Homemade Matches

CROOKED DEATH MATCH (EXPLODING BARBED WIRE BOARDS TUB OF GLASS)

This match is a favorite of the Crooked Heels Society of FWA fame. It involves barbed wire, broken glass, fire, and anything else twisted enough for them. The rules are fairly simple (while Deville is certainly a cunning man, he realizes that his cohorts may not be able to deal with tasks that are too complicated).

Use Titan Death Match Rules
There are some clearly sick spots in here. That’s why this is an imaginary game, and generally aren’t performed in a real ring (although I suppose I could be mistaken...)
When a wrestler accumulates a PIN rating of 12 or higher, he is unfit to compete, and the referee stops the match - awarding the decision to his opponent. If this stipulation is ever needed, the forfeiting wrestler is branded a pansie by all.
Roll two dice on the chart below whenever a normal chart option is rolled (i.e. into the ropes... etc.) When interpreting the roll, the lower number always comes first. For example, if a roll of a “4” and a “3” occurs, the roll is interpreted as a “3-4.”

1-1: You light a towel-wrapped chair ablaze, but before you can use the flaming chair on your opponent, your opponent kicks you in the gut and causes you to drop the chair. Your opponent then executes a pile driver on to the fire, frying your brains in the process, before rolling you over for a pin cover. Roll your PIN.

1-2: You take a piece of broken glass and rake your opponent’s eyes with it. Roll on level one offense.

1-3: You try to knock your opponent backwards into a barbed wire board, but this obsession over the board causes you to be distracted, allowing your opponent to duck a punch and hit a belly to back suplex on a portion of the ring mat just outside of the board itself. Opponent rolls on level two offense.

1-4: You try to hip toss your opponent into a barbed wire board, but he blocks the momentum. You give him a couple of knees to the midsection, but he has obviously put you into a scramble situation. Use a Power Roll to determine the outcome below (i.e. +/- your opponent’s power rating to the numbers below in figuring the results of the dice roll).

2-9: Your opponent grabs his gut with his free arm, which is a big mistake. You toss his ass on to the exploding barbed wire board, and as he tries to roll over, the barbed wire gets stuck in his right tricep, so you stomp him some more until he can get free.
10-12: Your opponent will not have any of it, and he tosses you right on to the board which explodes as you land on the small of your back. You struggle to roll off, and as a flame continues to burn underneath your back, officials have to pull you off the board to prevent you from being seriously hurt. Still, the damage has been done as your opponent carries on his offensive.

1-5: You blow a whiskey fireball into your opponent’s face. Too bad for him, he didn’t close his eyes for the impact so he’s cursing up a storm as he leaves himself helplessly at your disposal. Roll on level three offense.

1-6: You go to the outside and try to set up a table on the floor, but you turn your back to your opponent as you set things up. Your opponent wastes no such opportunity, and coming off the ropes he flies to the outside to deliver a bulldog on you through the table! All you can hear is fans go nuts over what just happened to you, but you’re too groggy to care. Roll on level three defense.

2-2: You set up a table on the outside, and place a barbed wire board on top of it. As you stand out on the apron, your opponent slaps you hard across the face with a back hand chop. As you bend over in anguish, your opponent takes the opportunity to hit a sunset flip into a powerbomb through the table and the exploding barbed wire board! You take a hard fall to the outside concrete. Add 2 to your PIN rating. Roll on level three defense.

2-3: The two of you brawl over by the tub of glass. You manage to stagger him by raising a knee to the chest, allotting just enough time for you to come off the ropes and spike his head face-first into the tub. It’s the wood on the bottom of the tub that makes things that much more painful, rather than the millions of pieces of glass now sticking out of his face. Really. Opponent rolls on level three defense.

2-4: You attempt to clothesline your opponent to fall into a used barbed wire board, but he lifts you up and delivers a spinebuster instead. As you stay entangled in the wire, he reaches over to the tub of glass, opens your mouth, and actually makes you eat some of the broken pieces of glass. He stomps on your gut, and you spit out blood! Add one to your PIN, and roll on level three defense.

2-5: You perch upon the top rope, waiting for your opponent, but he shakes the ropes and causes you to straddle yourself on the top turnbuckle. Your opponent slides a barbed wire board out to the arena floor, and then tries to knock you off. You grapevine your legs so as not to fall, so your opponent sees no choice but to climb up the turnbuckle and stand above you. You stand on the top turnbuckle with him, and as the two of you brawl, you both lose your balance and fall off the top turnbuckle down to the floor, where an exploding barbed wire board meets you both! Crowd chants Holy Shit! but you can’t hear a thing. You wonder if your opponent can either. Both men add 3 to their PIN ratings. Roll one die. If it is odd, you take over on level two offense. If it is even, your opponent takes over on level two offense.

2-6: You clear a corner of the ring, and toss your opponent into the turnbuckle. You then tie his legs up in the ropes in the corner (like Goldust’s Shattered Dreams). After pulling his trunks open, you drop a handful of broken glass, and then proceed to kick a field goal off his crotch. He is certainly going to be down and out for a while after this one! Opponent adds one to PIN rating, as you continue to roll on level three offense.

3-3: You subdue your opponent with a devastating piledriver. Then, after moving a board from the corner, you put your opponent into the tree of woe, and place the board over his body (with the barbed wire facing inwards at him, of course!) You then set up a chair in the center of the ring, leap off the chair, and splash yourself on to the board, setting the explosives off close to his skin. For good measure, you collect yourself and leap off the chair again, this time to deliver a gruesome dropkick into the board, driving the barbed wire into your opponent’s face. Add 2 to your opponent’s PIN rating. Opponent rolls on level three defense.

3-4: You try to prop a barbed wire board against the turnbuckle for your own devious use, but your opponent kicks you in the gut, causing you to drop the board against the ropes with the barbed wire falling on the ropes. The board harmlessly explodes if it hasn’t already been used - much to the dismay of the crowd. With the board leaning against the middle rope, your opponent lifts you up and plants your head through the board with a crushing piledriver. You seem to take being driven headfirst through a board into a clump of barbed wire especially well - except for that strand of barbed wire that won’t unfree itself from the inside of your nostril. Eww. Roll on level three defense.

3-5: You try to back drop your opponent into the tub of glass, but he catches your head down, grabs you by the hair, and slams you backward into the tub yourself. Broken glass pierces into your skin, and causes your back to stingingly burn, but nothing you can’t handle. Right? Opponent rolls on level three offense.

3-6: You take a flaming chair and strike your opponent over the back with it a couple of times before you floor him with a flaming chair shot to the face. You drop the chair and pursue him, only for officials to put out the flame with a pail of water. No big deal, you’ve got him right where you want him anyway. Opponent rolls on level three defense.

4-4: You deliver a wicked front powerbomb on to the tub of glass, dropping your opponent face first into the shards of broken glass. You then place a chair over the back of his head and hit a leg drop, further lacerating the front of his skull. Now’s about as ripe a time as any to go for the pinfall, so you roll him over and cover him. Opponent rolls PIN.

4-5: You attempt a German suplex on your opponent straight into the tub of broken glass. Oh, would this do you well if you hit the move. Use an Agility Roll to determin the roll on this chart (i.e. +/- your opponent’s agility rating with the numbers in the chart below before rolling 2d6).

2-9: You suplex him backwards and cause him to land squarely on his neck with a jagged edge in a piece of glass sticking right into his spine. He screams out loud in extreme pain as he rolls over and cradles himself, but as an unrelenting, unfeeling bastard, you don’t give a shit.
10-12: You take him backwards, but just a bit too much as your opponent lands on his feet, allowing him to reach over and hit a reverse DDT into the tub of glass. Picking little pieces of glass out of your hair is going to be so much fun later, but now is not the appropriate time to be thinking about that!

4-6: You grab a handful of glass and throw it into his face, giving you a momentary advantage to do as you please. Roll level two offense.

5-5: You set up a table inside the ring over the tub of broken glass. You douse it with gasoline, but as you strike the match, your opponent attacks you from behind. He continues to mount an offense, ignoring the flaming table, and takes you near the turnbuckle where he sets you up perhaps for a tornado DDT. You fight back, however, and climb up the turnbuckle to hit a superplex, sending him through the flaming table and into the broken glass! Fire, table, glass-- that’s only three objects to obstruct your opponent’s fall down to the now-seemingly comfortable wooden tub on the unforgiving canvas mat. Add 2 to your opponent’s PIN rating, and then roll his PIN.

5-6: As you approach your opponent, he surprises you with a strand of barbed wire he carefully pulled off the board and attempts to choke you out with it. Opponent rolls on level one offense.

6-6: You prop your opponent up on the top turnbuckle and prepare to hit a top rope piledriver down on to an exploding barbed wire board (or a tub of glass, if the boards have been exhausted). However, your opponent was playing possum, and he manages to fight back, hitting a super bomb on you-- straight down to the barbed wire board setting off a huge explosion. Both men down, he barely manages to keep you folded up for the pin. Add one barbed wire board counter. Add 2 to your own PIN rating, and roll your PIN.

A.H.C. 1/10/01