nothing about it. That feeling is so hard to contain and it shows whenever I'm out in public. When I went for lunch today at McDonalds, I just sat there feeling sad. And then the one guy I knew came in and I had to put a smile on my face just so that he wouldn't ask me what was wrong. And in doing that, in faking the way I'm feeling, putting on a show for everyone else and not letting my real feelings out is completely frustrating. But I feel like I have no one to let them out to, and maybe there in lies the problem. I have no one to talk to to completely let out what I'm feeling. No one that I really feel completely comfortable in venting to at least. And maybe that's the problem too. I've lost all of that, and why?? Things change so quicklly that before you know it, it's changed, and you know it's never coming back. You see in yourself those things that used to be and you hate that it's gone, but you can do nothing about it. That's the frustration. Knowing that life is laughing right in your face and you're completely powerless to change what's become of your life. Utter insanity floods your soul and you feel like every move you make drags you farther and farther away from the things that once were. You're heart begins to break and you're feelings slowly fade until you're stuck in this mode where you don't feel like you have anything to offer to the world. You're just there to endlessly follow your daily routine for the rest of your life, and once again, you can do nothing about it. And right now, I'm in that place. Far away and alone from everyone else, from my friends, my family, everyone. I lost what I had, and I'm too stubborn to take it back because it doesn't look like it's worth all the trouble to return to where I was a few weeks ago, a few months ago, a few years ago. And so I sit there, holding everything in, hoping and waiting for that little bit of hope, that miracle to bring me back to where I need to be. I know this is all confusing because right now I'm just rambling my thoughts so I appologize to anyone who's reading this. But I'm going to continue anyway. I have nothing else to do, and though this really isn't helping, only making this more evident to myself, I'll continue nevertheless. I walk around the campus everyday, just hoping that out of someplace, there's going to be this amazing person, whether it be a good friend or someone even closer. And I sit back and hope and wish that someone will just come and take me away from this world that I'm living day after day. Someone will see me and realize that I need saved from this redundant life that I live everyday. And they'll take me away and show me how to truly live. This person, this person doesn't exist. It's only in my dreams that such people exist, and that's were they'll stay because the real world exists only for greed, lust, hate, deceit, and many other evils that everyone faces and accepts willingly. And there's nothing anyone can really do about it. Our lives have become this endless cycle. And that makes me even more sad. That every single person in this world, everyone is greedy. It's quite funny to see it happen, to others as well as yourself. You watch as certain people fall into a sadness as others try to help them and as others watch and stay bystanderds not caring what's happening to that person. They're the greedy ones because they care about what they get. While the sad person sits around with nothing. And then, the sad person finds a bit of happiness, and soon they become greedy and they see some other sad person along their way. And what do they do?? They sit and watch that person be sad, not caring what happens because, hell they were there before and no one gave a damn about them so why should they care now. And the cycle goes on and on. Funny, yet so sad. And yet there are those few people who actually do care. They see that they can help others, but when it comes down to gaining help from anyone else, there's none there. They only find their help in there dreams, and that help isn't real. Just like fairytales. People seem so happy there, but here in the real world, these people who hope for goodness receive nothing but careless stares from people who only want what's good for themselves. So I see no hope, but I'll keep dreaming those dreams, hoping that one day, that person will take me away from this life. But I feel I'll be waiting forever. If so, then so be it...goodnight
11/5/02
Today was another shitty day I guess. I'm not going to write as much as I did last night because last night, writing all that stuff just made me feel worse that I already was. So I don't think I should do that again. So anyways, I'm just gonna shortly tell a few things about my day. I think shortly. But I actually got to sleep in today, well till 9:15, so I guess that was good for me. I had Calculus first which I always hate, and it wasn't much better today. He just explains stupid stuff in depth anymore and then doesn't explain harder things. I find that really frickin stupid. Oh well. I don't give a fuck because that class will be over and done with soon enough. Then I just went back and sat in my mom's office till my music class which was really boring. All he did was give us all the answers to the test on Thursday so althought it helps for the test, it was pretty pointless. That class is really pointless because if you come the day before each quiz or test you can pass easily. So then I headed home and just sat around watching tv and didn't accomplish a bloody thing. Oh well. That's how my life goes. I haven't accomplished anything is such a long time that I'm beginning to think that I'm not worth anything at all. Prolly right but oh well, I'll live with it. Actually I watched tv or was on the computer from like 2 on till 8. Wholly shit, now that I realize that, I see how horrible my life really is. This is so bad. I pretty much don't hang out with anyone anymore. I have no social life it seems and everything seems to be useless. I;m pretty much a waste. I feel so sorry for myself and yet I dont feel like doing anything about it. Just goes to show what I'm like now. The only good thing that happened today was that Kayla stopped over at like 8:45. She seems to be one of my only friends left who hasn't lied or went behind my back. So I feel like I can tell her most things, but I haven't talked to her in awhile so it's still hard to talk to her about things. Plus it's hard talking about certain stuff when my parents are around too. But still, I was really glad to just have her around. I sometimes feel that she's my only real true friend left because she can always understand things that go on. It's just too bad she's never really around. Still though, hopefully we can hang out Friday since she has off. Well I'm going...night
11/6/02
These last few entries havent had too much hope or happiness to them and this one isn't going to change so no surprises. Actually this is gonna be pretty short because I don't feel like doing this. But for those few, very very few people who do read this, I'll just put something down. Well I got my Humanities test back and I did shitty on it. Got a 72% but that's because this test was so much harder than the first two that he gave us so that's sort of bull shit that he gives us easy ass tests then fucking puts hard questions on this one. Well hopefully I can do better on the next one becaue he drops the lowest grade on the tests so that's good. Umm calc I guess was alright, but that's just because I zoned out and just started thinking. So in reality, I actually wasn't there in spirit, just body. That's prolly not good but oh well. I looked at last years test for this section and I know how to do most of the stuff so hopefully that's a good sign. If not then oh well. I don't really fucking care about that class. I have it counted out. Only 15 more days of that class so thats good. Once again today, the only interesting class I have is programming and its the only class I really pay attention in anymore. I started working on my program tonight. I think I might have worked maybe 2 1/2 hours on it tonight but it was fun figuring all the stuff out. At first I had 22 different errors I think, but I got them all worked out and everything is working pretty good now. So I'm really happy with myself. French, ah, just another easy class. Hopefully french 2 will be more fun. If not then oh well. I'll deal. So other than that, nothing really happened. Another boring night at home...night
11/7/02
I guess today wasn't as bad as the past few days have been, but then again, it wasn't that great either. I had work this morning which wasn't too bad other than my work schedule for the fall semester is really fucking shitty and that pisses me off. I still work on Saturday and I work a lot of one hour shifts where I come and go then come back like every other hour which really sux ass. Oh well. Hopefully I can find a job at Becker sometime in the future because that'd deftly be a whole hell of a lot better than working at the library. You'd think being one of the better workers would at least give you some pull in being able to schedule yourself better hours, but hell no. I get fucking shafted so that's a whole lot of bull shit. So, on to other things. We had a really easy test in music today so that was pretty much a breeze. Then afterwards, I headed out to my church to clean. Wasn't too bad, other than cleaning out the one cabinet with chlorox wasn't that great. It smelled so bad that I could hardly breath. So don't use a whole lot of cholorox in an enclosed space because it doesn't work out too well. Other than that, not a lot happened. I mostly worked on putting all my clarks songs on my cd's onto my jukebox on my computer and that took a pretty long time because theres a whole lot of songs. Im not sure how many. I think I'll count them once I'm finished with this. Umm, well I have nothing else to say. Well I guess I talked to Jen tonight and she's not very happy with me because I seem to not care that she says she cares about me. And I'm stating this again for her. I said that it seems that that's the way it is. That most of my friends, I just can't seem to talk to anymore because it doesn't feel right. It's like there's some complex that's making it that way for me, but it sure seems to be that way. So don't be angry with me just because that's what I see happening in my life. It's not like I like that its' happening, but it is. And its not that I think it's good because it's not, but it is happening whether anyone wants to argue against me or not. I've watched it happen right in front of me. It just seems like really good friends are becoming harder and harder to find now that everyones growing up and wanting other things for themselves. And that's the way it seems to be going. But like I said, it's not that I like it, but it does seem to be happening...night
11/8/02
So I guess today was sort of quick. Most of it was pretty routine, but there were a few parts that were different. Had my humanities class today like always, but didn't learn too much. Then after that I went to the library to dick around because my mom was christmas shopping today. So I sat around and dicked with my code for my program. Didn't do too much with it. Just mostly added comments and stuff into it. Then I headed to Calculus and learned integrals and antiderivatives. What fun stuff...right. So that was pretty gay. Then for lunch I went to Penndragon to eat. It wasn't too bad, but the oranged beef that I usually like was really crappy. It was completely covered in the sauce stuff and it was tough like beef jerkey. So that sort of made me sick, but it's alright. My waitress sort of sucked. The one really nice lady that works there. But the waitress I usually have, the only white waitress there gave me water and stuff so she's pretty cool. I don't kow how old she is. She might be like in her early twenties. I'm not sure, but she's pretty cool. I talk to her a little cause she's usually my waitress there. So then I really didn't have programming today, well we were supposed to be working on our programs during the class time, but I thought since I'm pretty well off right now that I'd just mess around and talk to people. I talked to Pav and Senta and then headed to french where not much really happened. Then to work where I just sat around like usual. Talked to Nicole on ICQ and planned for her a bunch of others to come to my house. So then I headed home and messed around with my clarks tracks because Hummel's dad wants me to burn him their cd's so I decided I'd try to work on that before the soccer banquet so I could give them to him there. Then I talked to Kayla and she said she was gonna stop over before she headed out to Clarion. So she came and we watched DBZ then went downstairs and played pool. (Fixed, sorry about that Amanda, I'm just stupid and put keith down twice, prolly cause I was dead tired at the time)Then Keith, Amanda, Nicole, Betsey, Chucko, and Keith showed up. We all messed around downstairs. Then Betsey got hungry so I went upstairs and made pizza muffins for Betsey, Chucko, and Nicole. Then after we sat around and talked and watched some porn on my computer. So it wasn't too bad of a night. Keith seems to be back to his old self which is really cool. He just jokes around and stuff which is good. Hopefully he can stay that way. Nicole's all down and out for some reason. She was complaining how she had such a bad week, but all of us have been having a bad week, so you just need to snap out of it and have fun when everyone else is. Well that's it...night
11/9/02
Written on Sunday morning. Yesterday wasn't too bad I guess. Had to work at 9 in the morning but that's alright. There was some womens meeting thing there where they were showing off these old dresses and there was this one pretty cute girl wearing a pretty nice dress, so that wasn't too bad. I talked to Nicole and Amanda on icq, but they had to leave for the grocery store so that didn't last that long. No one else was on icq so the morning got sort of boring. I played games mostly. Keith was on for awhile and gave me this game where you have to throw this guy down the steps to get pts, so that kept me busy for awhile. But I didn't go and shelve any books which I normallly do for at least an hour of my time. So I guess I did have stuff that I was doing so I wasn't too bored. So then I left work and headed to McDonalds where I ordered hamburgers without onions, and it even said no onions on my receipt, but guess what the stupid asses put on my hamburgers. Damn onions! I really hate that, but what can you do about it. So oh well. Then I headed to Keith's where we waited for Steph to come. Once she got there, we headed to Butler just for the hell of it pretty much. I was going to buy two shirts, but I decided not to. Which is smart, but I would have liked to get some more shirts. I do need them. And I need some pants too because for some reason my pants keep getting holes in the butt and the crotch. Seems really weird to me so I dont know what's gonig on. So anyways, we just walked around most of the time just looking at stuff. We saw GR and kicked him for fun. So we made our way back to Keith's house where I ordered a pizza and then left to pick that up and went back home. Ate that then got on icq to wait for Keith, but he never got online. Instead he showed up at my house, and then we headed over to his sister's little apartment. We just sat around and watched the Gameshow network for most of the time. Then I watched some of the movie Sliver until 12 and then headed home and watched tv for a little while. Then went to bed. That was my day...later
11/10/02
Today was another boring day where I sat around and did nothing. I went to church this morning and the sermon was quite good. It was about this guy who went around to all the places where there was dead and destruction and tried to help as many people as he could deal with what was happening. It was the author of the book, God at Ground Zero. And he came from a foster family who all lost touch with each other and when they were all older they searched for each other and finally found each other. And the guy dedicated his life to helping these people because when he was younger he really didn't have the help that he could have. It was a really powerful sermon. I might think about reading the book. But after that I just came home and decided I'd try to start working out some because I need to. If I might play in this men's league this spring then I might need to have a little bit of strength. So I'm doing that now, and I think I'm gonna run at the rec center too now whenever I have the chance. Actually that will be pretty good in the winter because I'll have a place indoor to run. Too bad I didn't live up there because I could go there more often, but oh well. I'll deal with what I can. So after that I ate and studied some for my calculus test tomorrow. I really hope I do good on that because I really need the points. The test from last year wasn't too hard from the looks of it, but I'm sure I'll find a way to fuck it up. Because I'm hating that class at the moment so I know I won't do that great on it for some reason. Oh well. Just gotta do what I can and just take what I get. Nothing else I can do. I actually studied this time, so if I still don't do that great then I'll just deal with it. I have a frech chapter test too, but hopefully that won't be too rough. Cause that would suck, but I'm pretty sure I won't have too much trouble with it. Well the rest of the day I just sat around. Watched American Pie 2 and messed around on the internet. Played pool downstairs. Came online and found that people wrote not so nice stuff about me in Nicole's guestbook. They weren't very nice at all, but it's oh k. It's all just immaturity and I'm used to that. Cause well I'm immature at times, but I have immaturity around me too. So that doesn't help either. But hey, immaturity is good at times. It lets you have fun, especially when you get to piss stupid people off. Man that's the best. Haha. Well I'm out of here...night
11/11/02
Today wasn't that great. Had its ups and downs I guess. I woke up this morning and I couldn't move my arms very much because of lifting yesterday. So that sucked. It sucked a lot actually because I can only like bend them half the way, and so now I can't bend them straight out. It makes things pretty difficult like putting on my backpack. That was tough. But oh well. I had two tests today. One in calculus and one in french. Both sort of sucked just because they were tests. Of course calculus was the worse of the two. Well yeah, french wasn't too hard at all, but still, I'd rather not have to take tests. Today also sucked because my programming class was cancelled and it's the only class I really look forward to each day. But our program is now due Monday instead of Friday. So I guess that's good. Gives me the weekend to tweak things in it if need be. On the way home I was looking in the middle compartment of my mom's car while at Walmart and found a tape that was a mix of Bob Seger songs, so I popped it in and so that sort of got me going on Bob Seger. So when I got home I searched the internet for his songs, and found a bunch that looked pretty good. So now I've been dl a lot of his stuff. It's pretty good. Keith said he's a poor choice. Haha, but that's alright. His music is pretty soothing for me so it works. Yeah, that was most of my day. And I guess Abby is a bitch in other news, but hey whats new. She just thinks she so damn smart and can fuck with everyone elses life. Well good for her. I'm happy for her. But that's just who she is, so it's not much of anything new. But I'm glad I'm one of her favorite people(haha, stupid bitch prolly only said that so I would like her), and I'm glad she told me that I was always better than Keith(once again, prolly only said so I would like her). But it's oh k. I understand the poor soul. Sorry...haha...night
11/12/02
Today wasn't that bad of a day. I got to sleep in this morning so that's always good. I like my Tuesdays because of that. So actually calculus was good today. And that never happens. I got my test back and I got a 96%. I was so happy when I got that because that's a whole hell of a lot better than teh 78% and 75% that I got on the last two tests. So that pretty much made my day. So after that I was pretty happy for the most part. I didn't eat lunch today because I really didn't have the money to do it. But it was alright. So I went to my music class and found that I got an 88% on my test which sort of sucked but it's alright. I'll live with it. Cause the calc score deftly made things better. So after that I headed to the library and this Jill girl from the college that I've been talking to online got my message that I wanted to come chill with her at her room. So she got my message and I headed down to campbell and went up to her room. I guess it was sort of awkward because thats the first time I've met her in person and we really didn't talk too much. So who knows if we'll hang out and stuff. Might, might now. Just have to wait and see. So I left there at 3 and headed to get my haircut. Then I came home and sat around. Lifted again and my arms still hurt pretty bad, but hopefully lifting will help get this lactic acid out faster. As well as my stomach hurting from sit-ups. But I always say pain is a good sign that it's working. So I just sat around most of the night. Burnt two Clarks cd's for hummel's dad because he's been wanting them for a long time but I've never really gotten around to it. So then I decided to write a poem and I posted that up. So that was it...night
11/13/02
I didn't write my journal last night, number one because my dad pissed me off, and number 2, I was busy working on my program for my class. So that all kept me busy last night, so I'm doing it this morning in the library. So anyways, I guess the day had enough events in it. Humanities class was pretty boring. Just sat there and listened to him talk about philosophy and how great this Aristotle guy was. So that sort of got pretty boring. Then headed back to my moms office and did my homework which wasn't too hard at all. So that was good. Went to calc and took an easy quiz that I got a 5/5 on. So that always helps. Maybe I will pull an A off in that class, but we do have a lab now and the final so those two things could really hurt me. Well prolly not the lab, but the final doesn't sound too pleasant to me at all. So then off to the bank with my mom to cash my much needed check because I had no money for gas. So that's good. Have $90 to spend. And then hopefully I'll talk to Kayla some time to get that $20 for the bottle of Bacardi that I sold to her. I was glad to get rid of that anyway because I really didn't want it at all. When I left the bank my mom headed up the street to get her ring fixed or something, and then I heard Tyler calling my name so I went over and talked to him for a short while. He was helping his mom with their busted TV or something like that. So then I went to McDonald's and got my lunch and went back to my mom's office to eat. Then headed to programming which was pretty good. I sort of got confused on the whole function thing which is why I've been having such a tough time with my program I'm working on now, but I'm sure I'll get it eventually. So then off to french which was sort of weird today. Not that the class would have been weird for anyone else, but we went over the rooms of houses and she brought in a sketch of their house. Their house is the old house where Abby used to live, so it was sort of weird seeing the house where I spent a lot of my time two years ago. So it was weird to think back to those times, but oh well. That's all gone so no worries there. Then I just went back to my mom's office and sat around and talked to people. On the way home I was talking to my mom about maybe moving out to campus for the spring semester,but when I got home and saw how much the room cost and how much the meal plan would cost, I think I decided against that. It was somewhere around $1900. That's like half the money that I have in the bank and I'd have to pay for it all myself so I'm saying screw that for now. I think I'm gonna maybe save up for the last two years of school and then move out if possible. So then I came home and messed around with my program for most of the time. I was working on my program when my dad disconnected me and I lost some of what I had already written so I got pissed off. And so that was that. Nice day...later
11/14/02
Im just making this a quick overview because I want to get to bed. So got up this morning for work. Wasn't too much fun at work. Well I did get a donut, and I was talking to Jettie on AOL and said I was hungry and that she should get me a cookie. So she did. I was surprised, but that was really cool of her. It was pretty good too. I ate with my lunch of a pizza hotpocket and a pepsi. So then after that I went to go to my music class when some kid came past and asked if that's where I was headed and he told me that the class was cancelled so that was pretty sweet because I didn't want to sit through an hour long video that would be boring as hell. So then I headed to clean the church. That didn't take too long, and then I headed home. I figured out my program so that was good, but when I was explaining the design, it didn't save for some reason so now I have to do it all over. So, I'm not going to turn it in for the bonus points that I could have got if I turned it in. Or maybe I will if I can do it and then have it ready by 11 tomorrow night. I don't know. I'll have to see. So anyways, I just did that most of the night. Played the first Resident Evil on playstation tonight. I've done the same thing over like three times because I'm too damn stubborn to save the game unless I have to go somewhere, so I'll keep playing no matter what. So I got killed like three 3 times so that sucked but it keeps me busy. Well thats it...night
11/15/02
Today wasn't that bad I guess. Went to school this morning and Humanities wasn't that bad. We had a review session where people would go in front of the class and answer questions and he would make fun of them so it wasn't too bad. So then I went to the library because my mom was sick so she didn't go to work today. So I went there and worked on my program to make sure everything was good on it so that I could turn it in today for a bonus point. So thats cool. I was working on calc but that didn't last too long before I said the hell with it. So then calculus came around and it was boring like always. Then I went and ate lunch at Wendy's where I did my french stuff. So afterwards I went back to the library to check on my program again just to make sure it was alright. So then I headed to programming and learned more about functions and I think I know them pretty well now. So then to french which wasn't too exciting. After that was work where I just dicked around like usual. Then after that I went to the rec center to run some. I ran I think 18 laps altogether. So that was tiring. Then I headed to Keith's house where we just pretty much sat around and did whatever. Nothing really specific. Watched people play guitars and stuff. Just pretty much messed around all night trying to have fun. I went down to Riverside looking for chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream but they had none so I bought Doritos and pepsi instead. And that was about it. Went back and played X-Box and just talked. That was my day...night
11/16/02
It was 1 by the time I got home last night so I just went to bed so I'm doing this now. Went to work yesterday morning and sat at the computer all morning long. Two of the people that were supposed to come decided to call off, so that left like 2 people there for most of the time, so that's why I really didn't go and do anything else. I talked to Mole for the first time in a pretty long time. We talked about soccer and stuff like that and hopefully him playing in this men's league whenever it is. I need to find out stuff about it from Jess sometime. So then I played some game where I had to find a girl and then have sex with her within 100 days. So that took up a good amount of time. Then I left for home and spent most of the rest of my day there talking to people on ICQ and dl stuff. Everyone left to go shopping in Cranberry while I stayed home and watched Planet of the Apes. The movie was alright apart from really stupid parts as to how the apes actually took over. And then the ending was the worst ending to a movie that I'd ever seen. When the guy finally gets back to earth, he finds that the earth is now populated by apes which I found to be completely stupid. So I thought it was a good movie other than the ending. So then I sat around watching the hockey game when Jeffers called up from Rob's house and said to come up because they were gonna go bowling. So I headed up there and played some World Cup Soccer on his Nintendo until Mumford called up and we went over to his house for awhile. Then we headed over to Leah's house where we stood for a long time. Saw a bunch of people there like Domino, Dom, Joe, Huffman and Jade. So that wasn't too bad. Then when we were getting ready to leave; Phil, Rob, Jeffers and I decided not to go bowling because they wanted to go to Kittaning, and we decided not to drive all the way up there. So we ended up going to Uni-mart where we sat for the rest of the night for two hours. We saw Dante, Bill, Julio's sister and Nate Snyder in the parking lot. Bill was completely drunk and had no clue what was going on. So they left and we went inside and sat down and drank some pop and chocolate milk. We just talked about stuff that happened in high school. Laughed a lot and just bs'd. So it wasn't too bad. Wasn't the most fun thing in the world but it wasn't bad at all. It was cool to hang out with them. Especially Rob because he just never stops talking and always has something to yell about or talk about which is always funny. So that was my night...later
11/17/02
I should be studying right now for my Humanities test, well come to think of it, I prolly shouldn't be studying for it because it's pretty much a waste of time. But I did get a C on my last test, so maybe I should. Fuck it. So today was a pretty uneventful day. So there's not going to be much to tell. I went to church which wasn't that great today. It was alright. I came home and started playing Resident Evil 2 because I beat RE 1 yesterday. So I spent a lot of time doing that I beat that game today. So now I'll have to be the second scenario of it. If no one one knows what I'm talking about then I'll explain quick. The game comes with two cd's, one for the guy named Leon's scenario, and then one for the girls named Claire scenario. So you can beat the one and go on to play her version, or you can beat the first scenario with her and then play the second scenario with him so it's sort of like playing 4 different games. So that's not bad. But anyway, I did that, worked on my french, looked at my math lab and realized I couldn't do it at home because we have to use the maple thing in the math lab to do it, so that sux. I'll have to spend time doing that crap. And the rest of the day was just boring as hell. I don't even know where the time went. My life seems to be like that a lot though. I feel like I'm wasting my life doing a whole lot of nothing. Sitting around wasting my life because I have nothing to do to begin with. It get redundant and boring and it feels like nothing is ever going to happen at these times. It feels like I'm wasting the years that are supposed to be the best ones of my life. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm not allowed to move out to the college because my dad says no and he says if I do then I'm paying for everythign out of my pocket, my rent, food, insurance, everything. So it's not like I can move out there and make friends and have fun. So I'm stuck here at home with none of my friends near me that are ever around. Mole is always working or with Jeanna, Kaylas at school or working. Those two are the closest people to me. I'm getting the feeling like college is really going to suck and I missed out in high school. Because there I knew I'd see my friends and now it's different. Keith's moving away next year so he won't be there and I can't stay out there to find people to hang out with. So it looks like a lose lose situation. I just feel like life is slowly going nowhere. And I just want to live in the moment, but there's nothing there in that moment to live. All boring things with no fun hardly. I want to live, just really live, and it seems that everything is in my way to stop that. Or maybe I'm being a little whiny piece of shit and should fucking be a little bit stronger and stop bitching about how things aren't the way I want them to be. Oh well. I guess it's just the way I am. Like it or not, it's how I've been for most of my life...night
11/18/02
Today wasn't that great of a day. I woke up with a headache so I took three ibuprofens before I headed to school. I really wasn't very hungry so all I had for breakfast was a glass of orange juice. I didn't put in my contacts or do anything with my hair. So I guess that pretty much displayed that I really didn't feel that great. Went to school and took my humanities test. It wasn't too bad. Easier than the last one that I took so at least thats good. Then I headed over to the computer lab in Pierce to do my math lab. That took about an hour to get all the graphs and stuff done. Now I just have to answer the questions about them and stuff. So I'll do that tomorrow night I guess. I asked Jess about this soccer league today and she said she'd find out for me and tell me tomorrow so hopefully she'll bring good news. Programming was pretty good today, but it usually is. Then french was pretty boring. I'm usually not really into anything at that time of day so I just sit there. We got out chapter tests back today. I got a 98% so that was cool. Now we have to call her house as a homework asignment which is sort of gay. Hopefully when I call she isn't there so I can just say my phone number. So that won't be bad then. Or hopefully Claire will pick up which will make it easier since I know her. Just have to find out tomorrow I guess. Umm then I came home and watched the episode of DBZ while I wrote down the song tracks for four of the clarks cd's that I gave to Hummel's dad. Then I was off to the guys soccer banquet. It wasn't too bad. I actually had a bit of fun. It was really cool though. They had the stats for all time for the soccer team. I looked at them and found out that I have the most carear assists in the history of the team. I have 39 and my cousin Nathan has 38 from what it shows on there so that was pretty sweet when I figured that out. Well when I looked at my stats and stuff, it showed that I had 42 assists so the thing is messed up some, but I still think I have the record. Either way thats what the thing shows. So thats cool. Other than that I did nothing. Came home and thats it...night
10/19/02
Today was another boring day. I guess not as bad as the days before, but boring nevertheless. At least I only had two classes today, so that wasn't as bad. I didn't really feel like doing much of anything today anyway. Although I did get to sleep in which is good. My only day I get the chance to sleep in so I take advantage of it when I can. But tomorrow I have to get up early to go to work with my mom and then the day after I have to get up early for work so that's not gonna be much fun at all. Oh well, I'll drudge through my days somehow. I'm really struggling on what to write because I can't seem to think of anything. Umm... well after school I came home and just watched tv till DBZ came on at 4:30. Then I headed back to my room to work on the stupid math lab thats due tomorrow. So that was really boring and really didn't help me to learn anything. So it was just a bunch of busy work. Stupid school Seems to be so much of a waste of time anymore other than my programming class. So I'm glad there's only a few more weeks left. Plus Thanksgiving break is coming up and hopefully there will be something fun to do over that. Keith said someting about a movie night or something so that will be one thing. Kayla said something about a party at her place sometime soon too so that should be a lot of fun I'm thinking. But as of now, there's not much fun going around in my life. My life consists of me sitting around everynight on the net or watching tv or playing pool in my basement. I need to have fun, and I'm not getting anywhere with that idea. Oh well, maybe it'll come around sometime, maybe not. Well, I have nothing more to say so...night
11/20/02
I guess today was an alright day. I had to get up early to go to work with my mom to help her carry stuff for the lunch thing for the Psych dept. So once I did that, I just went down to the office and played snood till my humanities class at 9. That class was pretty boring. Well its not that bad. We're talking about the gospels in the bible so it's not completely boring at the moment. Then I went back to my mom's office and did my Calc homework which was pretty easy. It only took like 20 minutes to do it all. So then I played snood again. Then off to calc which was boring. Then to lunch where I ate at this thing for Thanksgiving that the dept had. So that was pretty good. Had turkey, stuffing, noodles, mashed potatoes, corn, and pumpkin pie. So that was a pretty lunch for once. Then after I wenet down to my mom's office where this kid named Justin said he needed to make a webpage for his CIS 110 class so I did that for him so that was cool. It only took like 10 minutes but I like to do that kind of stuff. So it wasn't too bad. Then off to programming where I got my grade back and got a 21/20. So that was pretty sweet. My prof is pretty cool. He was eating jerky today so that was pretty cool. So after that I had french which was the same as always. Then to my mom's office where we had a bit of an incident. My mom answered the phone to take a message and when she finally realized what she was writing down she saw that the girl said she was going to kill herself and then hung up the phone before we could find anything else out. So that was pretty crazy. So everyone was all worried about that for the rest of the time there. So I don't know what happened there. Hopefully she didn't do anything like that and she got some help before she did anything shee regretted. So then came home and watched tv and then went to watch DBZ only to find that they started to show repeats again so that sux a lot. It'll prolly be forever till they show the finally episodes. So no more DBZ for awhile. Then played some more RE2. I dl a new song that I heard on MTV today. It's called "The Zephyr Song" by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It's pretty good. Then I watched the Victoria Secrets Fashion show. So that wasn't too bad at all. Well I need to get to bed soon because I'm running low on energy already...night
11/21/02
Today was a pretty big waste. I got nothing accomplished that I wanted to get done, but then again, I really didn't have anything to really get done. I had work this morning and pretty much did nothing because my boss left for a meeting so we pretty much sat around for the most part. Then went to my mom's office to eat the bologna and cheese sandwiches that I made before I left this morning. It was pretty good. Better when they're fresh made but not bad after being in the fridge for four hours. So I found out that this girl that said she wanted to kill herself didn't. It was student and they found her in class today, so it seems to me that she really didn't want to kill herself at all. So that was sort of weird. Who knows what happened. Oh well. At least she didn't kill herself. So then I went to my music class which was boring like usual. Well for the most part. We got to listen to Bob Marley today, and this one song by Peter Framton which was pretty cool the way he used his guitar. I think the song is something like "Do you feel like I feel". It's something to that effect if thats not the exact title. But it was pretty cool. And we're getting closer to music that I actually know. So anyways, I have a quiz in there next class so that will be gay. But anyways, after that I went to the church to clean which didn't take that long. Then came home and just messed around. I beat the second senario of RE2 tonight so now I don't know if I want to do the girls first game and then the guys second game or not. I might because I guess it's different enough. Oh well. I'll prolly end up doing that because I'll get bored. Talked to Keith and I guess I'm going to this punk concert at the college tomorrow sometime. So hopefully that'll be fun. Well I'm headed out... night
11/22/02
I guess I forgot to do this this morning when I got to work so I'm working on it now, a little bit later. Yesterday wasn't too bad I guess. Had all but music in my classes. Didn't really do much in any of my other classes. So it was pretty boring at school. My mom took me to Wendys for lunch so that wasn't too bad. Then after my classes, I had work which was boring like always. Didn't do much of anything. Shelved some books for my first hour then sat on the computer for the second. Then afterwards I went over to Keith's dorm and we went to eat at Bob's Subs. So that wasn't too bad other than the other half of my sandwich was pretty much all roastbeef which sucked. So I didn't eat all of it. Then we went to Gemmel to see this concert, but when we got there there was like no one there to watch, so after awhile we decided to leave. We met up with Tyler and Jen there and after finding out that no one was gonna be watching we headed to Wendys. We sat around there and after decided to head to the mall. We walked around and pretty much did nothing. So that was sort of boring. Well I guess not. It was fun cause we messed around and stuff. Then we went to the Qwik Fill where we bout some stuff then headed back to Keith's dorm where we just watched some stuff on his computer. Then at like 11:20 we headed down to the smokers lounge where we did some of that. We were talking to this one guy who was pretty cool. His name was Gabe. He was a pretty cool guy. So that wasn't too bad. Then we headed back up to Keith's dorm where we just sat around. I played some hackysack by myself and then I headed home...later
11/23/02
Well this is going to be short and sweet because today fucking sucked horribly. I went to work this morning and was really tired and my eyes were all bloodshot for no reason. Prolly cause my contacts were in early and I got no sleep. I dreamed about vampires last night. Came home from work because Keith went to the band concert and I didnt want to go there. I sat around all day doing nothing. Got a migraine and took exedrine migraine and it didn't go away so an hour later I took 3 ibuprofens and then I took my blood pressure pill. Today sucked. Life is so horrible. I feels like I died inside. I've lost everything that I wish I had. I hate it...night
11/24/02
Well today was another boring day, so that's two in a row. And today was a day where I just felt like crap again, and I felt like everything has been horrible. I just feel like I want to go back to when things weren't like this. In highschool things sucked but not like this. Nothing like this at all. I assumed that when people said that high school was some of the best times in your life, I really didn't believe them, but I guess I understand now. Now I'm here at college not really knowing anyone, not finding anymore friends or meeting any new people, not having fun, not being where I want to be at all. Why do things have to be like this?? It's just not where I want to be. And me being like this prolly doesnt help things along either because I'm sure no one wants to hang out with some kid who acts like this. I'm sure I wouldn't want to hang out with a person that acts the way I am now. So looks like this is going to be a big shitty time in my life. Unless things somehow change, then it looks like college is going to be nothing like I planned. Life is going to be nothing like I planned. And there's no point in talking about my day. Nothing happened at all...night
11/25/02
My days haven't been that great as of late and today was no different. I went to my classes and that was the extent of what happened pretty much. The only thing out of the oridnary was that I went to JCPenny's and got a pair of jeans. Otherwise, today was boring, sad, and not very fun. I guess I saw Tanner at lunch when I went to cash my check. But that was my day. It seems to me that I've let so many things pass me by, and I'm at a loss as to what I should do about it. It seems that nothing wants to make me happy anymore. As if I'm wanting it to be that way. But it seems that I'm trying not to have it be that way. But why is it so hard to be rid of these feelings. It's as if I'm letting things pass me by and I'm not even caring that my life seems to be nowhere near what I want it to be. I've lost so many things and let so many things pass me by. And now I'm here at this juncture in my life and all I can see ahead of me is sadness and gloom. I don't know where to go from here. Maybe I need some help from the people that I know or maybe I need help from people that I have to go out and meet. I dont know. All I know is that I need something, but what that something is right now is beyond my knowledge. I think of myself as a person who can think things through thouroughly and then find out what to do about it, but when it comes to myself, I have no clue what to do at all. I just wish I could help myself, but rather, I think I'm the last person that can help me. Or else it just seems that way. I'm just not sure what to do. I need people to help me, or maybe I'm wrong. Right now though, that's what I'm thinking...night
11/26/02
Today was yet another boring day. I had a few things happen but nothing really that great. I got to sleep in today but I’ll get to sleep in for the rest of the week so that’s good. But at school, I had to take a calculus test which really sucked but I only have one more left in there so at least that’s something to look forward to. Then I had music where I had a 20 pt quiz which wasn’t that bad, but still, it sucked and that class pretty much sux. But at lunch when I went back to my mom’s office there were white rats there, and I took them out and was playing with them. So I asked my mom if there were other ones that I could adopt and there are, so I think I’m going to be getting two rats as my pets which is pretty cool. I really don’t have any pets now that my dog is gone. All I have is my little brothers stupid dog, so I need pets of my own. So hopefully I can get those. That’d be really cool. So, after that I came home and watched the AC Milan vs. Real Madrid game in which Milan won and Shevchenko scored the only goal. So that was pretty sweet. Then I sat around my house the rest of the night. I felt horrible whenever I played my little brother in ping pong and he beat me all three games. So I felt like a complete loser when that happened. Damn, my life sux a lot. Well that’s just how its all been going to I might as well just expect more shitty stuff to happen. Guess I’ll just take it as it comes…night
11/27/02
Writing this Thanksgiving morning while Keith's showering. So yesterday was boring for the most part. I pretty much did nothing all day. I was here with my brother and his g/f all day. My other brother was at school and my parents went christmas shopping in Dubois. So I sat around on the computer or sat around watching tv all day. So that was the majority of the day. So then during the evening I sat around waiting for Jeffers to call to go do something, but he never called. Then Keith called and said he was coming over to spend the night because he's coming to Thanksgiving dinner with my family since his is in Delaware now. So we just sat around all night laughing and having fun like good old times. So that was pretty cool. Keith drew a comic of me, him and another unamed person. If I get a scanner for christmas I'll post it up on my site. So then we just messed around on the computer or watched tv. Whichever didn't matter. At one point I couldn't stop laughing because he said he was trying to pop a zit and it was right in the midddle of his chest but it didn't pop and all it did was turn really bright red. So that it looked like a third nipple. I don't know why it was so funny, but it was and I was laughing so hard that it hurt. So that was cool. Guess I haven't laughed like that for a long while. So I guess it turned out to be a pretty good night in the end. Well I'm gonna get going...later
11/28/02
So today was Thanksgiving. Wasn't too bad of a day. I guess I don't have that much to be thankful for as of late. Well I know I can be thankful for actually being here and having a pretty nice house and family. But the way life goes, is the reason why things havent been very good. But today I went to dinner in at my grandma's house. Keith came along with me too since his parents are gone. My cousins Mike and Zack were there from St. Louis and my Aunt Barb. Then my aunt Didi came too. Then my cousins Matt and Ashley who just live across from me and then my aunt Nancy and uncle Dave. And of course my grandma was there. The dinner was pretty good. All the regular stuff, turkey, mashed potatoes, noodle, corn, cranberry sauce. So I had a good dinner. Takled and laughed about stuff. Oh yeah, I guess my uncle Dick came to supper to. Almost forgot. He's jsut a little few eggs short of a dozen but its all good. So after dinner went and took a really short nap. Like 30 minutes if that. Then went out and sat around the dinner table talking to my aunts and cousins. It was weird because before hand where all the cousins sit at one table and the adults sit at another, my one cousin Matt, who was at a party that I was at, said about how I was drinking beer at a party and in front of my brothers. So that was weird because they dont know that about me. But anyways, sitting around the table was fun. Hearing stories about parties that my aunts and mom went to and stuff. So that's always interesting. So then after that at around 5 we left there and went to my other grandparents house. Keith went home then. So I went up there and just sat and watched some of my cousins play playstation 2 while I ate crackers and cheese and drank some sweet ass punch. Then at around 9:30 came home and just watched a little tv before coming on here. So all in all, not that bad of a day...night
11/29/02
This is really late because last night I stayed up till 4 in the morning playing video games so I really didn't have time. So anyways, not very much happened during yesterday morning. I talked to Abby and she got pissed at me which isn't something that's new to me. So I guess what she said wasn't true if she changed in one day. So I'd say it's prolly better that way so not everyone gets pissed off. So I sat around for the rest of the day. Watched The Matrix at like 3 till 5. Then after that I headed to the church to clean. It's sort of scary sometimes being in the church when it gets all dark. There's all kinds of weird noises and stuff that go on and it's not very inviting I guess. Like in the storage room where there's this big huge furnace that makes all kinds of weird noises. Oh well, it's not that bad I guess. So after that I headed over to Keith's house. We messed around on the internet for awhile and then Keith made us some chicken patties and some shrimp. I wanted ketchup but there was none in bottles, only the little packets. So I used those but Keith said I shouldn't because they'd been in there forever. Well he was right because they tasted really weird, so I ended up scraping the ketchup off my sandwich. So we watched a video of the soccer game between Milan and Munich. Then Tyler and Jimmy showed up. We started playing video games at 9 then and never stopped till 4 so that's a pretty long time to be playing. Ben and Andy showed up too. I'm not sure what time. Chucko did as well, but he left sometime during the night. I'm not sure when. So at 4 we stopped playing and watched some fishing show on tv where there were chicks in bikini's and we ended up turning it into a porno. It was just me, Tyler, and Ben at this point. So then at 4:30 they started playing x-box again and I went upstairs to sleep in Kim's old room. Those beds really weren't comfortable at all. So I woke up off and on till 9:30 when I decided to come home and then once I got home I just fell asleep till 1. So that was my night...later
11/30/02
I seem to be getting behind on these but thats alright. So anyways, after waking up at 1 in the afternoon yesterday, I got up and got online to see what was going on. I pretty much didn't find out too much because no one was on really that was supposed to be doing anything. So then Keith came on and he decided he was coming with me to the movies. So I talked to him for awhile. Then at 3 I left to head out to Clarion. I went to get gas which took forever because at each little place at the island at the station where I was at the kind of gas I wanted was out of order. So I just ended up going to a different place altogether. So by the time I finally made it to the mall, it was snowing really hard. By the time I walked from my car to the mall, I was completely covered in snow so I'm glad it didn't keep that up the whole time. So we went to watch "Did Another Day". Before hand I saw Ms. Smith selling raffle tickets for a fourwheeler in front of the theatre. So I went and talked to her for a few minutes. Then we went in and watched the movie. We sat up top by this pretty hot girl, but she looked to be a little older than us, so it wasn't a big deal really. The movie ended up being pretty good I thought. Some of the parts were a little far fetched, but all movies are getting that way anymore. So it wasn't too bad. So after, we went and ate at Taco Bell and then headed to Wal-Mart to call Nicole's cell. She said she was on her way to the bowling alley, so we messed around in Wal-Mart for awhile then headed out. The snow was sort of laying down by now so it was a little slippy. So we went out there and Nicole, Keith and I played pool for the first hour. Jimmy and Tyler showed up there too and they played some. Then we went and bowled two games. It wasn't too bad of a time. Keith looked sort of down and Nicole did too. So Tyler, Jimmy and I spent most of the time just messing around. I think I had an 87 and a 102 in my two games so at least I broke 100 which is good. So the trip home wasn't too bad. There was a fair amount of snow on the road, but I've driven in worse so it wasn't too bad. Well I gotta get ready for church...later
12/01/02
Yet another boring Sunday filled with no type of events at all. There was really nothing that happened today. Went to church this morning which wasn't that bad. And that was about the extent of any action I did today. I helped my brother figure out ICQ on the old computer because he's dumb and doesn't know to dl and install something. So I did that and then pretty much messed around till 3:30 when the Skin's game was on. It's a golf tournament with just 4 golfers and they play for each hole and whoever wins the most holes at the end is the winner. So then after that I made myself some supper, hotdogs like usual. Then waiting around again till 9 to watch Angel only to find that it was a repeat which sucked a lot. So I made some popcorn and ate that. And that was my day, completely boring. Damn...night
12/02/02
Hmmm, well today, I don't know what today was. It was a monday and that was about it. I woke up feeling all pissed off for some reason. It was a monday and the first day back to school after a nice break. So I got no sleep last night for some reason so that prolly didn't help much either. So I ate like half a donut this morning for breakfast becaue for some reason I can't eat breakfast anymore. I have no clue why, but in the morning I have no appetite at all anymore. So I end up starving by the time lunch rolls around. So humanities class was pretty shitty other than I got my test back and got a 24/25 and that's enough to get me exempt from the final so that's good that I don't have to take it. And yet I was still pissed off for some reason, until I got out of class. I was walking to my car to get books for my next class and some black kid just started talking to me. Nothing major. He just asked about my score and I said I got a 24 and that it was enough to be exempt from the final and he said he did good too but the test before he did bad so he had to take the final. I told him I did pretty shitty too, and then that was it. I don't know. It was just weird, like for some reason when he just said those few things I wasn't pissed anymore. Like all I needed was someone to just be nice to me and just joke around and I was fine. And it's not like we're all friends and stuff. I've never even seen the kid before in class. But it was just weird how a few words could change my mood. So anyways, I headed to my car and got my calc book then went over to the library to finish my french assignment. I messed around on the computer checking my email and then I started to read over my previous journal entries. What stood out the most was how horrible school has been and how boring my life has been since my first entry. And that's been consistent throughout. Of course I've been pretty much down as well throughout the past months, through bad things, through lies, through changes, and all sorts of things. There are very few happy times that have been written in my journal. Of course there are a few but the bad definitly outweighs the good. So anyway I got my calc test back and got an 87% on that so that's not bad at all. After calc I went to McDonalds to eat which spent all of my hour break. Then I went to programming where we learned some things and after class I just talked with Mr. Wyatt about soccer. This made me feel pretty good too. Just to talk to people that I never hardly talk to seems to make things better. Another person is Senta. I hadn't talked to her for the longest time and then a few days ago she just started to talk to me on AOL. And when she did that I felt a lot better about myself. She understood things that I was going through and didn't care that I kept being all negative, unlike other people that I've talked to. And I guess that just helped me out a lot the night I talked to her. So I really appreciate that. She said something about hanging out over Christmas break so that'd be pretty good for me I think. I haven't seen her in a long while. Even talking to Jo has helped a littl because I never talk to her and have been every so often on ICQ. Anyways, so then after programming I went to french class which wasn't that fun. And then headed to wal-mart after to look for something to put my rats into when I get them. Then I came home and sat around. Didn't feel like doing my calc so that's left unfinished for now. I'll try to do some of it tomorrow before class. So I guess I don't know what's going on right now in my life. A whole lot of things that aren't so good, and yet there are small little signs of hope that are shining through, like today after Humanities and programming and talking to Senta. So where things go from here will only come through time. I just hope that sooner or later the good will be more present than the bad...night
12/03/02
Well I couldn't sleep very much last night for some reason either. I guess I've had a lot of stuff on my mind and when I lay down to go to sleep all those things just keep going through my head and I start to think about stuff. Things that have happened in my life, things that could happen, things that I want to happen but shouldn't, things that I want to happen and should and vice versa. And when I start thinking about such things, it's really hard for me to stop because I go through things so detailed that I guess it sort of makes things real in my mind. It's really weird I guess how that works out, but in the end it's just the way I am. So even though I got to sleep in later today, I still didn't get much sleep. So anyways, I still wasn't very hungry this morning even though I got up later. I guess I'm just not a breakfast person at all anymore. So I did some homework before I headed off to school. On the way to school I got all kinds of mud and stuff on my windshield and I had no windshield washer fluid so that was horrible. I could barely see anything so I'm lucky I didn't hit anything. So anyways, I got to school and went to my mom's office for a little bit. Then headed to calc which was pretty boring. Then back to my mom's office to eat the two sandwiches that I had made. One ham and cheese w/ mustard and one bologna and cheese with mayo. Plus a mountain dew and some pringles. So then I figured out that I was going to get a cage for my rats and other stuff too. So after my music class I went out to trader horn and bought a hamster cage being that I don't know if there's any place around that makes rat cages, but that'll work. So then I went back to my mom's office and talked to her about what I should get to put on the floor of the cage and she said I should talk to this kid Justin about it because he has them. So we went of to Pierce to see the rats but he wasn't there yet, so my mom went back to her office and I waited there. When he finally got there he told me to get the little wood chips stuff because that would work best out of everything. So I did that a bought a water bottle too, but it turned out that it was too big to fit the cage so I'm going to have to take that back tomorrow and I'll prolly end up getting two little ones instead. So I came home and washed my windshield with Windex then filled up my tank for the windshield washer fluid. Then that was pretty much my night. Did my french homework and watched tv. Not much of a day, but I'm not expecting too much. I wish I was though...night
12/04/02
Today was an alright day although I had to get up early so that I could take my car to the tire place to have new tires put on it for winter. So that sort of sucked. Returned my water back to wal-mart and got two smaller ones. So that was that then took my car to this tire place. Then went with my mom to her office. Sat around there till my Humanities class which is pretty pointless now since I don't have to take the final. So then I went back to my mom's office and did some homework. Then went to calc and sat around. Did nothing pretty much. Then went back to the psych department and ate at the christmas party that they were having there. Went back downstairs and played snood since my it was a work day in programming today and I didn't need to do anything for that. So I waited around for two hours until french and went there. It wasn't much fun and I pretty much did nothing. So went back to my mom's office again and saw that I finally had my rats there. So that was cool. So I brought them home and got their cage all ready and stuff. So I did that and then went to eat. And after supper I sat around doing nothing. Then my stomach started to feel really upset and I got all hot, so I have no clue what's wrong with me right now. And I'm all tired so I need to go to bed a little earlier to get up early for work tommorrow...night
12/05/02
So I didn't sleep at all last night. I think I pretty much woke up every 20 minutes. So that was horrible. I think I had a fever all night long. I just kept tossing and turning. I think also because of what happened before I went to bed. I hadn't cried for so long, and last night was the most I cried since my grandpa died. So I had a lot on my mind last night too. So it wasn't good. So I woke up to my alarm this morning but ended up falling back asleep because I was so tired. So my mom came back and woke me up with like 5 minutes till I had to leave. So I went and drank half a glass of orange juice and then went to the bathroom and ran cold water over my face because I was burning up from the damn fever that I had. But I couldn't stay home because I had to go to my music class for the review today. So I just threw on some clothes and put on my glasses. Didn't comb my hair or anything. So drove out to the college on the roads covered in snow because none of the snow plows had gone through yet. So that sucked especially when I wasn't feeling good to begin with. So anyway work sucked even worse since I had the damn fever. So I didn't do too much. So then I went to my mom's office after work and drank some water so that was my lunch. Then to my music class which was boring but I needed the answers for the final. So then I had planned to clean the church but I decided against it because I didn't feel up to it. So I came home and sat around. Which sucked. Started to dl some Counting Crows songs, so I'll prolly be dl their stuff for awhile. It seems to be the kind of music I want to listen to now. So I finished my program tonight. Well I just added comments and stuff. Shit, no I'm not done. I still need to add comments. All I did was do the purpose and design. Damn it. Well no big deal. I can do that in like 2 minutes. So anyways, things really suck but it's alright. Just have to keep telling myself that it's all nothing...night
12/06/02
So today wasn't that great of a day I guess. Got up this morning to head to Humanities class which was pointless because I really didn't need to be there because I'm not taking the final because I don't have to. So that was a waste of time. Then headed back to my mom's office where I played some snood on the computer. Then I went to Calc which only lasted for 25 minutes because we were just there to see what was on the final. So then back to my mom's office to play snood again. So not that great. Ate a hot pocket which wasn't that good then headed to programming where we went over our two tests that we had taken earlier. So then I went to french class where I didn't learn anything again. So it was pretty boring. Then off to work where we got completely backed up with books. We had books stacked up everywhere. So anyways, after work I came home and changed the bedding in my rats cage. Then I just messed around on the computer. Then I came to Keith's where I'm at right now. We had a few beers and played some playstation. Dante and Hummel came over and Tanner did too so I guess it wasn't that bad. I didn't drink that much again. Just 3 beers so once again I did't get drunk. I have to get up for work so that's why. Well I need to get to bed. It's 2 in the morning and work is gonna suck when I'm dead tired...night
12/7/02
So I woke up this morning at Keith's house. I slept on the lazyboy which wasn't that bad. It was better than the bed that I slept on last time when I stayed there. And I had a blanket last night too so that helped. So anyways, I layed around till it was time for me to head to work. Had to scrape the frost off my windows cause I was too lazy to get up in time to defrost it off. So work sort of sucked. We had to shelve all the books that everyone turned in yesterday. And by 1 they still weren't all shelved. Oh well. That's the way it goes. So after work I went to Walmart and picked up my mom's pictures. Then I used the leftover money to get lunch at McDonalds. I got that to go then headed to BP to fill up with gas. Then I headed to clean the church. I ate when I got there then cleaned afterwards. Then I just came home and sat around for the rest of the day. The only thing I really did was get on the internet and dl some more Counting Crows songs. And I talked to Senta a lot too. For some reason, she seems to make things seem a little better. I'm not exactly sure why though. Maybe because she actually listens and understands how things go for me. But regardless, I still enjoy talking to her because it helps me out. So I enjoy talking to her whenever I get the chance. She told me how to get to her college today, but I don't know if she wanted me to come up and see her anytime. She really didn't say, but I'm assuming that that's what that meant. Oh well, semester is almost up anyway so it's not like I'll have a chance to go up there this semester anyway. But maybe next. It might be fun to go up and then spend the night some weekend. It'd be something new and I'm sure it'd be fun. But that's left to waiting for now. So I really didn't do much of anything other than that. For the most part, it's been a pretty crappy week. I sure hope this upcoming week is a lot better. I'm sure it will be because all I'm doing is taking finals and I won't have to worry just yet because I won't be getting my grades right off the bat. So I'm hoping for an oh k weekend at least. Well that's it for now...night
12/08/02
I slept in till 11:30 this morning so that was good at least. I'll get to sleep in again tomorrow because I only have on final and it's not till 2, so some sleep is good for me. It's at least something being that I pretty much have nothing. A few things, but those are limited and come very sparingly when they are needed. So I didn't go to church this morning, but that's alright. Ate breakfast really late. Then I spent most of my morning on here or playing my playstation. Then I spent awhile studying my programming stuff. It wasn't too bad. I'm hoping that the test isn't too hard tomorrow. I don't think it will be, but you never know how things go. I really know that. Nothing ever seems to go the way I want it to, so it'll probably turn out to be hard. So that was my day really. Seems like all my days are getting progressively the same. Sit in my room and do nothing. Where has everything gone?? ... night
12/09/02
So I slept in again today till about 11. And I'm sure I will again tomorrow because I don't have any finals tomorrow so I'm spending all day at home. So anyways, I studied some this morning. Not that much but enough I guess. So I went to my mom's office before my final this afternoon and talked to a few people there. Then headed down to Becker to take my final. It was pretty difficult I think. So I'm not really sure how well I did on it. Hopefully I did good because that was my favorite class and if I did bad on it then I'll feel pretty down I think. Guess I'll just have to wait for now. So anyways, I went and stopped at the bank after my final and cashed my check. Then headed to walmart and finally bought myself a new set of headphones because all the ones I have now are pretty crappy. I also bought some Doritos too because I was hungry at the time. So then I came home and sat around. I'm not studying till tomorrow for Calc and French. So that will suck doing that tomorrow. Anyways my mom keeps asking me who I'm taking to the beach this summer, but I really don't have anyone that I really want to take along with me. I think I may just end up going by myself this year. Maybe it'll be a lot more relaxing that way. I don't know. But as of right now that's what I'm planning on doing. Man life isn't good right now... night
12/10/02
So today was the last day I got to sleep in becuase tomorrow and thursday I have to go to work at 8 so that sort of sux. Oh well. So today was really boring. I think I've studied more today than I've studied all semester so I guess that is sort of bad. I'm just hoping I don't do bad on my finals tomorrow. Some of the calculus looks tough and he said he's giving us 3 hours to do the test and I can't take the full three hours if I need it anyways because I have my french final at 12 and calculus starts at 10 and I have work from 8-10 so I'm gonna have a full day, plus from 2-5 I have work too so that's no good either. So I just can't wait to get tomorrow over with because I have a really good feeling that tomorrow isn't going to be good at all. Oh well, it's just one day of feeling like shit and I'm used to feeling like shit already so it shouldn't be as bad as I'm thinking prolly. Oh well. Just have to wait and see for now. I have a feeling I'm going to be a little tired too so that won't be good. Oh well, I'm going to bed as soon as I'm done writing this but I know I won't fall asleep for a good while. So that's gonna suck. Prolly not till around 11:30 or 12. I hate that I can't get to sleep at night. I guess I have to get used to that too. I just can't wait till all my friends come back from college. Maybe then I'll actually feel better when I'm hanging with them because right now it sux not having anyone to hang out with. I miss having fun with Jeffers and Duhnke and stuff just hanging out talking about nothing at all. Just bull shittin and having fun. The only thing that really makes me smile anymore is thinking about all the times I had in the past and then realize that all those times are gone and doesn't look like there will be many more in store for me in the future. Just looks that way. Doesn't mean that's how it is. Oh well, maybe things will look up for me over break. I hope so. Wish me luck on my finals tomorrow...night
12/11/02
I guess today was a little bit better than my days have been going. So I feel that that is pretty good. It didn't start off that good because I had to get up early and that's never good. Oh well, it's what I do. So anyways, at work I just sat around mostly. Didn't do too much. Helped carry in fruit and studied some before my calc final. Left work a little early to get to my final. So I was pretty nervous for my calc final, but when I got going I guess it wasn't that bad. Well, that doesn't neccisarily mean that I did good on it, but hopefully I didn't do too bad. So then I worked on that till about 10 till 12 then headed to my other final in french. I guess I was a little nervous about this one too. It seemed pretty easy but once again, that doesn't mean I did good on it. Well I didn't do bad I know, but if I got an A, I'm not sure. So once that was over I was pretty glad because then I was pretty much done with my first semester of college. All I have is my music final tomorrow which should be pretty easy. Hopefully that is. So after my french final I went back to my mom's office to get myself some lunch, a hot pocket. Then I talked to Duhnk there on AOL and figured out plans for the upcoming week I guess. I'm supposed to call him tomorrow at 7 to do something, then Friday me, Jeffers, Duhnke and a bunch of us are supposed to get together to do stuff. So that's really cool. I'm glad people are coming back now so I guess that's making feel a lot better too. This is the first time in awhile that I've had stuff to do planned ahead of time for more than just one day. So that's pretty cool. I might be putting Duhnke's tape deck in my car too. He said we might try that because he's getting a cd player for his car. So that might be some fun. So I guess having school being over pretty much and having plans with my friends that are coming home from college just makes me feel better. So hopefully this break will be pretty good. At least it's starting off good so I'm happy about that. I need to go shopping sometime to get my mom some gifts for Christmas. I need to go somewhere with a Bath and Body Works to get her something there. So I'll prolly end up doing that myself I think. Cause I don't want to spend too much time shopping because I don't find it that fun to begin with. So anyways, I worked again today from 2-5. I sat at the art gallery for two hours where I sat and did oragami. So I guess it wasn't that bad. So then I just came home and did my normal routine. Sat around and watched tv and got on the computer. Fun stuff. Right. At least things seem to be a little bit better for the time being. Hopefully it keeps up...night
12/12/02
Wasn't too bad of a day today. I still had to get up early for work but that was alright. I had to help move tables up to the third floor of the library for the faculty christmas party today. So that was hard work carrying a table up the 3 flights of stairs by myself. So anyways, I just looked over my history of music notes for the rest of the time and read some more bob and george comics. So then I headed to Marwick to take my final which only took 15 minutes which was pretty awsome. Then I headed to Gemmel to return my books to find that the line for it was really long. So I stood in line for 30 minutes. I returned my music and writing 2 book and got 24 dollars for them but I couldn't return my Calc book becaues I didn't have the cd to go with. So hopefully my mom can return it for me tomorrow cause I'm pretty sure the guy said I could get 60 bucks for it so that'd be pretty sweet being that I got the book for free. So that $60 of pure profit. Not too shabby. So then after that I headed to the church to clean which wasn't too bad. It's my easy week because I don't have to do anything but the weekly stuff. No mopping the floor or cleaning the windows so that was good. Then headed home where I just messed around for the rest of the day pretty much. I watched some stuff on MTV about the new LOTR movie, so that got me all exciting for the. I need to go buy a ticket ahead of time or something to make sure I can see it. So then at 7 I called up Duhnke to see if anything was going on, but it turned out that nothing was. I guess we're just gonna hang out at his house tomorrow and watch movies and stuff. So that should be pretty cool. I'm not sure what I'm doing during the day. I'm gonna be all alone because parents are at work. Younger brother at school and older one shopping. So that won't be too bad. I need to go watch Star Trek Nemisis because it looks good. Maybe I'll do that Saturday during the day. Sounds like a plan or maybe Friday After Next if it's even out at Destinta. I don't know why it hasn't been. That really sux. Oh well. I'm just glad that my semester is over. This semester has been pretty horrible and I'm just hoping for better things soon. Well I'm out...night
12/13/02
So I'm doing this quick before bed. Today was mostly boring. I pretty much sat around all day and watched tv. I did take some time to burn some cds. One for Mole for his mom for Christmas which I'm gonna have to remember to send him the song names. Then I burnt one of some of my Counting Crows songs that I've been dl. I played a lot of pool today too. So Duhnke never called which sux, but its oh k. I got a message from Mole so I went and hung out there from 10 till 2. We watched tv and played video games. Wasn't too bad. So tomorrow I'm gonna maybe go watch a movie at around 5. I think prolly Star Trek Nemesis. So hopefully that'll be fun. I'm out...night
12/14/02
I'm writing this on Sunday after church because I got home late and slept in late today. So anyways, yesterday was a pretty good day, finally. I slept in till about 11 and got up and ate some breakfast. Sat around watching tv and stuff till who knows when. I watched some golf which wasn't too bad. It was the father son tournament so it wasn't too bad. Then I'm not sure what time it was. Maybe 3:30, I decided to call Duhnke up to see if anything was going on. So he said that there was some little thing going on at Dustin H.'s house so I said that was cool and I'd be there and that I would just stop over at Duhnke's house after I was done watching my movie in Clarion. So I headed out to Clarion to watch Star Trek: Nemisis. I can't say that it was a good movie, but it wasn't bad. It had its good parts, but the plot of the story was lacking a lot. So I'm not sure what I'd give it. I just say if you have nothing better to do, it wouldn't be a bad movie to see, but if you have something to do, don't change your plans just to go see it. I bought my ticket for LOTR: The Two Towers yesterday too. So I'm going to watch that on Wednesday at 6:30. I can't wait. It's gonna be a sweet ass film. I'm thinking it's going to be better than the second one because the second book was better than the first one. You could more into the story and the character plots get more in depth because there's more focus on each character individually. So it's gonna be really good. More actions scenes as well is what I've heard. And Treebeard is gonna be sweet. He was kick ass in the book, so hopefully they play his part up a lot. So anyways, after the movie I went to K-mart to find a food dish for my rats. Took about 5 minutes, then I headed to Duhnkes. Got there and he was on the phone with some Casey girl, but I got into the conversation some. Then we went downstairs and called up Jeffers to see what he was doing, then watched tv till 9 when we headed over to Dustin's. So we went there, and much to my surprise there was beer there which I wasn't expecting. So we got that and headed out to his garage where we set up a table and got some cards and started to play and drink some beer. It was Bud and it wasn't bad. I only drank two though because I had to go home and had to get up for church in the morning as well. But it was a really good time. We just BSed and talked about how college went for all of us. Talked about women, life, highschool, pretty much anything. I finally felt like I had friends again. It felt pretty damn good to just sit back and laugh and not give a damn about everything that has happened. So then Dustin's parents came home and they were all drunk which was funny. His dad was hilarious. He came in and started talking about girls being sluts, so that was a good time too. So we sat around talking and playing till a little after 2 in the morning. Then we all talked about going skiing on Tuesday, so we figured that out. Then we left and I drove Duhnke's drunk ass home. It was funny. He just kept going on about how awsome skiing is and stuff. I've never been skiing so it's gonna be rough on me I think but it'll be alright. I'll have fun regardless of how well I can ski. So I'll have to take off work on Tuesday but that's alright. I'll live. So really though, I'm glad I'm finally getting to hang out with my old friends. I haven't had that much fun in a good while so right now I'm pretty content with things. I'm going to have to go shopping this weekend because I just realized Christmas is only a week and a half away and I didn't get my mom's gift yet. So looks like a trip to Butler by myself if I can't find anyone to go with me. Or maybe Dubois. I just need to go someplace with a Bath and Body works. Oh well. I'm going to eat dinner...later
12/22/02
Today was pretty eventful I guess for being a Sunday. I had to get up early so I could go to the church to clean off the sidewalk. There wasn't much snow on them so it didn't take me very long. So it wasn't too hard to get done. So then church wasn't that bad. We had communion this week too. So then after, I went home and had lunch where I found out that my parents were heading to Cranberry for a big screen television which is now set up in my living room. It's pretty impressive I guess. I really didn't watch much tv on it. I usually don't go out there and watch tv unless something really good is on or if I'm the only one out there. So I prolly won't use it that much. Also, since they were going out there I sent my playstation and my playstation games along with them to be sold. I knew I wouldn't get much for them but I wasn't going to be doing anything else with it so I got about $45 dollars out of my games and old playstation. So I turned that money in and got a Playstation 2. Now my older brother already has one but for some reason it's turning into junk, so he decided he was going to buy another one too. So now we have three PS2 in our house. So I guess that's cool. So anyways, that was about it. I need to go buy some games because I really don't have any that I like that much. I have my brother's games, but I'm not that impressed with them. I was playing Resident Evil: Code Veronica X tonight. It's a pretty tough game. So anyways, I don't know what else to write so I'm just gonna get going...night
12/23/02
So today was my last day of work for awhile, till the 2nd of January to be exact. So that's good. So anyways, work was pretty boring. We shelved books right in the morning, then after that I shelf read. It was a bunch of bull shit because I was the onlly person to do it, well Judy did, but she's not one of the student workers. So that pissed me off. Stupid bunch of lazy fucking bastards. I should get paid more for actually doing something compared to them. Oh well, that's how things always go. So anyways, at my lunch break I headed down to Wal-Mart to look for a game to buy for my PS2. When I got there the entire placed was packed full. All the stupid last minute Christmas shoppers. So anyways, I got there and they had a really small selection because most of the stuff was bought out. What also pissed me off was they had like three different stakcs of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. So that was sort of gay. It might be a good game, but there's no need for that. So anyways, I ended up buying FIFA 2003. The game is pretty good. The controls were a little hard to get used to because I'm so used to the FIFA 2000 controls for Playstation. But I got used to them now and I'm doing a lot better. I've been playing on the semi-pro level and I just beat my last team 3-0 so that's pretty good for only playing about 2 and a half hours. So I'm pleased with my purchase. I was looking on the net for other games to buy and I found one called Red Faction 2. It looks pretty sweet and all the reviews it got were at least a 9/10. So it sounds like the next game I'll be buying. Hopefully I'll get DBZ: Budokai for Christmas. If not I'll be sort of pissed because if I knew I wouldn't have been getting it I would have bought it today at Wal-Mart. Oh well, I'll have to wait and see I guess. So I finished out my day of work and came home to find that the newly moved in neighbors who just built a brand new house, had it burnt down today. If that wasn't bad enough, their Grandma didn't make it out, so when I came home and found that out I was a little stunned. I can't even imagine how horrible that would be, and then to have that happen so close around Christmas and in a brand new house. They'll just need a lot of prayers and stuff. It's really horrible that that had to happen. So I hope they get along alright with this tragedy. So because of this my grandma came out to my house for some reason. I think it was to tell us what happened and something else. I'm not sure. But she stayed and ate supper with us. And then the rest of my night I just played my new game. I have my haircut tomorrow morning. Finally. Well I'm going...night
12/24/02
So it's Christmas eve today. Yeah!!!!! But I guess I'm not really that excited. I really miss being excited at Christmas, how I used to barely be able to get to sleep at night because I was so excited about Santa Claus and presents in the morning. I miss how I used to always constantly check the tv guide to make sure I didn't miss any Christmas shows on tv. I miss how I used to love hanging up directions and lights and I would sit and stare at them in wonder because they were only up for so long. It was all so magical and was beyond anything else that happened during the rest of the year. I miss always having my family come together from the Stewart side. We used to have so much fun just messing around, playing games, laughing at anything. I miss having the feel of mystery every Christmas morning knowing whether or not Santa came and drank the milk and cookies that we left out for him. I miss the fact of knowing that if I would have been bad then I would still get presents even though I was told Santa would leave me coal if I was bad. I miss so much from being young, and it is true, as you grow up things become less and less fun. What do we have to look forward to now. Alcohol and jobs and a life on our own. And no matter what, when we were young we always thought the time was going by so slow and we would never grow up and now I look back and reaize it was gone all too quickly. I just want to go back to it all and feel that special magic that I had when I was a little kid. Things were so much easier back then. There was no worries of having to fight over girls, having fights with friends only lasted a day or so. Then things would be fine. You didn't have to worry about money for gas in the car, to be able to go to a job, to experience drugs and alcohol. None of this had any bit of an effect on us at this young age. We could care less about them, and now they run our lives. And its so much worse than it was back then. I know I can never go back to being a kid again. Everyone is so worried about growing up and maturing, but from what I've seen of growing up, it's no fun. And I don't want to be living and not having fun. I want to do stupid things and not worry about it. I want to act like an idiot and not worry about it. I want to be able to make believe and play pretend because it was so much fun. But the world forces you to grow up and learn to become hard on yourself so that you can become a grownup. But I just wish, I wish I didn't have to deal with all this stuff that I have deal with now. It just makes no sense to me to be worry about all these things when I don't need to, just like when I was a kid. I could just look the other way and not worry because I knew it would all be alright the next day because no one stayed mad for very long when we were kids. Everyone was so happy back then. I don't know why I'm writing all this now. I guess I'm just not feeling that great on Christmas when everything is supposed to be all happiness and stuff. And I realize that when I was a kid this was the best time of the year. Now it's just a time to look back and realize how stupid things have been ending up in my life and it makes me think, WHY?? And there's no answer to that question because there's no reason for it. So I'm going to go now because I'm tired of this all and I can't write about it anymore...night
12/25/02
So today was Christmas, which started off sort of bad. I woke up to find out that some water pipe broke in at my grandma's so a lot of the morning was spend messing with it and trying to find people to come fix it and waiting for the township to plow the road so that people could actually come to fix it. So that sort of sucked, and people ended up being in bad moods for awhile because of it. So we usually open up all of our gifts and then go eat breakfast, but becuase of today's happening, we ate then opened presents. So I got pretty much the stuff that I asked for. More than I expected moneywise so that's cool. I got all the books that I wanted, well excpet one, but I got 6 books so that's good. I got my golf membership and my printer/scanner/copier/fax. Then Blade 2 and my DBZ game. Then a bunch of of little stuff like golf balls and golf cleaning kit and stuff like that. So then we messed around getting ready to go to my grandma evelyn's since my other grandma came out in the morning and spent Christmas with us. So we got there and got things ready and just as we all sat down to eat, there's about 25 of us, there was a phone call and they were calling to tell us that my great uncle Tobe had just died. I guess he was out snowblowing and he went to put it away and slipped and fell and hit his head. I didn't really know him that well. I'm not even sure how he's related to my grandma, whether its her brother or brother-in-law. But regardless, it wasn't very good news to hear on Christmas day. But we all got through it alright. I got a few things from my grandma, $40 dollars and a few other little things. So all in all I got more than I deserved. So when we finally came home from my grandma's I went and played my DBZ for about and hour and a half. It's pretty good, but I don't understand some of it so I'll have to try and figure it all out. Well I'm gonna go for now...night
12/26/02
So I guess this will prolly end up being pretty short being that I didn't do too much today. I woke up and went and got myself some breakfast. Then I headed straight back to my room and played DBZ for maybe 2 and half hours straight. Then it was like 2 in the afternoon so I decided to get some lunch so I popped in my new DVD Blade 2 and made myself some spaghettios. The movie was still pretty good after seeing it the first time in the theatres. So I was pleased. After that I headed back to my room and chatted some on ICQ then back to DBZ until supper. I've gotten pretty far in the game. I was just trying to get all the skills for Vegeta today so that has been taking a lot of time and I think I have all of them now. I just need to make him stronger by buying the moves over and over again till I get three of the same moves for each one. So it's pretty cool. I found his Big Bank Attack which blows up the entire fighting area which is pretty sweet. I was pleased when I saw that happen. So I ate and then played some more DBZ. This time I went back through and played all the extra story lines in story mode. I have to say that a bunch of them were pretty funny. Especially the last one in the Cell saga where cell absorbs Krillin by accident and then has to beat Yamcha. It was pretty damn funny because cell turns into this little short guy who's really weak. So I finally finished all that which took most of the rest of the night. I got showered and then decided to set up my printer/scanner/copier and see how it worked. So that took about 20 minutes and it worked fine which is good. And then I sat around looking up stuff for my DBZ game. Pretty boring day. Hopefully I do something a little more fun tomorrow. Well I'm out...night
12/27/02
So today was another boring day. There was some sign up fun that showed up during the day, but it passed away so I was left sitting in my room again. So anyways, my day pretty much went a lot like yesterday. I woke up around 11 and had my usual bowl of cheerios with sugar. Then off to play some DBZ:Budokai. I finally beat all the levels of the World Tournament mode even though it took me some time. So that was pretty cool. So I unlocked ever single charcter in the game. I even figured out how to get the mechanical freeza which was pretty interesting to see. And then I just went on getting more money from winning the tournaments to buy capsules for the skills of all the characters. I have all of Vegeta's now and I guess I have all of Trunks since I collected all the Dragon Balls and gave him all his moves. So that was about it with that. Just been practicing and winning money on there. So anyways, I did that and then talked to Tyler online and he said they were going Midnight bowling which I thought I was gonna do cause he said he'd be back online to talk, but he never did. So, I decided I didn't really feel that much like bowling, and as well, Abby was suppposed to be along and she's the last person I want to be hanging around. So I ended up staying home. I watch Mortal Combat becaue it was on regular tv, but I eventually got bored with it and decided to play some FIFA instead of DBZ. SO I won a game on there and tied another. I moved the difficulty up to proffesional and that's when I tied. And that was my day. Not much fun...night
12/28/02
So I'm writing this Sunday afternoon because when I came home I knew I had to get to sleep because my legs hurt right behind the kneecaps. So I just went to sleep. But anyway, my day started out the same as always. Got up at 10:30 and ate breakfast then showered and shaved. Got on the net to see if anyone was online that I could talk to, but they weren't so I called up Jeffers to see what he was doing tonight, but he really wasn't sure what the plans were. So I headed to clean the church. The sidewalk was a mess so I spent a lot of time cleaning it off. It was all icy and I didn't get all the ice cleaned off, but oh well. It was fine this morning. But anyways, after cleaning the church I headed to the mall and looked for the new game I want, Red Faction 2, but they didn't have it so I justed headed to the movie theatre where I met up with Nicole. We went and watched LOTR: The Two Towers which was my third time watcing the movie. I think it was better this time than the second time, but the first time was deftly the best of them all. So after that we messed around at Walmart where I looked for Red Faction 2 again, but they didn't have it there either. So then we headed to Kittaning to go ice skating. The roads were sort of bad, but really not that bad. So we got to the rink at 7:45 and found no one there that was supposed to be there which sucked. So we got skates and skated till 8 when Phil and Jeffers showed up and they were the only two that showed up the rest of the time. So since Patty Jones didn't show up, I had to drive Nicole the whole way home. So in all I figued that I had drove about 3 hours all day. Which isn't cool at all because you eventually get sick of driving. Especially when there is a little bit of snow on the back roads where you have to drive pretty slow. So that was my day. Not that much happened, but it was alright...later
12/29/02
So today was another boring day spent inside doing nothing just like I always do. So anyways, I went to church this morning. There was pretty much no one there at all. I think like 29 people and we usually have around 60. So it was pretty weak. Our regular preacher is on vacation so we had a fill in and his sermon wasn't all that great. Or else I just wasn't paying attention because I have an easy time drifting off and thinking in church for some reason. It's just a good place to go into deep thought sometimes. So anyways, after church I came home and showed my brothers how to dl music on the old computer downstairs since they're helpless to do it on there own. So that took awhile. Then I came upstairs and did my journal from yesterday. Ate some lunch then played some DBZ. Finished up getting all the stuff for Vegeta that I needed and quit that then started playing FIFA. I finally changed the skill level to Proffesional since I played a bunch of friendly games on it so I could get used to it. So that wasn't too bad. It took awhile, but I got there eventually, but it's really challenging. So then we had a fire in the fireplace and cooked hot dogs. It wasn't too bad, but I like my hotdogs on the stove better. So I did that and sat around. Watched one of the Die Hard movies on Fox. I'm not sure which one it was, the 3rd one maybe. And that was it. Not much of a day. My life is pretty bland with nothing to do ever. Oh well, at least that's one thing that doesn't seem to change...night
12/30/02
So today was another boring day. Nothing really happened and beginning to grow tired of writing this really boring journal entries so I'm just putting down a few things today to save you from having to read the same thing over again, to those few who will read this because it's a bore to begin with and it no longer seems to give me the pleasure it used to, so if I miss a day because I'm out doing something I'm not going to make it up. I'll just add it to the next day, so this will end up not being a daily journal during some times. But oh well. Not like anyone really gives a damn anyway because this site is pointless and it serves no real purpose because no one really ever looks at it and I'm growing tired of it to be honest. I made it so that people could come and look at it and enjoy things that I put here, but it's ended up being stupid and pointless. I don't know why I even do it anymore. But anyways, my day consisted of playing FIFA 2003 and starting to read LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring. I got to like page 100 or so so I've gotten about a fourth of the way through the book. So that was my day really. Nothing too exciting, but what should anyone expect from me? They should expect absolutly nothing. That's it...night
