Methos, What's the Deal with That Guy? (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Horseman)
By Genevieve Fowler*
(*Note: Genevieve Fowler doesn't actually exist. She's an OFC who stepped out of my stories and elected to actually live somewhere in my head at all times. She's Immortal, and kind of "street." She has, at this point, watched all of the episodes, and occasionally buys swords and stuff on ebay using my account. She is aware that she started out as a fanfic persona, but she's "okay" with that. She considers herself an expert on things like kicking butt and taking names. I don't hold it against her. After all, she can kick my butt. And she's not even real. I let her write this because she spends more time thinking about these things than I do. As for me, I write hack fanfic, because I have a lot of free time.)
I don't spend all my time thinking about men, just for the record. And I don't spend all my time thinking about Methos-again, put this one on the record. But also, just for the record, I don't always get that guy, you know? I mean, you think he's one way-and then bang! He surprises the hell out of you. Just goes to show-well, I don't know what that shows, but he does that. So I had to ask myself-what's the deal?
I knew he was one of the Horsemen before I met him-one of the few people out there who start off with that as their intro to him, if you know what I mean. He doesn't exactly let that little detail get around, and I don't blame him. I mean, people judge, you know? Sure, back when he got into the raping, pillaging and murdering gig, it was kind of…well, I'm not going to say it was acceptable…I mean, it's never really like that, but anyhow, you could get away with it back then. Hell, you can get away with it now, if you know what you're doing. Like I know these guys…who I know from some guys? Scary. But there wasn't like, a lot of law enforcement and whatnot, from what I gather. So they got away with…uh, murder. And back in the day, he had his crew with him. It wasn't a big thing-unless you made it a big thing. And then they made it a big thing, and then they made you dead. But these days? No crew, no real support for the pillage and murder business these days. Again, except in certain circles.
Anyway, back to what I was saying. I digress a lot. It's a habit I learned from Vixen. She's a good kid, but let her get talking. Jesus Christ, you know? I knew he was a Horseman-and what that meant-because Kronos told me. Coming from him, it sounded-well, shoot. Ever listen to the man? He made it all sound gloriously…fantastically….sick. I mean, from Kronos, it sounded like a great way of life and the kind of thing he couldn't wait to get right back into, but please? They killed a hundred in this place. A few dozen here, another dozen there. Torched a temple and watched the burning people run out. Yeah, he used to get this little light in his eyes talking about that kind of thing. Freaky. And he said that Methos was one of the best he ever rode with. A cold son of a bitch with a stone instead of a heart and a pure killer's instinct. So, you know, I thought he was one bad mother…
Yeah, I know. This isn't that kind of essay. But that's what I thought. He was like Kronos, only, in his own little way-much, much worse. If Kronos gives you reason to think a guy is bad news-hell, you're with him there. 'Nuff said.
Anyway, and you can read Vixen's stories about me, not that I don't think she exaggerates the way I talk and everything, to get a fix on what I knew from Kronos. But meeting him led me to think that, maybe, old ones must go nuts. You know, "Extremely old, extreme emotions." The old guys, they've seen more than we have--a hell of a lot more. And after all that can happen to a heart over time, maybe something happens. Layers of scar tissue, but also curiously soft places where they've been worn down. Maybe you don't know a lot of seriously old Immortals, I mean, I've just been privileged that way. But I remember seeing my grandfather go off at the t.v. news. Even mortals can get that way, over time.
Of course, Kronos isn't the best example to compare him to. Kronos was a nutjob. Even I'll admit that.
Flash forward a few years, and I get to meet the old guy. Even though I knew what he looked like, I found it hard to believe that he was the man Kronos told me about, because he came off as being so normal. But all the same, I kept my eye on him-I mean, he changed, but how much? It could be an act, you know? And besides, hit-men have wives and kids, and axe-murderers might be nice to their mothers. We're all human; it's just a question of degree. How human did he feel that day? And how do I judge it against five thousand years' worth of days?
Well, there you go. I can't. I can't compare it, you see.
Hell, I mean, how human do I feel, most days? I mean, I've been in the Game seven years, now, and I've whacked a few people. You gotta. It's what we do. And even Duncan MacLeod, who is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet-he has whole years where he's doing something like one a month. You live long enough, and you're good enough, you're gonna rack up a body count. It's just the way it goes. It isn't wetwork, and it isn't being a nutjob. It's just what it gets like for us. So how do I know what it was like for him, then, or even for him, now? Or course he's a killer. He's still breathing.
But anyway, there's a big chunk of it-he is still breathing. I'll tell you what, I could actually just watch him do that. I know, it's partly because he's easy on the eyes. But it takes on a different significance with me. See, he's the oldest one of us around. I respect that-no, I look up to that. The way I figure it, if he's still here, he had to be doing something right. He had to be doing a lot of something right. Sure, I know. Years and years from now, they'll be pointing to me, going, "There's 20th Century girl, the relativistic relic from a feel-good era." And if I'm still here years and years from now, you can bet I must have learned something off of him. I do think I learn the odd thing off of him. And the damnedest thing is, I think he's still learning a thing or two. The deal is, he's old-freaking old, all right? But he's not too old to adapt. I think that might be the big thing with him. He adapts.
Now, you meet him, and you can tell he's a thinker. I mean, he doesn't say everything he's thinking, and even the things he says come off pretty impressive. I didn't know him before a couple of years ago, but I'm going to guess he was always like that. I mean, we can heal pretty quickly and we're damn resilient, but I don't think we go around growing brain cells overnight. He's always been a bright boy. And while I think he's put together something awesome-he's probably won more fights by being smarter than being more anything else. I've seen him fight. He pulls some good moves. It's because he's sharp. And he's stayed on top of it-whatever "it" happens to be.
Also, again, I've only been around him for awhile, so this is all a guess-but he's had to be "on top of it" from day one. Not just on fighting skills-hell, we all know what happens if you lose a few steps. You lose a few inches from the neck up. I mean, culturally. He's had to blend into different times, places, mores, than you can comfortably shake a sword at. And also maintain the dance we all do-the "What, me Immortal?" shuffle.
And he is damn good at it. I mean, he can out-Slacker me, and I cut my teeth during the t.v. and rock age. He's kicked my behind at "Trivial Pursuit", and not just the geography questions. If he blew that Chubby Checker question, I think it's because he was screwing around. (And believe you me, he does do that. It's part of his charm.) He comes off as no more than his apparent age, and he pulls it off better than I do. In a year or two, I'm going to have to pretend I know from Pokemon and N'Sync. I know from Rubik's Cube and Wham! It's going to be a leap. And that's just a ten year modification for me-to come off Generation Y instead of Generation X. If he comes off in his thirties…that's a 4, 960-something modification. I'm sure he's deleted a lot of the useless data from the Era of, like "Babylonian Bandstand", okay? And I'm sure styles and stuff didn't change so much before modern media. But, like, trust me when I say this--
Kronos never saw "E. T.: The Extraterrestrial." Just trust me on this one. And that was part of his problem, in the way it never was a problem for Methos.
No, this isn't a "Spielberg is God" rant. That's another essay for another day. This is just saying, Kronos kind of stayed in his Bronze Age mindset for too long. The world changed around him, and he just didn't change with it. And it was more than the styles of the different era as they passed that he missed. What eats me up is that whole revolutions in thought occurred. The gods that were once useless against him were no more. The men that believed in them were in their graves. The world he wanted to rule was a world where people wouldn't have turned to their gods to stop him, but their guns. They wouldn't have cowered even before a handful of schmucks with a virus-because we've seen AIDS and the Bomb and the Holocaust. We've seen cities destroyed at the touch of a button, and millions of people systematically wiped out by the sheer, brutal machinery of a system that almost made Kronos' mindset look sane. And we've seen callousness and apathy in the face of human suffering, as well. The people of this time and place wouldn't have needed to see masks and horses to laugh. We might have laughed even at the tragedy even as he planned it. An "Age of Science"-he thought he had caught up to us. He was using modern technology, sure. But the kind of mindset that plans world domination? That's what? Almost idealism, or something. We are too cynical to believe that anyone can rule this world. Except maybe Bill Gates. And that's only more cynicism.
And Methos is just as cynical as we are. I don't think his cynicism is out of place, not compared to people my age. Not compared to me, anyway. He seems to have ridden the wave of sentiment as it swept through the ages-or, less poetically, he was where the action is. He bailed on the Horsemen when the Greeks were trying to invent Western Civilization. He was in Rome while Nero fiddled and the orgies burned. (Sounds far out, by the way. He can tell some stories about that scene that would make your head spin.) He drank laudanum with Byron. He moved on. Some bright guy once said, whoever marries the spirit of his age, becomes a widower. He never got married to the age he found himself in, only dated it. Saw new things on the side. If there's anything he's ever really been committed to-it's himself.
Yeah, I know. That's-"Methos and the World as We Know It-To Date." And I suppose it's interesting, but not as interesting as, "Who is he, really?" I guess, whatever a guy does over a few hundred lifetimes isn't really as important as how he treats people in the here and now. And I guess that's where I find myself occasionally wondering about him-but not too much. Not too much, because I've seen how he treats people in the here and now.
Look, at first, I had no reason to trust him, because of things Kronos said. And I knew Kronos was dead, and I had every reason to believe Methos had a lot to do with that. Kronos gave me some ideas, no particulars, mind you, but ideas, about how Methos left the Horsemen all those years ago. If you see it from the information I had, you wonder. They were like brothers once. And then what happened? But, you don't have to be some expert on relationships to know that people have to let go sometimes. I think the phrase "toxic relationship" may well have been coined to describe…well, any relationship involving a guy who says, "Hello" by stabbing you. And, huge p.s., Kronos might as well have been wearing a "Born to Lose" tattoo. The man was a goner with or without Methos' help. I couldn't hold that against him.
And then I got to know his friends. You know a lot about a man by the company he keeps, they say. Joe Dawson? Hard to believe they were using the phrase "salt of the earth" before this guy was around. Duncan MacLeod-okay, enough said. Cassandra let him live, and that woman had significant reasons to whack him. She didn't. I won't call her a "friend"-you know, per se…but the gesture means something. He has stuck his neck out in ways for each of them. I did a background check-it's true.
And then there's Alexa.
I never met her-she had passed on before I got to know him. I had him pegged for the kind of guy who doesn't do anything without a "reason." I mean, I figured he was into making connections. You know, head insurance? I, for one, wouldn't mind having MacLeod on my side in a fight. And Dawson is an endless source of information (no harm meant to his reputation with the Watchers, of course.) And Cassandra? Well, if I figure it out, you all will be the first I tell.
Nothing like that behind this. I'm a hard-core romantic, people. I mean, I get soft and gooey over all kinds of stuff-but this? There was this girl-okay, you probably know the story. She was dying? Okay? He stuck with her. He could have said, "Uh huh, not getting involved with that," and, you know, got out of Dodge. And I mean that. Because I think it's hard for us. I don't know if it's harder--but it is hard for us, Immortals, I mean. To cope with death. I don't have anything to compare it to-I didn't have a really long experience…you know, before. But this is how I see it:
What we are, isn't fair to anybody. Our relationships are hard all the way around. If we try to make it with one of our own-we have that Game thing on our backs. If it went sour, it could come to swords-you think divorce is ugly? I've done divorce-beheadings are ugly. Although, it does wrap up the whole, "Who gets what?" question in a hurry. And even if it's good-you could lose the love of your life to some headhunter-who needs that? And then, what if it goes really good, and you're looking at each other for a few hundred years? Not that that's so horrible, but still, imagine it. But there's that possibility. You could love each other for a really long time. And if something god forbid happens-you at least both knew the risks. It was informed. We can't hide what we are from each other.
It's not like that with a mortal. We can go into the relationship hiding what we are-after all, we do it to get by all the time. But think about that. You ever have a murder happen in your family? The only way we die is murder. And…let's just say it's closed casket, all the way. Or we can tell them. And they can hate us for never growing old. They can hate themselves because they do-it's irrational, but it can happen. They can be totally accepting, and then…well, they'll grow old. Or get sick, and we have to watch. And here's where the hard part comes in. I know this from seven years-before that I was like anyone else-I can remember. Methos admits to not remembering too much from before. Sometimes I'm still not used to this, but here goes:
I can shove a knife in my own chest, pull it out, die, and get better. Drastic, but true. I can shave my legs, totally dry, with a really old razor, and then put on a nice pair of textured stockings right after, if you want something a little more realistic. I take a dish out of the microwave too soon-I get over the burn. Flu season means nothing to me. Nothing. Think of the dozens of little nicks and bruises and cold sores and bloody noses and whatever a mortal knows from. I don't, and won't, ever again. What I am now-is pretty much it. Unless I get dismembered, and I don't fancy "going there."
Sounds great, right? But it impairs the way I relate to mortals. I'm a vicarious hypochondriac. On one hand, I can't show sympathy properly, because I don't remember exactly what it's like-on the other hand, they almost seem fragile to me. Okay, odds are, you would seem fragile to me. You're like-ugh, this is impossible to explain. At death's door.
And that's just my impression. I'm not through one normal mortal lifetime, yet. Even though I have seen people my own age die, and I know that kids die, it isn't the same as what he sees. He has seen death. He can see it…no, don't get me wrong. It comes off morbid, but you have to know-we're killers, and the constant funeral-guests. He can look in your face and pick out your wreath. The stupid thing about immortality is that we don't die like normal people-we just end up thinking about death all the time. If he wants to start a relationship-he knows the score. He is the Oldest, pure and simple-his experience is, he outlives everybody. It's a given. But he doesn't let that get in the way of living or loving. Of course-how can he? Who could? You might as well offer your head to the next person you see, if you're gonna start opting out because you're afraid of loss.
But what if you know there's no chance? That it simply is going to be short, and horrible? Because dying young, of illness, is horrible. He knew that going in. And I've seen how deep the emotions run beneath the surface with him. Loss doesn't get any better. You don't get used to it-whatever practice he's had at loss-it's different, and horrible, every single time.
It didn't stop him from loving Alexa. And it was horrible and painful when she died. He faced it going in, and going out. You want to know what that is? More than love. That's a kind of courage, and it's the thing that's kept him alive for so long.
I know. It's courage to face death-I want you to know, he can do that, too. It just hasn't happened yet. What is more amazing, though, is facing life-you'd be surprised how many people don't really do that. He might come of to some as being a bit of a spectator-nah. Just isn't so. He loves, takes risks-takes pleasure, in anything. Everything. The way the man sits in a damn chair is a zen being-here thing. Okay, I have one of the world's hugest crushes on the man-but I know what I see. Oh, yeah, he's morally-challenged-ain't we all? Best liar I hope to meet. Dangerous with a sword. Maybe there is an agenda behind the man, but you know what? He is surprisingly bull-crap-free. And if he has an agenda, it's to keep living.
Can't fault him, there. I rather want him to keep living, myself. And that's what I see as being the deal with the guy.