BOOP . . . BEEP . . . BIP
Have you been to the Plank Road BP any time recently? If so,
did you feel like you were on the set of “The Hunt for Red October?” Now, I’ve
never really seen that movie, but I remember the previews showing the story
took place on a submarine. BOOP . . . BEEP . . . BIP . . . While pouring a 211 degree cup of coffee
into a paper cup without a handle (hey, this could be another rant! Nah, maybe another time.) I was assaulted with these
peculiar sounds for, oh probably ten minutes, while I looked for some pretzels
in each of their FIVE pretzel/chip centers. (They don’t put them all together
like Sheetz.) When I made it to the cashier, I
thought about asking her how she could stand this noise for four or five hours
straight, but didn’t. Maybe she became oblivious to these mysterious sounds and
I would make her aware of them. How could she survive the rest of her
shift, then? Someone should record these sounds and send them to the head of
BP. Steven W. Percy
Chairman and CEO, BP America,
Dear Mr. Percy,
Do you like submarines? I’ll bet
you do. Or else, why would you make your employees listen to these underwater sounds
all damn day? I hope you enjoy this high quality CD recording of some of your
favorite tunes: BOOP . . . BEEP . . . BIP . . .and who
could forget this classic . . . BUP. I
think I know what it is you like about these sounds: they all have B and P in
them. Admit it, Mr. Percy, YOU’RE BRAINWASHING YOUR STAFF! I’ll bet when they
go home at night, they think BP, BP, BP, . . ., just
like you do—at one millionth of your salary! By the way, GET SOME STYROFOAM
CUPS you cheap ass!
Sincerely,
Your Name and Sign It!
