Title: Lied II (2/2)
Arthur: Jessica Hildbold
Reply to: teahater@hotmail.com
Rated: PG
Spoilers: All Souls 
Archive: Anywhere and everywhere just let me know, please!
Summary: A different sort of post-episode thought piece.  Takes place 
after All Souls and continues from part one of "Lied."  Very short!
Disclaimer: Emily Sim, Fox Mulder, and Dana Scully belong to The X-
Files, Chris Carter, and Ten-Thirteen Productions, among others I 
imagine.  In other words, they don't belong to me. Enjoy the story.


Lied II

I have lost my baby girl, I'm sure of it.

If I am to believe my own account of the events on this latest case, then 
I have lost her.  Lost her to that terrible disease that threaten to take her 
life once before.  I gave her up in the hope that she would be cured, that 
she would one day live a normal life, a long and happy life.  Saddened 
with the knowledge that I would never see her, never hear her voice, 
again.

But I have seen her, and I have heard her voice call me "mommy."  Or 
I have seen only what I can describe as her soul.  I saw her pull away 
from my arms and walk into the light of the hereafter, the light of 
goodness and eternal life.  I let her go.  I didn't tighten my grip, or 
chase after her as I know believe I could have.  I stood there and 
watched her walk away.

I have yet to hear of her death from the man and woman that took 
Emily after her "funeral."  I am sure, however, that the news will be 
forthcoming soon.  They promised to keep me informed on Emily's 
life.  And her death.

I stare at the dark ceiling, my head on a pillow, wishing the skeptic in 
me, the skeptic that I have come to know as me, would come out from 
wherever it's hiding.  What if I never saw Emily?  What if it was all in 
my head?  I try to coerce myself to think.  My visions of Emily and of 
the Seraphim could have been my guilt for giving my daughter up, for 
choosing to remain in my life instead of going with her.  My 
subconscious could be preparing me to deal with Emily's death should 
she die.  Or it could be preparing me for my feelings if she lives.  If she 
does live, I will have lost her just as if she died.  Perhaps, I am finally 
ready to move on in my life.  I can let Emily live her life and I can live 
my mine.  Perhaps, she's not dead after all. 

I cannot shake the feeling that that type of thinking is wrong, though.  It 
wasn't my guilt or my subconscious that produced the visions of Emily.  
It was Emily.  She came to let me know that her time and come and 
passed.  She had come to comfort me, to tell me it was time to let go of 
the hope that she would be cured.  If I am to be completely honest with 
myself, she came to tell me to let go of the hope that we would be 
reunited one day and be a family.  My little girl, who despite all the 
motherly love I have towards her, never knew me as her mother until 
after her death.  I must take comfort in the fact that she is up heaven 
with the mother that raised her, the mother that loved her, when I could 
not.  And that someday, I too will be reunited with my daughter.

I wish I could talk to Mulder about this.  I wish I could tell him 
everything I'm feeling, why these visions have upset me so much.  I 
know he thought I had gotten over Emily's death, but if she didn't die 
when I let everyone believe she had, how could I have overcome it?  
Instead, I will let me believe that I took her death harder then either one 
of us had originally thought.

He wants to be there for me, but he doesn't know how.  I don't know 
how to let him either.  Our roles have been reversed.  He is the skeptic 
on this case and I am the believer.  Neither one of us knows how handle 
our new roles.  We had both found comfort in them being the other way 
for so long that we have forgotten what's it like in someone else's 
shoes.  Perhaps, though, if he knew the whole truth, the truth that I 
must never share with him, he would believe too.  No, I know he would 
believe too.

My head is swimming now.  I must push all of my thoughts to the back 
of my mind and lock them there.  I need rest.  Though I won't sleep, I 
need to a break from thinking.  Confirmation of Emily's death will 
come soon enough.  Then I will deal with all of these emotions.  Then, 
I will grieve for her.  Maybe I will even tell Mulder the truth about 
Emily.  

I roll over on my side and listen to the silence.  I try to push Emily's 
face out of my mind with little success, when I here a scratching sound 
from the front door.  I grab my gun and cautiously approach the door.  
It is still locked from the inside, but I notice a small envelope on the 
floor.  Reading the writing on the front addressed to Special Agent 
Dana Scully, my heart sinks.  This is the confirmation I have been 
waiting for; I have been dreading for.  

I take a deep breath and open the envelope, taking a piece of paper out.  

"Dear Agent Scully,

     Despite your belief that you have witnessed a vision of Emily on 
your latest case, I must refute that finding.  Emily is very much alive 
and she cured.  Emily is not quite out of the woods yet, as we must 
watch closely for any signs of infection, but we are all confident she 
will make a fast recovery.  Enclosed in this envelope are some recent 
pictures of Emily along with a drawing that she made for you.  When 
she is a little older, we will tell her everything, including who her 
parents truly are.  You may, however, take comfort in that fact that 
because of the photographic memory she inherited from her father, that 
she remembers you both."

I place my hand over my mouth and sink to the floor.  The pictures 
show Emily happy and healthy.  One includes a recent newspaper, I 
assume so that I know they are not fakes.  My baby girl is alive.  My 
visions were wrong.  

My baby girl will live.


The End


Let me know what you think.  I get very nervous over the things that I 
write especially when no one gives me feedback!!!!! 
(Teahater@hotmail.com) The Emily storyline was one of my favorites 
and one my least favorites for I think obvious reasons.  Every story that 
I write about the X-Files (which thus far isn't many) involves Emily 
somehow.  I should say, it involves her still being alive.  I was not 
satisfied with the way the storyline was dealt with on the show, which 
is why I continue to make up my own endings for it.  Thanks again for 
reading this story.  I hope you enjoyed it!