It’s Monday, and I have finally stopped excreting green fluids from my various orifices. Man I love St. Patrick’s Day parties. I did ‘er up right this year. I arranged a party for work, and then arranged to have it right next door to where I live. Then I dyed my hair a lovely bright neon green. I drank green beer until I was seeing green, and I danced so much my hair colouring was running along with the sweat, and… well… I could see green again. I hoped to capture some of the festivities for all of my Acro buddies, but some girl objected to my video camera and confiscated it “Hey this is the women’s washroom” my ass. Then I made the mistake of bragging about my new web cam and couldn’t convince anyone to come back to my room. Faith and Be’gorah, but I must have left me Lucky Charms at home. I guess the only thing left to do is give you some of the quotes that stand out in my mind. Only ten seem to be poking their way through the green fog. Either that or I just feel more comfortable doing top ten lists.

TOP TEN THINGS I REMEMBER HEARING AT MY ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARTY.

1. “Listen Garfield, I am not drunk enough to believe that’s the Blarney Stone, and there is no way in hell I am going to kiss it.” OK, she wasn’t as gullible as I thought she was.

2. “Pillow sham, not web cam, I said I had a new pillow sham in my room. Want to come over and see it.” This worked, but she figured if I was that proud of a pillow sham, I wouldn’t be much use to her in my room anyway.

3. “How many Irishmen does it take to… Ow!!! Stop Kicking! Little help here!!!” Man, them Micks have no sense of… Ow, Stop kicking me! Little help here!!!

4. “What do you mean you aren’t serving green beer? Oh Crap! What the hell have I been drinking?” Well, you really don’t want to know the answer to that one.

5. “I love you man. No, I love YOU man. You’re the best. No way YOU’RE the best.” I know this isn’t particularly Irish, but there was beer and lots of it. So I occasionally get a little emotional. Sue me.

6. “Do you want to dance?” “No way!” “Sorry, you must have misheard me, I said ‘you look fat in those pants’” I love that line.

7. “Hi baby. Apparently all of the beautiful flowers don’t bloom in the daytime, because you are one gorgeous rose this evening.” I was a little put out that this line didn’t even warrant an answer, at least until my friends pointed out that I was chatting up a coat and hat hung on the wall.

8. “Garfield, please stop singing along to When Irish Eyes Are Smiling. The DJ stopped playing about 15 minutes ago.” I think if they were real friends they would either tell me exactly when the music stops, or let me keep singing in my Sweet Liquor Fog Oblivion.

9. “Hey Garfield (by the way, in case you didn’t know, my real life name is Garfield). Any way… Hey Garfield, is that a shillelagh in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?” I did so hear that a lot. In case you don’t know a shillelagh is a big stick. And I did so hear that a lot. Really.

10. “Let’s have another shot of tequila.” It’s all really fuzzy after that.