Not So Gooding
Recently I moved to Los Angeles. A weird place for a gal from Pennsyltucky who hasn't watched TV in four years (though it`s great for the vegetarian that I am!). So it's no wonder that the first time I open my mouth to talk to a celebrity, I stick my foot right in.
The first time I saw a real celebrity, I was visiting LA with my boyfriend, Jim, and we were eating at the famous Ivy restaurant, right on Ocean Drive in Santa Monica. We'd just found Jim a perfect apartment (and hence, me too, since I was moving to LA soon) and we were celebrating with a nice romantic dinner. I'd always thought, "Celebrities are just like regular people. They eat and poop just like the rest of us - if I see one, I probably won't think too much of it."
Well, I turned my head and saw Dan Ackroyd and his wife sitting only a table away. My mouth dried up and my heart starting racing. "Pssst!" I hissed at Jim. "It's Dan Ackroyd!" I whispered. Well, for the rest of the night I kept touching my hair, sitting up straighter, and not hearing a thing Jim said. Sigh. So much for my composure.
Later, Jim and I ran the 10K Dolphin Run at Malibu in preparation for the LA 2003 Marathon. Leaving the event, we stopped to watch a celebrity 3 on 3 basketball game. I was surprised (but not too surprised) to see David Duchovny mixing it up on the court. Wow, Mulder before my eyes. Jim had to tug on my arm to get me to leave. I saw David again a few months later.
Jim and I, and our friend Alex, had just completed a very hot, very sweaty yoga class in the Brentwood/Santa Monica area. I was crazy-thirsty, and wanted to stop to get something to drink. Alex suggested this great teahouse right near the yoga center. I was exhausted, and Jim was downright drenched - his tshirt was soaked. We couldn't wait to get home and shower, and I doubt we smelled very good.
Alex lead us into the restaurant. I couldn't see around the corner in the narrow space, but I suddenly realized, this place looks a LOT fancier than what Jim or I intended. Jim was hesitating, holding back at the door, and I tried to get Alex's attention. "Alex! Alex!" I hissed at him loudly, and somewhat anxiously. I was about to say, "this is a little more fancy than Jim and I wanted," when the head of seated patron snapped to attention, to stare me in the eyes. There was David Duchovny, staring at me, looking somewhat aghast that someone was apparently calling so much attention to his presence. Ack. Not the kind of attention I wanted either.
Somehow Alex stopped, turned around and explained it was OK to go in, since it wasn't a very fancy place. We did, and had the best boba tea (flavored tea with tapioca balls - sounds disgusting but it's yummy!). Of course, I couldn't stop looking over to David's table. He was sitting with his wife, Tea Leone (funny, her name is spelled like "tea" and she was sitting in a tea house. Hm, do I hear irony?) and an older couple, who were telling the pair they should buy a house. Anyhow. We left the small teahouse and headed to the car. "Did you see him? I can't believe he was there!" I squealed to Jim. He looked befuddled and said, "Who?" He'd never seen him, despite the fact we walked right by Duchovny twice.
My most recent run-in happened just last week. Jim, our friend Dave, and I, were sitting in a bar in Santa Monica. About to leave, Jim casually indicated a guy sitting at a table, and said, "He looks just like Cuba Gooding Jr." That IS Cuba Gooding, Jr., I replied. "Yeah, he comes here all the time," said Dave.
Suddenly I remembered the Golden Globe Awards from "way back when" I used to watch TV. And I remembered seeing Cuba winning an award. I suddenly becamed determined to talk to him, and we were leaving anyway, so it was perfect timing. I approached his table, where he was sitting with a friend, and stuck out my hand. "Mr. Gooding," I said, as he shook my hand, "I just wanted to tell you that when you gave your award to Jack Lemmon..."
"That wasn't me." Oh, no. I suddenly had a very bad feeling. "That was Ving Raimes. I was the one jumping up and down telling everyone I loved them."
Oh my god, the worst thing I could ever do, and I just did it. Not only did I mix him up with someone else, now he would think I was a stupid white chick too. "I'm SO sorry! I was going to say that it was the moment I was the most proud of you. I'm sorry I disturbed you, and I hope you have a good night!" Then I high-tailed it (or perhaps, low-tailed it, since if I had a tail it would have been between my legs) out of there, with Dave and Jim laughing behind me, shouting "Show me the MONEY!!!"
Well, now I know a few things about celebrities: Don't bug them if you don't know what you're talking about, be polite, be honest. And, if you're apologizing, you get to hold their hand for a very long time!
The Art of Being Human
Email: artofbeinghuman@yahoo.com