OH, PISTACHIO

I intended to go right to work on preparing some notes for tomorrow's class, but made a detour into the kitchen where I grabbed a little bag of pistachios. I discovered something that could revolutionize the classroom. I found that despite my strong desire to get some real work done, I was utterly spellbound and dedicated to finishing that bag. One after another, the shells were split, revealing the prize-the oh-so-good nutty center. One elbow guided the coveted fruit to its destination still buzzing from the last bite. Simultaneously, the other elbow instinctively delved into the open bag to mine another nugget from the seemingly endless supply. It was beautiful, one hand fetching, one hand delivering, and one hand-wait a minute-outta hands. Hey, I'm afraid to even watch TV while eating pistachios. I mean, what if the snack makes a person really susceptible to all sorts of subliminal suggestions? You could be watching Fox News, and, the next thing you know, flattening the tires of "some misguided liberal." I've even heard horror stories about "some guy" sitting through a half-hour of one of those makeup infomercials ALL BECAUSE OF PISTACHIOS! (Ok, it was me. And, I have to say, I am thoroughly satisfied with the foundation, but not the blush. It's too late to return the items.) Alright, how can this be used in the classroom? Simple. Just place a dish of pistachios where the students sit, and you will have, perfect attendance, and an audience so engaged in the lecture that even Auditing would seem as interesting as the Video Music Awards.