The name Maggie is short for Margaret, which means "Pearl." No pearl in this world could ever compare to my sweet Maggie.
Maggie was on this earth for eight short years (1989-1997). We rescued her from the S.P.C.A. She was a beautiful German Shepard/Greyhound mix.
I was a nervous wreck the next day. I kept begging my mom to call the S.P.C.A but she told me I had to wait for my dad to get home from work. My friends, Rita and Slavka, came over to play. We were goofing off in the basement when my dad pulled into the driveway. We got up to greet him at the door. I was ready to hound him about calling the S.P.C.A. The door opened but I didn't see my dad. I didn't see anyone. Then, a little black nose popped in and sniffed the threshold. A timid brown paw followed the nose. It was her! We got her! I was so excited. I totally knocked over both of my friends as I ran to the door to greet her. She just stood there, as nervous as can be. My mom asked what I wanted to name her. Without hesistation I said, "Maggie. I'm naming her Maggie." To this day I have no idea why I chose that name. It just popped in my head. I couldn't imagine her with any other name. She was so scared that first day. However, she quickly warmed up to us. She took her place in our hearts faster than you can say, "Greyhound." She was such a gorgeous dog. She had a face and ears like a German Shepard with the body of a Greyhound. She had the speed and grace of a Greyhound and the brains of a German Shepard. She was a beautiful fawn (sandy/tan) color with a white belly. She had black on her muzzle. Her eyelids were black which gave her an Egyptian look. Her ears stood straight up and looked like they were a little too big for her slender head. All of her toenails were black, which made clipping them a pain in the butt, but that's okay. She had a slight hint of black fur that ran down the length of her spine to the tip of her tail. She was my best friend for those eight years. I had a difficult time with kids in school so she provided me with a great deal of comfort when I came home in tears. She was so special. She knew when I was upset. She would snuggle next to me and kiss my face or my hands. No matter what, she could always lift my spirits and make my troubles melt away. She was extremely intelligent. She learned new tricks and "commands" in minutes. During my senior year of high school, our biology class did a "Doggie Intelligence" project. Each student had to test the intelligence of their dogs and video tape the tests. The results would be shown in class. There were ten separate tests and Maggie passed each one with flying colors. She was the smartest dog in my class. It sounds funny, but I would always swear she was human. She was just so smart. If only you could see the look in her eyes. She had the wise look of an old soul. I'll never forget those eyes. We always had fun together. She loved to play fetch. Her idea of "fetch" was to have me throw the ball, she would chase it and then I'd have to chase her to retrive the ball. She loved being chased. She loved to run. I would let her off her leash at the park and let her have a nice sprint. She ran as only a greyhound could. She never ran out of my site. Usually, she would run in laps around me. She was so happy when she was running. I took her to the park often. We had our favorite park. We took the same secluded trail each time. It's a dirt trail that most people don't hike since it's challenging and often muddy from rain. I would let Maggie off her leash and she'd trot a few feet ahead of me, sniffing everything in her path. Every few minutes she would look back to make sure I was still safely behind her. She had a special little spot near a creek in that park. It was close to an open field. The spot was closed off by trees. One tree grew over the creek in a odd way. The was a little clearing by the creek and we'd always stop there. I'd check out the fish, frogs and turtles that swan around the creek while she waded in the water. She would never go deep enough to actually swim. She never let the water touch her butt. She absolutely loved splashing in that creek. Of course, when it came to splashing in a bath she'd act like the water was killing her. Goofball. There was a picnic table by her special spot. After she finished playing in the creek, we would sit at the picnic bench. She always sat on top of the picnic table (use table cloths when you picnic in a park folks) and we shared an orange. Afterwards, we'd head back to the trail to go home. I miss that. Another favorite activity of hers was to sit and watch deer that gathered to graze in a field every evening. She would bark at them or try to chase them. She'd just watch them with those big, brown soulful eyes. There are a billion things I could tell you about Maggie but it would take years. She was such a special little soul. She was a true blessing.
Christmas was Maggie's favorite time of year. I always bought her presents. I wrapped them and placed them with among a pile of human presents in my room. Like a kid, she would stick her nose into that pile of presents and sniff around. During the Christmas season I would leave my bedroom door closed so she couldn't steal anything while I wasn't looking. So, she'd sit outside my door and whine. There was a time when she had managed to steal one of her presents and I caught her as she was making her way down the stairs with it. She gave me that, "I didn't do anything" look. She was excited when Christmas morning finally came. She would open her presents by herself. She would carefully tear the wrapping paper off of each gift. It was quite a sight.
Christmas morning of 1997 was no different. She opened all her presents and delighted in playing with the new gifts. That night, I took her along for a drive (she loved going for rides) to look at Christmas lights. My (now ex) boyfriend was in the car with us. I dropped him off at his house after we finished driving around. On the way home, she just sat and stared out the back window. She knew it was the last time she'd take that drive with me. We got home and I got ready for bed. I had to get up early for work the next morning. Maggie slept in my room with me as she had done for most of her life.
A little after 1am she became sick. I didn't think much of it as she did have a habit of puking when she was overly excited. I cleaned up and then took her into the kitchen to get a drink of water. I sat on the floor while she drank. She walked over to me and buried her head in my chest. This was one of her signs of affection. She got sick a few more times after that but I still didn't think much of it. My mom told me that I should let her sleep downstairs so she wouldn't get sick in my room again. I refused. I wanted her to sleep in my room where she was most comfortable. Before I went back to sleep, I prayed over her. At the time, I wasn't worried. I just didn't want her to be sick anymore. She wasn't.
My mom woke me up the next morning and put Maggie outback. I watched her from the window. She lay in the grass under our oak tree, sniffing the air. She looked happy and peaceful. I know now that she was saying goodbye to her backyard, her tree and the nature that surrounded her. A while later, I said goodbye to her and went to work.
My patient( I worked full-time as a Home Hospice nurse's aide back then) was a retired pediatrician. He was a big animal lover and we talked about pets. I told him all about my sweet Maggie. He told me about his beloved dog who had died years earlier. He asked what vet hospital I took Maggie to for her check-ups. It turns out that his son-in-law was Maggie's very first vet. How's that for a small world. I didn't know that things had come full circle. While at work, I called my mom to find out how Maggie was feeling. She told me that Maggie was just fine. She said she was laying in the basement, resting comfortably on a blanket. She had gone outside and few times and acted normal. No more puking. Everything was just fine. I had to escort my patient to his treatment center. On our way back from the center to his home, I witnessed a gorgeous sunsent over Center City (Philly). It looked like a perfect picture of Heaven. It was 4:30 pm. My brain failed to realize that my heart knew my little Maggie was making her way to Heaven at that very moment.
My dad came to pick me up from work at 5pm. As we drove on I-95, we talked about Maggie and how my mom said she was feeling better. His beeper went off. I knew. I knew it was my mom. He told me to call her since he was driving. I didn't want to. I knew what she would say. My heart was pounding, I couldn't breathe and my fingers trembled as I pushed the tiny buttons on the cell phone. "Hello?" my mom answered in a shaky voice. I said, "Oh my God." She told me to put my dad on the phone. I screamed, "Oh my God my baby. Maggie! God please no!" My dad tried to console my mom on the phone as I broke down. I was hurting so bad. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest and my lungs would explode. I wanted to die.
We arrived home and I went inside the house. I looked towards the basement but I couldn't go down there yet. I frantically left messages on my (now EX-I can't stress that enough) boyfriend's answering machine. I was so scared. I needed my mom and dad to hold me up as walked down the flight of stairs leading towards the basement. There she was....laying on her blanket next to the entertainment center. I fell on my knees next to her. I cried hard. I begged her to come back. I asked God to give me more time with her. I told Him that it wasn't fair. She was only eight. She was perfect. She couldn't be dead. My Maggie wasn't supposed to die. She was my best friend. She couldn't get up to lick my tears as I cried over her stiff body. That was wrong. She was supposed to comfort me. Why didn't He understand that. As quickly as my angered towards God and the rest of the world came, it disappeared. Peace came over me. I stroked Maggie's soft fur. I kissed her. I held her. I told her that I wasn't angry at her for leaving so soon. I told her not to be afraid. I told her that Heaven would be a very happy place. I told her that my brother, Michael, would be there to keep her company. I promised to help other animals in her name. I promised her that my love for her would never diminish and I'd never forget her. I told her that she would always be my favorite.
I called Father Charles, my favorite priest. He expressed sympathy and told me that he didn't have a single doubt that dogs went to Heaven. He said she was certainly in Heaven. I called Rita, who was there when Maggie first began her life with us. Rita was in Virginia so there was nothing she could do but offer words of comfort over the phone. My (now EX--very EX) boyfriend came over. He said his goodbyes to sweet Maggie. My brother and his fiancee (now wife) came over to say their goodbyes as well. My (ahem, now EX) boyfriend and I drove to Barnes and Noble. I had to get out. I had to breathe. After we came home, I sat by Maggie body again. I placed a rosary and some Saint medals on her collar. I stroked her fur. I talked to her more. I told her I loved her andthat I would see her again someday. After the final goodbyes, I placed a blanket over her body so she wouldn't get cold. I went to bed.
The next day, we took her body to the vet. We didn't get an autopsy because I couldn't deal with the idea of them cutting her open. Besides, Maggie hated getting poked and proded by the vet. I wanted to let her be. I didn't want her buried because the idea of her decaying and getting eaten by buggies and worms was too much to handle at the time. We opted to have her cremated so I could always keep her ashes with me. We had her cremated with some of her favorite toys.
As we waited, I asked Maggie for another sign. I said, "If this is the dog you want for us, then let her come to us." I told my mom that Lizzy would come to us if Maggie approved. Gina arrived with Lizzy, who stood by her for a moment as she looked at us. My heart was pounding as I waited for her next move. She happily trotted over to me, jumped up on my lap and gave me a slobbery kiss. The verdict was in. Gina expressed surprise and noted that Lizzy must like us (duh). Lizzy continued to play with us as we talked to Gina. Now, we couldn't take Lizzy home that day. Gina had to do the routine application processing and all that. It was a Saturday and they were closed on Sundays and Mondays. We would have to wait until Tuesday to take her home. No problem. Lizzy was ours. I knew Maggie had her paw in it.
We picked Lizzy up that Tuesday, December 30. We changed her name to McKenna. She isn't a Lizzy. It's too feminine for her. Of course, I wasn't magically healed and freed from grief now that we had our new bundle of fur. I have grieved for Maggie since the day she died. Naturally, it's not as painful now. I know she is in Heaven, waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.
I went through a lot after Maggie died. I was full of guilt. I was angry at myself for going to work that day. I was so pissed because I was the future vet who loved animals and knew how to take care of them. How could I let my own dog die at such a young age? How could I not notice that something was wrong? I felt as if I let her down.
As time went on I realized that no matter what, nothing could have changed that day. Maggie wouldn't have wanted me to have been home while she died. I wouldn't have been able to handle that. She knew. I couldn't have prevented it. There were no warning signs. At eight years old, Maggie acted like a puppy. Even her vet was surprised that she didn't act like a senior dog. She was incredibly active and didn't suffer from illness. It was just her time to go. Her soul made that decision with God before her beautiful life on Earth started. Maggie knew she had to leave Earth so a new life (McKenna) could be saved.
Maggie has let me know that she is perfectly fine now. I know she is waiting for me at The Rainbow Bridge. I know she watches down on me and that she still protects me. She has given me so many signs to let me know she is alright. Eventually, I will share these "signs" on another webpage. I know now that December 26th should not be a day of mourning for Maggie. Instead, I shall celebrate it as the day she began her eternal life.
I have kept my promises to Maggie. I still love her with all my heart. I have recently finished my degree in Veterinary Technology. I work as a Veterinary Technician (nurse) for a wonderful hospital. I worked at a Greyhound rescue for 2 years and now I volunteer there. We help other sweet dogs who have had a hard life on the track find new loving homes. I will eventually start a pet loss supoprt group. My area is lacking when it comes to pet loss support groups. I want to help others heal. Many people are treated badly when they express grief over the death of a pet. There are people on this planet who think pets don't matter and that grieving for them is stupid. Obviously, I don't believe that and I want other people to have someplace to go and talk about their feelings. All of this is done in honor of Maggie.
My e-mail box (addy is at the bottom of the page)is always open if you need to talk. I have also created a page about Pet Loss. You can e-mail to have your story added to the pet loss page. Please check it out in my links section.
Maggie's story has been published in a book, Arf Angels and Other Heavenly Creatures by Anita Perry. The book contains many touching stories about pet loss and hope for life after life. In Loving Memory of Maggie, my special Fur-Angel
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Pet Loss Support Page
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