The Christmas Combo (Supersized)

" 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the loft…"

I nearly started, found it corny, then scoffed-

So here is the story, not some lame parody,

But just my usual * little * MWC.

Duncan looked out the window checking out the snow drifts,

Thinking (of all things) about-combo gifts.

You know, someone brings a present full of Xmas cheer,

Then adds, "Happy birthday" to cover their rear.

Well over the years it had become such a joke,

Dreams of serious pressies had gone up in smoke.

So Amanda and he sort of made it a game-

She'd get him a lame gift-and he'd get her the same.

She got him a "Flowbee" when he wore his hair long,

Or he'd get her a sweater, but get the size wrong-

He once got her toe socks, and then took his lumps-

Who ever heard of toe socks and pumps?

But this year was the worst, for all that he got,

Was a sad little, tacky old terra cotta pot.

He'd gotten worse-but the card shocked him so.

It was signed, "Amanda, Methos...and Joe."

Wait! Joe was a pal, and Methos had bucks!

Three names on a gift? What was wrong with these schmucks?!

A little bit hurt, he went back to bed,

But believe me, no sugarplums danced in his head.

But then up on the roof there occurred such a crash;

He awoke, got his sword, headed up in a flash-

Stubbed his toe, cussed out loud, then stopped in his tracks dead.

At the top of the stairs was a fat guy in red.

Who then hollered, "Stop, are you out of your mind?

I may be an Immortal…just not that kind."

(The very thought of that made Duncan pause-

it wouldn't be right to behead Santa Claus!)

And then the old dude stepped back, getting out of his way,

To point out his loaded and moose-driven sleigh.

(No reindeer, you may ask-do I have a screw loose?

With the haul kids get these days? I'm telling you-MOOSE.)

"This is just a brief stop on my annual ride-

But about that old pot-MacLeod, look inside."

He went back down the stairs where the tacky thing sat,

Peered under the lid, and said, "How about that!"

Inside the pot was a letter that read,

"Took you long enough, you big knucklehead,

As a friend, you're the best, in times of trouble, a rock,

So take this gift as it is-namely, a crock!

"You simply can't giftwrap the friendship we feel

(But c'mon, admit the pot has * some * kind of appeal!)

In truth, we've reserved a few opera seats,

And a restaurant table, your favorite sweets,

"Planned an occasion, and all of that stuff,

But this note is to say, well-it isn't enough!

When the best thing is that we really do care for you.

(Oh, by the way, uh, happy birthday, too.)"

By the time he had turned, Santa had escaped in his ride,

But all of his friends were waiting outside-

So he did have a great holiday-the best of them all,

Just like I'm wishing you-one and all.

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