Title: Silent Running
Author: Ms. AM
* * * * *
Mother of us all, place of our birth
How can we stand aside...and watch the rape of the world
This is the beginning of the end, this most heinous of crimes
This is the deadliest of sins, the greatest violation of all time
Mother of us all, place of our birth
We all are witness...to the rape of the world
* * * * *
The night air is warm and pleasant. The three-quarter moon casting a dim light that creates shadows long and thin over the landscape. Nocturnal creatures join together forming a symphony of sounds with chirps and whistles, scratching and scampering as they move about.
Looking up at the sky, the stars shining bright against the ebony back drop of space...I wonder. I wonder if there are other beings, travelers from worlds within or beyond our solar system?
I think *if* there are, then they must be observers, patrolling through the years and recording the various changes in the planets as they pass by. Is the Earth one of these planets?
I only know the world as I see it now, can only imagine the way it was before...before I was born. I've seen a few pictures...faded almost drab, books are hard to find...anymore. Seeing those images on yellowed and scorched paper just isn't the same as witnessing things through your own eyes...I wish I was up there...a traveler.
What would I have seen?
How would I describe the Earth?
How would *they* have described the Earth?
From the stars, the Earth once looked like a marble made from the finest hand-blown glass. Swirling greens, blues, beige's and browns float around the forming bubble of delicate crystal. If you would actually step onto the planet, those colors would take on meaning...forests, oceans and the land whether it is sand or soil.
Perhaps that glass blower isn't satisfied with his work...something is missing. The steady hand of a painter is called upon, using wispy strokes, sprays of white are mixed in forming the clouds or perhaps it's the mist rising off the mountaintops.
Many forms of life have and do reside on the Earth, bacteria, single-celled organisms, insects, fish and animals to numerous to mention. A higher life form is what can be blamed for ruining the beauty of a planet...man and time is running out.
At some point gray began to overtake the spectrum of colors signifying the planets palette...marring the original artists' beauty.
* * * * *
You've seen her stripped mined
You've heard of bombs exploded underground
You know the sun shines, hotter than ever before
Some claim to have crowned her a queen
With cities of concrete and steel
But there is no honor in what results
From the rape of the world
* * * * *
Factories, cars, thousands of other human inventions, and their emissions cloud the once pure air. Toxic chemicals released high into the atmosphere deplete the ozone layer systematically.
Those same poisonous chemicals end up leeching into the soil and taint the food grown...ultimately the water supply also. Once all the planets natural resources are spoiled it becomes useless to anyone, those residing there and those wishing to claim it for their own.
What would those travelers think as they watched the vibrant panorama of colors slowly disappear? Would they be angry? Or saddened for the inhabitants killing themselves along with the planet that serves as their home? Maybe they wouldn't have an opinion at all.
* * * * *
She has been clear-cut; she has been dumped on
She has been poisoned and beaten up
And we have been witness...to the rape of the world
Mother of us all, place of our birth
How can we stand aside and watch the rape of the world?
If you look you'll see it with your own eyes
If you look you will hear her cries
If you care you will stand and testify
And stop the rape of the world
Mother of us all...
* * * * *
December 31, 1999
Imagine you are one of billions sitting in your chair or walking down the street. Perhaps playing with your children or your pet. Would you want to know your fate? Or would you rather be oblivious to the future? And does it really matter...
With or without your consent the choice is gone...
A decision of global significance has been made.
For on this very night or day depending on where exactly in the world you are, fate comes knocking. Millions of signals stretch out through the air, radio and satellite...every form of communication available. Nervous fingers will reach out, hands shaking, with questions and confusion even as they carry out the orders received.
Silence seems to reign as in different countries all over the globe a light flashes on a panel right before those hundreds of quaking fingers belonging to men and women push inward. It doesn't matter who completed the contact first only that a chain reaction is set off, like a row of dominos falling one after the other.
Just a few are privy to what has begun.
And they slowly descend into madness.
People still travel to work...
Children still smile and laugh at the playground...
Only the animals pause knowing something, instinctively...
* * * * *
What about sunrise? What about rain?
What about all the things that you said we were to gain?
What about killing fields? Is there a time?
What about all the things that you said was yours and mine?
Did you ever stop to notice all the blood we've shed before?
Did you ever stop to notice the crying Earth the weeping shores?
What have we done to the world? Look what we've done.
What about all the peace that you pledge your only son.
What about flowering fields? Is there a time?
What about all the dreams that you said was yours and mine?
Did you ever stop to notice all the children dead from war?
Did you ever stop to notice the crying Earth the weeping shores?
* * * * *
In the moment of silence a flurry of activity begins...
There is a rumbling just before cracks appear in the ground. Caches of thick black fluid bubble up from the newly made fissures, larger holes appear made by chunks of the earth breaking away and allowing several thousand metallic objects visibility...they rise up, hovering, letting the vicious black substance be absorbed within.
The huge objects prepare to depart and leave the planet that will in moments become unsuitable. Vast amounts of power are converging-coalescing inside the hovering vessels...ready to be released.
Just as the first of the explosions rock the Earth and the screams are silenced before they've even begun the energy building up within each of the crafts explodes...
The tremendous force propels the massive ships up, breaking the Earth's gravitational pull and hurtles them through space...
* * * * *
Looking down upon the earth from space after the bursts of blinding white light have dissipated the Earth is covered in spurts of orange, red and yellow. The impression is that almost every volcano on the planet decided to pick this one moment to erupt, spraying lava higher and higher.
The mass destruction is beautiful in its moment.
It's only seconds until the colors; the shades of leaves in the fall are gone; vibrant hues souring into gray, still changing darker yet...charcoal. Until...the Earth turns black just as somewhere in the world, the year changes over...2000.
* * * * *
I open my eyes, the vision of the Earth's demise fading away swiftly, leaving me sad, yet relieved I was too young to remember the day *it* happened. Those of us left have been given a second chance...people look to me for answers, I'm afraid of failing them.
My mother raised me.
My mother...my teacher...my world up until that day.
The day *he* came...
* * * * *
I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far
* * * * *
Late summer 2005
The man is tired. Little clouds of dust fly up around his feet with each step he takes, but in the distance, he spies his destination. Finally. After searching for five years, the hunt is now over and his quarry, no his treasure will be in his grasp.
The white farmhouse stands tall and imposing. In the pasture to the left of the structure several cows and horses are grazing. A large garden sits between the house and a barn. Scattered around the property are almost twenty windmills lazily turning in the breeze.
The man shields his eyes from the glare of the sun, blinking once against the sweat stinging his eyes. He tries to focus, but the house seems to grow farther and farther away even as he grows closer. Confused he pauses to draw in deep gulps of air before falling to his knees as if in prayer.
Raising his head, the house looms before him in all its grandeur. He begins to laugh the laugh of a madman, before collapsing onto the ground. He is vaguely aware of being touched, of small and soft, inquisitive hands cupping his cheeks, fingers and thumbs moving against his partial beard.
The light sound of laughter echoes in his ears muffled slightly almost like it through a pane of glass. It is a happy laugh, a tinkling laugh, he hadn't heard anyone laugh that way for a very long time...yet it was familiar in it's cadence.
Needing desperately to see the bearer of such a melodic and carefree laugh he struggles to open his eyes and is greeted with a vision. Dressed in white, long golden-red hair, crystal blue eyes and rosy lips curving into wide smile and the sun above creating an aura of golden rays around the figure made him believe.
Made him believe that wherever he is it must be a wondrous place to allow this vision of serenity before him. The figure leaned closer and he caught the almost forgotten scent of baby powder, soft and tranquil. Tears slipped from the corner of his eyes, tiny fingers brushed them away, gently...delicately.
Sighing he closes, his eyes feeling a sense of peace pervade his body. He felt others around him, touching him, with wonder and curiosity, but he was calm even when his body became weightless and silent when he could hear no more...
End of Prologue
Late Summer 2005
"Mama...he's waking up."
There is that voice...and the same smell...baby powder...Small hands touching my arm, holding me down gently.
"No, no...Mama says you must be still!"
Same hands followed by larger ones, stroking my forehead and face. Then I hear *the* voice...the one that haunts my days and nights.
I am so tired and falling back into sleep is so very easy.
* * * * *
I miss Scully.
I do not want to be in this place...I am not crazy.
It is so hard to think...I know something is wrong with me...something to do with that rubbing I get a sense of people...of their thoughts, I think, but it's like everyone is speaking all at once.
I know Scully is here...for a brief moment all the other voices are subdued...Scully cool like a fresh spring rain dousing the flame-like noise in my brain. I achieved clarity and I screamed for her.
I see a glimpse of myself through her eyes and I feel the healing touch of her thoughts not clear...hazy...soft...all but one.
'You're both liars!'
I know the minute she leaves.
I don't know what the range of this ability is, but the farther away she got the louder the voices became. I am parched, dry; I beg her to return and let me dive into the cooling waters of her mind.
"Please...please come back...Scully..."
I do not know how long I have been pacing in this padded room before exhaustion and the drugs take their toll, but just as I succumb, I again hear Scully's voice...
God I hope it's not a hallucination.
"I'm going to the Ivory Coast, Mulder to find the source. Hold on."
I'll try Scully; I'll try...
* * * * *
February 10th, 1999
Where am I?
"It's ok, Mulder. I'm here."
Opening my eyes, I see her...Scully. I'm on a bed and as I look around, I realize I don't recognize the place, but I know it isn't a hospital. My voice is hoarse when I finally speak.
"Scully...it hurts...help me..."
She leans over rubbing my temples.
"I know, Mulder...and I'm going to help you."
She moves her hands down my face over my neck and stops on my bare chest fingers splayed open.
"You...you found the cure."
"Yes." She whispers before standing and dropping the robe she is wearing and crawling on top of me, covering me with her soft skin. I wonder if this is a dream.
"It's not a dream, Mulder...just feel...feel me...all that I am..."
And I do.
She slides her hands into mine and our fingers interlace as they have on so many occasions. Her nipples are pressing into my chest and I concentrate for a moment and realize we are breathing in harmony.
Slowly as I focus all my attention on each place, her skin is touching mine the pain in my head starts to melt away. Her hands in mine, her breasts against my chest, her groin pressed against my erection all the way to her feet slowly rubbing up and down my calves.
I focus on the warm and moist sensation of her breath on my throat. She raises her head and looks down into my eyes and I seem to defy gravity as I fall up into those blue pools.
Dreamlike, yet with a certain solidity I plunge into the healing waters of her mind and I let her close around me, willingly drowning in the depths therein. The current pulls me along and then pushes me towards the surface where I see the cascade of a waterfall.
Standing nude and beautiful under the stream of water is Scully. She smiles and I am drawn to her, stepping up she comes to me pulling my head down and pressing her lips to mine.
Soft...plump...chilled like the water we stand under, our lips warm together as we continue kissing. She steps back slowly lowering her body to the ground and I follow. I pull away noticing we are now on a moss covered bank, the river flowing behind us.
"It's ok, Mulder." She whispers one hand on my chest the other resting against my cheek. I take her hand and kiss the palm before bending my head and taking a nipple into my mouth.
She arches beneath me as I suckle, her hands grab my head dragging my lips back up to meet her own. Her thighs open farther and I settle my hips into the cradle she has made.
A slight shift and the head of my cock is slipping into her body. It's amazing how her body stretches to accommodate a part of me...Our flesh, no longer just hers, or mine but ours.
"Open your eyes...Mulder." I hear her say.
I do and am humbled when I see Dana Scully slowly sink down onto my erection. Leaning down she hungrily claims my mouth, her tongue sliding past my lips easily. My hands wander to her hips, holding lightly as she rocks back and forth.
I feel her shudder just before her climax hits her full force and I roll her onto her back. Instinctively she wraps her legs higher around my waist my arms slide beneath her...hands clutching her shoulders...face buried in the crook of her neck as I thrust mindlessly into her.
Our mutual moans fill the air and when her second orgasm rolls through her body I raise my head, finding her lips and thrust once more as my own climax races through my groin and my mind.
I want to roll off her body but I find I cannot move, nuzzling into her breast right over her heart I manage to mumble.
"I love you...Scully."
God I hope she believes me.
"I know." She replies softly, her fingers running through my hair.
Thank you...I am so tired...
* * * * *
It was only later when I first managed to look in the mirror that I had been wrong. People who have lost a limb sometimes comment on how they can still feel the appendage they're missing. Looking at my reflection, I honestly thought I fell asleep with Scully brushing her fingers through my hair.
The truth was, is, I didn't have any hair. I found out Scully and the Gunmen had gotten me out just in time or my head would have been cut open...just like Gibson. Jeez there were even some markings left on my skin from where the incisions were going to be made.
I know I must have been pouting about my lack of hair after emerging from the shower. I made several nasty and demeaning comments about my *new* look and Scully cheered me right up with her, 'Oh don't worry Mulder, it'll grow back...Of course if you're in a hurry I could get you some prenatal vitamins, most women say their hair grows faster.'
I know I gaped at her, she continued on though, 'But...there are some side effects,' she grinned. 'What Scully you want me to grow *breasts*?' I retorted. She laughed and then I laughed until she silenced me with a kiss that assured me that my hair or lack thereof didn't matter. One kiss became two and finally we both took the journey into ecstasy together again.
We've been back to work for going on two months now and it seems for everything I've gained from the newfound sexual intimacy between Scully and I, I am wondering why it feels like I've lost something as well?
It's like whatever journey Scully took to cure me has drained her physically and emotionally in such a way that none of the cases or obstacles we've overcome have been able too.
Spiritually she's suffering as well...I can see it. I don't want to broach the subject since her religious beliefs have always been a tender topic for both of us. I know her faith is weakened and I never wanted that to happen, but I've been noticing how she takes her cross off when we make love and sometimes she doesn't wear it for days.
Last night she stood in front of the full-length mirror just staring at her naked body, still flushed from our lovemaking, probably thinking I had passed out from sexual bliss like the night before. Her hands cupped her breasts, lifting them slightly, thumbs gliding over her nipples. The fingers on her right hand traveled slowly up, tickling at the base of her throat.
She was deep in thought and jumped slightly when I pressed myself against her back, draping the golden chain around her neck and fastening the clasp.
"Please don't take it off again, Scully." I stated gently, but firmly. Her fingers played with the symbol of her faith. I caught her eyes with mine in the mirror.
"Doubts are okay, Scully...having faith of any kind opens each of us up to having moments of confusion, your cross..." I paused to wrap my own hand around hers until we were both holding it, together. "This, this symbol belongs were it is...right now."
"Thank you," she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes before turning and embracing me. Scully allowed herself to cry into my chest and I held her, whispering over and over words that I'm is unsure of today only that I was using my voice to soothe and comfort her.
Some moments later I heard her speak softly the words gliding across my skin. "God...I do so love you, Mulder."
Even now just remembering the inflection of her voice and those simple yet, profound words arouse me the same way they did last night.
There are things Scully hasn't told me yet...I still don't know exactly what happened to her in Africa, what or who made her aware of how to cure me using some invisible connection we have.
I wonder can it be explained scientifically? Would there be someway of proving its existence? What about emotionally? Spiritually? Physically? Most importantly, what evidence convinced Scully?
Whatever ability I had is gone. Yet when we make love...when we are skin to skin, I still feel something...a tingling, a depth of consciousness, like being empty and full at the same time. Its not a bad feeling or a good feeling just neutral...calming...I don't want it to be my imagination.
It can't be...not after everything we've shared.
I'm going to need the answers at some point; I'm going to need to hear the truth from her lips about everything she hasn't been able to tell me. I'll wait. I know she'll tell me in her own time.
I'm jolted out of my thoughts by Scully. "Mulder, where is that file on the Swanson case?"
"In the bottom drawer, why?"
"Well I just got some test results back and I wanted to include them in the notes." Turning in my chair, I watch as she stoops, opens the cabinet and retrieves the file in question.
She smiles at me, then stands, I see her sway slightly her free hand grasping at the file cabinet edge just as her eyes roll back and she falls forward. Jumping up I somehow manage to catch her limp body before she hits the floor.
I lower us down cradling her upper body on my lap, panic licking through me as I touch her forehead, cool...no fever although her cheeks seem a little flushed to me.
"Scully...Scully," I call out. Her eyes flutter open.
"What happened?" She asks, confused.
"You fainted," I want to smack my head in frustration when a certain thought enters my mind. "Scully when did you eat last?"
She sits up and I help her stand on shaky legs, leading her slowly over to the chair I just vacated. "Well...we were running late this morning...so," she leans back grinning seductively.
I nod. She doesn't need to refresh my memory of *why* she wasn't able to eat a proper breakfast. I mentally berate my hormones even as I attempt to remind myself we *were* trying to conserve water. Just doing our parts for ecology...uh-huh...whatever...horny bastard.
"Don't give me *that* look, Fox Mulder. I'm fine," she yanks on my tie, pulling my face close to hers for a quick kiss before whispering in my ear. "But occasionally I do need sustenance of another kind...and so do you...*IF* you think you're going to be able to keep on putting out all those *peak* performances."
I pull away slightly and give her my best leer, "Peak performance, huh? Well then *Agent* Scully I guess we better go have some lunch, that way we can keep *your* motor running...You know how much I love that little humming sound...or is it purring?"
She stands pushing on my chest lightly, "Let's go, Mulder."
She grabs her purse and we are almost out the door when the telephone rings and Scully being Scully answers it. "Scully...yes."
I watch Scully go from pink cheeked to deathly white in the span of two seconds as she slowly sinks down into her chair. Her hand trembles when she picks up a pen and I look over her shoulder as she writes.
Philadelphia Memorial Hospital...
"Thank you sir...for the travel arrangements." She hangs up and I kneel, taking her hands in mine she finally raises her head and looks into my eyes.
"It's my mother. She was visiting my Aunt Caroline...she collapsed at a shopping mall...they're running more tests, but..." She draws in a shaky breath and I brush off a single tear cascading down her cheek.
"Preliminary results indicate...cancer...brain cancer...OH MY GOD, Mulder. Cancer..." I barely touch her back and her head drops into my neck, tears soaking my shirt collar, I tighten my embrace rubbing her back as she sobs.
Clutching my shirt in her hands, she manages to ask, "Why? Why her Mulder...why?" She drops her head resting it on my shoulder "I don't know, Scully."
I should have known that fate would intervene on any happiness Scully and I have found recently. Fate is cruel and life is unkind. Jesus what in the FUCK, does it take for us to get a little break?
* * * * *
December 31, 1999
I haven't seen Scully for almost nine months now.
God I miss her.
I miss seeing her face everyday at the office. I miss her smile. I miss her smell. I miss the feel of her skin beneath my own...so soft. I miss her voice and the way it sounded when her orgasm would wash over her...panting, breathlessly moaning and calling my name.
Jesus I miss making love to her we only had two months together in that way...but I know now there will *never* be anyone else for me no matter how long I have to wait. No one...ever.
It's not like I haven't spoken to her, I have and I know where she is. I know her reasons for being away from me, but I want to be there for her to support her, comfort her and she says that I am. Just by knowing that I will be here waiting for her when she returns is what keeps her going.
The day she got the call about her mother, I received a call about my own and we separated each of our families needing us as individuals. My mother had ruptured her appendix and as much as I wanted to be with Scully, well my mother...she's still my mother and I love her even with what has passed between us.
Scully and I called each other, unfortunately Mrs. Scully was dying of cancer and she decided she wanted to live out the rest of her days touring Europe with her family, especially Ireland where some distant relatives still lived.
I told Scully when my mother was back home I would hire a nurse so I could be with her, but she declined insisting that with the two of us just getting the X Files back our positions therein where tenuous at best. No, my Scully made me promise to keep working so that she would have something and someone to come home to.
After almost nine months, it's hard and getting harder everyday, being without her. I remember in October I had this dream, so intense it was all I could do not to hop on the next flight out...to see for myself she was alright.
She was in pain, great pain...but the images and feelings were of joy. How can one be in pain yet be happy? It was the first time since she left that I felt something, something to do with our bond...our connection and it was strong, very strong.
She cried out my name.
There were figures, her brother Bill for one, blocking my way, my path, so that I might see her and try to help her. And then I felt this wave of pure love overcome me, of calm...of comfort and I slipped out of my dream and into consciousness.
I phoned her at the last number she gave me and her sister-in-law Tara answered, I could here something in her voice...a hesitancy, before she informed me that Dana wasn't there right now. She assured me that she would tell Scully I called and for me not to worry...Dana was fine.
Scully called me the next day.
We didn't talk long. She said she was very tired from a little country excursion she had taken her mother on the day before. 'I love you, Mulder...' she said as she hung up the telephone and I could hear the catch in her voice. I know she was crying just as I was, probably still holding the telephone in her hands...like me.
Maybe if I just close my eyes I can imagine she's here...right now...with me. How I wish it was true...
* * * * *
A sound...the door unlocking...swinging open and then the distinct sound of it closing and latching. I slowly open my eyes and there she is...standing before me.
"Mulder," she says as she walks toward me. "My mother is gone...I need you Mulder...I need you...now."
Her fingers stroke my cheek, gently before she claims my lips and climbs onto my lap in one fluid motion. I move to touch her breasts, aching to wrap my mouth around those rosy nipples, but she shakes her head catching my hands, stopping me. I don't understand. I'm confused until she places my hand under the dress she's wearing.
My fingers find her hot, swollen, wet and naked to my touch. My thumb and forefinger grasp and roll her clit, she's shaking above me and grinding her groin against my erection repeatedly. I gasp and give an unplanned sharp tug on her clit and she convulses, screaming out my name.
Her eyes are like blue fire as she rips herself away from my touch and grabbing the waistband of my sweats yanks them down...hard. My cock springs free and I can't help the little sound of pain that comes from my mouth. Everything is moving so quickly, she raises her hips taking my cock in her hand and guiding in place, she pauses.
"Take me, Mulder. I want you inside me."
Both of us move together I slam up into her and she drops down, driving my cock all the way inside of her body. JESUS! I grab her face in my hands...she's hurting. Tears are streaming from her eyes.
"God...Scully...I'm hurting you...we need to stop."
She moves my hands down to her hips, raises up and drops down again. "No...I need you...Mulder," she hisses. "But Scul..." My response is cut off by her mouth covering mine and her hips moving up and down my length. I try to move my hands up to her breasts, but she stops me again, drawing one my hand back down to where or bodies are meeting.
She pulls my free hand up guiding my finger into her mouth sucking greedily on the digit as right hand guided by her own presses and circles her clit in a steady rhythm. Soon we are both gasping for breath and I can feel her tightening around me...she's close, again.
I don't quite now how I succeed in this maneuver so quickly, but within three seconds I've lifted her off me flipped her around on her stomach, drawn her hips up and plunged back into her. Her hands grab at the armrest of the couch her back bowing with each inward thrust.
"ScullyScully...I..." I pull out circling the head of my cock just inside her and she groans dropping her head down onto the armrest, I can see her breath leaving little droplets of moisture on the leather.
"Please...Mulder...please," she pleads softly and I move into once again...holding myself buried deep inside, I find her clit and as I draw my hips back I squeeze. Her inner walls contract and I can't hold out, thrusting mindlessly as my body empties itself inside of her.
I collapse, my body draping over hers. "Scully," I whisper in her ear, but she doesn't answer. I gently sweep the hair off her face and notice her mouth is open, jaw locked on the armrest. I push on her chin breaking the hold and see the teeth marks she left on the leather.
I turn us both onto our sides, my arm under her head like a pillow and I take the time to breath in her scent, our scent, it's different somehow...stronger and...
I bury my nose in her neck; her skin brings back memories...like the feel of my mother when she would hug me after I'd taken a fall out of the tree in our back yard. Alternatively, how she would rock me and I could listen to the steady beating of her heart and her voice as it lulled my to sleep. I do have a few good memories of the time before Samantha was taken; my mother wasn't always closed off to me.
Whatever it is, I like it...soothing, sweet and arousing at the same time. Like warm milk at bedtime or cotton candy melting in your mouth with the womanly taste of the heaven between Scully's legs. I close my eyes inhaling more of this new scent...I swear I can't get enough.
Maybe the scent isn't new at all maybe it's just been so damn long since I've held her...touched her and made love to her. I tighten my arms around her and I vow to myself no matter what I'm not letting her go again.
I notice how wet the top of Scully's dress is and then I realize my shirt is just as wet from sweat and other fluids so I nuzzle into her neck again, she sighs and I rest.
* * * * *
December 31, 1999 11:45 p.m.
A rumbling startles us both and we stand on shaky legs trying to figure out what is going on. Scully and I move to the window.
Cracks...steam hissing out and then a black fluid bubbles out. We hear explosions and more rumbling. "Oh my God!" Scully screams, clamping a hand over her mouth. She turns running for the door and I follow calling out to her.
"Scully!" She opens the door so hard it slams against the wall and I manage to catch up to her on the street in front of my apartment. People are running past us pushing and shoving, pointing in the air.
Scully and I finally look up...and see the ship, hovering over us it's huge at least the size of fifty football fields. She yanks her arm away from my grasp. "Goddammit! Let me go, Mulder!"
"Why? Scully...where are you going?" I have to know where in the hell she thinks she's going without me. Tears spring into her eyes as she looks up again. "I never told you, Mulder..." She pauses and then almost like she changes her mind she repeats, softer the second time. "I never told you, Mulder..."
That doesn't explain where she's going or why it seemed like she was going to let something extremely important slip. In fact, that statement tells me nothing at all except to raise my curiosity. I hold her gaze with my own, "Wherever you're going, Scully...I'm coming with you." I tell her firmly, keeping a solid grip on her arm as I do.
She looks into my eyes and nods.
"I...We have to get to the Lone Gunman...now!"
We take off running and I think we are only about a block away when we are separated by a swarm of people running toward us. I am knocked down and when I stand, I can't see her anymore. I swear I can hear her voice in my head and she's chanting a name...Todd...and then I'm sorry, Mulder...it echoes repeatedly in my head. What does that mean?
"Scully!" I call out and then I'm running.
I'm running so fast that I don't have time to breathe and the sounds around me lapse like someone turned off the volume. I'm running, my feet slapping on the pavement jars my body, but I don't hear the impact...I keep screaming out her name but all I hear is silence...
Can you hear me? Scully? Can you hear me, running? Wait Scully, wait! I chant repeatedly in my brain. I stop when the feeling of electricity passes through my body, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
Suddenly I'm cold, freezing, it's December for Christ's sake and I'm in a T-shirt, sweats and soaking wet socks. My teeth are chattering non-stop and my lips must be turning blue, but I can't stop gotta keep moving...find Scully.
I look up at the ship and the light around it pulses green to blue and then it flashes so brightly I have to shield my eyes and even though I can't seem to hear I cover my ears...My head is pounding and I fall...and fall...and fall...
Late Summer 2005
I'm just starting to wake up when the conversation starts.
"Mama...why doesn't he wake up? He's been asleep a long time."
"I know Zoe, but he was very sick...the heat from the sun made his body too hot...Like when you had that fever earlier this year, remember? Do you understand, sweetie?"
"Yes, Mama I understand...am I doing a good job? Will the cold washcloth help him?"
"It already has, his fever is down and once he's rested he will wake up, then we need to get him to eat...Will you be alright I have to go help the others in the garden?"
Others? What others?
"I'm *fine* Mama...Mama?"
That tone is so familiar the same inflection too and how many times have I heard I'm fine, but from someone else's lips. Lips I once met with my own caressing, searching, opening...
Zoe...a beautiful name for a carefree voice.
"Do...do you think he'll like me?"
Why would she want me to like her? Why would she care?
"Of course he will honey he'll...he'll love you."
I've been half awake since they started talking, but now I'm totally conscious and I'm trying to absorb everything that was just said. It can't be what my heart is telling me even as my mind screams out the impossibility let alone the improbability. Yet I need to know...I have a right to know.
I open my eyes, blink once trying to focus fully and she smiles at me and I know it's true without a shadow of a doubt...Zoe...Zoe is Scully's child...her daughter...
"Zoe?" I croak out.
She nods somewhat shyly her hair falls forward and I take notice that is a beautiful light brown, but the sun coming in the window changes it into burnished copper. I reach out and take a few strands in between my fingers... Silky and soft just like Scully, but it's thicker more like...
I swallow before speaking again, "Zoe may I have some water, please?"
She walks over to a strange looking device with a spigot and comes back with a small cup of water. She holds it to my lips and my hand shakes as I move it to encompass hers as I drink. Her other hand gently holds the back of my neck small fingers kneading the skin. Scully...this little girl has a healing touch just like you...
"Thank you." I say and pat the bed beside me. Without hesitation she climbs up and sits facing me. "Zoe...how old are you?"
"I will be five soon."
"I heard the lady...your Mama say they're others."
"Oh yes...some grownups, lots of other kids too...my Mama is a teacher." She starts stroking my forehead and I think it soothes both of us simultaneously.
Just then, the door flies open and a young boy comes running in dragging an older girl behind him. My eyes have to be playing tricks on me... That can't be her, it can't be. What kind of delusion is this and the boy...Oh My God...
Suddenly little Zoe becomes a fierce little fireball she stomps right up to the boy who is at least a foot taller and pokes him right in the chest. He looks down at her with disdain.
"TODD! You get outta here RIGHT NOW! Before I tell Mama and I will too... You know he needs his rest!"
*Todd* the name Scully was chanting...that night...Todd...
He shrugs and turns tugging on the girl's hand, she stands for a moment gazing at me silently I can see something fluttering behind her eyes and then it's gone. She follows him out and my young protectress slams the door behind them. She walks back over and hops back up on the bed.
When I finally find my voice again I ask, "Zoe...those children...the girl..."
She sighs, "That was my meanie brother Todd, just cause he's older he thinks he can boss me around...and the girl that's my Aunt Samantha she just got unfrozed a few months ago."
"I think you mean unfrozen, Zoe?"
"Oh yeah, unfrozen..." She leans closer to me before speaking again.
"Well...I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you...she was in one of the big ships...that's what everyone calls them and she was in this tube thingy...frozen...like ice."
Oh No! Oh Jesus! This is just too much for one day...I need some time to process all this...tears are streaming down my cheeks and Zoe begins wiping them away. Her little face scrunches up in concern.
"Please...Zoe," I moan out. " I need to be alone right now."
She doesn't understand and keeps trying to stop my tears.
"Don't cry...Daddy...please don't cry...please...I'm sorry Todd made you upset...I won't let him in here anymore...Daddy?"
It's true. It's real.
She knows I'm her father, that *I* am also Todd's father, they both know because Scully must have told them... I have two children...I've missed out on so much the thought just makes me sob harder and I don't mean to, but when I try to tell her it comes out like I'm yelling.
"I need to be ALONE!"
Her face goes completely white her lips quivering, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you cry...Daddy..." She bursts into tears and runs from the room...away from me.
"Zoe!" I call out, but it's too late. I curl into a ball and weep for the things I've missed...and for the dreams I never thought possible and for being kept in the dark...
* * * * *
After a while I manage to stand up and get dressed with the clothes I find laying out for me. I feel much steadier now as I leave this room in search of Scully and some answers.
I find her in the kitchen she's at the sink washing dishes, she doesn't turn around when I enter, but she knows I'm there.
"I suppose you want to know about Samantha."
My anger flares, yes of course I do, but does Scully really know me so little that she would think that was the first question on my mind. I cross the large room grab her shoulders and spin her around my hands cupping her face.
My lips descend demanding a response from her that she reluctantly gives I can feel a calmness pervade me as her lips mold to mine and our hearts begin to beat in sync. I trail my lips down the smooth column of her throat, one hand cupping her breast the other travelling around her back and pulling her to me.
I harden instantly at the intimate contact I have been so long without. I start to unbutton the dress she's wearing, I pull the fabric, and her bras cup aside enough to let me draw one breast out. I briefly think her nipple is darker before I take it into my mouth.
I know I'm sucking like a newborn searching for sustenance and it wrings a loud moan from deep inside of Scully. "Mulder! Oh...God, Mulder!" She screams out.
"Get AWAY from her!" I look down; Todd is pushing me with all the strength he can muster. "Stop it!"
I immediately let go of Scully, realizing our compromising position and that the boy...my son...must think I'm hurting her. Needless to say, this puts a damper on our sexual urges.
"Todd," Scully calmly speaks to him as she buttons her dress. "He wasn't hurting me...really...Now I need you to leave us alone...we have a lot of talking to do."
He gives me one last scathing look and storms out of the room. "Wow," I say. "He sure has a temper." Scully doesn't speak. "Scully...why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know."
"Well that's not good enough." My anger is increasing.
"Things are different now, Mulder."
"But not back then Scully...I can assume that Zoe was conceived the night...the night the world went to hell...the last night we were together. But Todd...I can guess you had him earlier...how much earlier, Scully?"
"He was born in October." She softly states.
"What year?" I press.
And she replies, even though I already know the answer, so low I almost can't hear, "October 13,1999." I turn my back on her drawing in several deep breaths before speaking.
"Goddammit Scully! Didn't you think I would have wanted to know? That I had a FUCKING right to be there when, not your, not my, but OUR son was born? What in the hell were you thinking? Jesus, *he* was born on *my* birthday Christ's sake"
I face her again, she hasn't moved a muscle and that fact angers me even more. "Jesus Scully I wanted to BE with you...your mother was dying and all I could think about was comforting you and holding you. Couldn't you have just accepted my strength for once...did you have to shut me out of something I didn't even know about and had every right to?"
I take a breath before continuing. "And what was *that* night...just one more fuck for old times sake...before you took our son and left me and the FBI for good?"
That seems to hit her hard. When her eyes meet mine, they are like ice and fire battling for dominion.
"Do you really want to know why I couldn't let you be there when my mother was dying Mulder? Moreover, why when I was pregnant with your son and didn't tell you? Do you! Do you really?!" Her voice raises with every word until she is screaming.
"Yes!" I yell out.
"Because I couldn't TRUST you...I couldn't trust that I would let you comfort me and I know I would have depended on you being there...yes... Your strength Mulder I wanted it...oh how I wanted it...but I couldn't and wouldn't let myself be hurt..."
Jesus this is hard.
"I was afraid to take the chance of needing you and you're not being there...I *know* you Mulder...and if Skinner had called with a case, with a lead on Samantha...you would have went off...I didn't want to be second. I would have been alone...without any support, without the support I would have relied on from you...I was scared to need you..."
She trails off and I feel like I've just been sucker-punched. I walk over to her...I need time to think, but I have to touch her. She moves closer and we end up sinking to the floor, she is shuddering and crying her head resting on my lap.
She falls asleep. I gather her into my arms, carry her into the room and placing her on the bed I curl my body around hers and realize it feels right...so right...even after all these years...
I want to stay here. The only problem is I know *they* will be coming for me sooner or later...
* * * * *
Two Hours Later
I drift awake aware of only one thing the steady thrumming in my cock, almost five years is a long time to remain celibate and my body in its unconscious state responded accordingly. My face presses into the nape of Scully's neck, I inhale her scent even as I raise her dress, leaving it bunched at her waist.
My whole body is shaking from the force of my desire...I can't remember it ever being this strong.
Upon freeing my cock to the air my hips lurch forward into Scully's panty clad ass. Jesus, I want her. I can't seem to wait until she is awake; the remembered feeling of being buried inside of her spurs me on. Yet I realize I can't just rip off her underwear and ram myself home so to speak, I don't ever want to hurt her.
My fingers travel under the waistband of her panties spreading her outer lips. God she's warm...I trace circles around her clitoris, she moans a low and deep as her body reacts instinctively to my intimate caress, she almost seems to swell beneath my hand.
I dip my middle finger into her, drawing the growing moisture out and using it to glide over and over the bundle of nerves that have hardened into the woman's version of an erection. Her body is ready...lubricated and waiting for me...swollen yet soft...
Moving the crotch of her panties aside I begin the sweet slide inside of her. I draw her leg up over my hip opening her to me, allowing me deeper penetration. "Jeesssssuuuussss Chhhhhrrrriiiisssttt, Scully..." I groan out. "So...good..."
The feeling of her muscles clenching around me, rippling, is heaven. She moans out my name, "Mulder..." My pace quickens and strengthens our body's clash together with an audible slapping sound. I'd lost touch with how tight and hot she gets when we make love...oh...God; I don't ever want to lose this feeling...
Sliding my right arm under her, I pull her even tighter against me. My left hand moves back under her panties, seeking out her clit my fingers trap the tiny bud in a scissor-like position. With each stroke in, my fingers squeeze the captive knot of nerves and I swear I feel it...I feel IT...When she comes, the hard flesh bursting up before retracting into the safety of her body, an implosion.
Scully turns her head into the pillow, muffling her screams as her body jerks violently in my arms. With the onset of her orgasm, my climax follows quickly, suddenly and I was unprepared for the intensity, the pleasure and pain conjoined.
I'd lost touch with how this one act could leave me so drained yet exhilarated all at the same time. Scully's hair is in my mouth and I bend my head, tucking my chin into her shoulder. I close my eyes. Savoring and enjoying the peace, I feel right now...
My contentment is short-lived.
* * * * *
"Mulder, let me go."
"I don't want to, Scully." He replies, nuzzling his nose into the back of my neck. I push on his arms and hands that are still wrapped around me in a vice-like grip. "I mean it, Mulder...Jesus...you don't even realize what you've done!" I struggle harder; causing his hips to shift back and his softening cock to slips out. I gasp at the sensation and a part of me regrets the lose.
He's confused and relinquishes his hold on me. I scramble away from him and literally bolt from the bed. I stand staring down at him until he begins to put his clothing back into place, then I start pacing.
He sighs before speaking. "No, Scully...exactly what have I done. Other then make love to you? I mean I know you weren't awake when I started, but before...I mean, I used to wake you up some mornings like that. I, I gave you pleasure...I felt you climax...all you had to say was stop."
I hold up my hand before he can continue. "Christ, Mulder...Yes I had an orgasm in fact if you want to get technical I had three, but..." Tears are pooling in my eyes as I draw in a ragged breath, arms wrapping around myself as I struggle to go on. "God...I, I can't...I just can't do this *alone* again...I can't."
He tries to pull me into his arms, but my hands pressed against his chest keep him at arm length. I'm frustrated with him, with myself. "Scully? Alone for what...I'm here?"
I look into his eyes. "I can't go through another pregnancy by myself...I can't..." He takes my hands in his. "Whoa...wait a minute, Scully...Don't you think your jumping the gun just a little? I mean..." He trails off.
I can see his eyes glaze over, cloudy, and I am shocked when I am pulled into the vision. I know it's my body, my womb. I see the spherical shape of my ova lightly bouncing against the muscular walls of my uterus tiny cilia turning it over and tossing it back and forth.
In seconds *they* descend, tails flailing. Whip-like strokes force them to ram against the outer barrier...Mulder's sperm. Naturally the persistent and single-minded little fucks that they are, one manages to crack the outer hull so to speak and enter. There is a flash of energy, almost electrical in nature as the first cellular division takes place and with that, the vision ends.
Mulder's eyes are still unfocused, but are clearing rapidly. With the meaning hits him, he swallows and his voice is awestruck. "Scully? How, how did you know?" He pauses. "Does it have something to do with what you found in Africa...before? Scully, what haven't you told me?"
There is no sense in keeping anything from him at this point in time. I was afraid to tell him...before...his mind and body still so weak from his experience. But now..."Yes, Mulder it does...I think it's time you know the truth."
African Coast 1999
"I will take you there, but...the others, they are afraid."
I feel their eyes upon me; my long skirt whips against my legs with the sea breeze as I follow my guide over to the tide pool. He points at the waves lapping over the sand, I stoop down annoyed at the wind ruffling my hair, I try to make sense of the small piece of stone or metal that peeks out when the water recedes. What is it?
Some part of me is denying what I see, that which I can't explain, yet I reach out. My hand smoothes the sand away, I fight a losing battle with the ocean as each wave threatens to cover what I have uncovered. I am becoming increasingly aware of the dozens of pairs of eyes, watching me, with wonder, curiosity, and perhaps even a little awe.
I see the strange markings, are they symbols of another language like the rubbing? My fingers are tingling, almost like there are tiny shocks of electricity entering my skin just before the ground beneath me starts to tremble. I stumble back, falling unceremoniously onto the beach, I want to run, but know I can't.
The triangular shape rises, sand and water rain back down onto the beach even as the craft ceases motion and hovers a few inches off the ground. I feel certain my own eyes hold the wonder I once saw in Mulders when he told me of the spacecraft he saw in Antarctica.
The pounding of the ocean and the howl of the wind grows exponentially in my ears as I stand and walk around the entire circumference of the ship. I finally reach out, touching the surface of the vessel. I hear a humming just before the door opens.
I can't see the interior clearly, it is dimly lit by a greenish glow, and my natural curiosity causes me to step up onto the ramp. I turn around when I hear the familiar sound of helicopter blades and the sound of machine gun fire. I'm not at all surprised by what I see.
"Agent Scully, step away from the ship."
Alex Krycek stands amidst well over fifty men in full combat gear, behind them there is a second wave of men dressed in white Haz-mat suits. Krycek takes a step forward, towards me.
"You can't get away." He motions and every gun is suddenly pointed at me. Instead of taking a step forward though, I take a step back. "Stop!" Krycek yells, but no one fires upon me. Behind me, the light seems to increase in brightness.
"Hurry!" A voice says...is it in my head? "Step into the ship, it's your only protection. They can't enter the ship. You will be safe." Although I don't know if it's wise I heed the voice, pivoting and taking the final step into something, I didn't believe existed in the hopes of survival.
The moment I step down the door closes, sealing me in. I hear the sounds of bullets bouncing, hopefully, of the exterior of the ship. I take a couple of steps, peering at the room or chamber I'm in. There are computer-like screens, metal looking tubes, more panels with symbols and in the middle is what looks like a navigation chair.
I swallow a scream at the voice to my left. "Agent Scully, it's nice to see you again." Turning I see probably the last person I expected. "Gibson?" He smiles at me, nodding his head.
I start to ask him at least one of the many questions running through my mind when I notice movement around me. Turning my head, I am paralyzed with fear when I take in the three creatures advancing on me.
They don't look friendly. Lizard like, yet their skin appeared moist perhaps even slimy, large oval eyes...A nightmare, not quite the aliens Sigourney Weaver had to deal with but certainly not ET either. Each step they take makes a wet slapping sound on the floor.
"Don't be afraid. They won't hurt you."
Don't be afraid? How am I NOT supposed to be afraid, Gibson?
I'm standing as still as a statue when the first of them touches me, gently. The second follows and then the third each one caressing my arms, my hair, my back, my legs...they almost seem to be purring. It's like having three mutant cats rubbing up against me.
When they are satisfied, they stop. "Gibson? What is going on?" He motions me to sit in what I guessed to be a chair. "When will you accept what you see?" He asks me, then shakes his head. "Don't bother answering...If you want to save Agent Mulder's life you are going to have to trust me and believe everything I tell you. If you refuse...He will die."
"What is this ship, Gibson...the markings what does it all mean?"
"The markings are a catalogue of sorts, for instance the *entire* Bible is etched into that wall over there." He points to the left, I notice a small chunk is missing and I presume the artifacts that are now missing would fit in the space perfectly.
Gibson is smiling at me. "Yes, you are correct. Let's just say the ship was accessed by an outsider." My brow furrows. "You mean to tell me that someone managed to get in here and physically remove a chunk of the wall?"
"Yes." He replies. "Who was it?" Gibson sighs. "It was Diana Fowley." I stand anger and confusion vying for control. "Diana? But how? Why?" Gibson touches my hand, until I calm down and sit. "This ship was sent to pick me up, I am now the navigator for this vessel. Dana, Agent Scully...this ship is a library."
"Yes. This ship has traveled to Earth through the many centuries and with each visit, it is updated with anything and everything current. This ship has catalogued the original spoken word of the bible at well over 5,000 pages through the years end up at less than 1,000 written."
I stand again. Walking over to touch the wall, my fingertips grazing the markings and I feel that strange tingling, like tiny shocks, traveling throughout my body. "So this ship holds everything?"
"No, this ship is only the catalogue of all the religious and spiritual times and events throughout Earth's history. There are other ships that
travel here, but they focus on different things, nature, science, the arts etc."
"What you've got to realize is that as humans evolved their minds and bodies they have ignored the fundamental spiritualism everyone had been given. Many have lost faith totally...even you...Dana...and you were
the first...you and Mulder."
"What?" I gasp; damn if I'm not getting more confused by the second. And Gibson calling me Dana...well I guess Agent Scully takes longer.
"Dana, I know you still believe in God, in each individual having a soul...Your faith doesn't include reincarnation, but..." He looks into my eyes, a penetrating stare.
"Your soul, *Mulders soul*, doesn't rest. The two of your souls come together in so many different lifetimes...to grow, to learn...to love. Some souls are only here for one lifetime. Others, mostly the evil ones are restless and may move from body to body in a single lifetime."
Memories of Melissa Reidel-Ephesian flash before me; she was Mulder's husband while I was his father in one lifetime. What about the other, I was his sergeant and she was a nurse? In both those lifetimes if I am to believe them, I was dead. Does that mean my fate is sealed in this lifetime as well?
Gibson is shaking his head. "Dana, you have to let go...of science, of your hesitation, of the physical even. Close your eyes and remember. Drift and let yourself open to who you were...who Mulder was, it is his only hope now."
I shake my head, Gibson is asking too much. Suddenly the three aliens, beings, creatures...what do I call them? They move forward, holding me in place, from out of nowhere lethargy sweeps over me, my eyes close and there is blackness...
The black, the darkness slowly transforms into light. I hear the calming sound of water...a stream perhaps. I realize I am in a boat or canoe. My gaze falls upon a woman. Tall and slender with dark brown hair almost black, she is wearing a toga like robe yet I can tell it is a rich material. She is wealthy or has some sort of high station, jewels and golden chains, belts, adorn her robe.
Her face is painted, she reminds me of Cleopatra. That's it, this must be Egypt. But who am I? She bends down and lifts me up, her eyes are warm and kind...I am a baby.
A voice calls out to me, soothing my mind. This is your beginning Dana, the first time your spirit arrived. If I am this baby, then who and where is Mulder...since I'm to believe we are always meeting one another. Sarcasm doesn't become you Dana.
Suddenly I am older, a young man. I am Moses.
Where is Mulder? The voice whispers...you know...and I do. Mulder is Rameses, son of Pharaoh, and the man who ordered the murder of perhaps thousands of male infants. Mulder could never...be that...no.
The voice echoes in my head. That is why you were sent to him, you were to help bring out his humanity so that he did not become his father. You tried, yet he was loyal to his family, to his son that was sacrificed. His soul was not ready to grow and learn...not in that lifetime. I nodded. I knew the voice spoke the truth and I remembered.
...And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die. From the firstborn of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that *is* behind the mill; and all the firstborn of the beasts. And there shall be a great cry throughout the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it anymore...
A shape takes form, indistinct but humanoid shaped. I take the hand it offers and follow it into the mist that has sprung up around us...
The mist surrounds me and then I feel I see the pain, excruciating pain. It's as if I'm two people, a participant and an observer. I watch, yet I also feel, her...myself, lying on a bed of hay giving birth, a stable perhaps. The clothing is strange; robes of deep hues cover the man helping me and myself as well. Glancing around I see animals, donkeys or burrows, I think, as well as horses and camels.
Suddenly I know who she is, who *I* am...
A moment of blinding pain as the infant is born, which fades the moment the babe latches onto a nipple suckling. The tiny mouth, continues to suckle as the man sits behind us both, his arms wrapping around her, me.
"You...we have a beautiful son...Mary."
Then I am falling, weightless through time and space. A voice reaches out to me, comforts me...keeping me from feeling alone and small.
"Yes, Dana. That was your second lifetime...you were meant to give birth to Jesus, Mulder in your present lifetime, to be his mother. Come child...there is more you must see..."
I grasp the hand again and I am lead through smoke...I hear gunfire. I feel the sting as bullets strike me, entering my flesh until I bleed and drop to the ground. With my last dying breath my vision fills with a young woman, standing away from me, she can't come to me. The Gestapo is rounding up all the young men, her husband, and my son-in-law yet she cries out to me, sobbing...Papa, Papa...do not die...Papa.
I am an old man, yet I recognize the evil soul above me that ends my life with a swift kick to the head, Cancer-Man, Smoking-Man or C.G.B. Spender...I might not know his true name, but I see the darkness within him.
I am tossed quickly into another lifetime or vision, this one is more like watching a movie...and this time I a see...no it *can't* be...it's Mulder, MY Mulder, and he's wearing a German uniform.
There is a dance floor and a band playing on stage a woman in a red dress and her dance partner bump into Mulder. He grabs her arm, it *looks* like me, he smiles and speaks excitedly. "Scully."
* * * * *
I see this mirror image of myself conversing with Mulder and I have to laugh when she looks ready to belt him. Why is he in a German uniform? Tap, tap, tap...Scully *you* saved the world...Could this be what he was referring to?
Suddenly everything is moving faster, I see Mulder being dragged away as my look-alike watches. He is beaten and taken to the bridge of the ship. I see a dead-ringer for the man we came to know as CGB Spender. Yet later, much later I recognize him as the same Nazi who killed me, when I was a Jewish father...Mulder's father.
Yes, the voice whispers, you are starting to understand. You weren't meant to die, you still had much to teach Mulder, your daughter, in that time. Yet if you hadn't died, your soul wouldn't have been felt free to roam, eventually landing on the Queen Anne.
That woman is your aunt, Katherine, your namesake.
The German's have everyone lined up in the ballroom; Mulder is brought in and asked to identify Thor's Hammer. Men are shot, Katherine intervenes, but I see the pain in Mulder's eyes...the love...for someone that is not me, yet is...
My head is spinning as the images; feelings...I don't know what to call them seem to run together. Mulder pushing the gun away, pointing to a man lying dead on the floor, the two of us pushed down on our knees. The ballroom turns into a scene from every saloon brawl in almost all the horrid cowboy movie's I have ever seen.
Mulder and I crawl out and race down the halls, turning one corner I see *her* stop and turn...and I recall that same corner when the Gunman and I searched the ship for Mulder. I remember the shudder that passed through me.
Mulder drags me/my look-alike out onto the deck, telling her some outrageous story and her expressions...God...I see her staring in disbelief, dropping her head and then he grabs her and kisses her.
What the Hell?
Moreover, as they part I finally see what Mulder and I are meant to be. I see it in her/my eyes and I see it in his. Right before she slugs him.
Now I see how Mulder got that bruise on his jaw. I close my eyes and think back to his face as he told me he loved me, how could I have *not* acknowledged the truth?
Do you believe, Dana?
I don't want to.
"Agent Scully?" A small hand touches my forehead. "Dana?"
I open my eyes and see Gibson. "Exactly how do I save Mulder?"
"You must go to him...open your mind, let all the things you've felt flow into him. It is the only way...You have been all things to Agent Mulder through the centuries...Brother, Sister, Mother, Father, Friend...God is wise...but he *is* not perfect."
Gibson takes my hand. "Dana, it doesn't matter if you believe in one God or ten...we were all created, but just as there is good, there is evil...if your world is to have a chance...it's time for Agent Mulder and you to become something you *never* have been before..."
I shake my head. "What about the black oil, the virus? Are they one and the same?" Gibson sighs. "There is a passage not in the present Earth Bible that speaks of Jesus being absorbed into the Earth...his blood became the black oil, a well-spring of sorts. Over the years his blood has been mutated by pollutants, by evil, by all the terrible things humans think and do...the Earth *is* dying."
"And Mulder and I are supposed to be able to stop it?"
"No. There are others too...Dana you've always denied your psychic tendencies...suppressed them...most humans do. Nevertheless, if you are able to cure Agent Mulder, the bond you share will continue to grow. The Creator wants to start over...give Earth a fresh start, the only thing I can tell you is that once your lives end...your souls will never return, your children will pave the way for a new era of the planet."
I laugh a bitter laugh. "Gibson, you know I'm sterile. Unless you mean there are more children like Emily out there...are there?"
"Yes, but they will not survive the coming apocalypse. I can't tell you anything else...it is beyond my capabilities. You must hurry...Agent Mulder grows weaker by the hour."
The three aliens surround me and as they touch me once more I loose all sense of time and space, I drift neither here nor there...I hear snippets of conversations...
"Krycek! I should have known you'd have the key, one of the few things the ship needs. We both know you wouldn't have gotten in otherwise. Just as Diana Fowley was allowed in before you...when did you expose her?"
"Call off the critters, Gibby...or I'll kill them...That's better, Diana? Well she would have died from that bullet wound if we hadn't converted her, pretty slick having her morph into Agent Scully to gain access in here, I guess the ships not so invulnerable after all...What are you doing to her?"
"I think you know."
"Why give her, him...any of them false hope? You know colonization isn't an option any longer..."
"She wasn't meant for this, neither was Mulder...our creator..."
"Fuck this Creator, bullshit! There is NO Creator, Gibby...There is no GOD, and there is no powerful being controlling every creature's destiny. God, the Creator...whatever you want to call him, it...has gone the way of the dinosaurs, the dragons and the fairies. There are NO more kings, queens and castles...there's only us, them and what is!"
"I don't believe that...I've read the things on this ship...*I* feel different...I know there are other races on other worlds, I've read the Bibles of hundreds of civilizations...all of them can't be wrong. There is a start to everything."
"Bibles...fairytales, one and the same. Reincarnation...*wrong* a soul is nothing but energy. The miracles proclaimed in these *stories* can be proven through science and experimentation...I'm not here to argue. Finish with her and then leave...take the ship away from Earth."
"Your race...the race you have evolved into Krycek, used to believe...I've read the Talmauch, its messages are very similar to that of Earth's Bible..."
"The Talmauch is just a legend. Here is the missing piece of the ship, replace it. Look *my* race has changed, yours will too. Someday we will return to this planet, in a few thousand years...it will be a much better place without mere *humans* ruining the resources..."
I feel eyes upon me and someone is touching me.
"Get you hands off her, Krycek!"
"Calm down, Gibby...besides do you really think this is the first time I've touched her?" Laughing, "You can't tell, can you? You can't read *my* mind?"
"Too bad, but I guess someone your age shouldn't be subjected to the scenes playing in my mind...She is so fucking soft..."
"You're lying Krycek. Now get out. Mulder needs her."
"Yes, he does. I hate to tell you, but no one can help him. It's a virus that even we don't have a cure for...sometimes it leaves the host, other times it hibernates...It will kill him and infect the closest person to him the moment he dies...Guess *I* won't be visiting my old bud, Mulder."
Laughing, laughing, laughing...
"Oh yeah and that part about the 'black oil' being Jesus' blood? Inspired I tell you...truly inspired..."
I hear footsteps fading...and struggle to open my eyes, but I can't. I feel weightless and numb all over...and cold...so cold...
* * * * *
Getting back to the US and getting Mulder out of the hospital is still a blur of activity. Who do I believe? Gibson? Krycek? The voice in my mind? Do I trust the 'visions' I had...were they real?
Trust. Hope. Belief. And Love. Always Love.
The moment I touched him, I felt...something. I didn't care whether God was real or not...I poured every bit of *myself* into Mulder that day and when we made love I felt complete. There was this point when I felt empty inside...it was a strange feeling...Mulder continued pumping, thrusting within me, swelling and pulsing...
Suddenly I wasn't empty anymore. When I shattered in his arms, I saw myself through his eyes. For a moment I felt Mulder and all that *he* is/was. I was content for the first time in a long while...I watched, stroked and kissed him until he climaxed and I welcomed the physical part of our coming together.
* * * * *
"I realize that was the day Todd was conceived."
Mulder has been pacing the room ever since I told him of Krycek's comments. He looks at me and then grabs my upper arms, shaking me almost violently. "Scully! Did Krycek? Did he...hurt you?"
My voice is low. "Mulder I still don't remember what happened to me when I was abducted...I don't know...I hope he didn't...You have to know I would have fought him...I wouldn't have wanted him to, to..."
I find my face pressed hard into Mulder's chest, his arms wrapping around me as he sobs into my hair. "I'd kill the bastard if he wasn't already dead...Jesus...I'm so sorry, Scully."
I pull away from him gently, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "There's more Mulder, if you're ready to hear it." He sighs and pulls me down beside him on the bed, tucking me against his side. I use his chest for a pillow.
"I need to tell you about Diana..."
Hospital Underground Parking
1999 1:25 a.m.
"Do you really think you're going to sneak Mulder out, Agent Scully?"
I noticed the stench of old smoke moments before I heard his voice, his question. Calmly I turn to face the bastard.
"Yes. I do."
He smiles at me before taking another drag off his cigarette. "I admire your courage, your loyalty...perhaps we can help each other." I almost laugh in his face, but I want to know how he thinks I can help him or vice versa.
"I knew you could be reasonable, Dana. May I call you Dana?" He pauses waiting for some sort of reaction from me, getting none he continues. "I know how to cure Mulder. You see I have all but the final piece of the artifact...and by exposing him again...under the right conditions of course I'm confidant of his recovery. All I need is the section in your possession."
How nice to know the son-of-a-bitch bluffs. I'll admit it's a pretty good one too, just lets me know how clueless he really is. "Well I hate to disappoint you, but I don't have the artifact. It's back where is belongs."
He looks confused and that's when I hear the footsteps, high heels that signal the arrival of the last key player I'm interested in. "She's lying...and I'll bet the piece we need is in her bag." Diana accuses me and I play along.
"Maybe I am. I don't have anything to lose, do I? Why don't you check for yourself?" Spender nods and Diana strolls over and I drop the bag at my feet. She kneels and begins rummaging through, her hair parting and exposing her neck.
I am precise. The strange pneumonic-stiletto type weapon Gibson gave to me feels elegant in my hand as I eject the point and drive it up into Diana's brain. I take a step back as her body convulses, limbs flailing. Her head turns toward me; I see a black film dancing across the whites of her eyes just before her skin begins to erode in a vaporous and bubbling green substance.
I pick up my bag and watch as Spender kneels beside the decomposing corpse that was Diana Fowley. I could swear I see fear in his eyes right before they turn cold with hatred, his stare now focused on me. "You've just killed Mulder, my dear without the things I know he won't survive."
The next instant he is looking up at me from a prone position, right after I kicked him in the face. My gun is trained on him. He smirks. "I'm not afraid of you Agent Scully. Besides your partner has had me at gunpoint several times now...You see I'm still here because he didn't have the guts to shoot me."
"There are two reason you aren't dead you stupid Son-of-a-Bitch. One Mulder still believes you know something about Samantha and two one of Mulder's greatest attributes is perhaps his worst flaw. He doesn't believe in cold blooded killing, even after everything you've done or he has suspected you of doing he still feels there is good in some people. Mulder will not kill unless he has no other choice."
Spender laughs at me. "Oh you are so right Dana! And that's exactly why I'll win." I fix on his eyes, my gun moving to point at the middle of his forehead and I smile right back at him.
"Well guess what, asshole, I *know* you and I know *what* you are. The world will be a much better place."
A single shot and the main person responsible for everything that has happened to Mulder and me now has half his brains splattered over the cement. I should feel remorse.
* * * * *
Late Fall 2005
It's odd having Mulder around. I won't ever forget his face when he realized Frohike and Byers were with me. Our numbers haven't grown all that much and Mulder informs me we have to keep our little community a secret.
I already knew that, but there are things I didn't know. I didn't know Mulder was the leader of what he calls Purgatory. He has changed so much, his values especially.
The scientists left after have come up with several observations, but no concrete answers. It's still a mystery why children under the age of approximately 13 and anyone over the age of 45 are aging normally. While everyone else seems to be stuck in time. The scientists theorize that something in the dozen or so ships that didn't leave the Earth's atmosphere are responsible, but what they don't know.
I don't know either. I remember when I woke up after the blast there seemed to be a dome of light over everything that slowly faded. I had just made it to the Gunman's lair and picked up Todd when it happened. We weren't in Washington...it's almost like we were transported somewhere else.
I remember the day Langley set out to hunt for other people, to try and see if others were working on restoring electricity and communications like we were...he never came back and that was two years ago.
Now I know why.
Mulder told me of the way the world outside was living...it was/is worse than martial law, communism...anything. Most likely Langley was killed, executed because he wouldn't bow down and follow the new order. In addition, Mulder paved the way; everyone looked up to him.
Mulder told me through many tears of being broken not caring about the right of others, not caring about women's rights especially. Women 'out there' are like cattle, breeders, used to re-establish the human populous. Mulder was eventually criticized for not passing his seed on, for not taking a woman to bed and that's the reason he fled.
Even thinking that I was dead, Mulder would not break his unspoken vow to me...just as I have not taken anyone to my bed and never would. I lie awake at night, more now than ever before. I am worried that our little paradise will be found. I know Mulder worries too. I see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch, the way he caresses my swelling stomach with such amazement.
I cry with guilt at denying him the experience with Todd. Todd...our son, he still won't acknowledge Mulder...Zoe is another story. She has become daddy's girl. My mind drifts to the day Mulder asked how I came up with Todd for a name and Zoe jumped right in.
"Oh that's an *easy* one Daddy! Mommy named him after a cartoon."
"A cartoon...umm...Dis-ney or something..."
"What's she talking about Scully?"
"I named him after you. Todd was the name of the little fox in The Fox and the Hound...you hated your first name, but...I wanted our son to have it." He grinned at my cleverness. "I'll never forget my brother Bill's face...but the moment he saw Todd and how happy I was he gave me hell for denying you our son...my mom died the next day and I came back to you just after the funeral."
Mulder and I made love so many times that night I was almost afraid I'd miscarry, but this child inside me now is a fighter.
* * * * *
We've started making plans in case we are discovered; we have an underground network of tunnels and rooms. They are filled with food, weapons, clothing...everything we need to survive if necessary.
We will continue to teach the children, hoping they don't make the same mistakes as the generations before...ours included.
Our daughter Hope Elizabeth was born on March 10, 2006, Frohike delivered her and placed her on my stomach. "Mulder? Would you like to hold her?" I ask.
Tears shining in his eyes he replied. "You don't know how much, Scully...but I want to hold you both. Is there a way?" He is so timid and unsure sometimes and it's one of the things that makes me love him.
Giving Mulder his wish was easy, Hope suckled at my breast I reclined against Mulder's chest, his arms surrounding both of us. Neither of us questioned how the moment was possible we just accepted.
* * * * *
I am Todd Mulder and it's time for reflection.
I left home when I was fifteen. My uncle Matthew and I set out to see the world, it wasn't hard to convince me, I wanted to get away from Mulder. I was tired of everything they, my mother and *him*, tried to teach me...drilling it into my head...I just wanted to live my own life, I'm not *them*.
The world wasn't the wonderful place I thought.
Matthew and I separated at some point. I remember all the things I heard praise about Mulder and sometimes Scully, my mother...like she was an after thought or something. I wanted to tell them to shut up, that she was everything...everything.
I made up my mind to go home two years after I left in 2017.
On my way home I encountered some sort of troop maybe 10 to 15 men and they were heading for home, *my* home.
I arrived just in time to see my mother standing fearlessly in front of Zoe. Uncle Langley and Matthew were leading the army...Langley was changed somehow...I imagine he looked like the cyborg's Mulder and mom used to tell us were in movies...Half man and half machine.
"Zoe is coming with us...she is young and healthy, a good breeder."
"Over my dead body." My mother stated.
"You are still young enough to produce many healthy children, Dr. Scully, but young Matthew here has told us of the many laws you have broken..."
I watched in horror, as my mother collapsed to the ground, where in the hell is Mulder? I see him running out from behind the house, along with the other men there is gunfire.
I start to run, past the bodies of the dead who came to take my sister. Matthew grabs my pant leg and with his dying breath, he tells me. "I got my revenge. My father and mother died while yours lived...I hate you."
Time seems to slow as I finally reach my goal. Mulder is sobbing and rocking mom back and forth. Zoe launches herself into my arms, her tears soak my shirt, and I wrap my arms around my sister and join her sorrow.
I don't know how long it was, but Frohike and Byers lead Zoe and me inside. I looked out the window and saw Mulder carrying mom up the slight hill in front of the house; he collapsed with her under the largest shade tree on the property.
They were still there the next morning.
* * * * *
It's been two months since mom was killed and Mulder is still like a zombie and I hate him.
I hate him for coming here. I hate him for being alive. I hate that she died and he didn't. I hate him for being my father.
I tell him that the day I leave home again.
* * * * *
I traveled around a little and I grew up in the process. I ended up learning things aren't always black and white, I learned both my mother and *my father* were heroes in their own way.
I met someone, someone who reminded me of my mother, her strength, her vitality as well as her beauty. Soon, people discovered I was the great Fox Mulder and Dana Scully's son. Now they look to me for guidance and answers...a responsibility I'm not sure I want.
I decide it's time to face up and go to the one place I might receive some guidance of my own...home.
When Jessica and I arrive, circumstances are not what I had hoped for.
Mulder, my father, has passed away.
Frohike, Byers and the others welcome me warmly. Zoe and Hope, my sisters, have grown so much and when I look at them, I see my mother...but also...our father.
Byers, helps Jessica into the house, our first child is due any day now, but she insisted on traveling with me.
I end up under the shade tree looking down at the graves of my parents...my parents and suddenly I am crying for myself, for them, for my children that will never know their grandparents.
Frohike looking much older than when I last saw him hobbles up the hill, his limp from being shot that day more pronounced that I remember. He places his hand on my shoulder and hands me of all things a cassette player and some paper.
When you read this, I will be gone. Most likely it was sooner than I wanted or expected. I need you to know that your father is a good man. I know you might not have reconciled yourself to this fact. Nevertheless, you are his son and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't see him in you. I love you and he loves you. I wish that you had given him a chance, Todd, he tried so hard to think of a way for you to accept him.
For Mulder that was really hard, he never felt good enough or that he was worthy of love, of respect and he wanted both so very much. He told me I gave him both of those, just knowing that is one of the greatest gifts he could have given me.
I hope someday you will find someone that you love and that will love you back in the same way I loved your father. No matter what I wouldn't change a single moment with him or with you and your sisters. Remember I love you all, always. There is a song I want you to hear, listen to the words with you heart, my son.
I wipe the tears that are streaming down my face from my eyes. Leave it to Mom and Frohike to find probably one of the only working cassette players left in the world and with the one song my mother wants me to hear. Sitting back on my heels, I press play.
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I Just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present sense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
Hope comes running from the house. Out of breath, she pants. "Todd it's time, Jessica...the baby." I stand and run back to the house the song still playing.
So, we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So, don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay
Entering the house I run up the stairs, hitting the stop button just as the chorus finishes. Climbing behind my wife, I watch as Frohike brings our child into the world.
The next morning I leave my sleeping wife, remembering my mother telling me of my birth and how Mulder wasn't there...wasn't a part of the same miracle I just experienced. I walk back up to the gravesite carrying the newest Mulder, Jacob Fox Mulder, our son.
I press play on the tape player, listening to the last of the song that my mother had the forethought to realize fit all our lives perfectly.
I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's newborn tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
I hear a strange sound and look up in the tree. I think it's a bird. I thought they were all gone...It's black but the chest is a brilliant reddish orange and it's small. It looks at me and makes the noise again, if I remember right it's a tweet or chirp.
Then I hear a louder screech and raising my eyes I see a large black bird circling the tree and I'm afraid for the tiny bird looking down at me, but the large bird lands on the same branch, it's one sing held out and open. The little bird step sideways until the black wing enfolds it...like their hugging almost...
Both birds are looking down at me and I should feel foolish, but I don't...I just know. Swallowing the sudden lump in my throat, I speak. "Mom...dad, this is Jacob Fox Mulder...your grandson." The birds look at each other and then chirp once.
I glance to the grave markers and when I look back up the birds are gone...I am still looking at the sky and I whisper. "Thank you...whatever greater power may or may not be...thank you."
My son is starting to stir and making those little pucker motions with his lips, time to go see mommy...and look to the future....
Here's the song that originally inspired me and whose title I shamelessly stole.
Take the children and yourself
And hide out in the cellar
By now the fighting will be close at hand
Don't believe the church and state
And everything they tell you
Believe in me I'm with the high command
Can you hear me; can you hear me running?
Can you hear me running; can you hear me calling you?
Can you hear me; can you hear me running?
Can you hear me running; can you hear me calling you?
There's a gun and ammunition
Just inside the doorway
Use it only in emergency
Better you should pray to God
The Father and the Spirit
Will guide you and protect you from up here
Swear allegiance to the flag
Whatever flag they offer
Never hint at what you really feel
Teach the children quietly
For someday sons and daughters
Will rise up and fight while we stood still
And thanks to the songs...Rape of the World by Tracy Chapman, The Earth Song by Michael Jackson and The Living Years and Silent Running both by Mike and the Mechanics...Now onward to the next fic...Adios, April