RAMBLINGS

Rambling for the week of December 10: Last week went alright. On Tuesday Brannigans played a pretty good show at Margaritaville. We had no banjo, so the banjo was replaced by electric guitar. This turned out alright, but our banjo player had not attended any practices for, ummm . . . six months? I think that's right. He was off on some songs, but I've got to give him credit. He played alright for being absent for half a year. We've had some "internal strife" in the band lately. People have been just not happy with other band members . . . but I think it's on its way to being resolved; at the show Dan spit a mouthfull of Rolling Rock in John's face . . . and they laughed and kept on going. It was nice, kinda like it used to be before the band thought itself the musical joke of Pittsburgh. And then on Friday I got an e-mail from the music editor at City Paper, asking if he was on the "right track" to find the "Irish punk group the Brannigans". I though that this was kinda cool. Usually, the band goes looking for the paper . . . the paper came looking for us! It was pretty neato. Ummmm . . . what else? On Saturday, Fennell got his liscence. That makes me the ONLY on of my friends who cannot drive. Besides Lasette and Julianna. I wish I could drive. My surgery was also rescheduled. It will not be on JANUARY 7th. I capitalized that becasue I want visitors. :) When I was in the Children's Institute, I had very very few visitors. Fennell. John. Lasette. Her mom. My parents with my sister. A MONTH. I got seven different people in to see me. This will not do. Come see me. Please. I probably will not be able to converse with you, but I'll be very happy to see you. If you want to visit me, email me, message me, IM me, just let me know, and then you get my "Patient Confidentiality Code" and you can come see me. Whee! Hmm . . . not much else . . . on Monday, I'm going to see Nelly Furtado. I know. But hell, I'm a girl, I'm allowed to like "girly" music. Bah. ;-)

Rambling for the week of December 3: This week was bad. It can only be put that blatantly. On Tuesday I found out that they are delaying my surgery due to my back. I was super-pissed. I was looking at this year as sort of a write-off, like 2001 = the worst year of my life so far. Let's recap, shall we?

Rambling for the week of November 26: This week was weird. actually, as you can probably guess from the previous two posts, the last two weeks have been really weird. I don't think I'm really over the shock of the crash, and everyone else who was in it seems to be pretty much back on their collective feet. I just feel weird about that . . . and the fact that I really could have been killed kind of bothers me. I've tried to talk to my psychologist, but she won't return my calls, for some reason . . . now I feel like my own psychologist has rejected me. I keep feeling rejected. I don;t know when people are joking with me or being serious, so I keep thinking that friends don't want to be with me, which got me . . . well, not in trouble, it just made things a little tense. I seem to be really good at pissing people off. So this week I downloaded a whole bunch of Ben Folds Five mp3s; I'd forgotten how good they are. I also got my brace for my back. I hate it. I have to tighten it and it squeezes me and I can't wear my normal clothes because I don't want anyone to see it. I really hate it. As if I don't have enough of a problem with my self-image . . . So, now for the interesting part. I realized some time ago that John is probably not very right for me. I've tried ending it with him several times, but it never happens. (Right now I'm praying that he will never find this page.) Now here's the REALLY bad part. For the past three years, I've liked one of my close guy friends. He knows this. And I keep literally throwing myself at him, but to no avail. He says that I am one of his close female friends, and he doesn't want to lose another. Apparently, this has happened before. Bah. I don't believe that. If he truely liked me, I don't think that he would have that much self-control. I like him. I just wish he would give me a chance. But noooo . . . that won't be happening. I wish I weren't such a freak and I could get over this kid. But I can't. And I feel horrible. I feel horrible because he thinks I'm crazy. I feel horrible because eventually I'm going to have to break things off with John, and that's just lousy. I feel horrible because, as someone told me, I'm living a lie. I'm not happy. For a number of reasons. I don't know if it's just me being overly hopeful, but I really think it could work. If you don't try, you'll never know. I don't know if he reads this page or not . . . if he does, I'm truely sorry that I'm writing this all out here, but that's just how I cope with things. And your name's not even mentioned, so . . . I'm the one embarrassed and at risk to hurt people. However, if you do read this page, a couple of notes. You don't hold hands with a girl for half an hour if you don't like her. You don't make out with girls you don't like. You don't do a lot of things that you've done. Or maybe I've made you do them. But as you said, I can't make you do anything. ::sigh:: I just hope that 2002 is a lot better than this year. I still haven't even had the fucking surgery yet. :-\ Okay, after I wrote and posted this, Ginger and I spoke for a while on aim about - YOU GUESSED IT - guys. While we were talking, she gave me the link to her site. I found a passage in there that made me feel almost human again, for some reason. I don't know why . . . but it made me feel very reassured. I will post it here:
"So, after that, I decided that I was in a good enough mood to grace the breakfast I had helped plan. So I walked into Kings and headed instinctively back to the table my friends and I always get (yeah, those kind of standing locations don't just exist in Saved By The Bell) and there they were. I was greeted and I promptly sat down between Nathalie and Bob. It wasn't as bad as I had feared the other night. Maybe I just caught everyone in a bad mood. Or maybe it was just my own bad mood. I dunno, but today was much better. We annoyed the waitress and overtipped to make up for it as usual. We sang, we swore, we misbehaved, and the same old chainsmokers made the air filter work overtime. It was starting to feel like home again.
We all had a good time. I was very glad I went, it made me feel a hell of a lot better. Not everything changes. Sure, we've changed, but that doesn't mean the fact that we care about each other has to change.
After breakfast Nathalie and I toured the dollar stores of PT searching for and item we probably knew we wouldn't find, but at least it gave us something to do. I had a good time hanging out with her. It's still unbelievable that she came so close to dying a few weeks ago. She stopped and visited the driver of that car (summary: he was [not fit to drive - ed.], she and her friends got in his car, it flipped over going [a high rate of speed - ed.], she got 2 cracked ribs and 2 fractured vertabae (it could have been far worse) he is doing fine) at Iggle Video. I would have liked to have kicked him for all of his stupidity, but I kindly withheld that anger."
Thank you Ginger. You always know *just* what to write :)

Rambling for the week of November 19: HAHAHAH!!! I broke two of the boned in the back of my back. I find this very funny because I was wearing my seatbelt. This week I did nothing except for do stuff with Fennell and Ewok. YAY for Fennell and Ewok and the fact that they did not get hurt. Except Ewok did get hurt, be broke a bone beneath his jaw. Now he can only eat ice cream and cottage cheese. That sucks for Ewok. I think I failed school. I didnl;t go at all last week because of my fucking back. I really hurt. And I have that fucking operation on Dec. 17 . . . I'm on a lot of medication, and I can;t see straight! It;s most fun, this stuff . . . drop me a line or something, we'll chat! It will be fun, because I don;t think that I will be this (metally) fucked up for a long time after this. Bye bye!

Rambling for the week of November 12: I was in a car accident this week. The police and paramedics said that they've seen people die in cars looking better than the one we were in. We were on our way back from bowling (yeah . . . I know) and the driver took a turn too suddenly, we skidded 20 feet or so on gravel and then rolled up a ten foot high embankment, and were dropped on the same side of the embankment, roof down. The driver and Ewok got out first, and then Fennell and I were sort of pinned on the ceiling of the car, so the driver (TD) and Ewok started telling Fennell and I to get out of the car. Fennell was able to climb out the back window. I was in shock I think. (By the way, I have no recollection of this. This story is pieced together by what Fennell and Ewok and the paramedics and the police have told me.) I was very scared because I didn't think I could move. Turns out I couldn't move because of the seatbelt and my coat was trapped under something. I left the car (without my glasses and one of my leopard-print shoes, which I loved . . . they are still AWOL :) Thank GOD that's all that I am missing. It could have been so much worse and I'm complaining about my glasses and shoes.) after they cut apart my jacket and put me on one of those back boards. The first thing I remember clearly is arriving at the hospital. They asked me all the Questions (name, birthdate, president . . . ) and I couldn't remember them for awhile. That scared me. So once I remembered an answer, I'd scream it for five minutes. Okay. I'm confused and tired, and in a WORLD of pain, so I'll leave now. I'm not a religious person. But thank you GOD that we all survived. Good bye.

Rambling for the week of November 5: Sooo . . . this was a weird week. I dunno. I had that test done, and I'm having that surgery on December 17th. I'm having a laproscopic Nissen fundoplication. It's going to take five hours and I'll stay there anywhere from five - ten days. It says on all the websites I've checked out about this that it should take three hours and I should be out of the hospital in three days . . . why did my doctor tell me otherwise? I'm kind of confused now. And I'm scared. I have to have another test on Tuesday to see if I'll need another operation at the same time as the fundoplication. I don't like this. I hate it, in fact. When I wake up, I will have an NG tube down my throat, and I won't be able to move from the waist down because they're giving me an epidural . . . or however you spell that. So yeah, I'm scared. And yeah, I hate this. And right now, the only people I outside my family to see me through this are Fennell, Jake, and Ewok. Speaking of, this week it's Fennell's turn in the spotlight, in "An Ode to Fennell". See you next week.

Ramblings for the week of October 29: I promise, I will update on time in the future. Flogging Molly rocked, TMBG was better that they were when I saw them in April, and I've fucked things up again. I seem to have some kind of knack for fucking things up. I think maybe I'm plagued in that way. Everyone seems to like the Brannigans EP, so that's cool . . . I guess. I don't know. I'm depressed. I'm not as stupid as I make myself out to be, and it pisses me off that I make myself out to be stupid in the first place. A lot of things are bothering me right now, I feel like this is not me writing this, I feel like I'll be dead next week, so what does it matter? Not literally, fuck-heads who think I'm crying out for attention, I mean dead in the sense that nothing is really real to me anymore . . . first class signs of depression, I know. And yet, I'm so damn good at hiding it! That should make me feel better. Download "It's Tough to Have a Crush" by Okgo. Pretty much sums up everything; some things, anyway. WHEEE! Happy Nathalie! Not allowed to be sad! Sorry guys, I'm not as fucked up right now as this is making me sound. I have a barium swallow on Tuesday . . . slight possiblitity that I have Barrett's Esophageous. Now that would be GREAT! Fucking cancer on top of everything else. Whoops. not supposed to let that show, that's no good. Besides, I have a great life. I have a great life. I have a great life. Compared to somee other lives, my life is so great that it's inexplicable why I have such a better quality of life than others. I guess I'm just so fucking lucky like that. I'm sorry to my friends. I'm sorry to my family; to John, Annie, Ewok, Shawn, Jake, Alex, Shea, Alexandra, Max, Mark, Mikey, Lasette, Jon, Karen, Pat, Katie, Angela, Chris, Kevin, Chris, Dan, Heather, Bach, Chris, Jason, Julianna, Ginger . . . I'm sorry that I have a good life and I do nothing but bitch about it. Oh yeah, "An Ode to Ewok". Forgot to post that last week. I'm sorry Shawn. I'm sorry everyone. I'll be here next week. Unfortunately . . . (?)

Ramblings for the week of October 15: I ran out of my first class of the the week with a panic attack. I was carried out of the week's last class on a stretcher. I am really having problems wuth this school. SOOOOO . . . how 'bout that anthrax? It's scaring the shot out of me, if you'd like to know . . . I have a headache right now; I never have headaches . . . FLU-LIKE SYMTOMS!!! ARGGG!!! Anyway, school sucks, and so does anthrax. Glad I got that squared away. This week was unventful, despite the two "events" that I've already told you about. I saw Scary Movie 2 with Shawn and Ewok. Those are good guys. Shawn, Ewok, I love you guys. Sorry, I'm in a weird mood . . . and this will all probably be brought up the next time I see them. Or maybe not; they're rather private guys. In my opinion. So, before the movie we went to a WAL*MART and had fun with balls and vibrating things. This sounds dirtier than it was. After the movie, we went over to John's house, where Ewok and him discovered that they were long-lost play-mates. It's a crazy world; cock-eyed. :) Brannigans (-Chris) recorded this weekend, we know have a decent demo. Three songs cost us $174. This is our third time recording. The first one cost $450, and was never finished, 'cos we ran out of money. The second one was Shea recording us in Kevin's basement. That was $150. We only go one song out of it, though, so this has DEFINATELY been the best recording experience ever. A little out of the way to us (Ambridge) but you CAN'T beat $10/hour. Nick rocks. If you're in a band, call this # - 724 - 266 - 8424. Nick will make you feel like a rockstar. And he likes anchovies. I mentioned that I like anchovies on my pizza to someone . . . (I've tried to think of who, but my mind is fuzz.) . . . and I realized that they might take that as me declaring that I am a lesbian. I have no problem with the gay\lesbian\transgendered "community". MANY of my friends have "alternate" lifestyles. But I just don't want to be know as a lesbian . . . I don't wear make-up, or wear "girly" clothes, but to tell you truth, my face is very sensitive to anything and actually, when I'm at home, I hang out in dresses. I'm wearing a skirt right now. I just feel weird when I go out with my friends, who are all guys, and I'm the only one wearing a skirt. It feels unbalanced. HEY! Guys! Next time I see you, wear a kilt or something! Then I wouldn't feel so awkward! Or not . . . I apologize for the lateness of this update, but I was beat last night. Sorry. I'll try harder next week. Peace, yo.

Ramblings for the week of October 8: Never in my whole life has a week crawled by so slowly. Yes, it's official, I HATE SCHOOL. Premature thinking? Nah. I hate the T ride, I hate not having time to sleep, I hate not knowing anyone, I hate being at the bottom again . . . In other news, John and I celebrated our first year of going out this Tuesday. I went to his house, we spent some quality time with each other, and exchanged gifts. Except he has not yet finished paying for my gift . . . so he just described it to me instead. I got a red accordian with mother of pearl inlay. Thank you John! So I'm going to be trying to learn how to play this thing for a couple of decades :) I got him Weezer's Blue Album (on vinyl); first pressing. Mint condition . . . *sigh* . . . it's beautiful, if I do say so myself . . . very blue. So, after a week of hellish school, I slept all day Friday, and then on Saturday, went to see the Strain (one of our drummer, Kevin's, bands) open up for the Insubordinates. It was a good show. And then I spent the night at John's house, and now I think I'm sick . . . I'm all stuffed up and have red nose and I'm coughing. So I really hope that I feel better tomorrow, because I don't want to go to school feeling sick. Or get sick at school for that matter. I've been drinking OJ by the gallon. Anywho, for anyone who cares (probably no one) Brannigans are considering not being a band anymore. This depresses the shit out of me, so that's all on that. I think I've come up with my list . . . you know, the infamous list of famous people you could fuck, if you had the chance. I know many of you don't want to hear it, but, hell, it's my fucking page. :) (Keep in mind that this is only famous people, not all people, like that guy that workin in Uptown Coffee . . . or YOU)

Ramblings for the week of October 1: ::Sigh:: Alexandra threw up this Saturday, and, yes, O Reader, I am nervous, so pray or fly flags, or float Lotuses for me, so that I will NOT throw up. So, this is it, boys and girls. October 1, I start "school". Alright, it is a school. No quotation marks. I have my kit, ID and T pass, all I need is a big load of confidence. Or Klonopin. Yeah, I'll go with the Klonopin. Can't rely on that confidence shit. My schedule, which I'll post here, so that you won't have to wonder where I am when I'm not online (not that you will, but just saying . . . ), is fucked up. Somehow I ended up with the following schedule:

Rambling for the week of September 24: "Assholes, bastards, fucking cunts and pricks . . . " Ian Dury. Live through him, love through him. I got a new computer this Sunday, which makes this Nathalie a happyNathalie. Let's clap. So, Kronin Wanderforth moved away from her happy home in Hawaii (I *know* I spelled that wrong) this week, and hopefully she's reading this and feeling very settled in her new place. Brannigans played a great show this week at Margaritaville. We were all out of tune, due to Chris's guitar/banjo, which kept going out of tune, and that fact that we hadn't practiced in a month or so. But everyone had such a high level of energy (and blood alchohol), that we more than made up for it in . . . um . . . stage presence? At any rate, it was a fun-fun time. And guess who's going to start classes in Duquesne next fall? JOHN!!! YAY for John, who will be there to be a Tambaritzen (sp?) and study music. John, if you ever read this page, you know how proud I am of you, I love you and you're going to be great. :) Speaking of John, October 2nd marks ONE WHOLE YEAR together for John and I. Wow. One year . . . that's a lot of days. 365, to be exact. I threw up once so far, and John thre up a lot. But he was drunk all the times, except for once. Not that you care, just rambling. Turns out I'm going to get that operation; a %90 chance of it. I might also get two others at the same time, to fix a possible hernia and a valve problem. Again, I'm sure you care. Well, I'm spent. Goodbye, all, and a merry week to you all, no matter how bad last week was. I'm thinking Monday night was my worst night. But, you know, que cera cera. I love you all!

Rambling for the week of September 17: I'm not going to preach about what happened this week. I'm sure you're sick of hearing about it, as am I; not that I have any less sympathy for the victims, no one deserves that, just I thought you might be able to take a short break from it here. That said, just a quick pause for the thousands killed and injured in the horrific events on Tuesday.

Okay, cheesey, but about as appropriate as you can get online. Ben Folds was a disaster. Fuck it. And I got my neck pierced. See below, the second is a sort of "cut-away" view of the piercing. The Ben story is long, so that's it for ramblings . . . See you next week; same time, same place.

Rambling for the week of September 10: This weeks episode is brought to you by EwokiaVision -- If you can't see, then this can't hurt you!!!
So Nat is currently indisposed and has asked the neighborhood ball of hair to fill in. So where to start off? Well...it's recently been brought to my attention (By Myself if you must know) that I'm not very motivated...and that's a problem. Ya'see...when I wake up in the morning without any plans I tend to lie around in bed drifting back off to sleep...or get on my computer until something comes up (the phone rings) or I decide to go to sleep for the night. (Or morning -- but my bad sleeping habits are another matter) Now it's not that I don't have plenty to do. The entire house needs cleaned, I have memberships at certain places around town (Gym etc.) that I could go get my moneys worth out of...I could go pick up those few items I need at the mall etc. etc. etc...but hell I just really want to. And I should. Now if somebody ever asks me to do something I jump at it...pick up stuff for my mother? No problem already out the door. Hang out with friends? Heck, I'm already ringing the doorbell. And it's not like I'm desperate to get out of the house, it's just that it provides the motivation I need to get moving. Somehow I have to bridge that gap and learn to convince myself to do stuff. So now that I've bored you with my weekly introspective views...I'll bore you with some information you may or may not have picked up already! Barry Bonds (Baseball Player -- Former Pirate) hit 3 homeruns last night to put his season total at 63. Only two players have ever hit more then that in a season...and he still has 18 games left. His 3 blasts today also gives him more career home runs then any left handed hitter to ever play the game. I'm a converted Giants fan (His current team - based out of San Fransisco) and they are fighting to keep a spot in the upcoming playoffs. So if you are not currently backing a team send out a few well wishes to them. And then at last there comes Football. Yes, today was the first day of regular season action in the NFL!!! The Steelers got their butts handed to them in a wet paper sack and we are not sure if they will be able to fight their way out of it next week...but we sure hope so! Kordell Stewart (Pittsburghs favorite blame guy) had another good preformance, consistant improvement is visable even against last years heroic effort to spark the team back to life. The defense on the other hand didn't just play dead...they showed up at the stadium in caskets and never bothered to even lift the lids and peek out and the carnage that was taking place. I have faith they can turn some heads with some great play this year...but is that faith really deserved? Only time shall tell. I'd say "Sorry" for rambling on like this...but well...*points to title of page* thats what this is here for! So with that completely boring and probably unapreciated update (well Nat apreciates any update...) I leave you with one question. lets just say that you wake up at 9am, when 12am rolls around (the new day) do you CONSIDER it the new day if you see the time? Or is it the same day to you until you fall asleep? You're homework this week is to email Nat the answer to that question and surprise her with all the unread email awaiting her in her mailbox. So get to it! *waits, realizes nobody is listening let alone participating) oh well, tis late (3:30am) and I'm tired. Goodnight everyone and may "Luke be a Jedi tonight...." (Yes, quotes you should know!)

Rambling for the week of September 3: Well . . . I got a nice e-mail from Kronin, who is wise beyond her years. Actually, I don't know how old she is, but she's so wise that I'm sure she's wiser than anyone else in her age group. So my statement was correct, if you trust my judgement. She made me feel good about myself and/or others. I felt pretty low last week. I felt pretty low this week, too, actually. I have a problem with things like that. If I feel bad, I feel that I can't show it to my people. I'll call people up and act happy - sometimes too happy - and they put it down to Nathalie being nieve and drugged, but I am conscious of what I'm doing. See, if I don't put on my act, I'll probably break down on the phone. And no one wants that. So now I guess you know the truth. Not like you cared :) Anyway, this week was alright. I started volunteering at everybody's favorite alternative high school, Wesley Academy. Every Friday afternoon I go into the middle school classroom (yes, the middle school classroom - there are seven middle schoolers in Wesley) and try to help them with their work. I don't really need to teach them, it's more like trying to help them concentrate. I like it because they have to call me "Miss Bruce". Ahh, the prestige. Sooo . . . on Tuesday I got something pierced. Click here if you want to know what it is and you actually want to see the piercing. It's pretty awesome. Oh, yeah, and Ben Fold and They Might Be Giants are coming to Pittsburgh, September 9 at M and October 25 at Club Laga, respectively. As Alex put it, it's the fall of geekness. All hail!

Rambling for the week of August 27: Sometimes I wish I had been a very rebellious 14 or 15 year old, but I wasn't. I think that I may have turned out more free . . . I realized this week that I feel extremely confined by the person everyone expects me to be. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Nathalie, to hell with what people think about you, all that matters is that you're confortable with yourself." Or at least that's what I'm thinking. But thinking and actually doing are very different things; I'm scared. Me. I'm scared. I'm terrified of people thinking that I changed for them. I've basically worn the same clothes since I was in fourth grade. I'm very comfortable in them, perhaps too comfortable. I want to dress like I feel, act like I feel, do what I feel like . . . I want to be me, and not be worried about the repercussions of not acting like the Nathalie that everyone has known forever. Ha. I don't know what I'm talking about. This weekend Brannigans had a show in Johnstown, PA. This is the furthest I've ever been away from my family. (I know, I'm a wimp.) And I did it! I lived! I got in the car, was driven 100 miles there, stayed for nine hours, and then did the 2.30 hour trip back to Pittsburgh - - AND I DIDN'T GET NERVOUS!!! This is so cool for me! I never do anything like that, and I did it. I am so proud of myself, actually, although you probably don't think it's a big deal. But this is coming from the girl who can't shop on the second floor of the mall because she gets to nervous. So that was probably the biggest step I've taken to getting better in, oh, four years. The only drawback to this was that I rode with Bach and John in Bach's Geo Metro. Now, that's already a bad situation because Geos are tiny, and this particular Geo did not pass its' inspection and is due to be scrapped on September 1, so it was not safe. But that's only the beginning. I RODE BITCH IN THE BACK SEAT OF A GEO METRO WITH AN ENTIRE DRUM KIT. I rode in a fetal position for 5 hours. To top it off, I was behind the passenger seat, which held my 6'8" boyfriend, John. And I was hot. Everytime I moved the screws on the bass drum dug into my arm, so my left arm in in shreds now, and the double bass pedal was digging into my spine. And - the best part - on the way home we turned a sharp corner, and a tom fell on my head. I have a huge bruise now. All thanks to those FUCKING drums. But I'm recovering nicely, thank you. :) On Saturday I went to see Monty Python and the Holy Grail at the Denis with Shawn and Ewok. That movie gets better every time I see it. The audience was in hysterics the whole way through. Okay, I have to go now, but thanks so much for reading this and putting up with me. I love you all! Till next time, mon amie . . .

Rambling for the week of August 20: So, how about last week's update? Sorry about that, it's the first time in two years that I haven't updated. Oddly enough, apparently no one noticed. Well, it's me this week, not Ewok, and I'm back and in the states and in my old crazy life again. First off, I had a good time over in Scotland. Things were weird this time because my grandfather can no longer drive so I spent three weeks in virtual isolation with my mom, grandparents and sister. I was able to drink when I was over there, so that was a plus, but I only got to take advantage of this about three times. In the middle of our vacation, we took a trip down to York, England, where I lived until I was three. This freaked me out a lot, because I saw our old house, and it is now a rehabilitation home. Strange life, isn't it? I did do a lot of shopping in York, however, and I found many good records . . . I came back with Elvis Costello (namely "Blood and Chocolate", "Out of Our Idiot", "Spike", "Almost Blue", and some others . . . I can't think of them right now.) and The Pogues "If I Should Fall From Grace With God". I actually brought back two versions of IISFFGWG, one a French release and one the Warner UK release. I was looking for the original Stiff Records version, though, so I was a little disappointed. I'm sorry if appear to be a bit off this week. I'm fairly up and down right now, mood wise. Julianna, Lasette, Chris and Shea have all left for college. I didn't get to say goodbye to Shea or Chris, so that's bringing me down. I've also been afraid to eat lately. I'm pretty sure that this stems from a combination of my fear of puking and the fact that they FINALLY took me of the last of my hydrocortisone. In the past seven weeks I've lost 24 lbs. I'm very happy about this. I haven't been happy with the way I look since I was in ninth grade. So although I still look, um . . . not thin, I am on the way back to the way I used to look. I think. I hope. ANYWAY, let me get over myself for a while and go back to rambling. Thank you, Ewok, for some wonderful updates. Yay! for Ewok. This weekend (August 25th) is Elvis Costello's birthday. Happy Birthday, Elvis! Ben Folds is coming to Pittsburgh on September 9th, so buy your tickets now. And try not to be angry with him for playing the shittiest venue in town, "M". And, as a special "treat", I've posted some pics for you, lucky reader! DOES THE FUN EVER START?!?! (Top left: Cruickshanks Fish and Chips in Buckie, Scotland. All Scottish people wear tammies. This sign proves it. Top right: The view from my bedroom window. You can just barely see the sea. WHEE! I would like to recite something my grandmother often says. *clears throat* "I see the sea, and the sea sees me!" They say mental disorders are inherited. Bottom: Me, taking advantage of the fact that I am 18 and that in the UK you can drink when you are 18. In my hand - Guinness Original. On the table - bad white wine with Coke behind it. On my face - my new glasses. Pink rhinestones. See how they sparkle?)

Ramblings for the week of August 6: This week I and some friends took a trip up to the horrid state of Ohio. Home of the Brownies! But I digress - it did have one good point. Six Flags! Yes - we decided to try our hand at a new amusement park. Home of the new X-Flight (A "flying" coaster worth a good deal of enjoyment) and another 9 coasters that proved this park worth the three hour trip. I could talk more about it but I choose not to. So what else happened this week? Well I took a trip to Mars. WTF?! I didn't go anywhere near Mars...so what did I do? Hrm...lemme think here. Ah, I know! I explored the wrecks of several military aircraft under the three rivers! It was most exciting and informative -- argh! where did that come from? I can't even really swim (I can kinda flop around and keep from drowning...but its not really "swimming") I guess when it comes down to it other then that one trip...my week was boring as boring could be. Then again -- last night...(really this time) I got accused of attempting to kill the neighbors kids. My buddy was dropping me off at home and he came within 60ft of them so obviously it was an attempt on their lives (we were moving at 10mph). As they "Went to call the cops" (no way they did) my buddy decided to split. Leaving me all alone to deal with three elder idiots. I attempted to bypass them without saying a word...but as I got past them the 70 year old man spoke up "You won't be smirking when I have my hands wrapped around your throat". They called ME every name in the book with me doing nothing but standing there smiling. They when I turned to walk away I got lectured on "respecting your elders and watching my mouth". *sigh* I hate people. I really really hate people. Perhaps I'll go live in a van....DOWN BY THE RIVER!!! Just to get away from it all. Or not. And on that completely unworthy note I shall take my leave for yet another week. I hope someone ends up reading this entire boring rant...just to make it worth writing ;-) then again since this "update" contains NO useful info...it would make sense if nobody did *chuckles* Take care everyone. Ewok Out.

Ramblings for the week of July 30: Well -- as you know this is coming to you a "tad" late. It would appear as if angelfire has now merged with lycos and this happened after Nat had already left. Which left me and Shea lost at how to get into this site. Nat called me today just to say "Hi" and I was able to extract some other info from her that lead me to the Holy Grail. Yes I am now one BILLION dollars richer! Wait-a-second...no I'm not...I guess that just means I found out how to get her new password *smiles* Next week will see an update on time! As for last week - I moved a buddy into his new house (Just moved his stuff - he moved in with his father) but geez he had a lot of junk! Then I helped a buddy dig a giant hole in his backyard and fill it with cement for a basketball hoop. As much fun as THAT was the best part was trying to figure out what to do with a pair of pants that were covered with an inch of cement *sigh*. Other then that nothing work speaking of happened (that I can recall...). Oh but I did go on a quest...to find...a shrubbery! STOP! That's not it either - I've been trying to find mp3's of just a techno beat (Read: Driving Music) and have been unable to find anything that doesn't contain some idiot in the background yappin about something I don't give three frog toes about. I really need to improve my file finding abilities on this new-fangled contraption some people call the "'net". And on that unworthy note I shall sign off - A better update next week, I promise! No really!!! Take Care - Ewok

Ramblings for the week of July 23: Okay, either Shea or Ewok will be updating for me . . . I had a sort of a "skiffle" with Ewok. Alright, it was a fight. I was the one to blame comletely, I said something very insulting and I'm completely sorry. In completely unrelated news, Shea has just confirmed that he WILL update. Ewok, you're off the hook. Anyway, this Wednesday I am off to bonnie Scotland. I'm nervous as hell about the flight. Please pray or hope or offer coins or float lotuses so that my family and I will not freak out, become anxious, or get sick, and that we have a trouble-free vacation. I'm a little nervous and shit. I am soooo medicated. They tripled my Klonopin. For reference, one of my friends takes 0.25 mg of this stuff to go to sleep. I take 2 whole mgs three times a day. I'm exhausted. Very tired. I got my hair dyed this week, red, but it's faded already . . . I want it redyed. I think the worst things about this vacation will be 1)The plane ride 2)No friends (or John) and 3)missing out on the Pure Punk Tour that Brannigans is opening for. Pippy (Chris's girlfriend) is filling in for me. So that's that. I'm signing off for the next three weeks. Shea might stop by and say something later on tonight, just to say hi, and to introduce himself to you guys, but he might not. So, for the next three weeks, peace out, and I love you all!

Ramblings for the week of July 16: Well, I had one of those classic lazy summer weeks. Not that you care, of course, but I'm going to wirte about it here, since I have nothing else to write about. On Wednesday I spent a lovely night with Mark, in which we cruised the Canonsburg area. We spent a bit of time at Kings. Then, on Thursday I went out with Shawn, Jake, and Ewok. We were really bored so we went to Giant Eagle, our local 24 hour supermarket. With the purchase of two plastic bats and a large flashlight, we had a fun time until the cops showed up, and put an end to our antics. On Friday I went to the mall with Ginger, and I braved the second floor of the mall. ;) I found a nice shirt (for when I have to look like a girl), and I got some soap. A nice essestial item. On Saturday, Brannigans went to the South Side Summer Street Spectacular. We played on the street and made $13, three slices of pizza, one steak sandwich, and four cans of beer. There were alot of people video-taping and taking pictures of us; apparently we were a hit. And then, finally, on Sunday, Julianna came round and ate inner with us. I drew a henna tattoo on her stomach, which was harder than it sounds because she kept laughing and breathing. It turned out alright . . . okay, I'll be leaving for now, have fun until next week.

Ramblings for the week of July 9: Today I spent the day with an old friend, Chris. It was fun, we saw Scary Movie 2, and I actually stayed throught the entire thing! We got to the theatre at 4.00, and the movie didn't start until 5.15, so we went to the mall for a bit. We decided to sit down, and have a drink. For some reason (okay, I was dared . . . I rarely decline a dare), I bought five slushies. turns out I hate them, so we gave them all away. Do you know how HARD it is to give food to people? I mean, it was like asking these people if they wanted a free injection of the ebola virus. Finally, three guys took the slushies. I hope that they enjoyed them. I found out this week that I'm going to be away from July 25 to August 15. Try not to miss me too much. And Ewok has graciously agreed to update for me. THANK YOU EWOK!!! And I'm desperately hoping that I won't freak out on the plane. Okay. Here's to you, and come back next week!

Ramblings for the week of July 2: Yes, that is a new splash for you! How observant! So . . . Ewok "likes" it, but apparently he feels that it's not representitive of the content of the site . . . i suppose from the way he's looking at it, it does seem rather stupid . . . but every time *I* look at it, I crack up. Umm . . . so . . . enjoy it, or don't. I apologize if you don't like it. how about this. E-mail me, and tell me if I should keep it or make a new one or go back to the old one . . . Come on, it will be fun. I really wanted to kill myself on Wednesday. I was very depressd for some reason. I was just lying there, and I realized that there was nothing to stop me from doing anything. I think I'm still depressed, a bit, but I'm not going to do anything rash . . . it was just kind of weird. The thing that's really pissing me off is my anxiety; I couldn't even stay through A.I. with Ewok. I actually was so nervous that I stayed outside the theatre for an hour and a half. I think I know what it is, though, that makes me nervous . . . big, open spaces and/or lots of people being around me. I had an asthma attack on Monday, and I was with Shawn, Jake, and Ewok. I got so nervous about not being able to breathe that I made Ewok stop the car so I could get out. Then I actually passed out, and insisted on walking the two miles to my house. I'm a crazy bastard. But then, when I got home, I realized what extraordinary friends I have in these guys. Thank you, Jake, Ewok, and Shawn, and I'm sorry I put a bit of a kink in your evening. Yeah. But up until that, I was having a great time. I'm getting new glasses this week . . . they're purple cats-eye shaped frames, and they are studded with little purple rhinestones. I love them. And, surprisingly, so does my mom. So, that's all for now, and I hope you all have a lovely week and remember! E-mail me!

Ramblings for the week of June 25: Which describes how you're feeling all the time. Which describes how you're feeling, feeling all the time, there's this guy in the sky and he makes you want to, want to make you sigh, like the time when you felt like you're feeling all the time, and you sighed at the cracks in the ceiling all the time. You said "I'm feeling fine", but it didn't really rhyme, it didn't rhyme overseas, which describes how you're feeling all the time. It. De. Scribes. How. You're. Fee. Ling. Let me describe how I'm feeling all the time. I'm feeling sick and asthmatic and fat and let down and most of all I feel depressed. Which kills me, because I have no reason to be depressed. I'm not in grave danger of dying. I have caring people around me. I have a future ahead of me. Then why the fuck do I feel like this? I'm angry with myself. I have no real reason to be, I'm just really disappointed with the person I'm turning out to be. I'm sorry, dear reader, to dump this all out on you, but really this is a crazy world and to survive, I think, you have to be a certain kind of person. And I'm not that kind of person. Hell. It really doesn't matter. But I am kind of lonely, O faithful reader, so, if you know my cell phone number, call me. RIGHT NOW. I'm usually up til 3.30. And yes, I am talking specifically to a person, and if you have an inkling that it may be you I'm talking about, it is. I promise you. I know I'm right. I'm always right, you wanker. How many people out there actually know what the word wanker means? I thought that it was a widely used word, but apparently it's not, so don't hold it against me that I'm assuming that you don't know what it means. (Not YOU! I know YOU know what it means.) Anyway, that's all I'm writing tonight. I'm really not as fucked up as I sound. Just going through a "difficult" time. Oh yeah! This was the week of my graduation party. You were there, so you know how it went. (If you weren't, I'm sorry. It was just because I either don't know you well, have never met you, or you just live too damn far away. Much fun was had by all. Especially me. It's times like those I wish I could stay 18 forever, be happy and not really have anything to worry about except for stupid things like who's friends with whom and all that shit. Now I'll leave. I promise! Good night! Or evening! Or afternoon! Or morning! Yeah, I'm bipolar, could you tell?

Ramblings for the week of June 18: Arg! I almost forgot to update this week . . . so, anyways, nothing really interesting happened this week. I'm going to get a tattoo . . . this should be very interesting. I would say that I have a high pain tolerance. I just asked John, and he would say that I have a high pain tolerance, so that works, I guess. I'm kind of nervous. My browser won't let me type in the text box on the angelfire editor, so I'm typing all of this in my address bar, and planning to cut and paste later. So, yeah, it's a bitch. This week is my graduation party. If you know me, you're invited. So, that's all for this week, and I apologize for it being so short, but there's nothing else to say! Peace out all . . . oh yeah, Fennell came home! Yay for Fennell. Okay, I'm really leaving now.

Ramblings for the week of June 11: How many of you have walked out of your own graduation? Nobody? Well, I did! I was so nervous. I was sitting up there on stage and I was convinced that I was going to throw up. Or pass out. Or something. So, in order to spare myself humiliation, I made my way through my fellow graduates and walked down the side aisle, and continued walking until I was outside. And I stayed there until the presentation of the diplomas. I felt, and still feel, actually, that I let everyone down, especially the people who had come to see me graduate. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime thing, high school graduation. And I blew it. Anyway, things were pretty uneventful until Satuday, when Brannigans played a show at Millvale Industrial Theatre . . . It was awesome. We played so well! Imagine people moshing to Irish music. FUCKING ROCK! And so, just when I thought the best was over, I went home to John's house (sans John, he stayed to watch the Stitches) and then John called and said that he'd be bringing home a few guests. Namely, Plasma Blast and LES Stitches. They spent the night at the house (actually, Mick and Dameon fell asleep in John's room, one in his bed. John was not too happy about this.) But yeah, that's how I spent my Saturday night. Okay. Mysister just informed me that she feels sick and " . . . do you think it's the chicken?" We had chicken for dinner. So once again, PLEASE, pray or repeat mantras or fly prayer flags so that I won't throw-up. Please! Alright, see you all next week, same time, same place.

Ramblings for the week of June 4: So . . . John moved into his house on Saturday, so on Saturday night I went round to his house and everyone sat around and got drunk and stoned . . . excluding me. I suppose I could be described as "straight edge", but I drink at night . . . for the nerves, I guess. I don't really care about being straight edge or not . . . to each his own. Anyway, their house is awesome! It's really nice and old and cool. I dig it. When I went over there, all they had in their refrigerator was beer, pizza, two cokes, and a jar of mayonaise. The mayonaise was my contribution. It's John's favorite condiment. I started a job on Sunday at noon, doing market research, and quit at 2.15. It was the worst job ever. Sorry. Just had to throw that in there. On Tuesday I went to my G.I. doctor, and I told him about all this heartburn I've been having. That wouldn't be so bad, but I'm already on a really high dose of a really strong medicine for acid reflux, so this shouldn't be happening. In fact, it should be getting better. But it's not, and I'm popping Tums like candy. So I told him about this and now it turns out I'm having surgery. The exact name is Fundoplication, and what they do is take the top part of your stomach (the fundus) and wrap it around your esophogas. This creates sort of a one-way valve, so no acid can go up. And, GET THIS, I WILL NEVER PUKE AGAIN!!! (supposedly) Only dry-heaves. Wheeee! Well, I'm not too happy about the surgery, since it is kind of major (three day stay in hospital, five incisions), but hell, I'll NEVER THROW UP AGAIN!!!! Alright, thanks for reading! Oh, yeah, and I graduate this week on Tuesday! Everything is finally coming up roses. See you next week, same time, same place.

Ramblings for the week of May 28: So, prom sucked. I only spent two hours at it, and then John and I decided to go home because it was so lame. I called my mom to come and pick me up and she said that I had to take my sister, WHO IS 13, in to use the bathroom. I was not happy about this, so I tried to sneak in the back of the car when there were stopped, 'cos my mom said that if I didn't take my sister in, then she would park the car and she wouldn't be happy. So she saw me trying to get in and decided to go and park the car in the parking lot adjacent to the hotel where prom was. I ran to catch up with them, and by the time I got there, they had already parked. My sister then got out of the car and in the extreme panic to get away from me she slammed the door on her finger. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" screamed my mother. I said nothing and went to the backseat of the car, where I stayed while my mother and sister went into the hotel and got ice for her finger. They came back 20 minutes later, and my mom was furious with me. And in between her scathingly bitter remarks to me (you're evil; nobody likes you; why did I ever have you?) All she did was talk to my sister in this sickly-sweet voice. Eventually it was decided to take her poor injured dove to the emergency room, because the brace and Motrin I told them that would be administered at the hospital apparently aren't enough for *this* broken finger. So we spent three hours at the ER with my sister, where a nusre told us that her finger wsn't broken at all, just bruised. (Now, at this point, I would like to inform the reader that I have been passed out on the floor of my bedroom with my asthma, and she'll pour water on me to waks me up, because she refuses to take me to the hospital, lest they want to admit me, which would complicate her life.) The next day we went to the Doctor, who administered a tetnus shot to poor, poor, Alexandra, and half an hour later she puked. So, once again, PLEASE, be kind enough to pray or something, just so I won't throw up. Very scared now. Anyway, that was my senior prom. My mom seriously hates me. All she ever does is make fun of me and be mean and munipulative. I know that every teenager has problems with there parents, but I truely believe that my mom hates me. She doesn't want anything to do with me and has actually said that she loves my sister more than she does me. But I found a nice release. X-Files porn fan-fic. Yeah. I'm real fucking healthy. REAL FUCKING GREAT.

Ramblings for the week of May 21: So yeah. Someone else, and a very nice someone at that, emailed me. Her name is Lisa, and she writes a whole lot. But she writes about good stuff. Go visit her here. So, this week we had a workshop "reunion" at TGIFridays. It was weird, but really cool. All the people that I'd grown up with were there. Freaky. So, I'm officially kicked out of ymy house on July 1. That leaves me a little more than a month to apply and be accepted for Supplemental Security Income, 'cos I need money to move out, and I can't hold down a steady job because of my asthma. Yup. I'm fucking screwed. So, once again, prom is this week, it's promising to be the suckiest one yet. Although I'm going with John, I'm not going to know anyone, and I'm going to hate the music. And, to top it all off, I think I may have mono, because my sister does. If I have mono, I don't know what I'll do, because they'll put me back on Prednisone. Ah, well. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wish I were five again. I really wish I were five again. I can't cope with all this shit.

Ramblings for the week of May 14: Sometimes inspiration comes to you in a religious figure in your breakfast food. Sometimes it comes in the middle of a bath. And other times it comes to you in the form of a person you've never met before, named Kate. Out of the blue, I get a critical, yet supportive letter from someone who apparently just found my site by some fluke accident. She said that this has the potential to be a good site, but my disgusting lack of meaning in my updates was tedious. And I suppose it is. So, it is to all of you readers who may be too afraid to voice your opinions on the suckage level on this site, i sincerely apologize. See, I used to enjoy updating, and still do, it's just now I see it as a chore rather than a hobby. And I suppose that's bad. Anyway, on with the "meat and potatoes" of the rambling, So, prom's in a week or so, John is coming with me. :) I like John. Hell, I *love* John. So prom should be fun . . . unlike Mother's Day. My mom and I have been at each others throats for the past few weeks, but I bought her a gift (Aimee Mann's Ultimate Hits Collection) anyway, as a gesture of goodwill. She proceeded to say how that anything I could have given her on Mothers Day would have been a big farce, so I shouldn't have even bothered. Funny thing is, when she was saying all of this, she was listenening to the CD. So, I walked over to the CD player, took out the CD, and cracked it in half. Then I got my bag and my shoes and walked about a half mile down the road to Kofenya where John and his dad picked me up. I them spent the remainder of MD at John's house. Now, when I say "John's house", I actually mean John's parents house. But as of the first of next month, John will be renting his VERY OWN HOUSE. (Well, with another guy, but still it's cool as hell.) It even has a backyard. Ahhh. This is going to be good. Alright, Kate, enough for you? Good-bye, all!

Ramblings for the week of May 7: Nothing happened this week. Absoulubtly nothing. I went to DC this weekend, which was cool, but other than that . . . NOTHING. Sorry so short, but there really is nothing to say.

Ramblings for the week of April 30: Hey all. Boring week this week except that Jo came out to stay for two weeks. Jo came out to stay with us when we first came out to America, and stayed with us for a year. She surprised us all on Tuesday by calling and telling us that she could come out. Jo's cool. On Friday I was supposed to have a show, but no one showed up. Not even the band. *sigh* Oh well, there's always next time. Okay, here's the deal. If before you've been afraid to come to our shows because of the potential audience type, come and see Brannigans at the 45th Annual Pittsburgh Folk Festival during Memeorial Day weekend. Okay. That is all, nothing more to report.

Ramblings for the week of April 23: Nothing notable about this week . . . except for the TMBG concert which was very good, although a little over-produced. On Saturday Brannigans recorded with Shea, who put up with us for about seven hours, two of which he was not paid for and drove us around in our fruitless search for an accordian. Dan broke his during our last show, and one of the bass buttons is stuck in. God, it's really hot. I don't know where you are, but here in Pittsburgh it's very very hot. I don't enjoy hot weather. A lot of people do, but I like it when it's warm and on the brink of a thunderstorm, when you have that really cool breeze and you can see the lightning. I like lightning and thunder, which is strange, because our house has been hit by lightning three times. I know there's a lottery statistic in here somewhere, but I can't find it. On Friday, the 27 of April, Brannigans has a show at the Pollinator, the place above the Beehive in Oakland. Come, and you'll probably get a pin. Peace, yo.

Ramblings for the week of April 16: Hey! What's up, all? Well, this week was boring . . . on Thursday Brannigans had a show. It sucked ass . . . fun, but the audience were all these little 13 year old fashion punks. AND THEY KEPT HITTING ON JOHN. I was a little pissed at both John and the bitches. So yeah. Then nothing else happened for the rest of the week, except for on Sunday when I came home from eating Easter dinner with John and found my ailing mom and sister. Diagnoses? Food poisoning caused by pork. No throwing up, though. At least that's what my mom says. I hope it's not some kind of virus . . . so, once again, I'm going to have to ask you guys to pray or repeat mantras or whatever you do so i don't throw up. Please. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Peace out all.

Ramblings for the week of April 9: Well, the pain isn't letting up. Not cool. This week I found out that TMBG are coming to Pittsburgh - - the first time in three years! So, of course, I have already got my tickets. If you do not, I strongly recommend that you do as soon as possible. They are performing the rarely heard (live) song "Fingertips", plus alot of their new stuff of the "NO" album. Should be good. Wow. It has gotten so hot lately. It was up to 88 this weekend. Yeah . . . wow . . . so, John got a job, he's a men's furnishings salesperson at Kaufmanns. Yay for John :) Nothing else to report, visit Engrish.com for laughs abound.

Ramblings for the week of April 2: Sorry for last weeks "update". I know it sucked. But I was, and still am, very sore. Ah, well, what can you do? So, I've now been with John for six months. He's very cool. There is nothing happening in my life. It is so boring . . . on Wednesday I went to go and try to get into the Shane MacGowan concert with John and Dan. Problem was, it was 21 and over. I am barely 18. We bought tickets and went down anyway, because we thought that someone might be able to sneak us in. We did run into someone we knew, but he said that security was really tight, and wouldn't be able to get us in. We then hung around for another hour or so, until we decided to cut our losses and try the front door. So Dan goes up, gets carded, but gets in, since his b-day is in a month. Then John goes up and doesn't get carded at all. So I try and get carded. I then was very pissed. I was about to go home when the drummer for the Popes, Shane's band, came out of the tour bus. I figured that there wasn't anything to lose, so I asked him to sneak me in. And he did. And despite all that, after two hours of waiting, a guy came over and announced that the show was cancelled, because Shane's plane got delayed. FUCK METROPOL. Good night.

Ramblings for the week of March 26: Going through withdrawl. Very sore. Very tired. Shakey. I wish those fucking doctors didn't put me on prednisone to begin with. I'm not going to graduate. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I can't get stressed anymore without being very pained. I'm going to leave now. Bye-bye.

Ramblings for the week of March 19: I wish I were skinnier. I'm tired of being fat. That said, there's no chance that I'm getting off prednisone anytime soon. Let me explain, for those who don't know about all of this shit. I have been on prednisone, an oral steroid, for a year and a half, for my asthma. That supresses your adrenal glands, which, for those of you who don't remember health class, produce adrenalin and cortizone. Cortizone is important. Now I cannot produce my own, so I'm going to have to learn how to give myself injections of it. I fucking hate medicine. Anyway, yeah, that's that shit. On Saturday we played a show. It went very well. I had to take a taxi home, for lack of sober transportation. $75 for a twenty mile trip. It was worth it, though. I had safe ride home. Peace, yo.

Ramblings for the week of March 12: Well, I'm back! A big THANK YOU to Ewok, for doing a better job of updating this place than I do. Hmmm . . . what to say, what to say? Well, let's start at the begining, shall we? After the big bang (or creationalism, whatever floats your boat), things were pretty boring until February 12, 2001, which is, not coincidently, the day that Brannigans opened for the Blue Meanies and Flogging Molly. It went *GREAT*. We got three companies wanting us to send them our music and one label that's really serious. Exciting stuff. We got to hang out with Flogging Molly backstage, which was unbelieveably cool. I told their lead singer, Dave Kingsly, about all the twists of fate that had allowed me to be there that very evening, and we chatted for a while, he signed my CD. Then, after we played, I went to the hospital for a treatment. When I got back, FM were really nice and cool. (GROUPIE MOMENT: Dave *hugged* me!) And then they went on stage, wearing our pins, and actually dedicated their WHOLE SET to me! Wow. I just about near died. Anyway, that was the show. In a word, amazing. The Children's Institute was not cool, though. The second day I was in there I actually threw up. I think I worried my way into it, though. Anyway, once I got used to it, it wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be, although I would never go back by my own free will. (Speaking of "will", the person is returning from the army this week sometime.) They put me on Rapid Dose Immuno Therapy, which is two allergy shots 5 times a day. I had over two hundred shots in my stay. Near the end, when they would inject me, they would give me the shot and the serum would come back out, because my muscles were rock hard from all the allergic reactions. Yeaccch. Never again. I also learned that I have NOTHING to complain about, compared to some of the children in there. It was extremely humbling to be in a place like that. I won't go into details, because right now, I can't without crying. But I will say this: save for about 5 kids, almost all those kids where in there because of car accidents. Never, EVER drive with someone who has been drinking, or let them drive. I don't care how preachy this sounds. NEVER. NO EXCUSE. Do anything you have to to get them not to drive. Anyway, in other news, it was my 18th birthday this week and in celebration, I got my tragus pierced. That's that protruding nub of cartlige that is sort of in the middle of your ear on side that connects to your face. I thought it would hurt like hell, but I didn't. It felt good, and I want more . . . Peace out in the proverbial 'hood, word to your mother.

Ramblings for the week of March 5: Greetings, Salutations, and Hello even! Well I am now on week three of my just barely late updates *sigh*. This week the bowling bug caught a hold of me. I've purchased my own bowling ball, bag, and I am ordering my shoes within the next two days. I've only been bowling for about a month or so...a puny average of oh about 120 (with some BAAAAD games in there) but I'm happy with it. I've started working out with some buddies recently, running, lifting, hoopin it up. Not any of those in any great amounts, but enough that I should get a bit of a boost in overall strength. Also some good news, the rumors are circling of Nat's return is at hand. *cheers rise up from all around* Bah, I'm not THAT bad to listen to (ranting and raving like a loon about nothing) week in and week out...am I? I'll take it to mean your just as anxious to have Nat back as to have me gone. Other then that I have no real news this week. Oh...I've come across a site Free Stuff! that appears to have some potential...put money down up front...get full money back later...we'll see (ordered something small). On a final note...it was snowing today. No thats not the note just the setup, stick with me here! Was out drivin with a buddy in it...and it really started to come down...just as we were passing Brusters...we looked at each other..smiled...and turned in. Yup, we stopped and had ice cream cones in the middle of a mini-blizzard. What's wrong with us? Not enough room here to list it all...on the bright side it was some good eating! And with that insanely stupid off the wall little story...I shall bid you a fond farewell. Be here next week, same Ewok time, same Ewok channel for another exciting episode of...Win Ewok's Pocket Lint!

Ramblings for the week of February 26: It is now week two in Ewok...THIS is your life. Wait...sorry wrong page update. How to sum up this week... school...bowling...and sleep. Yup, spent half the week sick and in bed, the other half toiling away at the boredom that has overcome that which I hate to call "life". Eh, things are not so bad...just nothing that great either. On the bright side I may spend some time traveling this summer...on the down side I may not if I can't come up with that ever needed...ever lacking...sugar. Dangit thats not right...what was it...oh yeah! Cash. Bloody airlines require to much of this "green" paper. We should be able to pay for things other ways...like in songs..."I'd rather laugh with the sinners then cry with the saints...the sinners are much more fun" of course I probably just murdered that Billy Joel song quote cause it's late and im tired...but meh. Sorry for the poor "readability" (my invented word of the week) of this message but lack of sleep and too much pointless conversations with people you don't like will do this to you. SO BEWARE! Or don't...your call. I'm thinking I have to start going easier on the (...)...but the pause it creates is ACTUALLY there!
On that wonderfully pointless note...Take care...and I'll do the same.
(or something a-kin to that)

Ramblings for the week of February 19: Ewok has now taken over your viewing pleasure. Be afraid...be very afraid. Actually don't be...cause frankly now that I have the power *insert evil laugh* I haven't a clue what to do with it! Turns out I couldn't even get the update out on time! I found myself out watching Saving Silverman last night (Not a "smart" film, but it doesn't attempt to be. I enjoyed it.). A huge change of pace from the movie I saw last week...Hannibal (Not as good as Silence of the Lambs, but few are...still a great see if your not bothered by a little snackin now and then). I missed Nat's show this past week...dissapointed about it...my ride ended up attending a funeral. Well I hope you (to all of you that it applies too) are enjoying your long weekend! Hrm...how to end this? Well...when in Rome... Peace Out Yo!

Ramblings for the week of February 12: 19 weeks. Whee! Alright. Everyone threw up this week. Alexandra threw up from Wednesday to Thursday and John spent Friday night throwing up. The last time I saw John was Wednesday night, and at the time of my writing this it's Sunday night and I still haven't puked so HOPEFULLY I will NOT puke. Please, pray for me of something, please. I've litteraly driven myself crazy over this, staying up until 4 in the morning every night, eating one meal a day and I've driven John and my mom up the wall with this. I really think that they hate me. And so they should. I've been a bitch to them both. On another note, I got accepted into the Art Institute for the fall session. Yay. I guess I'm going to have to grow up. Tomorrow is the Flogging Molly show, sure to go well considering we're lighting Dan's accordian on fire. And on Tuesday I go into the Institution, so Ewok is going to be updating my page, thank you Ewok!!! So this is me, signing off for the next couple of weeks. Peace out.

Ramblings for the week of February 5: 18 weeks. This is my longest relationship yet, and it's a good thing. I am now going to apologize to people that I made worry last, wait, no, two weeks ago. Sorry. Sometimes I get depressed. No need to worry . . . I am worried though, Max had a throwing-up thing on Thursday then Mary Ellen caught it on Saturday and now I'm worried that I'm going to get it. Help me out and pray that I don't. So, on Tuesday I went to Brannigans practice. During practice my mom called and informed me that my Dr. had called her and had won the appeal to get my into the Children's Institute, and that he wanted me in there ASAP. I was really upset because Flogging Molly is on the 12th of Febraury and I would probably be very upset if I couldn't go. So then on Wednesday, my mom called up the place to see when the wanted to admit me. Then the luckiest thing in my life happened to me. The nurse said that usually they'd want to admit me immediately, but both my doctors wanted to confer with each other before my admittance, so the date of my admittance was moved to FEBRUARY 13. I could not believe it. In other news: Brannigans pins came in; they look cool. My dad said that I couldn't dye my hair red because if I did, he wouldn't help pay for college. He also said no to facial piercings for the same reason. Peace and love, all.

Ramblings for the week of January 29: Alright, 17 weeks. And i am happy in that respect. But my life is wanting in other departments, but less so now, thanks to the help of friends who care to help. *cough*johnewokannie*cough* I made it to school two days this week which is unheard of for me, and then on Friday I had an interview at the Art Institute. I think it went well. So this week, more complications arose in my life. My insurance won't cover the trip to the Children's Institute, so my mom has to go through an appeals process. And my dad is an asshole, as demonstrated on several occasions this week, inparticular with school. I am tired and nothing else is happening so I must leave you all now . . . no, wait, Alex finally updated his site.

Ramblings for the week of January 22: Although I have had 16 glorious weeks with John, I am depressed right now, because now is my "depressed time of the year". John has nothing to do with depressing me, I just had to work in the 15 weeks somehow. Anyways, things suck. I found out that I'm not going to be in that institute for 2-3 weeks. I'm going in for 4-6 weeks. AND I'm going in as soon as my insurance lears it. So I probably won't get to open for my favorite band of the moment, Flogging Molly. I cried. I cried in front of my parents and the doctor and the nurse and infront of John. I cried alot. Plus, I'm failing all my classes at school because I haven't gone there since before Christmas, so I probably won't graduate with my class. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just killed myself. I suck as a person. I suck as a student. I suck as a friend. I suck as a daughter. I suck as a sister. I suck as a girlfriend. I suck as a patient. I suck as a bass player. Right now I am so empty. Empty and sad. Very very sad. sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad . . . repeat until the page is full, Printer.

Ramblings for the week of January 15: You were going to have a long update. But my computer ate it. Again. So, here's the week in review. 15 weeks. Brannigans is playing with Flogging Molly on the 12th of February. I'm going to the Children's Institute for two-three weeks. Shea was in a major car wreck, but came out of it unscathed. I got an awesome new bass. Fender p-bass, with a drop down D tuner. Bye. I'm tired.

Ramblings for the week of January 8: 14 weeks. Two people have called me up asking what this week thing is at the beginning of every update. It is the number of weeks I have been going out with John. In the beginning, we tried to keep it a secret, and we still are, but now more than three people know. So there. Ha. I went to the doctors on Wednesday. He recommended that I spend some time in the Children's Institute so that they can see what's wrong with me. Surprisingly, I'm all for this. I'm okay with this, even thought it means being an hour away from home for two or three weeks. But I'm hoping I can do this. I got more news this week. As a senior, and a very unfocused one at that, I have *just* begun the college admissions process. Yeah, I'm an asshole. Yeah, I'll kick myself later, BUT to those of you who feel it is your God-given right to point out my obvious oversights, do me a huge fucking favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. Thank you. *Anyways* . . . the news was that since Iam not an American citizen, I am not elligable for any kind of finanical aid whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah, I know, that *does* suck. Whoops. Guess I should have checked up on that before. Peace out, everyone, yo.

Ramblings for the week of January 1: 13 weeks. And counting. This weeks subject: Devient Right Doc Syndrome. This is when the tounge of your Dr. Martens boot somehow veres off to the right. No one knows how it happens, but I know of five separate cases of this. Wow. 2001. I am amazed. Didn't think I'd make it this long. So . . . wondering what to type . . . Will is leaving to go to the Army this week . . . "Will, is there a something you'd like to say?" . . . "Yes, hello, have a drink, and give me a pillow because I'm gonna fall over." Will's drunk right now. "No'm not, what are you talking about? . . . It wasn't a good carbomb." Happy New Years. Peace out in the hood.