1. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

2. Your vacuum cleaner has more miles on it than your mini van.

3. The dog is on Valium.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners

5. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.

6. You've stopped trying to call the kids by the right name, and have resorted to a "Hey you in the purple shirt."

7. Benedryl is the only thing that will get your kids to sleep.

8. 'Family meetings' are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

9. You have to check your kid's day-planner to see if they can take out the trash.

10. Without thinking, you try to mute bickering children with the TV remote control.

11. Guests appearing on Jerry Springer don't seem weird to you.

12. You use your sick days to catch up on the laundry.

13. Family entertainment is figuring out “who did it?”

14. The only way your child can throw a tantrum and you will notice is through a letter

15. Everyone groans when school is called off due to snow.

16. Instead of your kids getting grounded you tell them to go out

17. Calgon gives you bulk rates

18. Your toddler drinks from the dog dish and you figure “at least I don’t have to get them a drink”

19. Your family psychologist is number one on your speed dial.

20. Tranquilizers just don’t work for you anymore

21. Your cat feels the need to chew apart every baby bottle nipple

22. You hearing voices is comforting

23. Your spouse asks the boss for overtime just to stay away

24. When talking on the computer is your only adult time

25. When conversing with other adults we are humming Disney tunes

26. You can keep up a polite conversation on the phone while disciplining a child, getting dinner ready, holding a baby and being interrupted all at the same time

27. You packed the baby’s bottle in your kids’ lunchbox

28. Going on a family outing becomes a chore

29. You need to look up “peace” and “quiet” in the dictionary just to find some

30. Animal Kingdom can’t compare to your kids behavior

31. You ask the check-out person at the store if you can return your kids

32. You start investing in wigs because of bald spots appearing on your head

33. Your child asks to go live in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood

34. You envy the Grouch on Sesame Street for having his own place

35. Your school counselor becomes famous for writing a book using your family as the source

36. Your child wonders why no-one else has purple faces like theirs

37. Buying earplugs is on everyone’s Christmas list

38. Straight jackets are used instead of time-outs

39. Your baby’s first words are “calm down”

40. You are sitting here reading this at 1:52am since this is your only time alone

If you have any additional ones that you think people would enjoy, just email me and I will add them on in the link below...Thanks!