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The Temple
21 July 2003, Monday
Time 15:10
A poem about bulimia

I step into the temple,
dark, and morbid,
dank with fumes
of past sacrifices.
I've just come from the
Holy Feast,
the feast that breaks the fast,
that tells no tales of the future,
but seems to
to me.
I gaze into the looking-glass,
through the dark,
and through the fumes.
A pale ghost looks back at me,
her eyes begging
to be set free
from purgatory in the Temple.
I turn my head,
and step upon the altar.
The Great Gods show me numbers,
and I squeal in terror,
run from the altar.
To this ritual I am accustomed.
A pale ghost shifts in the mirror,
and a sacrifice is made.
For the thousandth time,
I sacrifice myself,
in this Temple,
upon this altar.
In the dark, dank fumes;
in the stench of
blood and vomit.
I leave the Temple darker
than it was.
I will come back tomorrow,
to make another sacrifice.
After another feast.
After another fast.
Before I die.

29 July 2003, Tuesday

I recently developed an eating disorder, and a lot of the poems you find on this page since February of this year have come because of the stress of dealing with it.

I tend to dissociate a lot when I write poetry, and this is one poem that shows evidence. Although I am not yet as "sick" as the girl in the poem, I do fast most days and binge some nights (after which I do purge). The girl in the poem is not who I am; it is who I am afraid I will become. I know there are girls and guys and women and men out there who already are like the one in the poem. I will soon be posting links on my Links Page for where you can go to get help.

1 May 2003, Saturday You will find some links on the Links Page which have and can lead you to information on eating disorders, including bulimia.