| AMNESIA | A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. |
| BOTTLE FEEDING | An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too |
| DEFENSE | What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside. |
| DROOLING | How teething babies wash their chins. |
| DUMBWAITER | One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. |
| FAMILY PLANNING | The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster |
| FEEDBACK | The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. |
| FULL NAME | What you call your child when you're mad at him. |
| GRANDPARENTS | The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. |
| HEARSAY | What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. |
| IMPREGNABLE | A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid |
| INDEPENDENT | How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. |
| LOOK OUT! | What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. |
| PRENATAL | When your life was still somewhat your own. |
| PREPARED CHILDBIRTH | A contradiction in terms |
| PUDDLE | A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. |
| SHOW OFF | A child more talented than yours. |
| STERILIZE | What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. |
| STOREROOM | The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. |
| TEMPER TANTRUMS | What you should keep to a minimum so as not to upset the children. |
| TOP BUNK | Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. |
| TWO-MINUTE WARNING | When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. |
| VERBAL | Ability to whine in words |
| WEAKER SEX | The kind you have after the kids have worn you out. |
| WHODUNIT | None of the kids that live in your house. |
| WHOOPS | An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge." |
