EGWA Monday Night for January 24th, 2000 will be broadcasted live from the Odeum in Chicago, IL from 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM.
This program is dedicated to the memory of "Mr. Main Event" Matthew Allen, who was brutal and mysteriously murdered on January 17th, 2000, during the taping of EGWA Monday Night. He shall be missed
*Pyrotechnics explode and the fans cheer as "EGWA Monday Night" starts. Out in the crowd you can see signs such as "Cane Vincent", "Xavier Pubic Region", and "D.R.H = Dangerous, Menacing, and Hardcore". "The Zoo" by the Scorpions plays and the fans boo, expecting The Organization to come out. Suddenly, the song stops and "Walk" by Pantera plays and the fans cheer as all the members of NC-17 come out! Leading the way are the Hardcore Playas, each wearing a tie and carrying a clipboard. Behind them come Vincent Vega and Cam Ferguson, who also have clipboards and ties. All the men step into the ring and the ring announcer hands Hardcore Jones the microphone*
Hardcore Jones: You all may be wondering why you're heroes, NC-17, have come out here dressed so formally and business-like. Well, I want all of you to take a look at THIS!
*Hardcore Jones holds up a piece of legal paper and he then looks over it.*
Hardcore Jones: Our president, Travis Martin, has been judged to be LEGALLY INSANE! He believes himself to be this Jonas Testament character, and he believes it to the point that he neglects his presidential duties! So, me and my colleagues have assembled a team of lawyers, and since I am acting commissioner, I will now be able to appoint the new president.
*Suddenly, "The Zoo" by the Scorpions plays and The Organization steps out onto the ramp as the fans boo wildly. Xavier Region leads the way, and behind him are Sport Jones, Lance Slade, Jade Diamond, Bernard the Ebonics-Speaking Ninja, and Ferdinand the Financial Advisor, pushing Mr. Palm in a wheel chair. Xavier has a microphone in his hands and he speaks*
Xavier Region: Wait just a damn minute! You can't do this! I'M THE VICE-PRESIDENT!!! I SHOULD CHOOSE THE NEXT PRESIDENT!!!
Hardcore Jones: Sorry, Spanky! You may be the vice-prez, BUT I HAVE SENIORITY! I've been here longer than you!
Xavier Region: Wait! You're probably going to choose one of your NC-17 goons to be president so you can run the show!
Hardcore Jones: I'll give you a guarantee. Nobody in this ring right now is going to be chosen as president! Okay?
Xavier Region: That sounds fair! Who is it?
Hardcore Jones: HIM!!!
* "No More Tears" by Ozzy Osbourne plays and fans cheer like crazy, because they know who's coming out! The Organization members look around to see why the fans are cheering, and from behind comes a familiar man. He's wearing khaki pants, an unbuttoned white dress shirt, with a Led Zeppelin shirt on underneath, and in his hands he holds a plastic skull. It's D.R.H!!! The former World Champion who was fired by Palm. He comes up and nails Ferdinand, Lance, Sport, Xavier, and Jade in the head with Dave the Skull, and he then grabs Mr. Palm's wheel chair! Mr. Palm screams in fear as D.R.H pushes his wheelchair down and off the ramp and Mr. Palm crashes into some sound equipment! D.R.H then jumps into the ring, hugs Jones and Jay, and grabs the microphone*
D.R.H: I'M BAAAAAAAACK!!!
*The fans go crazy and cheer as they see a returning hero and the EGWA's new president.*
D.R.H: From now on, the Organization no longer makes the rules, WE DO!!! From now on, NC-17 runs this joint! No longer will there be anymore "Organized" lumberjack matches or any firing and then MURDERING employees! Since I'm the new president, it'd be unfair to book myself for EGWA World Heavyweight Title matches, but that doesn't mean I can't still KICK A LITTLE ASS EVERY NOW AND THEN!!!! Next Sunday, on PPV, at "The King of Death Matches", I want you and me in a barbed wire covered cage DEATH MATCH!!! Just you and me! I know that you were the bastard behind the murder of Matt Allen, and I'm gonna take it out on your ass!
Hardcore Jay: Now, The NC-17 is not just the coolest, were not just the best, EGWA, NC-17 and President D.R.H are HARD-FUCKING-CORE!!!
*The fans cheer insanely and NC-17 leave the ring.*
Mike Rether: Hello folks, I'm Mike Rether.
Clint White: And I'm Clint White and welcome to EGWA Monday Night!
Mike Rether: Wasn't that incredible! D.R.H has returned and he now runs the whole show! Well, tonight, folks, we have some incredible matches on the way, and who knows what will happen since NC-17 now runs the EGWA! We'll have to see! First up, we have "The Real Deal" Shockwave taking on newcomer Cain Manson Crow! Here we go.
"The Real Deal" Shockwave vs. Cain Manson Crow
* "Whiplash" by Metallica plays as Shockwave makes his way to the ring, he jumps over the ropes and raises his arms in the air, but he only gets a mild pop from the crowd. "Everlasting Gaze" by the Smashing Pumpkins plays as Cain Manson Crow makes his way to the ring. He slides into the ring and immediately starts to brawl with Shockwave.*
Mike Rether: Cain slides in and immediately starts to punch Shockwave! He hits him with a haymaker and sends Shockwave into the turnbuckle. Cain charges at him, but Shockwave jumps out of the way and over the ropes, now Shockwave grabs Cain by his hair and jumps over the ropes for vicious neckbreaker!!! Ouch! Cain is out, and Shockwave ascends the turnbuckles and hits a big moonsault on Cain Manson Crow! Cain is back up and he low blows Shockwave and hits him with a reverse DDT! Now Cain Manson Crow is ascending the turnbuckle, but he doesn't look so sure about himself!
Clint White: He isn't exactly what I'd call a high-flyer! He attempts a leg drop, but Shockwave rolls out of the way with plenty of time to spare! He grabs Cain in a headlock and it looks like he's attempting a bulldog, but no! Cain starts to elbow him, and Shockwave still has him in a headlock! Cain is picking him up now AND HE THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING AND THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCER'S TABLE!!! Now Cain ascends the turnbuckle and goes for a forearm smash BUT INSTEAD HE HITS A SPANISH ANNOUNCER!!! HE MISSED SHOCKWAVE BY A MILE!!! Shockwave gets smart and grabs a steel chair and nails Cain in the head with it! Cain is busted open, now Shockwave puts the chair on the ground AND HITS CAIN WITH A FLYING HEAD SCISSORS ONTO THAT CHAIR!!! He's now got Cain Manson Crow in a head scissors submission hold, but Cain won't give up! Cain gets up, with Shockwave's legs still around his neck choking him! He stands up AND HITS SHOCKWAVE WITH A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ONTO THAT CHAIR!!! THIS IS OVER!!! 1..2. NO!!! SHOCKWAVE KICKED OUT!!!
Mike Rether: Shockwave has gotten smart! He's tired of losing all the times, and it appears he's fighting with a vengeance! Shockwave whips Cain into the guardrail and he picks up a chair! Shockwave busts Cain in the head again with the steel chair, and now he whips Cain back into the ring. Cain is still stunned, and Shockwave is setting up a table outside the ring. Shockwave slides back in, and he starts to pummel Cain Manson Crow! Cain starts punching back and he whips Shockwave into the ropes, Shockwave rebounds and now he catches Cain and he's attempting a sidewalk slam, but Cain lifts him up by his legs, and now he's walking towards that table outside the ring! He's gonna drop Shockwave on it, BUT NO! SHOCKWAVE REVERSES BY GERMAN SUPLEXING CAIN FRON THAT TOP ROPE ALL THE WAY TO THE TABLE BELOW!!! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE COUNTER!!! Both men are on the concrete floor and Shockwave has him pinned! 1..2. DENIED!!! Cain gets up and starts to punch Shockwave, he grabs him and bulldogs him down to the concrete! Now he's on Shockwave's back and he's attempting a camel clutch! Shockwave won't submit that easy though! He's TIRED of losing, especially to a rookie!
Clint White: Shockwave rolls over and now HE has Cain in a camel clutch! Cain won't give up either, and he slips out and now he powerbombs Shockwave! Shockwave's out, and Cain just threw a steel chair into the ring and now he's sliding a table into the ring! He gets back in the ring and he's setting up the table! Shockwave gets back in the ring and the two are exchanging blows! This has been one hard-fought match! Cain hits Shockwave with a nasty uppercut, and now it looks like Shockwave is DOOMED! Cain has him on his shoulders now and it looks like he's gonna powerbomb him into that table! Wait! Shockwave slips free and he kicks Cain Manson Crow in the gut and hits him with a stunner! What a comeback! Shockwave sets Cain on the table and he's putting that steel chair onto Cain's crouch! What the hell is he doing that for?
Mike Rether: Looks like we're about to find out! Shockwave ascends the turnbuckle and SENTON BOMBS CAIN MANSON CROW!!!!! HE SENTON BOMBED ONTO THAT CHAIR THAT WAS ON CAIN'S GROIN AND SLAMMED HIM THROUGH THAT TABLE!!!!! MY GOD!!!!! SHOCKWAVE PINS HIM!!!! 123!!!!!! LOOK AT THOSE FANS, THEY'RE GOING CRAZY!!!!!
Fans: SHOCK-WAVE!!! SHOCK-WAVE!!! SHOCK-WAVE!!!
Clint White: The cheers for him went from a mild pop to mighty roar! Shockwave has decided not to take any crap anymore!
* "No More Tears" by Ozzy Osbourne plays and the new president, D.R.H, steps out onto the ramp with a microphone in his hands.*
D.R.H: I may not know much but I do know that THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A MATCH!!!! And, I understand you've wanted to join a stable, so WELCOME ABOARD!!!
*D.R.H goes to the ring and tosses Shockwave an "NC-17" t-shirt, Shockwave slides out of the ring and walks backstage with D.R.H.*
MR: Looks like Shockwave is now a part of the ever-growing empire of NC-17! Next up, we have Johnny Thunder taking on Jade Diamond in a non-title match! As you all know, Matt Allen was tragically shot last week, and his good friend Johnny Thunder is convinced that the Organization had him killed!
CW: Hell! I'm convinced too!
Non-title Match
Jade Diamond vs. Johnny Thunder
* "Highway To Hell" by AcDc plays as Johnny Thunder makes his way to the ring with a band around his right bicep that has the initials "MA" on it, a tribute to Matt Allen. He climbs into the ring and just looks at the ramp with a look of vengeful determination in his eyes.*
CW: Look at him! He's going to kill Jade Diamond!
*Pyros explode as "I'm Alive" by Helloween plays, and Jade Diamond runs to that ring, jumps in, and immediately starts punching Johnny Thunder, but Thunder doesn't even budge, no matter how much punishment he takes! He just stands there as Jade punches him in the chest. Then, with one hand he pushes Jade to the ground, and he then kisses his knuckle and raises it into the air! The lights go black and you hear the sound of thunder fill the ring. The blackness finally lifts, and in the middle of the ring stands Matt Allen alongside Johnny Thunder. Jade looks at the two in awestruck terror!*
CW: OH MY GOD!!! HE'S ALIVE!!!!
*Johnny Thunder and Matt Allen pick Jade up and both hit him with a vicious powerbomb that leaves him unconscious and limp in the middle of the ring! Matt grabs a microphone from the ring announcer*
Matt Allen: There's a new game in town! THE YOUNGBLOODS!!!
*Matt Allen and Johnny Thunder leave the ring and go backstage as AcDc's "Highway to Hell" plays.*
*A pre-taped video segment plays of Ace Starling, dressed as DRH and holding a dead rabbit, once again out on the streets. He sits on the corner, yelling at people passing by*
Fake DRH: Hey! You've heard of the Naildriver? Why don't you drive your nail in my mouth! You wanna see why the guys let me join NC-17!? *Talking to the dead rabbit* What do you think, Bill?
*People just ignore him, though, and he gets up off the cold street, carrying Bill the Dead Rabbit with him, and walks on, talking to the camera*
Fake DRH: Hmmm, since I'm unemployed, why don't I go down to the Goodwill van, and maybe they'll give me some extra clothes because I'm famous! Wait a minute, Goodwill always gives out free stuff! Bill, why don't you crawl up my ass for warmth! No, I don't mind! Maybe my wife can stop fucking total strangers long enough to find some cock roaches in the bathroom so me and the kids can have dinner! If I go to the zoo, maybe they'll let me take dad out of the dog cage so he can come to dinner!
*As the fake DRH, while talking to the camera, walks right into someone. This someone happens to be wearing boots, khaki jeans, an unbuttoned white dress shirt, and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt on underneath that. His long, dirty-blonde hair is parted down the middle, he has a goatee, sideburns, and the letters "NC-17" painted on his forehead in red. In his hands he holds a plastic skull named Dave. It's the real DRH, and he looks PISSED!*
Real DRH: What did you say? Did you just insult my wife!?!? Did you just insult Dave!?!? DID YOU JUST INSULT ME AND MY FAMILY!!!!!
*DRH nails the fake DRH in the head with Dave and then whips him into a big mailbox! He then whips the fake DRH into a brick wall and starts punching him! He then grabs a loose brick and busts the fake DRH in the head with it! The fake DRH collapses, then DRH places the brick on his face and drops a big leg on it, busting the fake DRH wide open in an explosion of blood! DRH picks up the fake DRH and throws him on top of a car and then hits the Naildriver through the glass sun roof of the car!*
Cam Ferguson vs. Sport Jones
Clint White: We have a new tag team in town, and DRH just beat the living hell out of the Fake DRH. Now up next is the Ferguson vs. Sport Jones..
*Nookie plays, and Ferguson begins to walk out. Ferguson runs to the ring, and holds his hands in the air*
Mike Rether: Ferguson looks like he is ready for a big fight..
Clint White: WAIT! Here come Sport Jones, he is not waiting for his music to play, he wants to fight.. Jones is in the ring, and he hits Ferguson on the back. Ferguson is down, and Jones is kicking him when he is down, good move there by Jones..
Mike Rether: Jones rolls out of the ring, WAIT! He just pick up a chair. Jones rolls back in the ring, and OUCH! Hits Ferguson in the back with that chair.. The fans or booing right now..
Sport Jones: SHUT THE HELL UP!
Clint White: Ferguson back up but, Jones with a chair shot on the head again. Jones kicking Ferguson some more.. Ferguson does not look like he is doing well, YAHOO!
Mike Rether: Shut up Clint, Jones rolls out of the ring again. What is Jones going to do now? OH NO..
Clint White: YAHOO! He got a Table, Its over now.
Mike Rether: Yeah I think you are right, Jones put the Table in the ring. Jones is sitting up the Table now. Ferguson getting up Slowly, and the Table is sit up nice. Jones picks up the chair, and.. OH SHIT! Jones just hit Ferguson over the head with that chair..
Clint White: I think Ferguson last his head, can you see it anywhere..
Mike Rether: Yeah I think you are right.. Jones picks up Ferguson Slowly, and sits Ferguson on the Table.. Jones climbs the turnbuckle.
* "Sad but True" By Metallica begins to play, you see the entrance way, and you see Hardcore Jones come out, Hardcore Jones had a mic in his hand. Hardcore Jones begins to speak*
Hardcore Jones: Wait one minute, before you do something stupid. We forgot to tell you in the back, that this match is a Handicap Match.
Mike Rether: WHAT? A HANDICAP MATCH!?
*Sport Jones jumps down from the turnbuckle and waits to see who his next opponent is*
Hardcore Jones: Ferguson partner, come on down..
Mike Rether: Who is it, oh no, Its Vaga. Vaga in the ring now, and Sport Jones is punching Vaga. Now Vaga fighting back with punches. Vaga kicks Sport Jones in the gut, going just pick up the chair, and..
Clint White: HE HITS SPORT OVER THE BACK WITH THE CHAIR! THIS IS NOT FAIR, HARDCORE JONES IS A ASSHOLE FOR DOING THIS! Hardcore Jones is walking down the isle way now. Vaga now doing the kicking on the back of Sport. Its pay back time for Ferguson.
Mike Rether: I guess Hardcore Jones is going to join use at the Announce Table, Welcome Jones.
Hardcore Jones: Thank you Mike..
Clint White: This was a great idea Jones, I think this is very fair.
Hardcore Jones: Thank you Clint.
Mike Rether: Thats not what you said a minute ago.
Clint White: Shut up Mike, now lets get back to the match.
Hardcore Jones: Good Idea, Vaga is beating the living shit out of Sport Jones with those kicks to the back. Oh wait, Ferguson is geting up slowly. Vaga picks up Jones, and throws Jones to the ropes, Jones ducks the clothesline, and. OH! Sport does a Jumping clothesline.
Clint White: That was a good move there, Sport just pick up that chair. They like to use the chair for some reason. Vaga geting up, OH SHIT!! What a hit by Jones, Jones just hit Vaga on the head with that chair. Ferguson, is on his knees, Sport is now beat the liveing shit out of Vaga with that chair..
Hardcore Jones: Thats it..
Mike Rether: Hardcore Jones just left the Announce Table, and he rolls in the ring. Hardcore Jones is right behind Sport Jones. Sport Jones turns around and..
Clint White: FLOWING DDT, FLOWING DDT! He hit it with out Sport Jones knowing it. Ferguson is back up, Hardcore Jones picks up Sport Jones, and puts Sport Jones on the Table. Ferguson is climbing the turnbuckle slowly, he up there and.. THE HARDCORE BOMB! FERGUSON HITS THE HARDCORE BOMB! Ferguson going for the pin, 1..2..3 Ferguson wins..
Mike Rether: Did Ferguson win? Yeah, but did he win fair?
Clint White: No he did not, but thats how it all goes. Well, we will be right back.
https://www.angelfire.com/me3/ICWF/index2.html
EGWA World Triple Entente Title Match
Hardcore Jones vs. Gavin G. Montoya
Mike Rether: In recent weeks, we've seen how intensely Hardcore Jones defends his Triple Entente Title!
Clint White: I wonder how he feels about the Fake death of Matt Allen?
Mike Rether: I don't know. Him and Matt Allen really fell out and I'm sure Jones happy Matts alive.
* "Sad but True" by Metallica plays and Hardcore Jones and Hardcore Jay, each with their tag team belt around their waist, walk out to the ring. Jay has a beer in his hand, and he pop's the beer open, guzzle down the beer, and throw the can into the crowd. Jay holds a Singapore cane and Jones holds a steel chair and his Triple Entente Belt, and they both run down to the ring. Jones slides in the ring and walks to the middle of the ropes and puts both feet on the middle of the rope and puts both honds in the air. Jay goes over to the announcer's table, puts on a head set, and talks with Clint and Mike.*
Hardcore Jay: How are you boys doin' tonight!?
CW: Just fine!
MR: Folks, we are being joined by one half of the EGWA Tag Team Champions, Hardcore Jay!
* "Ghost of Tom Jones" by Rage Against The Machine plays as Gavin G. Montoya runs up to the ring, jumps on the top rope, and asai moonsaults onto Hardcore Jones!*
CW: Ouch! Gavin starts off strong with an asai moonsault and knocks Jones over. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and attempts another moonsault, but Jones counters by smacking him in his back with the steel chair! Gavin is down, and Jones is attacking the knees of Gavin Montoya with the chair! Jones lays the chair down and lifts Gavin up for a belly-to-belly piledriver, but Gavin counters with a sunset flip onto the chair! He pins his arms with his feet! 1 .. 2.No! Way too early!!! Jones kicks Montoya in the face picks him up and hits him with a front face DDT! Now a snapmare followed up with a hurricanrana!!! Jones grabs his steel chair and climbs the ropes! He leaps off WITH A MOONSAULT WITH THE CHAIR ONTO GAVIN!!!!! He pins him! 1.. 2. No way! Gavin sends a couple of punches Jones' way!
Hardcore Jay: Come on, Jones! Kick this guy's pansy ass!
MR: Well put! Gavin runs into the ropes, bounces back, and delivers a nasty clothesline! He follows it up with a running power slam and quickly jumps on the second turnbuckle and hits a springboard moonsault! Gavin Montoya grabs the chair and lifts it over his head to swing.
Hardcore Jay: But Jones counters with a punch to the nuts! Montoya drops the chair and Jones picks it up! He slams it into Gavin's head! He nails him with it again! Again! Gavin is stooped over, Jones drops the chair, and delivers a NASTY guillotine face driver onto the chair! Hey Clint! Do you all keep any beer around here?
CW: There's a cooler underneath the my chair. You like Bud Ice?
Hardcore Jay: Damn right I do!
*Jay reaches into the cooler under Clint's seat and pulls out a can of beer, pops the top, and starts drinking.*
HJ: Jones picks him up and pumphandle slams him back to the chair! Montoya looks beaten and bruised! That's it Jones! Whoop his ass! Montoya gets back up and DDTs Jones! Now he gets Jones' legs, spreads them open, and headbutts him in the balls! Don't take that shit, Jones!!! WHOOP HIS ASS!!!
MR: Jones isn't taking that shit! Montoya tries another headbutt to the groin, but Jones gets up and slams Gavin's face into the mat! Now Jones sends Montoya to the mat again with a belly to belly suplex! Jones is on top now! He's punching Montoya right in his face hard! Jones gets up and runs into the ropes, rebounds, and drops a fist on Gavin G. Montoya! Jones slides out of the ring and sets up some tables on the outside of the ring, now Montoya recovers, baseball slides into a flying head scissors, taking Jones down!!! Montoya places Jones on the table and climbs up on the apron, ascends the turnbuckle, he leaps off with a senton splash, AND MISSES!!! JONES GOT OUT OF THE WAY AND MONTOYA WENT RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!! Now Jones grabs a steel chair from underneath the ring and he's climbing up the apron and onto the turnbuckle!!! Montoya is still unconscious on the concrete, and Jones leaps off WITH A DEVASTATING ARABIAN FACE BUSTER!!!!!! MONTOYA IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN!!!!!
Hardcore Jay: That's it, Jones!!! KICK HIS ASS!!
Clint White: I've got to say that that could have killed Gavin!
Hardcore Jay: That move aint just the coolest, it wasn't just the best, THAT WAS HARD-FUCKING-CORE!!!!!! Jones tosses Montoya back in the ring and now he's going to work on that big gash that stretches across Gavin's face!!! Jones whips him into the corner, runs, and monkey flips him to the center of the ring! Jones climbs the top rope and drops a big-ass elbow!!! Now Gavin's starting to wake up, and he takes Jones down with a drop toe hold! Jones elbows him in the face and tries to whip him into the ropes, but Gavin reverses and whips him into the ropes, Jones rebounds, and Gavin stoops over and waits for a swinging neckbreaker, but Jones kicks him in his bitch-ass face!!! Now Jones has him on his shoulders AND CRUCIFIX POWERBOMBS HIM OUT OF THE RING AND THROUGH THAT TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!! HAHA!!!! MONTOYA IS SNAPPED LIKE A TWIG!!!!! JONES KICKED HIS ASS!!!!!! Wait a minute.
*Suddenly, Lance Slade and Sport Jones run out to the ring, slide in, and start to beat the shit out of Jones, Jay throws off his headphones and slides into the ring and starts caning the Rich and Famous! Jade Diamond and Xavier Region also run out to the ring start beating the crap out of the two! D.R.H, Vega, Ferguson, and Shockwave also run out, but are too late, as Jade hits the Diamond Dream on Jones and Lance throws Montoya back in the ring and places his unconscious body over Jones for the pain*
Referee: 1,2,3!
*The enraged members of NC-17 start to brawl with the Organization and Jones hits Montoya with three Flowing DDTs and two Re-Volts in his anger! A squad of refs eventually break up the fight and send the men backstage.*
Mike Rether: My God! That was brutal! With help from the Organization, it looks like Montoya is the new EGWA World Triple Entente Champion! Next up, a returning Genesis (whom we once believed was dead) is going to take on the NC-17's Vincent Vega, but we well be right back for that match.
Genesis vs. "The Hardcore Masta" Vincent Vega
*Vincent Vega is already in the ring and awaits Genesis. Suddenly, the lights go dark and just before total blackness sets in, you can see Vincent look around to see what's going on. People start to panic as the arena is still completely, then suddenly, the lights come back on. In the middle of the ring, Vincent Vega lies, unconscious and bleeding, on the mat with a cinder block next to him and in front of the dark and cryptic Genesis, who merely raises his arm in the air and walks slowly backstage, leaving the fans in shock.*
CW: That's one of the shortest matches I've seen, and perhaps the most surprising! Genesis nearly killed him! Watch out, this man means business!
McDonald's "Hamburger Massacre" Match for the EGWA Crown of Thorns Title
Hardcore Jay vs. Chaos
MR: Next up is a particularly brutal match! Hardcore Jay is going to take on Chaos for the EGWA Crown of Thorns title in a McDonald's "Hamburger Massacre" Match!
CW: This one's going to be crazy, people!!! We've now got a cameraman at a downtown McDonald's where Hardcore Jay is awaiting Chaos' arrival! Hey, this McDonald's has a PlayLand! This should be interesting!
*Hardcore Jay stands at the counter, waiting for Chaos. Apparently, he hopes to get some dinner before his match. A young man in a McDonald's uniform at the counter stands filling up a large cup of Coke with his back turned to Jay. Jay tries to grab his attention.*
Hardcore Jay: Hey! I want to order already!
*The young man turns around and reveals that he's Chaos! He punches Jay right in the face and hops over the counter and the two start exchanging punches!*
MR: This match is already underway! Jay and Chaos are exchanging blows, and Jay whips Chaos into a table! Jay starts punching him again and he body slams Chaos onto the table! Now Jay has a tray and he smacks Chaos in the head with it! Chaos counters with a low blow and he whips Jay into table where a family is still eating!!!
CW: Hehe! Chaos reaches into the little kid's happy meal and pulls out a jagged little Pokemon toy! He stabs Jay's face with it and then dumps the dad's coke onto Jay's face! This match is just crazy! Jay hits Chaos with a haymaker that sends him back a few feet! Jay gets up off the table, picks Chaos up, and uses him to sweep the table clean!!! Chaos lands on his head on the other side of the table and picks up a spork off the floor and lunges at Jay!!! Now he's trying to gouge out Jay's eyes with that thing!!! Jay rolls over, and now he's on top of Chaos, and he starts to pummel him!!! Chaos kicks him off and onto a table and Jay lands on a half-eaten hamburger and fries! Disgusting!
MR: Chaos lifts Jay up and whips him over the counter and into the kitchen! He hops over the counter and starts hitting Jay with some heavy forearms! Jay counters with a discus punch and now he's got Chaos' head underneath the soda fountain AND HE'S DROWNING CHAOS WITH COLA!!!!! WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN MCDONALD'S HAD THIS KIND OF POTENTIAL FOR MAYHEM!!!! Chaos punches his way out of drowning in Coke and him and Jay are once again going blow for blow!!! Chaos grabs a metal spatula and smacks Jay in the head with it! Now he's got Jay by his hair AND HE'S TRYING TO SLAM HIS FACE ON THE GRILL!!!! CHAOS IS TRYING TO BARBECUE JAY!!!! Jay reverses with an elbow to the face AND SMACKS CHAOS' FACE ONTO THE HOT GRILL!!!
CW: Chaos quickly grabs a pair of tongs and gets Jay by the nuts! Now Chaos is leading Jay over to the deep fat fryer. It looks like he's about to "supersize" Jay's order of extra pain!!! Chaos lifts up the little filter and flings hot grease and burning fries at Jay!!! Jay smacks Chaos with a metal tray, and now he's got Chaos by his hair and he's trying to plunge his head into hot oil!!! OH NO!!! Chaos is inches away from the oil, BUT HE REVERSES AND THROWS Jay into the grill!!! Ouch! Jay hits Chaos with a tiger driver and he's getting the fire extinguisher! Chaos gets back up and seizes Jay by his neck AND JAY SPRAYS THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER IN CHAOS' FACE!!!!! He nails him in the head with the fire extinguisher and he tries again, but Chaos takes it out of his hands and now he's beating the holy hell out of Jay with that fire extinguisher!!! Jay grabs a bottle of mustard and squirts in Chaos' eyes!!!
MR: Chaos will never get that stain out! Jay takes the opportunity and whips Chaos into a rack, which collapses and rains down hot apple pies on Chaos!
CW: What's agony feeling like? Like warm apple pie! Haha!!!
MR: Funny. Jay opens up the janitor's closet and finds some goodies! A steel chair, a mop, a vacuum cleaner, and AN INFLATABLE LOVE DOLL!?!?!?
CW: The janitor must be a real pervert!
MR: Hey, Clint you have a day job at McDonald's?
CW: Oh shut up! Jay nails Chaos in the head with the steel chair, but Chaos grabs the mop and breaks it over Hardcore Jay's back!!! Now Chaos grabs the vacuum cleaner and knocks Jay over with it!!! Now he's pounding the shit out of Hardcore Jay with the vacuum cleaner! Ouch! Chaos gets the chair, but Hardcore Jay drop toe holds him to the ground and he's now trying to smother Chaos to death with that inflatable love doll!!! HAHAHA!!!! Chaos is suffocating underneath that plastic doll!!! He's almost out, and of course, Jay wins if Chaos dies! Chaos is almost unconscious, but now he's reaching out around him on the ground AND HE JUST GRABBED A KNIFE OFF THE GROUND!!! What's he going to do!?!?!? Is he going to stab Jay!?!? NO! HE PUNCTURED THE INFLATABLE LOVE DOLL WITH THAT KNIFE AND JUST SAVED HIMSELF FROM SUFFOCATION!!!!! LOOK AT THAT DOLL!!!! IT'S FLYING AROUND THE ROOM DEFLATING!!!! HAHA!!!!! Chaos gets a second wind and kicks Jay in the midsection and whips him over the counter and back into the restaurant! Chaos grabs the steel chair, baseball slides over the counter and it goes into a DDT!!!!
MR: Chaos follows it up with a nasty chair shot and he whips Jay into a trashcan! He charges at Jay, who counters by throwing Chaos INTO the trashcan!!! Nasty!!! That trashcan is full of half-eaten food, nasty waste, it's disgusting! Jay lifts Chaos to his feet, and he's still got the trashcan over his torso! Now Jay grabs the steel chair AND HE JUST RANG CHAOS' BELL!!!!!! THAT CHAIR SHOT WAS SO HARD CHAOS' DEAD GREAT-GREAT-GRANDPARENTS PROBABLY FEEL AN ACHE!!!!!!!! Chaos throws off the trash can and falls to his knees in pain, and Jay delivers another devastating chair shot!!! Chaos is almost dead, but it's surprising that no one's yet attempted a pin! Jay still isn't, now he's walking into the McDonald's PlayLand playground!
CW: Chaos is unconscious, and Jay is going over for recess!!! Ha! Wait a minute. Jay is over by the big plastic pipe play maze, and he just threw his steel chair up onto the top of the thing! That play maze must be about 25 or 30 feet high, and now Jay is climbing up it! It also looks like Chaos is coming back to his senses. Jay's on top of it now, and he's got the chair and daring Chaos to come after him! Chaos can hardly climb up that play maze, he's hurt pretty bad! He's almost to the top, but Jay smacks him in the head again with the chair! Chaos almost falls, but punches Jay in the face and manages to hoist himself up to the top of the play maze! The two are brawling it out now! Jay swings the steel chair and delivers a nasty shot, but Chaos drop kicks Jay closer to the edge! The two are exchanging blows now! Jay gets the chair up over his head BUT CHAOS DROP KICKS THE CHAIR AND SENDS HARDCORE JAY TWENTY FEET DOWN TO THE GROUND!!!!! MERCIFUL ATLANTIS!!!!!! REPEAT AFTER ME, THERE IS NO GOD!!!!!!!!!
MR: MY GOD!!!!! HE LANDED ON A TABLE AND BUSTED IT RIGHT IN HALF!!!! MY GOD!!!!! NO!!!! CHAOS LEAPS OFF WITH A 20-FOOT HIGH PLANCHA AND PINS JAY!!!! 1.2.3! What a brutal match!!! It was pretty even to the end, but Chaos made the right move and managed to kick Jay off the play maze! These are two incredible athletes!
CW: Yeah, incredible that they aren't both paralyzed!!!
