Well, I've finally got around to writing the second newsletter and I'd like to thank you all for joining my crusade to inform the world of the greatness of underpants (from here onwards referred to as pants, if any Americans are reading this). I hope this newsletter will help you not just take your pants for granted, but truly marvel at their miraculous power.
Not much pants news to report so far this year. On New Year's Eve me and Zeb put on the mighty pants (one leg each) in a nightclub in Amsterdam and skipped out. We then wandered around the streets in the general direction of Dam Square for a while. All the Dutch just pretended they hadn't seen us (they must be blind not to notice 2 men in a 94 inch pair of yfronts) and the Australian and the Mexican we were with refused to walk with us.
I have added a Dr Pants problem page to my internet site where you can get those pant related problems answered.
I gave the yfronts a loving handwash last night, so they'll be nice and clean for the summer.
The knickers, which look like cycling shorts with protective padding, have already been successfully tried in Sweden on people who have had one hip fracture. Second hip fractures are very common in patients but no one in the Swedish trial had another fracture.
The National Osteoporosis Society, which is funding the research, says fragile bones cost the NHS £942 million a year, with hip fractures accounting for 90 per cent of the expenditure.
The hip protector study will cost about £40,000. The knickers cost about £30 a pair and are made out of polypropelene.
In a second study, elderly patients will be given injections of vitamin D with flu vaccine in the autumn. Osteoporosis affects one in three women and one in 50 men over the age of 50. There are 60,000 hip fractures a year in Britain.
Future newsletters will contain articles on the magical properties of pants, breathable qualities for certain substances but not others (eg sand gets inside them but never comes out) and pschological effects on the wearer.
We now have some supporters from America (where I'll be visiting for the first time in May, I wonder if California will appreciate my yfronts?) and also an Australian fan.
We are still in our recruitment stage, we need as big a following as possible, so please spread the word around and photocopy this newsletter to give to your friends.
