Dear Diary,
I want this all to end. I want all this pain to go away. D’Ellis is gone. That forsaken hole in the ground has claimed my love, my best friend, and my companions. Gi’Ames, Gaiden, and I are the only ones to survive. Gi’Ames ran off, trying to get help. I won’t be surprised if he never returns.
But please, I want to make this short. This is to be my last entry. I’ve decided to go home. I have nothing left to try to save. I did everything for D’Ellis and now it has all been in vain. If I go back home, back to Gallon this pain will stop. All the fear and hate in me will be dissolved by the numbness that he will give me. All the blood and tears that I spilled for him will finally give me some relief. True he will call me by another name, and true I will never again feel real love, but how is that different from my present situation? My name is not Vitriol Blue and I will never again have true love, not without D’Ellis.
If I go back he will take away my memories and take away all this pain. I hate what I have become. Everything that surrounds me is filled with lies and hate. There is no end in sight for this torment and everything I touch just turns out all wrong. I’m just so tired.
I want to return to the familiar halls that I once roamed through. That house was built for me, that beautiful house was made for my mothers memory and for me. I can’t shake that place from my mind. The ever-present smell of fresh flowers, the long flowing gossamer curtains, and the view from my bedroom window. Oh the view. I sat for hours on that windowsill gazeing out over the vast forests, in my mind roaming through the valleys and small towns, and Navelorn, I could see Navelorn. I can almost feel it now, the cold windowpane against my skin and the warm morning sun falling gently onto my body. That almost makes up for the chilling feel in his touch. But no matter…I am going home as soon as I know Gaiden is safe.
I’m going back to HIM.
Mahdia
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